Who I Am
by Deadelfsgirl
Summary: A/U where one Turians choice changes a young Shepard's life forever. Eventual Garrus/FShepard pairing with Nihlus and Kaidan on the way. Let me know what you think.
1. Found

When the dust had settled there was nothing but silence, a single child stood among the rubble clothes dirty and torn. There were no tears only a blank stare at the two Turians walking through the smoke.

"By the Spirits, I didn't think there would be any survivors, not after a fight like that. Much less a kid, what's it doing here?" The first a Red Turian sucked in a breath at seeing the child; the second narrowed his deep set eyes at it.

"Who cares? Leave it." The Grey Turian shouldered his weapon and started off in the opposite direction.

"Arien, we can't just leave it. This outpost is in the middle of nowhere, it'll be ages before anyone finds it. It'll starve."

"What do you care? This isn't a rescue mission, we did this. You have the data we need, let's move, Ganis."

"No, I won't just leave an innocent to die. This was supposed to be a military installation why were children here?"

"I don't know but the shuttle is here, if you're going to take it, grab the thing and let's go. So you know though I'm not taking the heat for this one. You can explain it to the General."

"Fine, Arien I'll deal with it. Don't go putting yourself out or anything." Ganis stowed his weapon and moved toward the child. He was expecting it to run to cry or something, to its credit it didn't move or even flinch as he crouched before it. It stared back at him with green eyes, he realized now that he was closer to it that it had long hair, from what he had learned he knew that meant it was female, or at least he thought so. He reached out a hand to the child but she didn't move; just stared at them with those dark green eyes.

"Com'on kid let's go." She scrunched her face at him when he spoke but still didn't move.

"Ganis, I doubt it has a translator, just grab it and let's go damn it."

He grunted and scooped the small child up in his arms, he felt her go stiff and then limp, a glimpse at her pale face told him she was out cold.

"She passed out; I'm surprised she was even able to stand as long as she did."

"Spirits who cares? You're going on galley duty for a month for this, if not tossed out of the damn military and you're worried about the damn thing passing out."

"Arien, I'll deal with it just shut the hell up about it would you?"

They double timed it to the evac zone and as they boarded the men already there stared at Ganis like he had grown a second head.

"What is that?" A Turian in the back asked, his mandibles fluttering nervously.

"Ganis picked up a pet." Snorted Arien, his mandibles flaring wide in a mocking grin.

"It's not a pet, it's a human female child," Ganis snapped back.

"So since when have you had human sympathies? You should have just left it down there. We're not on the best terms with the humans if you didn't notice over the last three years. Started over the stupidest bullshit; over soon said the Generals. Soon as the humans realize their place, right they told us that three fucking years ago."

Ganis glared at the man next to him. "It's a child; it's not her fault that we're in a war. I couldn't just leave her there to starve, or worse."

"Yeah well I'm not sure the General is going to see your point of view."

"I don't care."

"Your ass not mine."

The rest of the flight back to the ship passed in awkward silence.

~~ooOoo~~

Stepping off the shuttle Ganis ignored the looks being tossed his way and stepped up to his Commander who was waiting for the data they had gathered as well as to debrief them.

"Sir."

The Commander eyed Ganis and the child in his arms and turned a look that could only be described as confusion and disgust up at him.

"You had better have a damn good explanation, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir I," the Commander held up a finger cutting Ganis off.

"I'm not through Lieutenant. Hand over the data; I'll speak to the General. You keep that thing here."

Spinning on his heel after Ganis had handed over the information they had gone for, he marched down the hall and out of the room. The others saluted as he passed; they each in turn pointedly ignored him as they moved out of the room and left him there with the child.

Sliding down the wall to sit on a crate he kept the child in his lap, she was so small and soft. Running a gloved talon over her forehead he brushed back the stray strands of hair that had stuck to her face. A face that was covered with dirt, blood and ash; Ganis was struck by the fact that they had done this to her. He knew that there had been civilian casualties on both sides but to see it first hand and have the small, soft girl in his arms cause a stir in him, in a way he couldn't have imagined.

Ganis didn't know how long he sat there with the little girl in his arms, but the longer he stared at that little face, the more he knew he had done the right thing. This little creature had survived something terrible, and the fact that she had survived had to mean something. He just didn't know what yet.

"The General will see you now, Lieutenant." The Commander motioned towards the door.

Standing keeping the girl as still as possible he made his way down the corridor and to the General's ready room, the door hissed open and he stepped inside, the Commander didn't follow him.

Standing silent and at attention as much as he could with the child in his arms, he waited.

"Lieutenant, I hope the mission didn't suffer due to you playing Hero down there."

The General stepped forward his white face markings reflecting in the glow of the ready rooms consoles.

"No, General Victus Sir of course not, I would never jeopardize a mission."

Nodding Victus took a step towards Ganis and the Child.

"Do you know anything about her?"

He looked up shocked. "You know it's a girl?"

"I haven't been studying humans for three years for nothing now have I?"

"Sorry Sir, I shouldn't have Sir."

Holding up finger Victus eyed the child.

"I asked you if you knew anything about her, Lieutenant."

"No, Sir. Only that she was the last thing breathing down there."

"I see, that will be all Lieutenant; take the child to the med bay and report for your debriefing."

"Yes, Sir." Ganis cradled the girl in one arm and snapped a salute.

"By the way, Lieutenant; I would have done the same thing, you're dismissed."

Ganis controlled his features but his mandibles wanted to twitch into a smile.

The med bay was still except for the slight hum of machinery and the soft sound of wounded men sleeping. The doc on duty was a friend of his and as he stood behind him waiting for the older man to turn he ran a finger down the girls face connecting the odd brown spots, he wondered if they were a marking from her colony or family.

"Hey Ganis I heard you found a," turning the older Turian spotted the child in his arms and almost jumped. "Spirits, it's true. I thought the boys were just shitting me."

"No she's real; the General wanted me to bring her here. I'm not sure what you can do for a human but she's been through hell and she's been out since I picked her up on the surface."

The Doc nodded towards an empty med bay. "Lay it down and I'll see what I can do. It doesn't look like it has any wounds but I'll check. Most likely it's just in shock. I'll have to see what I can do for food, not sure we have much for humans aboard. I'll figure something out, test it to see what it's tolerance for our food is and go from there. How old do you think it is?"

"She." Ganis corrected.

"What?"

"It's a She, Doc and I'm not sure how old she is."

"Well, _she_ will have to wake up then to tell us. You had better get going, I'll do what I can."

"Thanks Doc."

With that Ganis left the med bay and attended his debriefing. He explained how they came upon the girl and that it was his choice to bring her back. After he was done with his explanation he was dismissed, and told to retire to his quarters.

Not bothering to remove his armor he flopped down on his bunk. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, his thoughts were on the little red-headed girl in the med bay.

~~ooOoo~~

Ganis awoke to the morning call and realized he had in fact, fallen asleep. His body ached but he pulled himself from his bunk. Turing to the tail tail sound of his door opening, he stood to attention at the sight of his Commander.

"Lieutenant Ganis Vandrel you are to report to the General at once."

Ganis snapped a salute and followed his Commander out and down the hall, not to the ready room but towards the Med Bay.

They found the General inside sitting across from the little human girl, who once again to his surprise showed no fear, perhaps she was still in shock.

"Leave us." Victus said with a flick of his talons towards the door.

The Commander and Doctor exited the med bay, and the General stood turning towards him, his talons clicked together as he clasped them behind his back.

"Lieutenant, first off I would like to say that no matter how much I think you did the right thing you have put us all in quite the situation here. I ask you, what am I supposed to do now? I can't just message the Human Alliance and tell them we have a human girl captured at one of their military bases. That would be admitting to what our mission was there, and I'm not willing to do that. Which causes me to wonder what a child was doing at what by all accounts was a strategic Alliance Military base."

Ganis didn't speak and his eyes weren't on the general, but on the little green eyes that peered first at him and then to the General. Still no fear.

Motioning to the girl the General paused, "she still hasn't spoken, I thought perhaps you could try talking to her, the Doc got her a translator and she should be able to understand us, but so far nothing I've said, has had a response."

That was all the encouragement Ganis needed and he knelt in front of the bed she was sitting on, she watched him with those green eyes and he smiled, which for a Turian meant sharp teeth showing and his mandibles flared. She didn't flinch or pull away, just turned her head slightly at him like she couldn't figure something out.

Pointing to his chest he started slowly. "My name is Ganis Vandrel," he waited and when she didn't respond he pointed to his chest again. "I'm Ganis," then pointed to her "and you are?"

The little girl scrunched her eyebrows together but didn't respond.

Ganis leaned forward on his knees resting his face on his knuckles watching the little girl, her eyes fell to his armor and she reached forward touching the insignia of the Turian Military.

"You know the symbols, or have you seen ones like it?" She nodded and he got an idea.

"I'm Lieutenant Vandrel and this is, General Victus." The girl tilted her head and nodded but still didn't speak. Ganis shrugged, his mandibles pulled tightly to his face and turned towards the General.

"Sorry Sir."

"That's fine, Lieutenant you're dismissed."

In a rare display of disregard for protocol, unless you count bringing a human child on board, he spoke out of turn.

"General Sir, what are you going to do with her?"

Victus lifted a brow plate in surprise but didn't reprimand him.

"I suppose she will have to go to a holding facility, until another solution can be found or until the end of the war."

The next words out of Ganis's mouth shocked even him.

"Sir, if I may be so bold, let me take care of her; I did this I take responsibility."

Victus shook his head in disbelief, "you would take on the care of a human child? But we have no idea how long the war will continue, no I'm afraid it wouldn't be possible. She will be taken to a detention center."

Ganis had the image of this little girl growing up in a cell, and it made him physically ill.

"General I know this is insubordination and I should just walk away, but I can't. I would like permission to take the girl and care for her as long as it is needed. I'm almost thirty and I am to be removed to the reserves and as I have no family, I will return to the colony I was born in. It's not on Palaven so she would be out-of-the-way."

Victus, regarded him in silence for a few moments before clearing his throat.

"I want you to think about what you're asking me Lieutenant, as you said you're turning thirty, you have no family. It's time for you to take a mate. No one will want you as a mate if you take on the responsibility of raising a human. You will be seen as an outsider, one with human sympathies. Beyond that think of the girl, she will never be accepted. Even at a colony she won't ever fit in and will be a child of the enemy. Don't you think it might be a kindness to just let her be in a holding center until this war is over?"

"Forgive me, Sir if I don't think a child in a prison, is a better choice than her having a home."

If General Victus's brow plate could have gone higher it would have at that statement.

"What about a mate, and starting a family?"

Ganis stared at the little girl and his mind caught up with what his heart was already screaming, "sir, I don't care about that." And in all truth he didn't all he could think of was that he took this girls family from her, and the least he could do was keep her out of a cell.

The General seemed to decide something and he nodded.

"Okay, Lieutenant granted. I hope you know what you're in for. You're relived of active duty and your new position is as caretaker to the captive human child. I expect regular updates on her, when she is speaking I want to know about it, you will treat this as you would any mission. Do you understand me, Lieutenant?"

Ganis was so shocked he couldn't speak for the first few seconds before stammering out a, "yes, yes Sir, of course Sir."

"Now get your things you're going home." Victus saluted and nodded as Ganis took his leave, and the first step towards the most changing experience of his life.

~~ooOoo~~

As the shuttle left, Ganis stood with the little girl next to him, staring at the Colony of Randiv before them.

The little girl looked up at him and he smiled, she lifted half her mouth in what he thought might be a human smile, and he offered her his hand, without hesitation she grabbed his longest talon and wrapped her little hand around it and they walked to his and for now, her home.

They had stopped long enough for him to pick up some clothes for her, he figured she would fit Asari type clothes as they were basically the same build. The colony had a few Asari living there and he quickly found where to buy food for her, the Doc had told him that she was only slightly intolerant to Turian food and that with time her body might even adjust ,but not to push it and try to keep her diet as human as possible.

The first night was quiet; he had set up a back room for her that had once belonged to his sister. They sat together at the table both eating; at least she was eating well. He talked to her like he would anyone, asking if she wanted more to eat, something to drink. She nodded yes, or no and when it came time for bed she stopped at the door and looked back at him.

"Go ahead, Red its fine." She still didn't move and Ganis looked about for something he remembered his sister had needed. Finding the little light he switched it on.

"See, it won't be so dark now."

She entered the room and sat at the edge of the bed staring at him.

"Alright well, I'll leave the door open; I'm just over there if you need me okay, Red?"

She nodded and he walked to his room, it felt awkward to not have any armor to remove and he lay on his bed staring at the ceiling wondering at the crazy direction his life had taken.

~~ooOoo~~

The movement in the middle of the night awoke him and his first instinct was to jump to the ready; until he realized it was Red. He watched her out of one eye as she stopped at his door with her blanket. He was wondering why she wasn't moving until he figured out that she was watching him to see if he was asleep. Once she had decided that he was in fact asleep she moved to the end of his bed and climbed up at the foot and curled up into a ball. He felt her body ease and the evening out of her breath as she fell asleep.

Ganis woke up early and carried Red back to her own bed and set about making her some breakfast.

The smells must have woken her and when he turned to the table she was already sitting there rubbing her eyes her red hair sticking up in the oddest directions.

Confused he walked over and sat her breakfast in front of her and then tried to smooth back the strands with his talons.

"Does that hurt?" She shook her head and took a big bite.

"What are we supposed to do with it?"

She laughed and he grinned at her.

"Well a laugh is good. Though you're going to have to help me out, Red I don't have that stuff," he said motioning to her head.

Turning back to the kitchen to grab his plate, he jumped as heard the little voice behind him.

"Why do you call me Red?"

He spun around so fast he almost spilled the food on his plate.

He tried to not act too shocked after the first start, and continued back to the table trying to act like she'd been talking the whole time.

Taking a bite of his food he was chewing slowly and made a motion towards her head again.

"The stuff on your head is Red like my skin is red," he pointed to his arm.

"People used to call me Red back in the academy, I figured it fit you."

She seemed to chew on this for a bit, her face screwed up in thought and it almost made him laugh.

"They don't call you Red anymore though. I heard them they call you Ganis or Lieutenant."

He nodded "and what do they call you?"

She chewed on her upper lip for a second before answering.

"I'm Jane, and I'm six."

"Jane, that's nice."

She smiled before narrowing her eyes at his face

"What are the marks on your face?"

"They mark that I'm from this Colony, where we live now."

She thought some more and he pointed to her brown spots on her face.

"Is that what your marks are? Though yours seem permanent."

She giggled, "no silly these are freckles they are part of my skin."

He lifted a brow plate, "I guess I have a lot to learn."

She fell silent again and he tried to get her talking, the sound of her little voice fanning the warm feeling growing in his chest.

"Do you have a family name? Like mine is Vandrel."

She nodded, "Shepard."

"Shepard," he said the name, and smiled the realization of how much her talking meant to him sinking in.

"Welcome home, Jane."


	2. Family

Ganis clicked the console in his room off it had been two weeks and he checked in daily with the General about the condition and mental stability of Jane. Now that she was talking the General wanted to know if she remembered anything about the base where he had found her, he didn't want to ask those questions but the General insisted, he stood stretching; the house was quiet. He wasn't sure if kids were normally this quiet or if Red was just different.

Poking his head out the door and looking around the small sitting room he didn't spot her so he glanced in her room.

She was sitting legs crossed on the bed red hair disheveled about her face staring down at one of his data pads. Jane's face was scrunched up and she looked agitated at least he thought that's what that look was.

Leaning against the door he waited watching her. She growled a bit in her throat and tossed the data pad next to her; crossing her arms over her chest.

"What's wrong Red?"

Silence answered him.

He crossed the room and sat down next to her on the bed picking up the discarded data pad.

"Do you know how to read?"

She shrugged.

"No." She looked upset he knew more from her body language than her face.

"But sometimes the Sergeant I was with had things with pictures in them."

Ganis hummed a bit in his chest thinking.

"How about I read to you? I don't know anything about human culture or your history but, I do know a lot of great Turian history. Would that be okay?"

She nodded and what he knew was a smiled played over her small face.

"Will you show me how?"

"How to read? I, I'm not sure Red, I don't know the Human language."

She stared up at him and her little hand wrapped around his talon and she pulled slightly.

"Please Ganis, Please? Teach me yours."

"We'll see Red, alright?"

He paused looking down at the hand that held his talon.

"You said the Sergeant you were with, was that your Dad or?"

She shook her head "No he was like you; he had to take care of me."

Ganis, confused about this asked.

"What do you mean? Your parents had to leave you with him? Were they sent away?"

She bit her lip and shook her head.

"I, no, he just had to take care of me, I don't remember."

"Where are your parents Red?" The thought that she might have someone out there looking for her bothered him more than he cared to admit

She shook her head. "I don't have any."

"Oh." He brushed his talons through her hair.

"We've got to get this stuff under control."

She smiled but didn't laugh.

"Where are your mom and dad Ganis?"

"I don't have any either Red."

She nodded and looked up at him with a knowing look in her little green eyes.

Clearing his throat he turned the data pad towards her.

"How 'bout we read for a while and then I'll make us something to eat hmm?"

"Yes!"

He leaned back on her bed and she quickly scooted up next to him. He had just started reading when she scooted closer and tucked herself under his arm and leaned back. Smiling he began to read to her of Turian military history.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Ganis, Ganis!"

He spun in his chair to watch as Red jumped up and down in the door way.

"What is it?"

"Can I go outside? There are kids outside can I go?"

Ganis's mandibles pulled in close to his face.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea Jane."

"But"

Ganis held up a finger.

"No buts Red, come here."

Taking slow labored steps towards him like she was being lead to the gallows she stopped when she was in front of him and he traced the brown spots on her face with the tip of his talon.

"Listen, I know its rough being cooped up in here with me. We'll go out soon I promise. I just don't think you should go out alone yet."

She nodded slowly.

"Will you come read to me soon then?"

"Sure."

She was sitting at the window staring out when he found her a little later.

"What are you looking at?"

She didn't answer and when he leaned over her to look out he saw two Turian boy's fighting across the way from their house.

"Why are they fighting like that? Won't they get hurt?"

He chuckled "Nah they are practicing, they are learning hand to hand. I'd say they are close to fifteen and getting ready to join the military academy, remember like I read to you the other day."

She nodded and turned away from the window.

"I'm going to join the Academy." she said this with such certainty he didn't know what to say and before he could disagree she looked at him with such a determined gaze that he had to shrug.

"Well who am I to stop you." He laughed and she smiled

"Will you show me how to fight like that?"

His mandibles pulled in close to his face and he crouched in front of her.

"Red, I don't know you're not built like us."

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest; he was starting to know this as a sign that she was damn and determined to do what she had her mind-set to.

"Alright, alright I'll show you. But you have to pay attention and listen to what I tell you, the first thing about the military is you must always listen to your superiors."

She nodded.

Over the next few days he not only just read to her of Turian culture and the military he began to teach it to her as if it was her own.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ganis sat up something was wrong, it was barely light out and he realized that Jane wasn't at the end of his bed. Jumping up he paused only for a moment to check her room. She wasn't there; he checked the front room and then the kitchen. Nothing.

Dragging a hand over the back of his neck he didn't stop as he made his way outside. Where could she be? Stopping out front he looked left then right, he had no idea where she would go.

Searching for her until the sun was high in the sky he decided to head home and see if she had gone back. As the door closed behind him he heard movement in the kitchen. Stepping around the wall he saw her just as she swallowed something.

"Red! What did you just eat and where have you been?"

She stared at him startled at the force in his voice and she shook her head and shrugged.

"Nothin…nowhere…"

Crouching in front of her he stared into her eyes. "I need you to answer me honestly about what you ate Red."

She pointed at the plate and he flinched. That was his food not hers and he scooped her up in his arms and ran out the door heading towards the med center in the colony.

An Asari met them as he rushed in. "I think she ate something she shouldn't I had a Doctor say that it might hurt her. Please can you check her?"

The Asari motioned to a bed and he sat her down kneeling next to her. The Asari stepped to her and began running a few tests.

Jane held Ganis's talon the entire time and she was quiet as he watched her nothing seemed wrong as he waited for the Asari to finish what she was doing.

"So, is she okay?"

"Yes, as far as I can tell she's fine. Has she been eating any of it since she came here?"

"No, well I don't think so."

He watched Jane chew on her bottom lip.

"Red…have you been eating the food I told you not to?"

She nodded slowly.

The Asari laughed. "Kids are funny that way. Don't worry about her; she seems to have no adverse reaction to it so ease up."

Ganis stood and Jane hopped down next to him still holding his talon.

The Asari looked from the little girl up to the Turian staring down at her.

"I'm Le'lani by the way. I'm new to the colony I took over for the old medical director. If you two need anything just stop by." Le'lani leaned down and whispered something to Jane and she ran out to the front desk.

"Red, don't go far okay?" Ganis called after her.

"She'll be fine; I just told her where I hide the candy that's all."

Le'lani smiled. "You honestly worry about her. That's different from what I thought it would be."

"Why what have you heard?"

"You know how people talk. They say you have a human child holding her like a prisoner for the Turian government. That's not what I see."

Ganis nodded.

"Like I said if you need anything."

"Thanks, I'm not sure what to do with her sometimes. She needs to be around others but, I'm afraid they'll hurt her."

Le'lani nodded.

"Well kids are kids, they get hurt sometimes."

"This is different, she'll never fit in and they know it. I'm Ganis by the way and that's Jane. Thanks again Doc." His mind was on the little girl infront of him and

Le'lani watched him stop and lift the little girls chin up at him, he smiled and she took his talon in her hand again and they walked away.

They were just about home when a Turian boy who couldn't be older than Jane ran up to them.

"Hey Jane, wher'd ya go? Thought you said you were going to come back?"

Ganis stopped shocked and stared from Jane to the boy next to her.

"Red, who's this?"

"I'm Nihlus."

"Is this your Dad Jane? My friend was adopted when his parents died."

Ganis lifted a brow plate, this kid talks too much he thought.

Jane shook her head letting go of Ganis and running to the house she let herself in.

"When did you meet Jane Nihlus?"

"Few weeks back, I saw her sneaking outside. She's nice. Can she come play more? She said you might be upset."

"I was just worried that's all she's new and."

"Yeah my mom said something about her being human but she also said that she shouldn't be inside all day, not good for her."

He was walking away and waved.

"I gotta go my mom is calling. Nice to meet you Mr. Ganis." The boy trotted back to his house and Ganis headed inside.

"Red?"

She was sitting on the chair in his room.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. Please don't lock me in my room."

He quickly kneeled in front of her.

"Red, I'm not mad I'm just glad you're okay I would never lock you in your room. I'm glad you made a friend really; I was just worried about you. Please don't feel like you can't tell me things."

She nodded slowly.

"You and I need to be able to talk. Okay? I won't be mad if you always try to be honest with me. It's a very important quality in any military personnel."

She perked up and nodded. "I promise Ganis."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jane was lying on his bed practicing her reading while Ganis went through the motions of cleaning his equipment and armor. He couldn't help it, it had been a daily routine for most of his life and it was a difficult one to give up.

"Whatcha doin Ganis?" He turned and smiled.

"I'm cleaning and calibrating my guns and armor."

"Will you show me how?"

He laughed.

"Yes Red I'll teach you all of this, just not today. When you're older."

"Nihlus said his dad was teaching him all that, how come he gets to learn now?"

"I don't know how Nihlus's parents do things but in this house you have to at least be eight to start any of that."

She screwed up her face counting.

He watched her thinking that he really needed to work with her on math and her science, all those things that should be learned in school.

"How long is that?"

"I don't know when your birthday is but what it's been six months or so since we got here so how about that. Your birthday can be the day we got here. It's as good as any right?"

She nodded.

"I've never had a birthday, I don't think anyways."

His heart pulled, hearing her talk like this always made him sad. She couldn't tell him what she had gone through and those memories whatever they had been were quickly fading from her child's mind. I mean how many of us remember anything from when we were six? He had already made it up in his mind to make sure any new memories were good ones.

"Well you'll have a birthday now Red, the year after that I'll teach you how to use all this."

She grinned and jumped off the bed running to him and throwing her arms around him.

OOOOOOOOOOO

He heard the door open and close but no footsteps, standing he clicked off the console where he was working and walked towards the front door.

"Red?" He saw her sitting head on her knees leaning against the door.

"What's wrong?" That's when he heard her sniff. He froze, was she crying? He had never in the months since he found her on the surface of that damn planet had he ever heard her cry and the sound struck fear into him. What in the hell could have made his tough little girl cry?

"Come on Red talk to me soldier." She sniffed again and lifted her tear-stained face towards him but she didn't speak instead her eyes welled up again and a fresh batch of sobs ripped through her body.

"Hey, hey." He picked her up in his arms and pulled her to his chest. She tucked her head into his chest and he held her while she cried he patted her back and as the sobs turned into little hiccups he lifted her face with a talon.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"I don't want to."

"Come on Red, you can tell me anything."

She nodded and wiped the back of her hand across her nose.

"I heard Nhilus's mom talking. They said….they said that…I ruined your life, that you should have a family a mate they say you should have left me down there, or killed me. That it wasn't fair to you…"

He sat stunned rocking her slightly

"They don't know what they're talking about."

"Did I ruin your life? Am I the reason you don't have a family?"

Before he could really think about what he needed to say he hugged her closer to him.

"No, no sweetheart you didn't ruin my life, you are my life and I do have a family. You're my family."

She pushed back from his chest and stared at him with green shining eyes.

"We're a family?"

"Yeah Red, we're a family."

They sat in silence together her head on his chest and he traced his talons over her back.

"I love you." She lifted her hands to his face and kissed his mandible.

Those words broke open something in him he never knew existed and he knew in that moment that he would do anything to keep her, his family with him and safe.


	3. What Tomorrow Brings

Ganis couldn't believe what he had just read. According to what General Victus had sent him it was found that the installation where they found Jane had been a lab for Human Biotic testing.

Ganis watched his little girl sleeping on the couch her arm dangled over the side. She had never shown any signs of being a Biotic. Though as the General had stated in his message it didn't matter, she could not show any signs until the human coming of age or never depending on how much Eezo exposure Jane had.

Ganis picked up Jane and carried her to her room. Laying her down, before he could stand up she wrapped her little arms as best she could around his neck and wouldn't let him move.

"Daddy." Her eyes were droopy in her sleepy state and his heart melted at the word.

"Can I go play with Nihlus tomorrow?"  
"We'll see Red okay? You're behind on your math and I want to see how your report on Turian military protocol is coming. But maybe after that."

She mumbled something and was quickly asleep again, as he tucked her in he stood watching her sleep she had called him daddy for a while now but it never got old, he had never considered being a father and now he couldn't imagine his life without her. He turned knowing she wouldn't stay in her room long and he needed to answer the General.

As he formed his reply to the General he didn't know what to say besides the fact that he had not seen any such manifestation of biotics in Jane.

His reports to General Victus were official and did not include any of the training that he had given her in the past two years. She was almost eight now and his biggest fear was losing her, the reports were that peace talks between the Human Alliance and Turians were going well. Every day he expected a report telling him he was to give the child back to the humans.

He knew he couldn't let that happen and had tried to think of anything he could say to General Victus to keep her with him. Perhaps if the Humans and Turians could work things out she could stay, seeing as she had no other parents besides him now.

Dragging a hand down his face he groaned deep in his throat. Great how would that look, telling the General she couldn't leave because she was his daughter and she considered him her father.

Leaving the last bit out he finished the report and rolled into bed. He waited until the familiar weight of Jane crawling into bed set him at ease. She was larger now and had taken to curling up next to him. He smiled to himself waiting for her breathing to even out into sleep before he could sleep himself.

She had damn near pushed him out of bed overnight and when he awoke she was almost sideways with her feet in his side.

"Red, Red." He poked her and she scooted over and opened a sleepy eye at him.

"mmph, yeah daddy?"

"You have to start sleeping in your own room. You're starting to kick me out of bed."

She sat up and stuck her lower lip out in what he knew was a pout.

"I don't like sleeping alone."

Ganis sighed and tapped her nose.

"I know, but if you get much bigger we're not going to fit."

She laughed

"I'm not that big. You're the big one."

He chuckled and knew that he couldn't argue with her. Not that he wanted to really, he knew she would sleep on her own soon or she would be gone, no he wouldn't think of that; so he just shrugged.

"You calling me fat?"

Jumping on him she kissed his mandible before jumping off the bed.

"Daaad you're not fat. Just big it's not your fault."

He laughed and stood up pointing to her room.

"Okay young woman I want your room tidy and that bed made. We have to have breakfast done and be out in the field for exercises and we're headed to the range today."

She stared at him her eyes wide.

"I want to see that room clean and your report on the table by 0800, and translator out, I want to hear your own translation at breakfast."

Her face went completely calm.

"Yes Sir."

With this she stood at attention saluted and did a perfect about-face.

Jane was a quick study even when it came to the Turian language. She couldn't pronounce most of it herself as she lacked the vocal range to do so, but her translation was excellent, he was as proud as any parent could be.

Smiling at her as she marched to her room he went to make breakfast.

~~00O00~~

It was almost another two years before he got the message he had dreaded.

The peace treaty with the Alliance had finally been completed and with it the release of any and all prisoners of war.

Ganis cussed under his breath. She was not a prisoner, how would he convince the General otherwise.

~~00o00~~

"Do you think they'll let you join the Military when I do?"

Nihlus made a grab for Jane and she sidestepped him and countered with a sweep towards his legs.

They practised their hand to hand and marksmanship daily and almost always together.

"I don't know, my dad says he's not sure they will let a human join. So I have to practice and make sure I'm good enough in every way. We have time, five years at least."

Nihlus jumped her sweep and caught her arm spinning her and pinning the arm and her against his chest.

"We'll you're more Turian than human, and you're one of the best shots with your dads sniper rifle and I mean not just for a ten-year old, you're good Jane. They would be crazy to not let you join."

She spun herself under her own arm and landed a blow to his chest and as he stumbled back she chuckled.

"Yeah, well there's something dad's worried about and he's not telling me."

"Does the Alliance want you back? My mom says now that the war is over you should go back." Nihlus's question caught Jane off guard she hated that people talked about her. She sighed, she didn't even remember anyone from the Alliance, or any other humans for that matter.

She stood up straight her eyes narrowed.

"I don't care if they do, I'm not going."

"What if you don't have a choice Jane?"

Nihlus stared at her hard.

"This is my home, I'm not leaving."

"Yeah well you know the Military. They don't really take no for an answer."

She shrugged and held up her hands to him.

"I don't care, I'm not leaving my dad."

Nihlus smiled.

"Not unless it's for the Turian Military am I right?"

She shoved him gently.

"That's different. Thanks for the workout Nihlus I gotta run."

He waved and she sprinted back to the house.

"Dad, dad where are you?" Jane was in the hallway shouting for Ganis and by the time she was in the sitting room she saw him and he wasn't alone.

"Jane, I'm not sure you remember General Victus."

The older Turian stood and she felt her body go stiff. She fell almost instantly to attention out of training from Ganis.

"No Sir I don't remember him, I'm sorry."

The General approached her and circled her once before returning to standing in front of them both; his talons clicked behind his back as he considered them.

"Lieutenant, join me outside would you."

Jane made to interject but Ganis silenced her with a raised finger and stern look as he followed the General outside.

"Thank you for your hospitality Lieutenant I should get back to the fleet."

"Sir? I thought."

"You thought wrong Lieutenant I came for prisoners of war I see none here, carry on. I still expect my reports. Oh and Lieutenant, include everything this time. Including the training she's been given and will continue to get."

"But, Sir what about the Alliance?"

Victus lifted a brow plate and almost smiled.

"Leave the Alliance to me, besides they don't know she exists and I have other plans for her once I've read your _complete_ reports."

Plans for her, a chill ran up his back and tingled the base of his fringe. He didn't like the sound of whatever that was.

As Ganis entered the house he found Jane perched on the counter kicking her feet, he paused watching her. Her red hair was down to the middle of her back now and her little freckles had become more prominent, her eyes were a deep green and he always wondered if she would be attractive for a human as she got older. Just the thought of someone wanting to date his daughter was enough to set his blood to boil. He had waited for the neighbour boy Nihlus to ask her out; waited? No more worried he didn't think his mother would like him showing interest in a human.

Catching sight of him she jumped off the counter.

"Dad? I won't go you can tell them I won't." She looked like she was about to stomp her foot and he hugged her close.

"You're not going anywhere sweetheart, he said you're allowed to stay."

She hugged him tighter. "Yes! I told Nihlus they wouldn't make me go. I love you Dad, they couldn't have taken me even if they wanted to."

He nodded.

"Hey Red go grab the rifles I think we need some target practice."

She nodded and dashed back to his room to collect them. Grabbing his hand by the talon as always, Jane led him out the door and towards the range.

~~00o00~~

Jane was fourteen when it happened.

Nihlus was waiting for her outside the door and she ran past Ganis on her way out. "Gotta go Dad, I'll be back later." He lifted his eyes to her from where he sat at the counter reading.

"Where you going Red?"

Jane spun around, her red hair flipping over her shoulder.

"Dad, I told you we're going out to get something to eat and then to the shooting range. I have to prove to Nihlus my shot is still better. He got a new rifle and thinks he's on top now. I plan to prove him wrong."

Ganis smiled, his little girl was growing up a fine marksman not to mention soldier, he knew if she was Turian, she would be well on her way towards a long and promising career in the military.

"I want you home by 1900, we've got plans don't forget."

She rolled her eyes at him but smiled and walked back to where he was sitting, she kissed and hugged him.

"Alright dad, love you."

"Love you sweetheart, have fun and show Nihlus the Vandrel's are the best shot on this planet."

Jane saluted her father and ran out the door.

"There is no way Jane, you can't make that shot.

First of all the wind, second it's tied to that tree over there so with that wind it's moving, no fucking way."

Jane adjusted her scope and accounted for the angle, trajectory and wind just as her dad had always shown her.

"Watch your mouth Nihlus."

Jane exhaled and pulled the trigger. Nihlus squinted towards the target and watched as it exploded.

"Are you shitting me?"

"Hah! I told you; I'm the best damn shot on this planet."

He pulled her up leaving the sniper rifle on the ground, he leaned down placing his forehead against hers.

"You're a lot of things Jane Vandrel, a good shot is just one of them." Nihlus nuzzled down her neck and she squirmed.

"Stop Nihlus, I gotta get home."

He nodded. "I know Jane your dad would kill me if he knew I'd had you in my arms." His forehead rubbed against hers again."

That's when they heard the voices. Not Turian voices though.

"Fuck you Garret, did you see the legs on that Asari down in the colony? Shit, this resupply isn't so bad if you don't count all the goddamn dinosaurs running around."

Jane turned in Nihlus's arms the men hadn't seen them yet.

"Come on Nihlus let's go."

Nihlus didn't move though.

"Jane, look at their uniforms, that's Alliance military."

"Yeah I got that, can we go before they."

But it was too late.

"What the hell is this? Garret you see this shit?"

They stepped up close to Jane and Nihlus she could smell the alcohol on their clothes and breath.

"Where you come from girl? And what in the bloody blue fuck are you doing with this dinosaur."

"Nothing sorry Sir, you'll excuse us we should go home, the shooting range is yours."

She was turning to leave when one of the men grabbed her.

"Oh no girly you're not going anywhere. We're going to figure out what a cute little girl like you is doing with a Turian on a backwater planet like this."

The other two men went to grab Nihlus and he dropped the first before the other grabbed his arms and the two pinned him to the ground.

"Nihlus! Stop it don't hurt him, he wasn't doing anything. I live here. My dad is expecting me home."

"Your dad huh? You a mercs kid and your daddy is hiding here from the authority? He should know better than to let a cute little thing like you out with a Turian." His mouth was on hers and she recoiled back. "Gross, stop it." He slapped her.

"So the Turian can cuddle you? You bitch."

Her head snapped to the side and that's when it happened. Her body glowed blue, and a pure burst of energy radiated out of her throwing the three men and Nihlus back.

Jane stood stunned into stillness for only a moment before she grabbed Nihlus and the two sprinted home.

They stopped just outside their houses. "Spirit's Jane what was that?"

"I don't know, but I've got this awful feeling that it's not over."

His eyes were on hers they weren't afraid just concerned.

"I think you need to tell your dad what just happened."

She nodded.

"I know, he's going to freak out, but he'll know what to do."

"I'll see you soon Jane. Go."

Jane ran into the house as Ganis was coming out of the back room.

"Red, you're late it's."

He stopped staring at her face he knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong sweetheart? What did Nihlus do?"

She shook her head violently and ran to him throwing her arms around him.

"No daddy, it's way worse."

"What is it? Tell me what happened."

He ran his talons over her hair as she explained what had happened out at the shooting range.

"You've never had any of this before right?"

"No I don't know what it was, I didn't mean to it just happened."

Ganis nodded. "I've got to message the General, it won't take those soldiers long to tell their officers and for them to find out where the human girl lives in the colony."

"But why would they want to dad? They think I'm a mercs kid. They don't know that."

Ganis held up a finger.

"Sweetheart they know you're a Biotic and you're human, that's a concern for the Alliance."

"I'm a what? No I'm not."

Ganis was already moving putting through an emergence message to General Victus.

Jane heard the Generals voice and she ducked out-of-the-way.

"Are you saying she used it against Alliance Military people? And she has never shown signs before now?"

"No Sir, never, this was very unexpected."

General Victus nodded.

"Yes it was frustrating to hear that she had not developed any biotics. But now we're in a bind. I'm going to have to message the Alliance before this gets any more out of hand."

"How should I go ahead Sir?"

"You wait for my word Lieutenant."

"Sir, yes Sir."

The comm clicked off and Jane stepped back into his room.

"I'm sorry dad."

She was back in his arms and he held her close to him.

"It's not your fault Red."

"I completely screwed things up I shouldn't have gone."

"Shh, shh sweetheart. No matter what happens you're my little girl and I love you and I'll never blame you for anything. It will all be fine."

Even as he said the words to comfort her, his heart was aching.

Everything he had always feared was coming true and he pulled her closer to his chest afraid of what letting go would mean and what tomorrow would hold.


	4. Leaving Home

Ganis couldn't sleep. He had waited for instructions from General Victus about what he was to do, as the night wore on he sat on his bed leaning against the wall. Jane had long since gone to her room and the house was quiet; so he heard when she got off her bed walked to her window and snuck out. He instantly sat forward thinking he should go stop her but he knew she was going to Nihlus and he didn't have the heart to go bring her back. He didn't know as much as she didn't if she would get the chance to say good-bye to him before whatever was going to happen to her took place. Leaning back against the wall again he sighed and continued to wait.

Nihlus jumped up off his bed at the soft tap on his window, throwing it open Jane threw a leg over the window seal and hauled herself into the room.

"I'm sorry about the time. My dad's still awake but I had to come Nihlus." Jane paused and sunk down on his bed. "I may not get another chance to see you, I had to tell you, you're my best friend and I'll miss you, more than you know."

"Jane," Her name sounded sad and lonely on his tongue and then was lost to the silence around them. Sitting next to her he took her hand in his and ran his thumb over her knuckles.

"You're my best friend too. Maybe they won't make you go? Like last time?" His tone had turned hopeful but Jane's eyes were downcast and he went silent.

"I don't think so Nihlus, not this time. The Alliance is involved and I did something out there, something I don't think they are just going to let go." She turned slightly on the bed to face him bringing her other hand over his. Looking up at him his eyes had turned hard and he released her hand and stood pacing his room.

"This isn't fair Jane, I had plans. Plans for us." He looked down to where she sat and stopped pacing and crossed his arms in front of him.

"In less than a year we were going to join the military. Serve together, prove to the universe that Turians and Humans can not only work together but live together." His voice became softer as he continued. "Love each other, we could have come back here after we retired, had a home near your dad. Lived our lives together. Damn it Jane." Dropping his hands to his sides he looked defeated.

"Now what? I'm never going to see you again?"

Jane jumped up from the bed and wrapped her arms around him.

"Don't say that, we don't know what will happen. Those things, those could still happen Nihlus."

"You think so Jane? You think when the Humans take you that they will just rejoice at the fact that you were raised by us? That you're in love with one of us? I doubt it. You'll find a human and forget about me, you'll forget about your dad who gave up everything because he loves you."

Jane stepped back shocked. "Don't you dare say I'll forget my dad or you. That's cruel Nihlus."

He sighed releasing the anger pent-up in his chest. "I know Jane, I'm sorry I'm just scared. I'm losing you before we've even had a chance to start our lives."

Jane nodded and took him in her arms again. He leaned his head down against hers and she could hear the subtle vibration in his chest.

"I have to go Nihlus." He put his arms around her and held her breathing her scent, feeling her soft body against his hard skin, the feeling of her hair brushing against his arm, committing them all to memory.

Nipping down her neck he moved her shirt off her shoulder.

"Jane, I have nothing to give you to remember me by, but this. He lifted his hand and touching a talon to her shoulder he pressed until Jane's crimson blood broke through, dragging his talon the length of her shoulder he grabbed one of his shirts and blotted the blood.

Jane didn't flinch only turned her eyes to his as he marked her, not in the way he had plans to do, but something to remember him by for how ever long they may be apart.

"I love you Jane, don't forget that."

They shared a last embrace as he moved her shirt back over her shoulder.

Jane was back at the window, before she jumped to the ground she turned and smiled.

"I'll find you Nihlus." and with that she was on the ground and lost to the shadows. Nihlus's mandibles flared in a smile after her and he closed his window talking only to the shadows around him.

"I'll hold you to that."

~~00o00~~

Climbing back through her window Jane found her dad sitting on her bed staring at the wall.

"Dad, I." Ganis held up a finger but his head did not follow, he continued to stare at the wall.

"Don't Red, I know what you had to do. I understand." Jane was in his arms in a second her head against his chest.

"Dad, I love you please I'm sorry, I can leave. They won't find me I'll just go and you can say I ran away. I'll stay away long enough for them to think I'm not coming back. I'm just one girl they won't look for me long."

Ganis shook his head, his talons running through the thick red hair he had grown to love so much.

"No sweetheart, Vandrel's don't run from their problems. I love you so much my Jane, my little Red."

His head rested on top of hers. The silence stretched between them.

"Dad, what aren't you telling me?" Ganis lifted his head and stared into the deep green eyes of his daughter.

"The General and an officer from the Alliance will be here tomorrow. They have a place, like a school for people with your, gifts."

Jane went stiff in his arms and pushed back. "Dad that was one time. What if I can't even do it again?"

"I don't know sweetheart that's up to the Alliance." He turned his face from her not willing to meet her eyes.

"Dad, dad, look at me." Ganis reluctantly turned his eyes back to her, all he could see was the pain he felt, mirrored there.

"Dad, is this what you want me to do? If you tell me to do this I will. I'll follow your instruction in everything, it was the first thing you taught me remember?"

He nodded. "I know you will Jane. Yes, this is what I want you to do."

Jane released a sigh and leaned her head against his chest.

"Okay, then I'll do it."

They sat there together holding on to one another, just like when all they had in the world was each other.

"Red, I have something for you." Ganis released her, and he slipped his dog tags from his neck. "I want you to have these. They are yours just as they were mine. You're a Vandrel and I know they may have you use your human name of Shepard but I want you to have these so you don't forget."

Jane closed her eyes as he slipped them over her head and she nodded. "I won't forget dad. I will always be your little girl remember?"

Ganis smiled in spite of himself as she crawled up on the bed next to him. Jane grabbed the datapad on the nightstand next to her and handed it to him with a little shrug, the unshed tears glistened in her eyes but did not fall.

Perhaps he thought with a little smirk, she might be a little too Turian. He took the datapad with a question in his eyes and she smiled.

"Read me a story?"

He laughed even though he felt like crying because his heart was breaking.

"Yeah Red I'll read you a story."

The night was spent reading, laughing, telling stories and eventually sleeping, Jane curled up next to the one person who had given her the best of himself without ever asking for anything in return.

~~00o00~~

The day dawned bright and clear. Jane and Ganis awoke early as always, but this day instead of practice drills or exercises, it was spent packing Jane's things and then in small conversation at the table as they ate their last meal together.

"Dad, I don't know the first thing about being human, I'm not sure I'll know what to do. Spirits I don't even know how to read or write the human language. I can read Turian and write Turian, but I'm not really sure that's going to help."

Ganis frowned in thought. "I know, I'm sorry for that, but you're a quick study Red, you'll pick it up fast. Think of this like joining the military. Really it was only less than a year and you would have done that." He smiled trying to perk her up but she only shrugged.

"Yes, but in the Turian military I would have been able to read and write the language, as well as I know the history. This, this I know nothing about." She rested her jaw on her fist staring at him.

"Nihlus is right, I may look human but I'm Turian through and through."

He laughed.

"That's not a bad thing, just think of it like you're an ambassador, you have to learn the culture, you'll be fine." Jane smiled up at him though it didn't really reach her eyes.

"I'll be back you know, even if I eventually join the military, I'll get leave, I'll come home Dad, every chance I get."

"I know sweetheart." He hugged her and ruffled her hair. He had just sat down when the buzzer at the door sounded and both of their hearts almost stopped.

Jane looked towards the door and then back to her dad. "Last chance to tell me to run." She grinned and he motioned her towards her room.

"Get your things Jane and meet us in the living room."

~~00o00~~

Jane dropped her pack by the front door before making her way to the living room.

"Jane, you know General Victus." Jane dropped to attention and nodded

"Yes Sir, good to see you again Sir." Ganis nodded approvingly and motioned to the other man.

"This is Captain Anderson. He'll be escorting you."

"Pleased to meet you Sir."

Captain Anderson regarded the girl before him. She stood tall and straight at attention. He was impressed, he was told this girl was not yet fifteen and yet here she stood with the poise of someone years older. Even in light of the current situation.

"I've read over your reports to the General, Lieutenant Vandrel. She's been taught well in Turian military protocol, marksmanship, hand to hand. I'm impressed, if what you say in here is true she's one hell of a shot."

"Yes Sir she's a fine shot."

Anderson glanced at the datapad he held and shook his head.

"Unfortunately she only knows how to read and write Turian. We'll have to correct that, but it will come in useful as well."

Anderson met Jane's eyes and he nodded. "You have your things then?"

"Yes, Sir." Jane motioned towards the front door.

"Well then General shall we? I'll give you two a moment alone." A knowing look from Anderson went between Ganis and Jane. "Join us out front when you're ready Jane."

Jane waited until she heard the front door close before she ran to Ganis.

"Dad, I love you, I'll write you as often as I can. Don't forget me."

"Red you're my little girl, you can't just forget your daughter, I'll be right here waiting for you to tell me about all your adventures."

She pulled herself back and to attention, saluted firmly and whispered. "I'll talk to you soon daddy."

She turned in an about-face and marched out the door, Ganis held his breath as he watched her go and a piece of himself left with her.

~~00o00~~

Jane was taken by shuttle to an Alliance ship and shown to her quarters by Captain Anderson personally.

"These will be yours on the trip. The mess hall is down the hall there and the shower and bathrooms are down the opposite hall."

Jane tossed her things on the bunk and turned at attention to the Captain. "Thank you Sir. May I ask something Sir?"

Anderson almost laughed. "Yes of course Jane."

"Where am I going?"

"Yes, I figured you would ask that. You're going to BAaT, there are others like you there, it's to help you hone your Biotics, you will also have a tutor while there, I need you to be able to read and write English as well as Turian. You're going to be busy, I hope you're up for it."

Jane smirked. "I'm a Vandrel, I'm up for any challenge." Anderson shook his head.

"No Jane you're a Shepard here. I can't have you using your Turian name. I'm sorry."

"Yes Sir understood Sir." Anderson quirked an eyebrow slightly.

"You're going to make a fine soldier someday Jane."

"Thank you Sir, I know Sir, I've spent my whole life with the intention of being so."

"If you need anything don't hesitate to ask for me." With that Anderson left her in her quarters.

Jane sat on her bunk and pulled out her data pad, she had decided last night as her dad was reading to her that she should keep a journal of a sort, to help her keep her thoughts straight.

She sighed.

_Day one: Alliance ship._

_My head hurts and my thoughts spin about me, at least the Alliance Captain doesn't seem too bad. He even seems to understand in some way._

_I find myself trying to recall being with humans and I can't seem to find anything, someone once told me we can go to our minds to retrieve memories. I try to grab them and bring them to the forefront of my thoughts. But they scuttle and cram themselves into corners and dark recesses. Just beyond the fingertips of recollection. Much as the bug retreats to a crack in the floor to evade a footfall and sure death._

_Perhaps my memory hides from the light of conscious thought. Knowing its power and detriment. Or perhaps this present thought is the comfort in my conscious mind, hiding from the fear of a hidden memory. I am beginning to understand that perhaps some paths are meant to be untrodden. To better give validation to the ones that ought to be._

Jane sat the datapad aside and leaned back on the bunk. The memories of her short time with humans she decided didn't matter. Only what her dad and Nihlus taught her, those are the things that matter now. She touched the cut on her shoulder, and she wouldn't forget them.

~~00o00~~

When they docked with the space station Jane was taken aboard by Captain Anderson.

"Jane, this is your tutor, I have to leave you with him, he's been briefed on your situation. Alliance duty calls. Take care, I'll be checking in on you."

Jane went to speak but the airlock door hissed behind her and Anderson was gone. The man in front of her looked a few years older than herself and he was smiling, well sort of, it looked more like a grimace she thought.

"Welcome to Brain Camp." He laughed at the look on Jane's face. "Or Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training. I'm Kaidan Alenko your private tutor. I've read up on, well what info they have on you. Which isn't much really. Is it true? You were raised by Turians?"

"Yes Sir, that is true." She was stiff and at attention eyes forward.

Kaidan quirked a brow.

"Yeah guess what they say about the stick is true." Jane's look was one of confusion.

"I'm sorry Sir, what stick?"

"No, nothing seriously though relax I'm not a Sir, and this isn't the military."

"Alright then Alenko."

He smiled this time it looked like a smile, and motioned for her to follow him. "Come on, I'll show you to your room and then we'll get started."

"Perfect, thank you Sir, I mean Alenko, I'd like to write my father a letter as soon as possible."

Kaidan stopped short. "I'm sorry, that won't be possible, no personal correspondence in or out."

"What? But I promised, how am I supposed to let him know I'm okay?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I'm sorry but those are the rules."

He watched her face go blank but she didn't look like she was going to cry unlike most of the girls here. "Huh, that's different."

"What is?" Jane motioned for him to carry on.

"Oh, nothing. Never mind let's go."

Jane was more confused than ever,_ why doesn't he just say what he means_?

"You can call me Kaidan by the way."

"I'm not sure I know you well enough for that." Jane kept her eyes forward.

Kaidan laughed and she followed him down the hall and farther away from the only life she'd ever known.


	5. Different

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! This chapter was actually written first , but I wanted to develop Jane and her dad's relationship, I adjusted it of course. This is just the start so hold on everyone. Thanks for following me or shadow stalking me. ^.^ ****Hope you enjoy it. Cheers.**

~~00o00~~

Ganis stared out the front window his talons clicked nervously against themselves, he still felt like Jane should be home any moment.

He sighed, he still hadn't heard from her since she left. He knew she might not be able to message him right away but he thought for sure he would have heard something by now. Where she was, if she was okay, he hated that he wasn't there for her. Turning to the room he realised that even though she had been a quiet child and the house was never loud it now felt all too silent there, empty, just as his heart and life were now.

~~00o00~~

Alenko had left Jane in her bunk after showing her the ins and outs of the space station; she had slept avoiding the others in the bunk room for the time being. Her body woke her up at 0500 as always. She looked at the stack of neatly folded BAaT issue clothing on the locker at the foot of the bed.

Eyeing the clothes Jane changed into them. There was shoes left for her that she didn't recognise and after trying them and taking a few steps around the room she decided to go back to her combat boots. She tied her hair back, did her sit ups, push ups, and pull ups on a bar she found in the hallway, and then set out for her run. She jogged in and out of hallways and down corridors passing other students who were giving her odd looks. Jane rounded a corner and found herself in the Mess as Alenko had called it.

She was watching the others grab trays and make their way through a line grabbing their food and sitting in little groups, she had never been around so many people at one time in one small area, let alone with so many humans.

Jane sighed and grabbed a tray and dropped in line as the others were doing. Not knowing what half the food was she shrugged and pointed at a few things that looked _normal _to her and took her tray to a deserted table, poking at the food for a bit she tried a few bites.

"If the look on your face is any indication I'd say the eggs aren't so great this morning." Kaidan dropped his tray across the table and took a seat.

"Is that what they are?" She chewed another small bite before poking at them with her fork.

"Right, I forgot you wouldn't be used to this kind of food."

Jane shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I'll get used to it." She took another bite and her face screwed up again. "Maybe."

Kaidan laughed and motioned to her footwear. "Did the runners we left you not fit?"

"The what?"

"Umm, you know the shoes. I can't help but notice you're still wearing boots." Kaidan pointed at her feet.

"Oh, no it's just the ones you left didn't feel right, they were really light."

"Yeah, I think that's the point Shepard." He watched as she visibly flinched at the name Shepard, like it was a shock to hear that name used in reference to her. He watched as she pushed the plate mostly uneaten away from her and lean back fiddling with what looked to be dog tags. Jane's eyes met his and she quickly stowed them beneath her shirt.

"So Alenko, what is this place? Besides BAat I mean, what's it called? And where is it?"

"Let's see this is Gagarin Station also known as Jump Zero, and of course we're in the Sol system, this thing used to be the farthest human construction from Earth, before the discovery of the relays."

Jane nodded.

"Sol, Earth, right the human system and home planet; I remember reading something about that."

"You remember reading something about that?" Kaidan stared at Jane until she broke the silence.

"Right, I read something about it." She shrugged

"Yeah, right that's why we have a lot of work to do, not only on English but I have to give you a crash course in Human history." Kaidan watched as Jane shrugged again.

"You don't think of yourself as human do you?" Kaidan watched Jane's face for some sort of reaction but there was none, just that blank look.

"Alright then." He fumbled for another topic. "What do you do for you know fun? Besides running, sit ups, push ups and pull ups that I've been told you do at 0500. You're worse than my parents and they were Military. By the way we have a Gym for all that; I showed it to you last night. There are treadmills so you don't have to run around the station."

"I've never used anything like that."

"Right, shit I forgot. I'll show you."

"Thanks, I didn't mean to bother anyone." Jane had her hands in her lap and back straight.

"No, no bother at least not yet, your bunk mates might have gotten annoyed at some point but one day of being up at 0500 won't kill them. You didn't actually answer the question though. What do you do for fun Shepard." He watched as she flinched again. Wow, the only thing that seemed to bother her was that name.

"I like to practice with my sniper rifle, hand to hand spars, and training simulations. That's always fun." Alenko quirked a brow at her. "Seriously? Don't you do anything that isn't in some way violent?"

The question threw Jane off, she wasn't sure she understood him; everyone she knew did the same things for "fun".

"I like to read." She left it at that and he nodded.

"There ya go. What about Music? Dancing?"

Before she could answer a girl a little older than Jane stopped at the table, she had short blonde hair that flipped out at about ear level, her eyes were a crystal blue and they crinkled as she smiled.

"Kaidan, you know she wouldn't have those things, she came from a colony and not a human one. You read her report stop pestering her." The girl gave a sweet smile in Jane's direction.

"Ah, yes well I was just asking. Jane this is Rahna."

"Please to meet you Miss. Rahna." Jane gave a nod of her head.

"So are you going to come over and meet everyone Jane? Kaidan you can't just keep her over here she should meet the group."

Jane was on her feet before Rahna could finish.

"Thank you very much for your offer Miss. Rahna. I really should finish up my morning. Alenko I suppose you will be looking for me? I will be ready at 0830. Where would you like to meet?"

"Things to finish? Exercises you mean? I have a few things to give you so I'll find you after you leave the Gym. There is a general assembly at 0900 so we'll head there afterwards. We're to be meeting our new trainer and they need to talk to you about getting you fitted with an implant."

Nodding quickly Jane was down the hall in moments leaving Kaidan and Rahna to stare after her.

"Don't worry about her Kaidan she'll be fine. I don't think she's used to so many people."

"I don't think she's used to humans is the real problem."

Rahna lifted a slight shoulder

"At least she's polite. Come on everyone is waiting to hear about her."

The group as everyone called them was what most of the teachers and students thought of as the most popular kids at Brain Camp. They were good-looking or very talented in biotics and often were recognised by the other students as the face of BAat.

"Hey Kaidan." A boy about sixteen with brown hair and eyes and with a fantastic smile was motioning for Kaidan as he made his way to where the group was standing.

"Where'd she go? I thought Rahna was going over there to bring her to meet us?"

"Calm down there Andy. She's not used to all of this yet, give her time before you start drooling on her will you?"

Winking at Kaidan, Andy eyed Rahna making sure she was out of hearing distance.

"Well I wasn't planning on actually drooling on her, I simply stated she was drool worthy. Shit Alenko you see that hair? Deep red and impossibly long, they are going to make her cut it I'm sure; I'd love to get my hands on it before that. Are her eyes as green as they look from here? God damn Alenko I think you may have found us one of the best looking girls to hit this space station. So sorry you're spoken for. Guess I may just have to take care of this one for you."

Kaidan turned directly to Andy. "Rahna and I aren't dating." Andy rolled his eyes. "You might as well be."

"Listen Andy just give Jane some time before you bug her okay. Day one stuff here buddy, don't bother the pretty girl until she's used to humans."

"What the hell you talking about Kaidan? She is human."

Kaidan chuckled as he walked off towards his bunk. "Yeah she only looks that way."

~~00o00~~

Jane hit the showers, dressed and was met by Kaidan as she exited the washrooms.

"Alenko, you're on time. Good to see."

"Yeah Military parents remember? We believe in the hurry up and wait policy." Jane laughed causing Kaidan to stop dead in his tracks it was a nice sound. "What's so funny?"

"Just good to see that the Military is the same no matter where you go; my dad was the same way, we we're always early for everything, drove me nuts and now here I am the same way."

"Yeah funny how that works." He wanted to ask her about her dad, what it was like being raised by one of them. But he didn't know how to bring up something like that.

"So you had something for me Alenko?" He realised he had stared at her in thought and she now stood before him in a parade rest hands behind her back, watching him.

"Yes, right I did. These are your first books and assignments, English and human History. Your math and science is impeccable I'm told and lucky for you that's universal."

She took the datapads and nodded.

"Come on Shepard we had better get to the assembly they will want us in formation. This damn place likes to think they are the military. Hope you have no problem with that." She smirked at him and he rolled his eyes at himself, feeling like an idiot he could feel his face turning red as she watched him.

"Yeah, Forget I said anything."

~~00o00~~

As everyone filed into the large room they formed lines and fell into formation. Jane stood at perfect attention. She noted that the others around her had a tendency to fidget or lean-to one side.

A man Jane didn't recognise entered the room; by his dress Jane figured he was a Medical officer of some kind. He cleared his throat and any talking that had gone on drifted to a close.

"Alright everyone I would like to introduce you to our newest Biotics trainer, Commander Vyrnnus." Jane's brows knitted together, Vyrnnus which was most assuredly a Turian name. What would a Turian be doing here? She pulled herself up taller and straighter as the man continued.

_Vyrnnus, where had she heard that name before?_

"You will all listen to him and his team in all things. The training you receive is for your own good. You must be taught to not only protect yourself but those around you. Understood?"

Those gathered gave a weak "Yes, Sir."

The man stepped to the side and the door behind him hissed open and in walked a Turian, tall she noted even taller than her dad, with white markings, searching the cold hard calculating eyes of the Turian she realised she not only recognised the markings, she recognised him.

A memory snapped to the forefront of her thoughts. It had been a few years after her dad had brought her to Randiv. He'd had an argument outside with another Turian and had told her to stay inside but she had gone to her window to listen.

"Spirits Ganis I fucking told you to leave it down there. Now look at you, stuck on this backwater planet that you said you never wanted to go back to and for what?"

"Keep your voice down Arien. This is my choice. I'm really glad you came to visit but I need to get back." Ganis had stuck out his hand and the other Turian with those same cold eyes had glared down into her dads. "From now on Vandrel it's Commander Vyrnnus to you. The man I knew would have never had human sympathies. We're still fighting her kind and here you're raising one." His hands went forward to push Ganis away in disgust. "You are a disgrace. I was going to offer to take care of it for you, but I see you have lost all of your senses."

"That's enough Commander Vyrnnus." Gani's tone had been low almost a growl.

"I'm asking you to leave now before this goes farther than it needs to."

Vyrnnus had taken one look back to the house and then left.

Jane was snapped out of the memory by the click of talons to her right. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Commander Vyrnnus stopped in front of Alenko.

"You boy, I want you to know I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father."

Jane wanted to roll her eyes. The Turian was goading Alenko trying to get a rise out of him. To her shock it worked and he spoke out of turn. "My Father wasn't even in the First Contact War so now I know you're full of it."

Jane almost flinched, not only had Alenko fallen for it he'd gone ahead and added an insult in there as well.

Commander Vyrnnus looked like he was going to backhand him and Jane, even though she knew better spoke.

"I doubt you were at the helm anyway Sir." Vyrnnus's attention was instantly off of Alenko and on her. He side-stepped in front of her and regarded her stance.

"I see you must have had military parents. They should have taught you to keep your mouth shut on issues that do not concern you. Perhaps they were the ones I killed? Is that why you seem to take issue with what I said?"

Jane deciding to take it a step farther gave him a perfect Turian salute and then dropped back to attention. "I doubt it Sir." Vyrnnus pulled his mandibles close to his face and glared down at her. "Are you trying to insult me little girl?"

He grabbed a datapad from the Turian next to him who looked as shocked as the rest of the room around her.

"Name." It was a demand not a question.

Jane felt almost at ease, at least she could read him unlike most of the humans in the room who were a complete mystery to her and she knew she had him reeling.

She dropped her voice to a level only he could hear. "I say I doubted you killed my parents while you were on that dreadnought because you probably were serving with him." Jane had purposely used the Turian word for dreadnought and she watched him flinch.

Her voice returned to normal.

"Jane Shepard. Though you may know me better as."

"Vandrel" Vyrnnus's voice was a low threatening growl as he said the word.

It took only a moment before Vyrnnus was back in control. His face stoic as he flipped through her dossier.

"I see you're in need of an implant. Doctor I believe we need to have Shepard here fitted. Please escort her to the Medical Bay and make sure that is seen to."

Watching her leave Alenko couldn't believe what had just happened, he knew that Shepard didn't have to do it but she had. She had saved him from the Turians wrath at the risk of her own neck, he knew it had probably just about killed her to break protocol. Why then?

Alenko saw the look Vyrnnus followed Shepard with and a cold chill ran up his spine, this was going to be bad.

He didn't know at the time how right he was.


	6. Broken

"Red, it's time to get up sweetheart. You have things to do, I love you Red remember who you..."

Jane woke up in her own bed in her own home; she was alone, why was she alone? Her dad never left her alone.

"Daddy? I can't find you. Where are you? Don't leave me daddy, daddy!"

Jane was jerked from the dream by a pounding in her head, sitting up she blinked a few times and opened her eyes to a blinding white light. The light dimmed and she found herself in the sterile white environment of the Medical Ward. Blinking a few more times the white counter in front of her was replaced by the grey skin and piercing eyes of Commander Vyrnnus.

"Ah, you're awake. You talk in your sleep Vandrel. Oh right, you're a Shepard here. Its funny these humans hate me, you can tell by the look in their eyes. The thing is, you're right in their midst and because you look human they think you'd choose them over us."

Jane didn't move just listened to Vyrnnus without moving her eyes from his, her expression blank.

"Ask yourself Jane, if I gave you the chance to go back to Ganis and Nihlus, even if you had to fight your way out at the cost of their lives, would you even think twice? You're no more human than I am Jane, though it disgusts me to say it." He pointed to her shoulder and she still didn't move. "I assume Nihlus gave you that mark. The reason I suspect that, is he is what caused your biotics to come out, you loved him."

Jane didn't bite; she remained still and unresponsive to his goading.

Vyrnnus's brow plate lifted slightly. "You're more Turian than even I wanted to admit. It'll be fun breaking you Jane, making that weak human side that I know is hiding in there come out." He bent low so he was inches from her face but instead of speaking directly to her he spoke to the Turian by the door. "Limit consumption of water and all food, rations only. I want everyone in the training room by 0500 every morning. If they complain let them know it's punishment for Jane Shepard interfering in my training."

He didn't move from her side and Jane kept her eyes straight ahead, she heard his mandibles flutter and then click against his face as he pulled them back. He was smirking at her, taunting her.

"I'll break you Jane, and because I know Ganis and what he would have taught you about interrogation, I'll go through them to do it. Up on your feet."

Jane was up and at attention almost instantly.

"They will hate you Jane, you'll be more alone than you could ever imagine. That human you think you saved is waiting in the hall for you." His head quirked to the left as he watched her eyes. "What would Nihlus think of you protecting a human so soon after he'd marked you? You wouldn't be interested in this human would you?"

Jane kept her eyes forward mouth closed. "Ah, well maybe you had other reasons for being so stupid. We'll see if we can't make those biotics come out in you soon enough; dismissed Shepard."

Jane saluted about-faced and left the Medical bay, almost slamming headlong into Kaidan who was just outside the door.

"Shepard! Should you be up so soon? Those implants can really." Jane held up a finger at Kaidan but he didn't stop. "Mess you up, trust me I know."

The sigh that Jane gave was one of frustration and exasperation with Kaidan for not halting his rambling.

"Alenko, I believe you and I have studying to do, correct? Can we continue with that please?"

"Uh, yeah sure Shepard, but don't you think we should talk about."

"No, I don't." Jane made a sharp right turn into her bunk grabbed the data pads Kaidan had given her and spun on her heel making her way towards the library. Kaidan had to jog to keep up with her clip.

The library was large and mostly empty; grabbing a table in the back Jane yanked the chair back and sat.

Kaidan paused at the table before pulling back his own chair and sitting in front of her.

"Shepard I want to thank you for."

Holding up a finger Jane looked directly into Kaidan's eyes. "I said I didn't want to talk about it and I don't, leave it and for spirits sake don't thank me."

That's how it went; Jane kept to herself meeting only with Kaidan for their lessons, the distance she thought would keep them safe. But the distance was noticed among the students who had been told that the reduced meals and the new drills were her fault, and her distance bred distrust and anger.

~~00o00~~

"This is bullshit Kaidan, we need to do something. Six months of little to no food, drills at O'fuck thirty. I can't take this much longer." Andy slumped against the wall of the training room.

"What the fuck does that Turian want from us?" Andy's eyes landed on where Shepard was doing sit ups by herself in the corner of the room. Her hair was now short as the Turian had made her cut it; it hung about her face in sweaty strands.

"It's her fault, if she'd just do what he wants."

Kaidan rounded on Andy and kicked his foot. "What makes you think he wants anything from her?"

"Don't you protect her Kaidan. She's one of them; you can see it as well as the rest of us. Look at her she doesn't stop, doesn't talk to us." Andy was on his feet and he shoved Kaidan back from him.

Kaidan caught himself and was back inches from Andy's face. "She's suffering just as much as the rest of us Andy."

"Get out of my face Alenko." The first blast from Andy sent Kaidan reeling against the far wall of the room.

Vyrnnus stood back and smiled. "Finally, some fight in one of you." He stepped forward. "Now Alenko retaliate." Kaidan turned cold eyes to Vyrnnus.

"I won't play your sick games Commander." Kaidan folded his arms over his chest and didn't budge.

"Oh no? Shepard! Front and center." Jane had halted her sit-ups when she heard the commotion on the other side of the room. She stood now and made her way to Vyrnnus standing at attention before him.

"Smith is it? They all call you Andy right? Who are you really mad at? Alenko here or Shepard?" The look Andy turned on Shepard was cold enough to freeze her blood. "Alright then, you'd like to see Alenko here punish her for all the things mean ol' Commander Vyrnnus has done?" Andy nodded and the smile Vyrnnus turned on her caused her breath to hitch.

"You heard him Alenko, attack Shepard, Shepard protect yourself."

Neither Shepard nor Alenko moved.

"I said Attack!" Vyrnnus was inches from Alenko's face and he was yelling now.

"Do as I say and I'll lift the water and food restriction. Wouldn't that be nice, a hot meal for everyone?"

That got a few of the students around the room involved. Stepping forward they started shouting for Kaidan to do it.

"I told you Commander, I'm not playing your sick games."

"We'll see about that." In one motion Vyrnnus had Rahna by the arm and pinned against his chest his side arm pressed to her head.

"Do it or I won't be responsible for the consequences."

Kaidan's face went pale. "You wouldn't, it would, and you would." Kaidan stumbled unsure of what the Turian would actually do.

"I wouldn't be so sure, ask Shepard there if I'm capable of what I promise."

Kaidan turned back to Jane her face blank again but she nodded and whispered. "Do it Alenko."

"I can't Shepard."

"I said, fucking do it." Kaidan was thrown off, he had never heard her cuss before and now she was advancing on him. Her first attack landed to his chest knocking the air out of him, as she went for the sweep to knock him down he finally retaliated.

His first punch and biotic blast landed on the right side of her face her head snapped to the side and she regained her footing, no longer in control of his anger he landed three more blows to her chin arms and legs before rounding on her and releasing a blast that struck her in the center of the chest. She slumped against the far wall eyes closed and what he would swear was a smile on her lips.

He realised as he stood staring at her too still body, that she hadn't once used her biotic attacks on him; his breathing was returning to normal as Vyrnnus shoved past him and crouched next to Jane's body. He could hear him talking to her unconscious form.

"Stubborn girl Shepard, when will you learn, I win this game."

Standing back from her he regarded the students in front of him. "You're all dismissed, get a hot meal and hit your bunks." No one moved and he growled his sub harmonics causing almost all of them to jump. "I said _move!"_ The room emptied and all that was left was the Commander, Alenko and Jane who still wasn't moving. The commander had his back to him now and spoke without turning.

"That means you Alenko."

"You knew she wouldn't fight back. Why did you?"

"Leave or you'll join her."

He still didn't move and Vyrnnus called for his sergeant. "Have Shepard here removed, solitary when she wakes up."

"You, Alenko are the hero of the day. Why don't you go enjoy your meal with your friends? I'm sure they appreciate what you did. I'm sure your girlfriend wants to give you a special thank you for saving her life."

Vyrnnus's laughter followed Kaidan as he turned and left the room.

~~00o00~~

When she finally awoke, Jane found herself in a dark room. Her head throbbed and her body ached, rolling to her side Jane squeezed her eyes closed at the pain and nausea that was threatening to overtake her. She tried to will herself back into unconsciousness to no avail.

Her thoughts wandered to her dad and Nihlus. She longed to hear their voices, see their faces. The tears that stung her eyes did not fall however and she mused that it was the only battle she had won that day.

Jane slammed her fist down on the bed where she was laying. She couldn't believe Vyrnnus could control her so easily.

Rolling on to her back the darkness soon overcame her and she slept. Though it was not at all peaceful, dreams of her dad alone and Nihlus dying on some mission she should have been there for haunted her sleep.

Jane had no concept of time in the darkness of the room. She slept off and on, sometimes waking and finding a glass of water and a ration pack. When the door finally opened Vyrnnus entered the room and leaned against the far wall from her.

"You thought you were being so noble didn't you Jane? Unfortunately your little plan to martyr yourself for the students had the reverse effect. I've given them their food back due to Alenko following my orders and more have taken to it. A few who don't have it in them have had to be, ah, removed. But you see they think, no they know it's your fault that I've pushed them so hard. Get up Shepard and grab a shower, I expect you at drills in thirty. Move it."

~~00o00~~

"I for one hope they keep her locked up. If she wouldn't have taunted him none of this would have happened."

The group was gathered at their normal spot in the mess hall and Kaidan had just about had enough of them.

"Listen you guys, it's not her fault, and he's trying to break her using us. What she did was to protect us. She saved Rahna. How can you be so blind?"

"All I see Kaidan is that now that she's gone things aren't so bad." Andy glared over his food towards Kaidan.

"Things aren't so bad? Right, so the three students that have suddenly died from "biotic strain" isn't so bad?"

"You know as well as the rest of us that biotics are dangerous they always tell us that, accidents are going to happen."

"You're fooling yourself Andy. Forget this we've got drills let's go."

Kaidan saw Jane as soon as he entered the room. She was stiff at attention but he could see the slight bend in her back and her face was pale and drawn, her eyes dim. She didn't look at them when they entered keeping her eyes on Vyrnnus in the front of the room.

They formed ranks and stood at attention waiting. Vyrnnus walked between them and broke them into pairs.

"I want you to square off with your partners. Biotics to disable in hand to hand. We've been working on this; I want you to start light building your skills to disarm your opponent."

Jane had been paired up with Rahna and even in her weak state had her disarmed and on the floor in three moves. Rahna hadn't even touched her. Jane dropped back and let Rahna return to her feet. Jane dropped back into her ready stance and waited for Rahna to attack her. She easily deflected her blows and once again had her on the floor.

Vyrnnus caught sight of this from where he stood at the front of the class and stormed his way over to the pair.

"Shepard! What didn't you understand about my instructions? You're to use your biotics in disarming your opponent." He set the two aside. "Now, resume your attacks." Rahna's hands glowed a white blue as she advanced on Jane. Jane ground her teeth and once again this time with biotics attacked Rahna landing a massive blow to her face and chest before Rahna dropped to the ground.

Vyrnnus stood over Jane and was yelling at her, the rest of the class had stopped to watch them.

"Finish it Shepard. She's weak, the weak will not survive. _Finish it!"_

Within Jane's hands grew a bright blue orb, she held it in front of Rahna and the class gasped a few made to run forward but were held back by Vyrnnus's men.

"That's right Jane, do it finish the human."

Jane's eyes narrowed and she released the orb, not at Rahna but at Vyrnnus and he was knocked back off his feet. It only took a moment after he hit his back for him to kick jump back to standing and he advanced on Jane, his blows were fast and perfectly placed. Jane was lying on her stomach as Vyrnnus crouched over her lifting her head by her hair. "Big mistake Shepard."

Vyrnnus pulled her back up and Vyrnnus dropped to his ready stance and motioned for Jane to attack him. In her weak state Jane's hand to hand was not what it should have been and he easily deflected her blows knocking her back to the ground he was on top of her pulling her head back as far as he could. "Do it Jane, cry like I know you want to. Ask me to stop." Her head made a sickening thump as it hit the ground. The sound that Vyrnnus wanted to hear was not what happened next. Jane was laughing at him and he pulled her head back again bending low next to her face.

"You're not proving anything Jane, cry for me, show me how human you are, show me I was right, that your "dad" should have left you down there when we found you. That I should have killed you then, that you are just like them." His voice dripped with the hatred he felt for her.

Her head hit the ground again and Kaidan couldn't take it anymore running forward through the men he slid to a stop on his knees before her.

"Jane, do what he asks. Do what he wants he's going to kill you. Don't do this you don't have to prove anything." Vyrnnus let this exchange happen and whispered close to her ear. "Do as the little human boy says Jane. Give in and all of this goes away."

Jane lifted her swollen eyes to Kaidan and gave a weak smile. When she spoke it was forceful and directed solely at the commander.

"How does it feel Sir?"

"How does what feel Jane?" His voice was low and near her ear again.

She grimaced as his talons dug into her head as he griped her tighter.

"How does it feel Commander, to know that a human is a better Turian than you could ever hope to be?"

He growled and slammed his fist into her jaw. Blackness swallowed Jane and her body went limp. "We'll see how proud you are when I'm through with you."

Removing himself from her he motioned for her to be removed.

"Solitary if she wakes up, keep her there until further notice." Turning his attention to the other students he clasped his hands behind his back talons tapping as he thought.

"Sergeant I want meals cut, back on rations. Also I think that cutting the hot water for a while will help everyone realise that what Miss Shepard did here was not heroics but a selfish act. Should any of you find yourself wanting to repeat her mistake I can assure you it won't go as well for you as it did her and your friends will suffer for your insubordination."

~~00o00~~

"Kaidan forget it, she's dead. No one could do six months of solitary and live."

Kaidan paced his room his bunkmates were concerned for him he knew. His behavior had become more and more erratic as the time wore on. The rumors were that Shepard had recovered from the fight but since she had not been released it was largely believed that she had died while in confinement or that Vyrnnus had just simply finished what he started.

"She's not dead, I know that. She wouldn't give up."

"Kaidan, listen to yourself, you're waiting for a ghost to come back. She's dead, leave it, we've been working on breaking into the extranet to get a message to the Alliance. We haven't heard anything from them in over a year. It's like they've left us here, if they wait longer there won't be any of us left."

~~00o00~~

"Jane, Jane. Wake up Jane."

"mmph, Nihlus? Ugh, no please just five more." She tried to roll over but couldn't move. She felt his forehead against hers and she smiled.

"Jane, wake up." She felt his talons stroking her face and she smiled nuzzling into his hand, then the hand was gone and she felt the slap rip open her cheek as his talons scraped across her face. Her eyes opened and it wasn't Nihlus but Vyrnnus sitting next to her.

This mental warfare had gone on forever, just how long she didn't know, time had no place in this darkness that he had thrown her. This time though something broke in her and she wept, the tears stung the new wounds on her face and she felt the Turian next to her chuckle.

"You we're strong Jane." With that he shoved her crying into the hall. The lights were so bright she would have sworn she was staring into a sun. She looked down at her dirty and torn clothes and he walked with her towards the showers.

"There's a good girl, have a shower and change. Get something to eat." He lifted her tear-stained face to his, his voice was soft but there was hate in his eyes. "I told you I would break you Jane. You know I see why Nihlus wanted you. I think perhaps I'll follow-up for him on that." Leaning his head against hers, she wanted to recoil but didn't have the energy.

"Go have your shower, I'll see you soon."

Jane sat in the corner of the shower letting the water pour over her, the tears once they had started wouldn't stop and she couldn't get the feeling of Vyrnnus's head against hers out of her mind, where Nihlus's had so often rested in a loving embrace. Vyrnnus's embrace wasn't loving, it was controlling, she knew now that all he had wanted was to control her, and now that she knew that, she had nothing left in her to fight him.

~~00o00~~

Kaidan had heard the rumor that Jane had been seen in the halls. He hadn't believed it at first as no one could pin point where she was.

He had looked and finally found her in the library head down reading a data pad. Her head didn't lift as he entered, when he pulled out the chair across from her she flinched and pulled back.

"Jane I." His words were lost as she lifted a scared and bruised face to him.

"Jesus Jane what did he do to you?"

Jane tried to shrug but grimaced at the pain in her shoulder.

Kaidan moved next to her and pulled her to him. She went stiff and then broke down as the sobs ripped through her.

"Jane, Jane what did that bastard do to you? We were so sure you were dead."

The sobs wouldn't stop and she cried against his chest until she couldn't cry anymore.

He continued to hold her and in a shaking voice she finally answered him. "I want my dad Kaidan, I want to go home." He squeezed her tighter but she resisted and pushed back from him.

"I can't let him see us together." She was up and out of the room before he could stop her.

~~00o00~~

Kaidan watched Jane closely at formation the next morning.

Gone were her proud posture and stance, her eyes no longer faced forward but instead focused on a spot in front of her feet.

Vyrnnus seemed to approve of this and Kaidan watched the commanders hand drag over her shoulders and touch her cheeks as she practiced moving large objects with her biotics. His touch caused Jane to flinch and pull back into herself and this only seemed to please Vyrnnus more.

Kaidan felt the pain in his chest and realised he cared about Jane and hated to see her like this. This girl who had been so strong, who had protected him, had that really been over a year ago? He sighed, he wanted to talk to her but every time he got near her she just handed him a data pad that proved to him that she had started on her English and history studies again and then she left without a word.

She was broken and he didn't know what to do.


	7. You Can't Go Home Again

The day was warm and clear, unlike Ganis's thoughts when the buzzer at his door sounded tearing him away from the empty screen in front of him. He had asked for over a year for word of his daughter. Each time he was told it was none of his concern and that she was fine. Making his way to the door he stretched trying to release the tension he had held in his back. The last year had been hell for him, his life had no direction, he was lost without word from Jane, sleeping and eating were a chore and he couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. His little Red had promised she'd write, and she always kept her promises to him.

As the door hissed open he was greeted by Nihlus, who always seemed nervous when he came over looking for word of Jane.

"Hello Sir."

"Afternoon Nihlus, you can call me Ganis you know."

"Yes Sir, I know."

Ganis chuckled and moved to the side of the door motioning for him to come in. Nihlus entered waiting until Ganis had taken a seat before sitting himself.

"How are you Nihlus?"

"I'm fine Sir. Thank you."

"I was sorry to hear of your Father."

"Thank you Sir. Have you heard from Jane?" Nihlus's eyes were hopeful but as Ganis shook his head his eyes fell to the floor.

"I was, well I was hoping you would have heard from her by now, I'm leaving in a few days. I'm sixteen now and my mother wants me to join the military. She's moving back to be closer to her family now that my father is gone."

Ganis laced his fingers together and nodded leaning back slightly in his chair.

"Yes I figured you would be leaving soon, I'm surprised you didn't join last year."

"Yes Sir, my family was surprised too. I was, well to be honest Sir, I was waiting to hear from Jane. I wanted her to know, I wanted to tell her myself. I just feel like leaving here is like leaving the last piece of her behind." Nihlus sighed.

"I know Nihlus, I'm worried about her too. You'll be the first person I message when I do hear from her, but you need to do your duty too."

"I know Sir."

There was a pause before Nihlus took a large breath and blurted.

"Sir, when your daughter comes home, I know we don't know when that will be. It could be after both of us have served and I don't even know if she'll feel the same way but if she does I want to make my intentions for her clear. Sir."

Ganis lifted a brow plate and smiled.

"I know how you feel about my daughter Nihlus and how she feels about you. I want you to think about something though; if she's your mate you won't be able to have children, not to mention you'll be considered an outsider for the rest of your life for more than one reason."

The silence stretched between them for a moment before Nihlus cleared his throat.

"Sir, first look where we're from; we're outsiders coming from this colony, secondly Sir and most importantly, you gave up everything to be with Jane, not having children didn't stop you, do you regret it?"

There was no pause as Ganis shook his head.

"No Nihlus I don't regret it, not one moment of it, Jane is my life and my child. I just wanted to make sure you know all the things that come with being in love with my daughter."

"Yes Sir I know, and I'll be back for her. She promised me she'd find me; I should have told her unless I had to find her first.' Nihlus stood making his way to the door.

"I have to run Sir, thank you for everything, you know from when we were kids." Ganis stuck out his hand and Nihlus accepted it griping his wrist in a firm farewell.

"See you soon Nihlus."

"You too Sir, tell Jane I love her when you hear from her."

"I will son, take care."

~~00o00~~

It was late, that's all Kaidan knew as he glanced around the empty hallway. Jane no longer slept within the bunks. Vyrnnus had separated her from them in almost all things. She slept and ate alone. The only things she was ever present for was training and drills and even then Kaidan thought it was to show what would happen to you if you were to cross Vyrnnus.

Taking one more look around Kaidan prayed that Jane's door wasn't locked as he quickly crossed the hall and hit the entrance button. The door swooshed open and he stepped inside.

Jane heard the door open and she just about jumped off the bed until she saw who it was.

"You shouldn't be here." She watched in shock as he nodded and sat on the edge of her bed. His hair was messy and she almost smiled in-spite of the fear that now griped her.

Kaidan was beyond caring at this point as he sat on her bed, he noticed her face and the fresh bruise under her left eye and the newly split lip. Shaking his head sadly he reached forward to brush her hair back so her could see the gashes on her neck but she pulled away.

"Kaidan, you shouldn't be here." She could tell he wasn't listening to her and she sighed.

"Hey, you called me Kaidan."

Jane pinched her nose as he smiled at her. "This isn't funny."

"Why should I care Jane? He punishes us by taking away food depriving us of sleep but he only does _this, _to you. Please don't give up, fight him Jane."

"I can't."

Kaidan leaned forward his hand coming to rest on her knee.

"You're strong Jane, your father, he wouldn't want you to give up."

"Don't you get it?" Jane's voice was a harsh whisper. "He'll hurt you."

Kaidan was taken aback for a moment.

"He'll hurt me? Like he hurts you?" Kaidan felt very warm all of a sudden. The thought that she would be willing to do this for him. It both thrilled and pissed him off.

"You don't have to protect me Jane." Jane shook her head and gestured towards the door.

"Them, all of them. I couldn't take it if he hurt one of them like this because of me."

Kaidan rolled his eyes at himself, of course she had meant everyone.

"Jane I still." He didn't have time to finish as the door opened behind him.

"Well, well what do we have here?" Vyrnnus stood in the door way his eyes dropping instantly to Kaidan's hand on Jane's knee.

With one step Vyrnnus was in front of Kaidan. "Alenko, lights out was hours ago, on your feet."

Kaidan didn't move and Vyrnnus grabbed the front of his shirt hauling him off the bed.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" Jane was on her feet before Kaidan could answer.

"He was just dropping off those for me." She gestured towards the data pads. "It was nothing he was just leaving don't."

"Don't what Jane? Don't punish him for disobeying direct orders? What sort of example would that set for everyone if I let such a disregard for a direct order go unanswered?" His tone was mocking as he turned a smirk at her holding Kaidan's shirt.

She was scrambling, her eyes never left the floor and she was afraid but she couldn't let him hurt Kaidan.

"It was my fault he stayed so long, I was talking about my father and I lost track of time, let him go. I'm here."

With that Vyrnnus turned and the door opened, shoving Kaidan out he gave the stunned young human a smile that made his skin crawl before closing the door in his face.

Kaidan stood there only a second before he heard the first blow, he heard a small whimper as the second blow landed; he hit the entry button but it didn't open. He felt helpless, why did she do that? Kicking the door he spun and made his way back to his bunk. He couldn't' stand there and hear that and not be able to do anything; but that wouldn't last long. Kaidan made up his mind then and there. He'd had enough and this was going to end.

Jane had lost count of how many times he'd hit her, this time though he struck her with an anger she hadn't felt from him since the first few days in solitary. Every blow held his spite and anger towards her. She didn't shield herself and she had no more tears for him.

The last blow knocked her to the bed, standing in front of her he pulled her roughly to him.

"I will take everything from you Jane. Since you seem to have moved on from Nihlus to that boy you should have no problem with this."

Forcing her head to the side he quickly bit down on her neck over the mark that Nihlus had made, in no way was it a loving gesture of a mate but one of ownership. Crying out Jane tried to pull away but he held her firmly against him. The tears stained her shirt as she hardened her heart trying to keep her thoughts on home.

~~00o00~~

"Bastard." It only took one look at Jane's face the next morning for Kaidan to know the severity of the beating she had received the night before. He tossed the box he had lifted with his biotics against the wall watching it splinter. His head was pounding, every noise, every light caused his vision to shimmer.

Next to him Rahna groaned, she could barely lift the little rubber balls on the table and fling them across the room. She slumped hands down against the table. "I'm so tired Kaidan." Kaidan barely heard her above the pounding in his ears.

Rahna reached forward for the glass of water on the edge of the table and Vyrnnus was on her yelling so everyone could hear.

"I told you, biotics only. Apparently you think you're above everyone else in this room."

Vyrnnus had a hold of her arm bending it backwards slowly. The next sound to hit Kaidan sounded like the snapping of twigs he realized too late that it was Rahna arm and with that Kaidan Alenko snapped.

He jumped the Turian and they both hit the floor. The class moved back, as the human and turian wrestled about the room. Vyrnnus finding his feet jumped back from Kaidan.

"I've had enough of you Human."

The next second his knife was in his hand. Jane saw the flash of steel and ran towards Kaidan.

"Kaidan _move." _

But he had already seen the knife and didn't care. With a jump to the side Kaidan spun and landed a full on biotic kick to Vyrnnus's jaw snapping it backwards; and just as quickly as it had begun, it was over.

~~00o00~~

Jane could hear Captain Anderson's voice and it seemed very far away. She sat against the wall Kaidan next to her. They had been grilled by the Alliance when they arrived over a week after Kaidan fought with Vyrnnus.

"No, I won't listen, this _place_ is to be shut down immediately. Those old enough will be offered a place in the military academy those not of age yet will be returned to their parents. Those with no parents will be placed on earth until they decide if they wish to join the Alliance or pursue their own careers. That is final."

They could hear the Conatix doctor, trying to argue that it was all a mistake and that policy would be changed.

"I don't care. This is what is going to happen. Do you know the shit storm you've started with the Turian Goverment? Hiring an ex Turian Commander turned Mercenary? You're lucky you didn't start the damn war all over again. Our relationship with the Turians is too fragile to allow this to continue without action."

Their voices faded down the hall and Jane sighed resting her head on her knees.

"Hey Jane." Alenko's hand rested on her shoulder and she turned her head keeping it on her knees.

"Yeah Kaidan?"

"Thank you, for everything you tried to do for us. I know you didn't have to but you tried to do the right thing. No matter how fucked up I think it was. Still thank you."

"I really wish you wouldn't, I just didn't think some of you would survive that. That's all." Jane tried to smile but she just didn't feel it.

"What are you going to do now?" Kaidan's soft smile was warm sweet but Jane adverted her eyes. She wasn't ready for warm and sweet.

"Well Anderson said those not of age could go home to their parents. I'm going home."

Kaidan chewed on his bottom lip for a bit before nodding. "Yeah, do you think they'll let you?"

"I don't really care what they think they're going to let me do, I'm going home."

Kaidan tapped his fingers on her shoulder before brushing her hair behind her ear, she flinched and he pulled his hand back.

"I was thinking maybe you'd come to Earth, I could show you all those things you've read about. You know maybe get some hands on history."

Silence greeted his question and they sat without speaking for some time before finally as Kaidan was starting to fidget Jane responded.

"Thanks Kaidan, I know what you're asking me but, I, I need to go home. I hope you understand."

He nodded. "I do, I think we all need to get right after what just happened. No one more than you Jane." Kaidan stood he wanted to hug her to hold her and tell her how sorry he was that he hadn't been stronger for her before that last day, but instead he simply just smiled.

"I'll see you again Jane. I know it."

~~00o00~~

Captain Anderson stopped Jane as she tossed her bag on board the shuttle taking the students to ships and then on back to their homes.

"Jane, I hope you'll think about what I said before. It's still true. You'll make a fine soldier. I'm deeply sorry for what happened here. Please think about it."

Folding her arms over her chest Jane waited for Captain Anderson to finish.

"Sir, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm not old enough to join I'm just now sixteen. I need time to, well hell Sir I just need time."

"I understand Jane, so you know there is a special waiver you can fill out to join the Alliance at seventeen, it needs to be signed by a parent but seeing as you don't have any I can file to have that waved and you could enlist then."

"Sir, I have a father. When and _if _I decide to join he will sign it. Good day Sir." With that she saluted and boarded the shuttle. Anderson took note of the difference in her and hoped she could find herself because she was just what the Alliance needed.

~~00o00~~

Jane halted on the road outside her house and stared at her door and then to the door of Nihlus's house. Nihlus's house looked dark, abandoned. Turning up the walk to their door she paused. Should she just walk in? She regretted now not sending that message, but at the time she didn't know what to say, there was so much in her and yet nothing.

Making up her mind she walked through the front door and dropped her bag in the entry way and called out gently.

"Dad?" She found him in the kitchen, he was standing with his back to her head down, not moving.

"Dad?" He spun and when his eyes found hers they lit up.

"Red? Spirits it is you." She was in his arms in seconds he held her close running his talons over her now shorter hair.

"I thought I was hearing you again, I didn't think it would actually be you. How did you get here? Why didn't you write me?" He set her back from him looking at her face. Her eyes instantly dropped and he frowned.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

"Dad, I, I can't not yet."

He nodded an understanding in his eyes, he could see the scars and new lacerations on her face and neck as well as the still fading bruises underneath. He didn't know what had happened to his little girl but when he found out who did this to her he would make sure they paid.

Pulling her back to his chest he felt her relax if only slightly.

"How bout I finish up supper okay?" She nodded and sat down at the table.

Ganis watched her eat like she hadn't eaten since she left, he noted that her eyes were dim and she couldn't make eye contact with him.

He hugged her again as he stood up from the table and leaned his forehead against hers. "I love you Red."

"I love you too daddy." she whispered.

"Nihlus left for the Military some time ago, but he want's you to know he loves you too." He smiled but she flinched in his arms at Nihlus's name. He tried to take no notice and nodded towards her room.

"You look tired sweetheart, maybe you should get some sleep?"

She nodded and made her way towards the room, it was dark and he watched in wonder as she clicked her old nightlight on before laying down not bothering to remove her clothes.

She hadn't used that nightlight since she was seven. He watched her sleep for a long time, watching the even breaths counting them and thanking the spirits for every breath and that she was home.

~~00o00~~

It was the screams that awoke him in the middle of the night. Ganis rushed to Jane's room to find her still asleep thrashing and calling for him. He sat on the edge of her bed holding her close, her eyes opened and she screamed again before he calmly told her it was him and she stilled in his arms. He lay close to her, not sleeping just letting her ease back into sleep as he stroked her hair.

Ganis had seen soldiers come back from battle like this, but his little girl? He didn't know what she had been through but as he lay listening to her breaths separated by little whimpers he knew she would need time, because time heals all things and silently prayed to the Spirits that his little girl would be able to come home to him in more than just body.


	8. Finding Jane

It had been two weeks since Jane had come home. Well she was physically there anyways. Ganis stood leaning against the counter in the kitchen watching Jane as she sat on the couch staring blankly at the wall. At least she was out of her room; she'd been going between eating and lying on her bed since she got there. The days were okay and she slept without much trouble, but the nights were spent with terrible nightmares and cold sweats. Ganis would hold her and comfort her as best he could; it killed him to see her like this but until she told him what had happened there was only so much he could do.

Taking a chance he grabbed the data pad off the table and made his way slowly into the front room.

"Hey Red?" He paused and it took a moment but she finally nodded with a dull. "Yeah dad?"

"Nihlus has been messaging you since I told him you were home. He doesn't get a lot of down time but he's spending it writing to you." He handed her the data pad and watched as she glanced down, stood clicking it off and tossed it on the couch. She was back in her room in the next second laying on her bed back towards the door.

Another week slipped by much the same way and Ganis was still at a loss, she had completely shut him out. He paced his room trying to figure out what he should do, he had hoped she would start to come around on her own but she only seemed to be slipping farther away from him. His eyes came to rest on his weapons rack and the sniper rifle he had carried with him for so many years, the same one he had taught Jane with. He grabbed it and walked to her room.

"Hey Red, I have something for you."

She was sitting on the far side of her bed, head down facing away from him; she didn't turn so he went to her and sat on the bed.

"I want to give this to you." He set the rifle between them. Jane reached out a hand but didn't actually touch the rifle.

"Why? This is your best sniper rifle dad."

"Yes, that's why I want my little girl to have it. I'm not sure they'll let you have it in basic training in the Alliance but afterwards, you could perhaps use it in sniper training. You're my kid, you're one hell of a shot and I just thought.." He stopped short as he realised she was shaking her head.

"I don't think I'm going."

"Jane." She lifted her eyes to him at the use of her given name.

"I need you to talk to me, I know it's going to be hard but you've always trusted me. Please trust me now."

She went to lie down and he shook his head pulling her back to him and then against his chest. Her arms went around his neck and they sat in silence before she pulled back and nodded.

"I'll try."

"That's all I ask Red."

They sat in silence again; Jane stared at the floor in front of her. Ganis didn't want to push so he sat quietly with her; waiting for her to start in her own time.

Jane felt very crowded, it was like her thoughts and memories were pressing down on her, to be fair they were. She had internalised everything since it had started and it was time to tell her father the story of what had happened to her since she left their home.

Ganis listened about her trip there on the ship with Captain Anderson, how he had taken her to a space station and introduced her to Kaidan Alenko; that they were cut off from anyone outside of the station so she couldn't write them. She watched him carefully as she told him about their biotics trainer Commander Arien Vyrnnus.

Ganis tried not to show his reaction at learning that his old squad mate had become a merc and ended up on a space station full of human teenagers. It was like adding fuel to fire he thought, knowing how much Vyrnnus despised humans.

The shock on his face must have been clear when Jane told him how she had stopped him from hitting Kaidan and then revealed who she was.

He was concerned when she told him about the implant she had received and the threats that Vyrnnus had laid against her.

When she revealed that she had been sent to solitary for disobeying Vyrnnus in attacking the boy Kaidan he felt the slow burn of anger start low in his gut.

When she told him that she had refused to harm a female student and that had been the first time he had beaten her he stopped breathing. Ganis remained silent though he felt like putting his fist through the wall. She told him how she spent six months in solitary with daily beatings, and he stood up folding his arms over his chest and began pacing the room imagining all the things he would do to Vyrnnus once he found him.

None of this prepared him for what she showed him next, she pulled the high collar of her shirt away from her neck showing him where teeth had punctured her; more like ripped through her. Confused he bent in front of her.

"I don't understand Red did he see these marks left by Nihlus?"

That's when the tears that had been pent-up in her flowed freely.

"No dad, the cut underneath was from Nihlus he wanted to wait, wait until we were back together after everything and he had talked to you, to mark me properly."

Ganis turned his head slightly the realisation of what she was saying hitting him and he placed a hand on each of her shoulders.

"Sweetheart, are you saying Vyrnnus did this to you? Did he..." He couldn't finish the sentence and she sobbed, he pulled her into his lap as she cried. She finally calmed if only slightly and nodded into his chest and his heart clinched; he was going to kill that son-of-a-bitch.

It took quite awhile for Jane to compose herself but when she did she took a deep breath and continued, she kept her head against his chest and told him about Kaidan and that last day with Vyrnnus. How he had broken Rahna's arm and then how Kaidan had finally done what she could not.

As she finished and the silence settled around them, Ganis felt his heart rate return to normal. He was almost disappointed that he was dead. He had wanted to make him pay for what he'd done to his little girl. At the same at least it was done with, he owed this Kaidan a thanks and thought about the message from Earth that had come for Jane, maybe that was him.

"Sweetheart, I know you don't need to hear this but I want you to know you're not responsible for anything that fucker did to you."

Jane stifled a smile and he saw it. "Dad, you never cuss it sounds weird."

"I don't cuss in front of you." Her face grew serious and she pulled away from him and back to the edge of the bed her eyes once again on the floor.

"I know I know, it's not my fault but where do I go from here? I find myself wallowing in this dad, to the point that I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breath."

"Red, you're allowed to be that way, for awhile you need time to be angry, sad all of those things you need them. But in the end you have to use them, use them to make sure those things don't happen to others." Grabbing the rifle next to them he pointed towards the door.

"As far as where we go from here; I think that's obvious, we both need to put a bullet in something."

She half smiled. "Yeah I think I could handle that."

~~00o00~~

Jane stared at the messages from Kaidan and Nihlus. She groaned and tossed the data pad away having no idea what to tell either one of them.

"Red, Nihlus is messaging me you know. He says you haven't replied to him." Ganis lifted a brow plate at her and she rolled her eyes. "Dad, I don't really want to have that conversation unless it's in person."

"You don't have to have that conversation, just message him and tell him you're okay and home and that you don't know when you're headed to Earth and to the Alliance. Is that so hard? He has been your friend forever, he did ask me permission to make you his mate. I'd say that gives him the right to at least a, hey I'm alive message, don't you?"

"Ugh fine dad geez." She typed for a second on her data pad and poked send a little more roughly than she needed to. "There done. Happy?"

Ganis chuckled, teenagers, was he this moody back then?

"In all seriousness though do you still love Nihlus?"

Jane stared at him and nodded.

"Yeah I do dad, but it's not that simple anymore."

"Red Nihlus loves you he's not going to" Jane held up a finger at her father and he laughed.

"Don't shush me."

She grinned and hugged him. "I'll figure it out dad; I just don't know what to say over a damn message. By the way you wouldn't believe the hell I went through with Kaidan, humans don't understand the shush thing."

Life returned to some semblance of normalcy in the Vandrel house over the next few months. Jane and Ganis trained together once again and they were able to talk like they used to. Jane was at ease and was even talking about the military again. Ganis was happy for her even though that would mean letting her go again.

"Captain Anderson said I could join at seventeen with your permission of course." Ganis laughed.

"Of course you have my permission; I was going to let you join at fifteen."

"He thinks I'll make a good soldier."

"Well yeah, did you tell him that's because you were raised by me?"

She laughed. "No but if I ever see him again I will."

Jane's eyes found Ganis's and she frowned. "Will you be okay dad?"

"Are you kidding? Of course, this is me. Besides this time I'll know where you're at and you'll be able to write me. Maybe I'll take up painting or something."

Jane snorted and play punched her dad on the arm. "Yeah you'll take up painting when you can do it with a gun."

"Hey, that's not a bad idea Red."

She eyed him. "Hey you know what you should do."

Ganis stared up at the sky taking her hand in his as they walked towards the hill overlooking the colony.

"No what?"

"You should ask out that cute Asari doctor in the colony. I saw her when I was down there yesterday. Le'lani, we were talking and she asked me how my schooling was. I can't believe you actually told people I was sent to finishing school, what the hell is that about?"

Ganis's mandibles fluttered and she rolled her eyes.

"Seriously though dad, she's really cute."

"Listen here little girl, I don't need you setting me up."

"Dad, I just...don't want you to be alone."

He stopped on top of the hill and they looked out to the colony below them.

"Jane, I'm not alone. I have you, I know you'll be home when you can be, I keep myself busy. Sure it was hard when I didn't know where you were at but.."

"I want you to be happy dad, you gave up everything for me, and here I am thinking about leaving you again,"

Ganis held up a finger and shook his head at her.

"I am happy sweetheart. I always knew you'd be in the military, I knew you'd be gone. Never think I gave up anything because I think." He paused and traced a talon over the freckles and scars that now crossed her right cheek.

"That I gained more than I ever thought possible. I chose you Red and I like to think you chose me. That's something very special that not many people get the opportunity to have in their lifetime. No matter where in this galaxy you are, you're my Red and I'm your dad. But hey, I may take you up on asking the doctor out, she is pretty cute."

Jane laughed and spread out the blanket she had brought with them and then set out the things to drink and eat.

"So this is called a what?"

"It's a picnic I read about it in one of the books Kaidan gave me."

"I don't get it, what's the point?"

Jane shrugged "Well it's nice out here, we're talking and we're like nine clicks closer to the shooting range."

Ganis laughed and mussed her hair. "That a girl always thinking with your rifle."

~~00o00~~

Nihlus paused as he hit the buzzer, no answer. Shit, maybe he should have sent that message when he landed.

He hit the buzzer again and was just about to turn and head over to his old house when the door slid open.

"Nihlus? I didn't know you would be back this soon son."

Turning Nihlus sighed gratefully, glad that Ganis was home.

"Yes Sir, they are assigning me soon and gave me some leave before regular duty starts."

"Come on in, are you staying here?" Nihlus shook his head "I thought I'd just stay at the old house, mom never did sell it."

"No I insist you can have the spare room."

Nihlus looked around the house as he entered.

Ganis smiled as he watched him search for Jane. "She's not here. She's up at the range. She should be back soon. I was just about to run into town, and now that I know I'm cooking for the three of us I need to pick up some things. Feel free to toss your stuff in the room."

"Thank you Sir, I don't mean to be an inconvenience."

"You're not, you're family Nihlus." Ganis grinned at him.

"Thank you Sir, I wasn't sure if."

"Like I said she'll be back soon. Give her time."

"Yes Sir."

And with that Ganis was out the door.

Nihlus wandered to the back room and stored his things, making his way to the front room he paused at Janes door.

Her room hadn't changed much, little messier he thought as he chuckled to himself and went to sit on the couch.

He had to move the data pad before he sat down so it was already in his hand. He looked around making sure he was still alone and clicked it on realising it was Janes. It popped open to the messages screen. Nihlus paused for a moment, knowing full well he shouldn't he read it anyways.

The first were ones from him and he smiled that she at least had kept them, even if she had barely answered them.

Scrolling down there were a few from her dad, little reminders things like that. Scrolling again he saw a few from someone he didn't recognise. Tapping on one to open it he realised it was written in the Human language and he quickly hit the translate button on the bottom and skimmed the first letter.

Jane,

I've been thinking about you. Wondering how you're holding up after everything. Rahna no longer talks to me. No one seems to quite understand what I went through. You do though and well this letter helps me feel like I'm talking to maybe the one other person who knows why I can't sleep at night.

He closed this one and clicked the second.

Jane,

I'm not sure why I haven't heard from you, maybe you're having as hard of a time as I still am. I've traveled, thinking that maybe getting away from everything and everyone would help. I'm disappointed that you didn't come to Earth; I think you would be amazed by some of the things I'm getting to see. Though you probably live in an amazing place yourself; I'd like to see it one day, maybe meet your father, a person that raised someone like you would have to be an interesting guy. You know, something that our time taught me is that there aren't good races or species, there are just people, you know? Good and bad. I guess if there was something to come out of it that had to be it for me. I think I'm starting to ramble and I'm going out surfing. I'm in Australia, look it up on that map I showed you.

Take Care

Kaidan

Nihlus clicked off the data pad and put it aside. He sat in silence, was this why she hadn't written him back? Had she really moved on, to a human? Had he been right all that time ago? Was this better for her, should he just leave?

The thoughts were hitting him faster than he had time to form answers when he heard the door open and looked up right into Jane's green eyes, her hair was short he noted, and she was thin, she had never been very heavy but now she seemed taller more defined in the waist and hips and he felt his immediate want for her hit him and his other thoughts and doubts disappeared behind the cloud of his desire and need to hold her in his arms.

She must have read his mind because she reached her hand out to him; he took it and pulled her roughly to him resting his head on hers she sighed.

"I didn't know you were coming home this soon."

"I'm just on leave Jane, they are assigning me soon and I had to see you." He felt her nod

"Nihlus I."

"No, no talking just yet Jane, let me hold you."

The feeling of her soft body against his hard skin thrilled him and after a bit he began to nuzzle down her neck. He felt her go stiff in his arms and shove back from him.

"Don't."

He was shocked and quickly let go of her.

"What's wrong Jane?"

"Nothing, I just need to have a shower. Plus dad will be home soon." She spun and made for the shower.

"I'll be right out Nihlus."

He waited pacing about the room when Ganis spoke he almost jumped. The older Turian was still quiet and he bet still quite the shot, he was glad he wasn't sizing him up through his scope.

"Hello Sir."

"Hello yourself, Jane home? You seem...tense." Ganis narrowed his eyes at him. "You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just, Jane was, shit sir, I'm not sure I should have this conversation with you."

"You're right; it's most likely one you need to have with Jane."

"Is she okay sir? She seems..."

Ganis held up a finger. "Like you said, you need to talk to her, just.." Ganis gave him a look that said don't you dare hurt my daughter. "Go slow with her okay?"

After supper Nihlus asked Ganis if he could take Jane for a walk, Ganis nodded and the two set out.

The night was quiet as the two of them walked hand in hand out past the colony towards the hill and where they used to go watch the stars.

"So, can I ask where they sent you Jane?"

She nodded chewing on her lip.

"Yeah, I was on a space station called Jump Zero; it was in the Sol system. You know Earth, the human home planet. Though I didn't see it, I didn't see much of anything actually."

"Yeah your dad told me they kept you guys pretty much in the dark, no news in or out."

She flinched and he noticed right away.

"Jane." He pulled her to the ground and they lay back watching the stars above them in silence.

Time drifted by and Jane's hand reached out and grabbed Nihlus's Talon.

"It's really good to have you here Nihlus. I've missed you, more than you know." She fell silent again

"Jane, something happened I can feel it. You're right next to me, but you feel like you could be in another galaxy."

She shrugged. "I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying to."

Nihlus sat up.

"Jane." He pulled her to him resting his head on hers, his arms were around her and he was running his talons through her hair when he traced one from her ear down her neck and he felt her flinch and pull back. He sighed and set back from her a bit.

"Jane, I want to be with you I want to hold you love you." He grew quiet. "Are you in love with someone else?"

He could feel her body go stiff and she shook her head. "No, why would you ask that?"

"I just thought maybe you had found someone while you were away and that's why." His talon was playing with her ear again and she leaned into it, he felt so normal, safe, right. She was so at ease she didn't feel him pull her shirt to the side nor him lean in to nuzzle into the mark he had made, she did feel him gasp though as the white gashes on her skin shined in the moonlight.

"What the hell is that Jane? Spirits you've been marked, you took a mate? When? Where? I thought you were with humans? Do they do that?" Nihlus was on his feet in seconds and Jane was up with him trying to pull him back down.

"No, no Nihlus it's not like that I.."

"What is it then Jane? You're going to stand there and tell me there was nothing between you and that Kaidan?"

Jane knitted her brows together. "How do you know about Kaidan? And why would you think."

Before thinking about what he was saying he blurted out

"I saw his letters to you Jane, he obviously cares for you."

"You read my letters? Why would you do that Nihlus? As for Kaidan caring for me, it's not what you think. We.."

"I don't think I want to hear this Jane."

"Fuck you Nihlus you're going to hear this, you started it, you pushed and now here we are and you will listen."

Nihlus was taken aback at Jane's posture and the menace in her voice, she had never once yelled at him unless it was in training.

She shoved him to the ground and stripped off her shirt. Nihlus wanted to avert his eyes but they were drawn to the soft curves of her breasts but she turned before he forgot she was pissed at him, and he could see the glint of the moon off of the silver strands that he realised were scars crossing her back, she turned and he could see them now on the front of her as well. He had thought the ones on her face must have been from an accident during training or something but now that he saw them all over her he sucked in a breath.

"Jane, who did this to you?"

Her eyes flashed at him and she pulled her shirt back on and sat down to tell him.

By the end of her story Nihlus could barely breathe.

"I, spirits Jane, I'm so sorry my love. I should have, I can't believe what an ass I was being."

Her eyes were distant and her face was turned from him, he placed a talon under her chin and turned her face to his.

"Jane, don't think that I would hold any of that against you, I love you."

"Do you think this is possible? That you can love me when we're so far apart? Now that you know that I'm no longer."

Nihlus placed a talon over her lips and leaned forward.

"I love you Jane and nothing will ever change that."

~~00o00~~

Nihlus didn't sleep in his own room that week and Ganis pretended not to notice. Jane was sleeping through the night and that was good enough for him.

On his last night they laid together in the dark holding each other staring at the ceiling.

"Is this going to be possible? We might not be able to see one another for years. Are you sure?"

Nihlus nodded against her and she smiled.

"Well I know there are going to be challenges, but Jane; if you let me I'll love you forever."

She rolled over and kissed his mandible and ran her hands under the soft parts of his fringe causing little shots of electricity to shoot through him as she kneeled on either side of his waist and bent forward leaning her forehead against his.

"Only forever?"

~~00o00~~

Jane walked him to the shuttle the next day, as they held each other she smiled and gave him a shove towards the door.

"I'll find you Nihlus."

He laughed and pulled her towards him.

"Hell no, not if I find you first."


	9. Friends

The house was in upheaval, Ganis walked past Jane's door and was almost hit with flying debris. Ducking around the corner to avoid being hit he called for Jane amid the rubble that was once her room.

"I didn't know I would be avoiding fire when I woke up this morning. Can I ask what in the spirits you're doing?" Some clothes and a pair of boots were flung past his head and he ducked just in time to miss being hit in the face by Jane's data pad. It landed on the growing pile of clothes.

"Really that wasn't a rhetorical question Red, what the hell are you doing?"

"Oh hey dad, have you seen my pistol?"

"No, but I'm sure if you cleaned up this disaster you call a room you might find it under all this junk. When did you get so unorganised?"

She jumped up with something she had grabbed from under her bed and added it to the growing pile of weapons on her bed.

"Hah! Found it."

Ganis set the cup he had held to the side.

"What is the point of a weapons rack if you don't use it?"

Jane rolled her eyes walking towards the door to collect the clothes and various items tossed into the hall in her search.

"I do use it, I was just trying to pack and it must have gotten shoved under the bed on accident."

Ganis watched Jane sort through her clothes tossing some aside and folding others, the empty feeling in the pit of his stomach grew, she would be gone and he couldn't protect her again. His talons tapped against the side of the door as he thought.

"Hey Red, you know they are going to give you a uniform, and I doubt they will let you have all of your weapons during training."

She nodded not really looking up from the pile of stuff continuing to fold or toss things to the side.

"Yeah but Kaidan said there are lockers I can rent until basic is over."

He quietly watched her as she stopped folding and rubbed her temples.

"Are those headaches getting worse?"

She nodded and bit down on her lip.

"You're doing that thing with your lip Red; do you need me to get the pills Le'lani dropped off for you?"

Shaking her head no Jane continued on her mission of packing.

"This one's not so bad; Kaidan was telling me that he gets them too. Something to do with our implants I guess."

Ganis pulled his mandibles close to his face in a deep frown and tapped his talon again.

"So, you're meeting up with Kaidan when you get there?"

Jane hopped up from where she was sitting on the floor and brushed by him and into his room; clicking on the console in his room she pulled up a map.

"Yeah we're meeting here." she pointed at a city on the map and it zoomed in.

Ganis narrowed his eyes at the human city. "It's on the water, an ocean."

She grinned ear to ear. "Yeah, it's called Vancouver. I guess it's where Kaidan is from."

She folded her arms neatly over her chest quirking her head to one side staring at the map.

Ganis fidgeted at her side and she noticed instantly, considering he was normally very still, a sign of good Turian training.

"What is it dad?"

He shifted his weight again trying to find the words.

"So Red, don't be upset okay?"

"Right why would I be upset?" She watched her dad closely.

"Kaidan, I messaged him the other day, before you say anything I was just thanking him for, well everything."

Jane nodded but didn't say anything so he continued.

"I couldn't help but notice some of the messages he's sent you. I want you to be careful, he cares about you and well you wouldn't."

Jane shook her head and narrowed her eyes at him interrupting his train of thought.

"What is it with everyone and reading my messages? Dad, he and I went through a lot together that's it."

Ganis held up a hand as if to block her words.

"Right I know that Red, but I think he cares for you quite a bit. I'm just saying be careful not to lead him on."

Rolling her eyes again she sighed and clicked the console off.

"Yeah dad I'll be careful, but I think he has a thing for blondes and ones that aren't Turian in nature." She quirked an eyebrow at him and he chuckled.

"Well in that case anyone that doesn't see that my daughter is the biggest catch in the Galaxy isn't worth her time."

She laughed and threw her arms around him.  
"Okay now that our moment is over can you help me finish packing?"

Looking back towards her room Ganis's mandibles made a clicking sound.

"You want me to go into that warzone unarmed?"

They laughed together and walked back to her room.

~~00o00~~

They stood together at the shuttle, Ganis felt Jane's hand in his and looked down to see her holding his talon; he smiled and looked up to meet her eyes.

"Now, you make me proud little girl. I love you."

She squeezed his talon and reached up on her tippy toes kissing his mandible and his head settled against hers.

"I'll miss you dad, but this time I'll write you all the time. Oh and hey, I expect to hear that you've asked out a certain doctor."

Ganis shrugged and chuckled. Jane committed that laugh to memory and smiled.

"I'm serious dad."

"Alright alright I will, now you had better get on that shuttle you don't want to be late."

She nodded and grabbed her last bag tossing it on the shuttle turning she saluted him and his mind flicked back to the last time she left. This time there were no tears only a big smile as he saluted her back.

"I love you Jane Shepard." She had turned to board the shuttle and upon hearing his words spun back and ran to him throwing her arms around him and whispered.

"That's Jane Vandrel to you dad; and I love you too."

And with that she was gone from him again, he turned making his way back home. Upon entering the house he noted that she had made her bed before she left and he laughed. Walking to his room he noticed the light on his console was blinking opening it he saw a message from Jane.

Hey Dad!

I love you, and I wasn't joking about the doctor. Talk soon.

Red.

He laughed and felt a very real tear slide down his face.

~~00o00~~

The trip to Earth was uneventful and as they landed in Vancouver and Jane stepped off the shuttle the first thing she noticed was the air. It was damp and much colder than she was used to; she shivered and heard a laugh from the side of her.

"Really Jane, it's not that cold yet." It was Kaidan his hair was shorter than she remembered it and he looked rested. He was smiling and walked to her to grab her bags.

"Thought I'd meet you here and save you the trouble of trying to find your way around. As an afterthought I should have brought you a coat."

She shivered again as the damp air caught in her nose.

"I've never been somewhere so, wet."

He laughed again his eyes crinkled. "Well I forgot you were probably from a very warm planet. Let's get your stuff stowed and we'll find you some better clothes."

Jane looked down at what she was wearing, a tactical shirt, pants and boots.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing now? Well besides the obvious lack of a coat."

Kaidan shook his head and smiled again. "Well we don't report until the end of the week, until then I'm planning on showing you around. That means you'll need something that doesn't look like you're headed to formation."

Jane stared at her boots and shrugged. "Okay Kaidan, you'd know."

Kaidan took her bags and as they walked away he regarded her profile, some of the scars were still visible but she wasn't pale and her eyes had that light in them again from when he had first met her. Her hair was shoulder length and brushed behind her ear and she was smiling something he had not seen her do much back on Jump Zero.

They stopped in front of a car and Kaidan stacked all of her bags in the back. Jane was eyeing the door and Kaidan walked to her side and opened it for her.

"Hop in, my dad has a few apartments here, we're bunking in one of them downtown, amazing view of the bay. I was hoping it would be warmer today and I'd take you out swimming, but if it doesn't warm up the pool at the tower will have to do."

Jane scrunched her face up and ducked into the car. Kaidan watched her look about the interior of the car as he climbed into the driver seat.

"You okay Jane?"

She was biting her lip and she looked worried but Kaidan could only see that lip being bothered by her teeth and how red it was when she finally spoke. He had to shake his head and tear his eyes away from her lips to hear what she was saying.

"Pardon?"

"I said, would you laugh at me if I told you I'd never actually been in a car before? I've read about them though. Also I've never really gone swimming. We didn't really do that sort of thing in the colony I was from."

Kaidan stifled a laugh and nodded.

"Right you were too busy learning to pick people off with a single shot from two-thousand yards."

Jane smirked.

"Three-thousand yards, well not in combat of course but my best shot was three-thousand yards with my dads, well now my sniper-rifle."

Kaidan stared at her in disbelief before pulling out and heading towards his apartment.

"You're kidding right?"

She chuckled and stared out the window.

"I guess you'll just have to wait till marksmanship and I prove I'm the best shot on this planet too."

Kaidan pointed out at the bay and explained to her about the city and what part of North America they were in. She asked him about the sports she had read about while researching the city and he nodded explaining hockey and football.

Shaking her head she sighed.

"There is so much to learn I'm not sure I'll ever get it all."

"Well let's start by taking you shopping. Lots of girls like it."

~~00o00~~

Jane decided quickly as they were walking through the stores in what Kaidan told her was a mall that she was not one of those girls. There were more clothes in more colours than she could ever look at, not to mention it was crowded and she felt out of breath like everyone was too close to her.

She let Kaidan pick out a few outfits for her including a dress for dinner that she rolled her eyes at but had fit her really well Kaidan said. Kaidan grabbed her a good winter jacket and then helped her find shoes that fit, a few pairs of the runners she had never worn and a pair of heels that when she tried them on made her feel like she was going to topple over onto her face at any moment.

As they both climbed back into the car and headed back to the apartment to change for dinner Jane shook her head.

"Ugh, that was awful. How do you know what to pick out? There is so much of it."

"Eh, the girls known from magazines and the extranet; you're just not used to it. I'll take you again tomorrow I think you should pick out some more shirts maybe a couple of pairs of jeans for when we have weekend leave."

Jane bit her lip again and Kaidan was so distracted by it he didn't hear her whisper to the window.

"I'm not sure I want to get used to it."

~~00o00~~

After Jane had changed into the dress and heels that Kaidan had picked out for dinner she stood in front of the full length mirror in her room, which as she looked around she noted was almost bigger than her entire house back home. Turning her attention back towards the mirror she frowned and brushed her hair behind her ears. She felt ridiculous; her knees were showing and she hated it, trying to pull the dress down she sat at the console in her room and typed out two messages to her dad and Nihlus.

Dad,

Made it here, it's cold and wet. But really beautiful, wish you could see it. Kaidan has us staying at his dads place until we report at the end of the week. Haven't seen much yet; I'll write you more later.

Love you. Red

Nihlus,

Made it to Earth; no joke this part of it is really cold and wet. I wonder if it's always like this. Kaidan made me go shopping. I hated it but I guess my style of dress isn't okay for some Earth activities. I miss you; I hope you're keeping busy. I for one can't wait to get into basic training. Well besides the fact that it's cold not much to report.

I love you, talk to you soon.

Jane

Jane jumped up from where she was sitting and almost fell flat on her face as the heels caught on the carpet tossing her forward.

Catching her hand on the door she righted herself, then the dress cussing under her breath and pushed through the doors into the front sitting area.

It was a large room with a half circle of couches that faced the huge front windows that looked out on the bay. The view was enough to take her breath away. Walking to the window she stood looking out over the water, it looked so peaceful out there, she was deep in thought watching the sun set over the water that she didn't hear Kaidan enter the room nor the sharp intake of his breath.

Kaidan knew Jane was beautiful even in those dark days on jump zero. She had a different beauty she wasn't a blonde bombshell like some of the girls that he had dated. She was, strong confident and her beauty was deeper than the red hair that now shone before him in the dying rays of the setting sun. It was like a small halo of fire around her head and he cleared his throat trying to draw her eyes to his.

She turned to him her smile lighting the depths of those green eyes.

Kaidan was trying to form a thought into a sentence when she laughed and he realised she was looking at his clothes.

"What?"

"I've just never seen that look. It looks good on you. What is it?"

Kaidan did a half turn. "It's a suit though a bit different from the ones my father used to wear. They used to wear these ties.." He trailed off as he realised Jane had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'll show you pictures when we get back from dinner okay?"

"Yeah I'd love to see pictures."

He nodded and took a step closer to her. "I picked something up for you when we were at the mall. I thought it would match your eyes."

"What is it? Why did you do that? You don't have to get me anything."

She looked around him as he stepped behind her and clasped a simple single emerald around her neck then stepped back to the front of her regarding it.

"Yup I was right; it matches your eyes perfectly."

Jane fingered the necklace as it lay cold against her skin.

"They had matching earrings but I figured you didn't have yours pierced yet, we'll have to do that."

Jane scrunched her face at him not sure what that meant and not sure why he wanted her to do it so she shrugged.

"I uh, don't know what to say Kaidan, most of my presents in my life have always been some sort of firearm. But yeah this is nice, sure."

He watched as she turned back to the window and looked at it in the faint reflection and he realised she had no idea what the present was meant to show and he sighed.

"Come on Jane we're going to be late."

They sat in the resturant that over looked the bay talking. Kaidan ordered for her as she wasn't sure what to have, though she would have rather taken a shot in the dark Kaidan insisted. As the halibut parmesan was set in front of her she frowned.

"Well can't be much worse than the food at brain camp. Or lack thereof."

They both chuckled as a seafood alfredo was placed in front of him. As they sat eating she smiled at him and he realised that just seeing that smile was making his heart do little flips.

At one point she was telling him about her dad and how he used to try and cook new things that the Asari doctor had told him about and then she was reaching forward tasting his food.

A bit of the alfredo had clung to the corner of her mouth and without thinking Kaidan reached forward and brushed it away with his thumb. She laughed and almost snorted as she took a deep drink of water.

"I'm sorry you must think I have awful manners. I was raised by a guy you know and we didn't really have, what did you call it? Pasta?"

She settled back and he moved his hand back to beside his plate.

"No Jane your manners are fine. You know, it's really good to hear you laugh. Hey let me order you dessert they have a fantastic chocolate cake with raspberry sauce."

"Thanks Kaidan." He shook his head but she continued her words were almost lost on him as he watched the low light reflecting in her eyes.

"You're a really good friend and I appreciate everything you've done for me. All of this, I couldn't ask for a better welcome to earth."

Jane laid a hand on Kaidan's in what was a friendly gesture if you were a Turian but her touch sent a thrill through him at the thought that she understood his intent.

~~00o00~~

The second they were back through the door of the apartment Jane kicked her heels off and bent her foot trying to stretch it.

"Those things are awful; honestly I think you could use them as an effective interrogation device."

Kaidan watched her wiggle her toes and grinned.

"Hey remember how I asked you about dancing and music?"

Jane nodded "Sure, why?"

"Well tomorrow I'm taking you out to a club, we'll do some dancing I think you'd love it."

She was staring at her feet. "Do I have to wear these damn things?"

"No, here I'll show you what to wear for tomorrow."

Kaidan went to the closet where she had put the clothes he had picked out and he set a few aside and she frowned. She appreciated what he was trying to do but in a weird way it made her feel small, like a child, and even when she was a child her dad had always let her pick what to wear, not that there was a lot to choose from but still.

"Thanks Kaidan, I'm pretty tired. See you tomorrow okay?"

"Yeah sure thing Jane sleep well okay, I'm just down the hall if you need me."

He took her hand and squeezed it his thumb drifted over her knuckles.

She smiled at what she took as a friendly gesture and closed the door behind him as he walked away.

~~00o00~~

Before they headed out to the club Jane clicked on the console in her room and smiled as she read the messages from her dad and Nihlus.

Sweetheart,

So happy that you made it to Earth, I've heard that there are some very cold places there, including in the north part where you are, I'm reading more about it, just want to know all the things you're doing. Maybe I'll be able to come to Earth for your graduation from basic? I'd like that, if they'd let me go.

Headed down to the colony for a bit, no don't jump to conclusions. More on that later though. Love you soldier, carry on.

Dad

Grinning she closed it and clicked open the message from Nihlus.

Jane,

I think you look fantastic no matter what you wear. Maybe humans don't realise that it's not what you wear that's important; I bet most of them haven't seen how you can handle a weapon. Take em out and show them that shot of yours, bet that would shut most of them up.

Yeah really busy, had a few issues with a commanding officer. Mission was going wrong I took the initiative saved the mission but I guess it wasn't looked on like that. Oh well, talked to your dad he said you packed my rifle as well as yours. I was going back for that you know. Now I'm going to have to find you to get it. Guess I might have to come to earth and sweep it and you off your feet. Wonder if that would start an interstellar incident. For some reason the thought amuses me greatly.

Love you Jane, give em hell.

Nihlus

The letters gave her energy and she dashed off towards the door where Kaidan was waiting.

The club was loud; Jane couldn't believe people were actually trying to carry on conversations at the small corner booths that surrounded the dance floor.

Kaidan was talking to her but she couldn't make out what he was saying. He led her to the corner table there were others and he leaned forward joking with them he removed her coat and dropped it on the seat of the table. He introduced her to the group stating that they were new recruits as well. She noticed more than one of the guys eyeing the low-cut strapless black top that Kaidan had picked and she desperately wished she was back in her old clothes. Kaidan ordered drinks around the table and then before she knew what was happening he was leading her out towards the mass of people in the middle of the room.

Jane resisted at first pulling back on his hand, he smile and nodded towards the dance floor.

"Trust me."

Allowing him to pull her through the mass of people Kaidan began dancing and she stood still watching him and the others in the room, she felt silly just standing there but the crowd was causing her to panic it was dark and much too close.

Kaidan saw the look of panic cross her face and he pulled her closer to him.

"Just move with me Jane, don't think about anything but us and tonight and now. Let the beat move through you and tell you how to move."

She laughed and closed her eyes trying to listen to the rhythms.

She opened her eyes and looked around, there were others dancing like this and she shrugged trying to copy them.

They moved together until Jane was sweaty and laughing he pulled her back to the table and they dropped down on the bench.

Jane was still laughing hard enough it almost became a giggle.

"Okay Kaidan, I'll give you this one, its fun. I'm terrible at it but it was fun."

She took a long drink and set the glass aside. "Though your liquor is much weaker here."

Before she could finish the thought Kaidan pulled her closer to him and kissed her softly. Jane's first thought was that human lips felt so weird and why was he doing this, she pushed back from him.

"Yeah, I'm not really used to the kissing thing Kaidan. I'm your friend too but I'm not really comfortable with that. I see others doing it but can we just stick to this?" She laid her hand on top of his and he frowned.

Shit he thought, she thought they were just friends, she didn't understand. What the hell was he going to do now?

"How do Turians show they care for each other, you know like a girlfriend boyfriend?"

She giggled and pointed towards his head.

"Strong affection is shown by leaning the foreheads against each other, it's to share scent. I don't really have those scent glands but to other Turians they can tell who you feel is closest to you. Mates mark each other with bites to the neck and sometimes back. Also there are places by the mandibles and fringe that are used for uh," She blushed. "Relationship purposes." She laughed with a little snort and finished her drink.

"Why?" She yelled a little too loudly.

"No reason just wondering." His eyes dropped to her shoulder and the scars he had seen there but thought nothing of until then.

Jane followed his gaze and shook her head her eyes growing dark.

"No, that's not what those are, those are something completely opposite.

Before he could smooth over the entire situation; a girl on the far side of the table leaned forward talking to Jane.

"You and Alenko huh? Nice catch."

Confusion etched Jane's face until she looked up to Kaidan's shocked look and then the realisation hit her.

Shit thought Kaidan, now it's awkward.

They finished and drove back to the apartment in silence. Once inside Jane finally spoke.

"Kaidan, I'm sorry I didn't mean to." She trailed off but Kaidan remained silent.

"You're my friend but I can't, I have a, as you say I have a boyfriend."

Kaidan nodded numbly.

"Right, who is he?"

She shrugged.

"He's in the military."

Kaidan frowned. "He's Turian in the military and you'll never get to see him. Jane.." Kaidan took her hand.

"Jane, I'm right here, I care about you more than I thought possible. But if you need me to be your friend then I don't want to lose that, it will be enough to be your best friend."

She smiled and his heart flipped painfully in his chest.

"Thanks for understanding Kaidan, tonight was fun, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow." She gave his hand a final squeeze and walked towards her room.

Kaidan watched as she closed her door and made his way to his own room. Shit he thought because he knew just being her friend wasn't going to be enough.


	10. Basics

On the day before they were to report to basic, Kaidan found himself up early. Knowing that Jane was always up early he made his way to her room to see if she wanted coffee or if she wanted to head out for breakfast. Finding her room empty he glanced back to the front room to see if he had missed her. Finding it also empty he walked towards the kitchen. The thick carpet muted his footsteps on his way down the open hallway towards the dining room. Jane's back was to him and she was leaning over the sink, her thick red hair was messy and she was still in the tank top and sweats she must have worn to bed.

Kaidan stood quietly watching her and he had a flash of a young child with dark hair and bright green eyes running out to them some early morning before school. The vision if you could call it that came unbidden and it caused him to smile but it quickly faded. She didn't want him, so why when he knew that did he want to be with her so badly?

As he stood there arguing with himself his eyes were drawn to where Jane's hands were gripping the counter. Her knuckles were white and he realized her eyes were closed and her face echoed a pain he knew all too well.

"Jane." He kept his voice soft as he walked up behind her placing a hand on the small of her back.

"Headache?"  
She nodded and looked like she was about to be sick.

Kaidan quickly took her hand and lead her back towards the front room. Sitting her down on the couch he turned and quickly turned off all the lights, ran to the bathroom grabbed a cold cloth and his bottle of migraine meds, by the time he made it back to her she was leaning forward her head resting in her hands.

"Take these for me Jane and then lay down." Swallowing the pills he handed her she groaned as she pulled her legs up on the couch.

Sitting next to her he helped her scoot up and laid her head in his lap. Placing the cold cloth on her head he moved his fingers to her temples and began to message them in slow small circles.

"Close your eyes Jane, try to sleep the pills will help."

Jane closed her eyes, the combination of whatever Kaidan had given her plus his slow massage of her temples caused Jane to finally relax, stop clenching her jaw and sleep found her.

Jane opened her eyes and realized the sun was low in the sky over the water. She must have slept all day. She was on her side and realized Kaidan was still there, he was asleep leaning back against the couch. There was soft music playing in the background but it sounded much different than the music she had heard thus far in her time on Earth. Her headache was gone though she still felt hazy like her head was much too light on her shoulders.

Her movement caused Kaidan to stir and his hand came down and stroked her hair once before he placed it on the back of the couch.

"Hey Jane, how are you feeling?"

His eyes were searching hers and he looked worried. She smiled and pushed herself up so she was sitting next to him.

"A lot better, I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here, that's the worst one I've ever had."

"Yeah, I've had a few killers, but if we only get migraines we're the lucky ones. There have been a lot more issues beyond that. You'll let me know if you get anything besides headaches, things like numbness in your hands or feet."

Jane nodded once and smiled looking around.

"Where is that music coming from? It sounds different than what I've heard before. What is it?"

"It's old Classical music, Beethoven. My father is really into the old, old classics. It'll be good for you to read up on. I can turn it off if it's bothering you."

Jane reached out as Kaidan's omni tool glowed to life and she rested her hand on his.

"No please don't, I like it."

Jane was quiet for a moment and let the music float gently through the room. It was so different than the demanding pounding beats of the club. This was gentle with striking sounds that flowed through you rather than slammed against you.

"I'm sorry I ruined our last day before basic."

"You didn't ruin anything Jane." Kaidans tone was soft.

"What do you say to staying in tonight? I'll have food brought up. We'll enjoy an evening of Classical music."

Jane glanced once towards her room. She wanted to go write her dad and Nihlus before her life wasn't her own for nine weeks of basic, then grad and probably another seven weeks before regular duty, but as she looked back towards Kaidan she found herself nodding.

"Yeah that sounds great."

~~00o00~~

Kaidan flopped down on the couch next to Jane in the common room. Jane was staring at her data pad and didn't look up when he sat so he nudged her slightly.

"Can you believe it's been six weeks? I'm so tired I could collapse. Word has it you're shooting for the distance record tomorrow. I'll be there can't wait to see that." Kaidan trailed off as Jane still didn't look up at him.

"Hey, you okay? Is it your dad?"

"No, spirits no." Clicking off the data pad she set it aside.

"Don't worry about it." She waved her hand pushing his words away.

Before Kaidan could respond one of the guys from their platoon, Private Garvin jumped over the back of the couch landing on Jane's right.

"So did you two hear? They're holding a ball for Admiral Hackett. He's coming to inspect the base and I guess it's his birthday."

Jane and Kaidan stared at him blankly as he paused.

"Really nothing?" He sighed" Which means they are inviting all the recruits. Geez you two. Better get those dress blues ready. And I've gotta find a date." He was eyeing Jane but when he looked up he caught a look from Alenko that he took as a solid warning.

"Anyways thought you two should know. Twenty till lights out." He pretended to stretch and jumped up.

Jane groaned and sunk lower on the couch.

Kaidan chuckled knowing what she was thinking.

"Don't worry, you've got me remember, just follow my lead and it'll be fine."

Jane grinned up at him. "Dunno what I'd do without you."

Kaidan's heart did that familiar flip.

"Oh you know you'd probably fall on your face."

She smacked him on the arm but she was still smiling.

"Yeah I might do that anyways."

~~00o00~~

The air was still, perfect she thought. The humidity was high though and she adjusted again, Jane could hear the man on her left and his breathing was hurried she imagined she could hear the beat of his heart she knew it would be pounding in his ears. His blood pressure would rise and his hands would shake ever so slightly.

Jane slowed her breathing; she brought herself back to the days when her dad would lay next to her on the ground talking her through the shot. She saw her bullet hit the target in her mind and squeezed the trigger. She heard as well as saw her shot hit and she immediately chambered another round as the crowd behind her cheered.

Kaidan was about to go to her side when one of the men in their platoon stepped forward and shouted to those gathered.

"D-company would like to announce that one Private Shepard is now the all time long distance sharpshooter record holder. Can I get a Oorah?"

This was answered with a resounding "Oorah!" from those gathered.

Jane stood firmly at attention as she was congratulated by their drill sergeant.

Kaidan stood back as Jane was surrounded by people. She was laughing and Garvin leaned into her whispered something and he watched as she turned almost the same color as her hair. She shook her head and averted her eyes from him. When she turned from the group to collect her rifle she stopped next to Kaidan and elbowed him.

"See, I told you."

Kaidan laughed "Yeah you did, and you were right. You're one hell of a shot Jane. Hey. Uh so what did Garvin say to you?"

Jane blushed again and Kaidan had to fight the urge to brush his fingers across her cheek.

"Nothing, seriously you don't want to know."

"That bad huh?"

"Yeah who knew that the way to a guy's heart would be through a sniper rifle?" She quirked an eyebrow and Kaidan laughed.

"I'm not sure you made that joke on purpose. Really I mean who knew you to have a sense of humor?"

"Yeah you must be rubbing off on me Kaidan. Hey come on let's go we've got a run to get in before chow."

They made for the track but within a few steps Kaidan stopped. "Hey wait, I'm not funny."

Jane grinned but didn't stop. "Yeah I know."

Jane had only made it a few more steps when one of the young recruits barely seventeen if Kaidan remembered right jogged to a halt before Jane and gave her a sloppy salute. Jane seemed confused and Kaidan had to stifle a laugh. She was getting quite the fan club.

"Shepard Ma'am? I've heard they are going to let you choose people for the sniper team for competitions I would like to be considered Ma'am."

Jane nodded and stepped forward. "First you don't need to salute me; I'm just a recruit like you. But if you are going to salute don't let them see you do it like that. Follow me, arm straight and remember longest way up, shortest way down." Jane snapped him a perfect salute and he returned it standing at attention.

"Very good, what's your name?"

"Private Adams Ma'am."

"Okay then Adams, come to the range next week there is a posting. We'll see what you've got."

He ran off and Kaidan finally chuckled.

"You're something else Jane."

She elbowed him again and nodded towards the track.

"I think you're getting chubby Alenko. Extra laps now, let's go." He groaned but didn't actually feel it, he loved that she spent all of her free time with him even if that meant running. He watched her jog off her pony tail swaying behind her. He shook his head at himself and jogged after her.

~~00o00~~

The day after Jane's record-breaking shot a general assembly was called for the entire base. Not only was Jane recognised, they were informed of the impending arrival of Admiral Hackett. Their Drill Sergeant paced the front of the room back and forth. Kaidan's head was killing him and the shouts from the Sergeant weren't helping.

"Listen up; just because you've been invited to a fancy party does not mean you're not still service men and women of the Alliance. You will be in dress blues and you will be on your best behavior. Not only is the top brass going to be present but ambassadors from all over. That means you will need to make sure your translators are in at all damn times. I don't want you insulting the Turian primarch because you didn't understand him. Also there will be no drinking. This is not weekend leave this is a military function. There will be alcohol there but if I see any of you drinking it you will be scrubbing the biffy with a toothbrush. Am I understood?"

The room responded with a "Yes Drill Sergeant."

"Very good; dismissed."

~~00o00~~

They day of the ball brought a lot of excitement to the barracks. Kaidan noticed that all the women were lined up to get a shot at the washroom. All that is except Jane, he found her in the common room already dressed in her blues, hair pulled back into a bun; she was fiddling with the set of dog tags that rested, next to hers and he noticed with a slight hint of satisfaction the necklace he had given her was now being tucked under her shirt with them.

"You look fantastic Jane." He watched as a blush crept up to her hairline and his heart flipped.

"Yeah well at least you can't see my knees, I hate my knees."

"I don't know why Jane you have great knees."

She rolled her eyes at him and gave him the once over.

"Don't you look handsome Alenko. Shame to waste this on me; we should have gotten you a real date."

Kaidan wanted to tell her that every other woman here paled in comparison but instead he just shrugged and offered her his arm and whispered.

"Yes, but then who would keep you from falling and ruining your blues?"

Laughing she pinched the inside of his arm.

"You make a good point."

The reception hall was packed with people being introduced before the supper, the dancing to be held after.

Jane caught sight of Captain Anderson and she and Kaidan saluted him as he stopped in front of them.

"Well Shepard, Alenko. It's good to see you both here. I've heard good things about the two of you." Anderson looked from Jane to Kaidan and to where their arms were linked.

"Very good things; I'm sorry I have to keep this short but the Admiral will be here soon. I will be on base for a few weeks after this; I hope to be able to talk to you both very soon."

They watched Captain Anderson walk away just as Private Garvin pulled his date over with him stoping next to them and flashed a bottle of something, which Jane was pretty sure, was liquor.

"So, its punch spiking time. Alenko block me."

"This is not high school Garvin. It's not like you're going to just get detention." Kaidan's whisper was soft but harsh.

Garvin's date side-stepped next to Kaidan and winked at him.

"Oh come on cutie, don't be like that." She licked her lips at him, he sighed hissing at Garvin. "She's already drunk; it's not even past supper yet. How do you plan to get her through that, let alone the ball?"

"You worry too much Alenko, lighten up besides I can always trade my drunk one for your sober one." He made a grab towards Jane and she caught his arm.

"I suggest Garvin that you take your date and make an excuse to one of our commanding officers that she isn't feeling well and remove yourself before one or all of us end up on biffy duty for a month. Don't you?" She bent his wrist ever so slightly and he winced nodding.

"Fuck yeah whatever. Guess what they say about you is true." As they walked away she heard him mutter "Fucking Turians."

Kaidan flinched and took a step to go after him but Jane laid a hand on his arm halting him.

"Leave it."

"How do people know Jane? I thought it was all sealed."

"Yeah well some things get out, I'm not worried about it Kaidan, it's what I am."

He paused but he realised she was right, it's kind of what he loved about her. That she was different that everything was new and awkward for her. That she was so beautiful without knowing it, because she grew up somewhere where she was the outsider. His inner conversation caught him off guard and he repeated it. That's what he _loved _about her. Shit.

After supper was served they were all shown to the ball room, they stood around the edge of the dance floor as a few announcements and congratulations were given out to the Admiral as well as his cake, they all sang happy birthday which much to Kaidan's amusement Jane didn't know. Yet another thing on his list of things that was adorable.

The room was elaborately decorated complete with orchestra much to Kaidan's delight and he pointed it out to Jane.

"That music you liked so much, well tonight I'll teach you to dance to it." He felt her flinch and he laughed.

"It's much different from the club. Trust me Jane."

The Admiral was first on the floor followed by various other top brass and officers. Once they were on the floor a few of the recruits joined them.

Kaidan took Jane's hand and led her to the floor. He placed her hand on his shoulder and his on her waist taking her other hand in his he leaned forward his forehead almost brushing with hers and she pulled back slightly.

"Trust me Jane, follow my lead."

She nodded and he felt her relax, she was light he noted as she followed him in her first waltz, her steps were not perfect and she hit his foot once or twice but she was graceful, it was a warriors grace, one that was ready to dive, dodge, jump or he thought with a smirk wait for hours unmoving just to pop a bullet into someone.

She was smiling and giggled once or twice when she stepped on his foot during the next dance which was more up tempo.

"Okay Jane, I'm going to spin you and dip you back don't worry I've got you."

He spun her and as his arm went around her waist he tilted her back and he felt her go stiff as a board.

Jane heard her own breath catch in her chest as she was dipped back and her vision was obscured by a very large red Turian with white marks she knew all too well and she knew that look on his face very well, he was annoyed. She sat up quickly and spun in Kaidan's arm.

"Nihlus? What are you."

Nihlus had her hand in his and pulled her out of Kaidans embrace and had his forehead against hers in one motion.

Jane closed her eyes; just the warmth from his skin was enough to make her heart melt.

"Really Nihlus what are you doing here?"

"I was invited here Jane, I'm with...a co-worker if you will."

Jane made to ask what he meant but his look told her not to ask.

"I was surprised to find you here dancing. It doesn't seem like your thing love."

Kaidan watched as Jane was pulled to the Turian, watched as he leaned his head against hers and now he was calling her love. His heart clinched.

"Oh this, it was Kaidan's idea." Stepping to the side she pulled Kaidan over to her.

"Nihlus this is Kaidan Alenko, Kaidan this is Nihlus Kryik."

Nihlus took Kaidan's hand and although his tone was friendly and light the look in his eye needed no translation.

"I've heard a lot about you Kaidan, thank you for what you did." That's what he said, but the look was the same one Kaidan gave to men lurking around Jane, it said. _Don't touch what isn't yours._

In the next instant Kaidan was forgotten as Jane walked away with Nihlus towards the far side of the room. He noticed that he wasn't the only one watching them; they had drawn the attention of most of their platoon as well as the others. He read the unasked question on their faces as they looked from him to Jane. Most of them realising the rumour they had heard about her was true.

Jane and Nihlus stood talking a few feet apart after their first embrace, they had both not been thinking and now trying to make it seem as though they were just having a casual conversation almost seemed forced.

"How long are you here for?"

"Just the ball Jane, our ship is here we're leaving right after. We're just here diplomatically. Requested of my, co-worker specifically by Hackett."

She nodded but her face was set in a deep frown.

"I'm sorry Jane." He glanced around them and then lifted her chin with a gloved talon.

"I love you, I've missed you. I'm sorry I don't write back to you more often, I... well it's complicated Jane." He cast a glance over his shoulder and she saw a grey Turian by the door watching him.

"I'll explain at some point, I've got to go. Write me, even if I don't get to write you back please write love."

And with that he turned and made his way to the other Turian and they joined the circle with Captain Anderson and Admiral Hackett.

Kaidan watched from the side as Jane's face went blank. Stepping up behind her he laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey Jane, what do you say we head out. I feel a headache coming on." She nodded

"Yeah thanks Kaidan we had better get you racked out before it hits hard."

She knew he was doing this for her and she was glad. She couldn't stand here having Nihlus that close and not be able to talk with him, be with him. She was confused and she hated that feeling.

As they left the room Kaidan felt Nihlus's eyes on him, he nodded towards the Turian and to his surprise he nodded back but the warning was still there.

"Duly noted sir." Kaidan mumbled as they walked out and towards the barracks.

~~00o00~~

Kaidan waited for Jane at breakfast but she didn't show. He was surprised but not truly concerned until she missed morning drills and their Sergeant came to him looking for her.

"Alenko where the hell is Shepard? She's not sick and she's not in her rack.

His heart felt like it was in his throat and his answer was hoarse. "I don't know Sir, permission to go look for her."

The Sergeant eyed him before nodding.

"Granted, you have twenty before I call it in and she's reported as AWOL."

"Yes Sir." Kaidan sprinted towards the barracks.

~~00o00~~

Jane had washed up just before hitting her rack the night of the ball. She was exiting the washroom when she felt a foot in her back. She hit the floor face down but before she could react she was knocked out cold.

When she awoke her head was killing her, she could feel the tape on her mouth and she realised she had a hood pulled over her head. Spirits she'd been black bagged.

She almost laughed, thinking it had been her platoon. Shit had they meant to knock her out like that? She was most certainly going to make them pay for this one.

She squirmed trying to free her wrists but realised the ties on them were done very well and they were cutting into her wrists; enough so that on her last pull she felt the trickle of blood down her hand.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there tied to the chair but she was pretty damn sure that it must be getting on towards morning. She hopped in the chair trying to move it.

"Don't Jane; you're just going to make this worse."

Jane froze, she knew that voice. Andy...

"Leading Alenko on like that, he was always fooled by you. I know what you are; they let the enemy into our own military. You showed everyone what I had told them was true last night with your _friend_. I've decided to do everyone a favor and finish what Vyrnnus started. You should suffer for what you did to us Jane. What you let him do."

Inside Jane's head she was screaming, needing, wanting to tell Andy how wrong he was about what she and Vyrnnus were that she hadn't put him up to those things that she had wanted to protect them. She knew at this point though he was far beyond listening to her.

He pulled the bag from her head and backhanded her in a single stroke.

"Come on Jane, we're going for a walk. I want you to tell them all what you did."

He took her to the yard, it was personal time and there were groups of platoons gathered just after morning drills talking and standing around, there was a game of basketball that ended as Jane was kicked to the ground.

Kaidan had been on his way out of the barracks to check the range when he saw them.

He saw Jane hit the ground, looking up he saw Andy standing over her screaming.

"Tell them Jane, tell them about Jump Zero, tell them what he did to us."

Jane sat up on her knees.

"Andy, listen to me I."

He backhanded her again and her head snapped to the side as she pulled herself to her feet.

Kaidan was almost there and as Jane saw him, before she could stop him he jumped in front of her and that's when the melee started. Jane and Kaidan's platoon were behind them instantly as was what must have been Andy's behind him. Fists, kicks and biotics were flying in what must have looked like a school yard brawl.

They heard yelling and the Sergeants were on them pulling people apart. They heard the guns load and they froze.

"All of you on your faces, hands behind your head. _Do it now!_"

Andy glared and screamed at them as they were all led to the brig. Jane felt bad for Andy, he hadn't come out of brain camp any better than them. This could have as easily been her or Kaidan screaming like a madman. They had all lost something on Jump Zero.

Some more than others.

~~00o00~~

Jane found herself with Kaidan in an office that was being used by Captain Anderson.

They stood at attention as Anderson stood staring out the window his back to them.

"I understand there was an argument." He turned to face them and nodded towards Jane.

"No, you don't need to tell me Shepard, Andy Smith was all too happy to inform me of what he believes happened. I'm sorry to the both of you, no, all of you for what happened on that station. We'll get Andy the help he needs, as for the two of you. I wasn't lying when I said I would be watching you and I have been. I've come to a decision, the two of you won't be attending grad in two weeks."

Jane felt the blood drain from her face.

"You had weekend leave coming up I believe. Take it and report to my office on Monday, do you understand me?"

"Sir, Yes Sir." They responded in unison.

"Very good, you're dismissed."

They both about-faced to leave the room.

"Oh and Alenko, Shepard. Make sure your things are packed when you report here on Monday."

They exited the room and Jane released the breath she had held and leaned against the wall, her head pounding.

Kaidan didn't let her wallow long, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hall.

"You heard Anderson, we're on leave. Let's get the hell outta here before they change their minds and toss us back in the brig."

~~00o00~~

**Note: There is more Boot Camp and training goodness to follow. Just a little more intense.**

**Thank you so much to those who have taken of their time to read my story, I'm so happy so many of you are enjoying it. Thank you for your reviews; as I am always nervous when posting a new chapter. I do enjoy your critiques and questions.**

**Thanks again.**

**^.^**


	11. Making It

Admiral Hackett was pacing the office being used by Captain Anderson. Anderson stood to the side of the desk waiting. Hackett spun and his hands hit the desk, as he leaned forward he punctuating his words to Anderson with a finger.

"I want them both in ICT training Anderson. I've signed their commissions now make it happen."

Anderson nodded. "Yes Sir but."

"No Anderson I don't care, the Alliance spent too much money on her. We lost her once given up for dead and then that complete screw up on Jump Zero almost cost us her life again." He paused and eyed the two dossiers on the desk.

"Alenko, good military family I agreed to this from the start. Is it for sure?"

Captain Anderson nodded once firmly. "I've seen them together; I made sure he was the one with her on Jump Zero. If it wasn't for him she would have most likely gone back to Randiv and stayed with Vandrel permanently. They were also at the ball together. I would assume..."

Hackett cut him off. "Yes but then we all saw how she and what was his name? Kryik? Well either way, how they acted towards each other. I won't have her genes wasted on a damn Turian. Did I mention the stake the Alliance has in her Anderson?"

"Yes Sir, of course Sir."

Hackett eyed him before pushing back off the desk clasping his hands behind his back.

"Well then make it happen Captain; send them to the Vila. A few years away from everything but him and intense training should seal it. I want her on lead, push her. I want to know she's everything we hoped for. We missed too much time in her training already."

"She was still trained sir, it wasn't a complete loss, and she's already one of the best snipers we've ever seen." Anderson clenched his jaw. It seemed wrong to be planning someone's life from behind a desk.

"The Alliance did not make her to just be a sniper; she was made to be an all around perfect soldier _with _biotics Captain. If she continues to refuse to use them." He paused staring Anderson down.

"Well just make sure she uses them."

"Yes Sir. Is that all Sir?"

Hackett turned to face the window. "No, put pressure on that Turian Spectre Saren Arterius to make sure she's separated from Kryik. I will not have this screwed up. Allow her contact with her _father _though. I don't want her running home. Is that understood?"

"Yes Sir it is."

~~00o00~~

_Dad,_

_Well things have been crazy here to say the least. I miss you and home more than I can say. Hey! I broke the all time long distance marksmanship record. You would have been proud. So for the reason I'm writing. I won't be attending graduation. I'm not actually sure where or what we're being sent to do. I'll let you know when I do. I'm sorry dad I was looking forward to seeing you and showing you Earth, well at least a bit of it._

_I love you dad talk soon okay?_

_Red_

_Hey you ask out the doc yet?_

She paused, her fingers hovered she wasn't sure how to start this letter.

_Nihlus,_

_I know it was weird at the ball. I don't know why you can't write me but I understand. Our lives aren't really our own right now. I get that. Know that I love you and just being able to see you that soon was amazing. I think of you often and I pray to the spirits that they watch your back when I can not._

_I love you._

_I'll write you again when I can. _

_Jane_

Jane clicked off the console and turned back to the bed and grabbed her bag. Dropping it in the front room she glanced around. Even though she hadn't been here long she was going to miss it. It really was beautiful.

"Kaidan you ready to go? If we want to grab food before we need to head out now."

She was facing the window watching the bay for the last time. Kaidan laid a hand on her shoulder and she leaned her head against it.

"You ready Kaidan?"

What he wanted to say was that as long as he was with her, he would walk through hell and back but instead settled for.

"Yeah Jane, I'm ready."

~~00o00~~

0800 found them standing at attention in front of Captain Anderson as he finished something he was typing out. Finally turning his eyes to them he nodded.

"You are being reassigned to the Vila Militar in Rio effective immediately. As this ICT training is for officers Admiral Hackett has seen fit to promote you both to Second-Lieutenants. I don't need to impress upon you how important this training is and how high of an honour this is. Once again not only myself but the Alliance expects big things from you. Grab your things and head out. Your new gear and classifications will be waiting for you. Dismissed."

Both Jane and Kaidan were so shocked they almost forgot to salute before they about-faced and left the office.

In the hall Jane's face broke into a grin as she was hugged by a shocked Kaidan.

"You believe this Jane? It's incredible I've read a bit about N-School. You know Captain Anderson is an N7. The fact that Admiral Hackett is sending us Jane, it's insane." He stopped mid sentence; he had said he'd walk through hell with her. Now it just might be about to happen.

Jane pulled herself back. "Come on we'd better go. This is one shuttle we don't want to miss."

~~00o00~~

As Jane soon found out Rio was situated on yet another coast. But this one was surrounded by thick forests, jungles Kaidan told her. They were taken straight to Vila Militar and just as quickly shown to the yard where formation and orientation were about to start for the new wave of officers joining.

They stood at attention with the group of about thirty others.

"I am Commander Davis and you are the finest officers the Alliance has to offer. At least that's what they tell me. We'll put that to the test. In your time here, you will be pushed to the limits of your endurance you will be tested in ways you could not imagine. When we leave this yard you will be broken into squads of four. That team is your family, you will eat, sleep, breath and train with these people. If for any reason you decide you can't continue, in keeping with tradition there is a bell in the yard which you can ring at any time to drop out. _If_ you are on a mission with your team you may not drop out, your team is your family and they will get you out and you will get them out. Then you can quit. If this is all understood I will break you into your teams and I will give you the bunk you will be staying in together."

Jane watched as Commander Davis went through the lines checking his omni-tool as he went separating them into the four man squads.

"Alenko, Shepard, Powell and Lambert you're in bunk C, grab your gear and settle in."

The group was quiet as they marched single file to their bunk. Inside were four beds with a small shower and head in the back. They each tossed their things on a bed. Powell was the first to speak.

"Oi, I'm Lieutenant James Powell; I'm your munitions and demolition man." Powell stood at about six feet with sandy blonde hair and the accent was hard for Kaidan to place. British but he couldn't pin point where.

The girl on the bed to Jane's left turned towards the group. "Lieutenant Deana Lambert, medical officer hopefully front lines medic someday." Kaidan gave her a quick once over, black hair blue eyes. Pretty, someone you wouldn't mind waking up to in a med bay. He smirked to himself that they should hand-pick doctors that way.

The two watched Jane expectantly, but Kaidan spoke first.

"Second-Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Biotic." Kaidan watched the eyebrows raise as they nodded and turned their attention back towards Jane. She cleared her throat; he knew she was always nervous with a new group. He didn't really blame her what with the things that had happened in the past.

"Second-Lieutenant Jane Shepard, Sniper...and Biotic." She had almost not added biotic but she knew she should just get that out-of-the-way now.

"Well two biotics in the same squad, interesting. Sniper huh? You must be good."

Powell was staring at Jane's back as she was turned unpacking her gear. Kaidan noted that Powell had taken a once over of Jane as well and felt his hand clinch. He sighed and turned to unpack. It's nothing he told himself, he had just gave the once over to the doctor. Same thing he tried to tell himself.

Jane shrugged as she stored her gear in the foot locker near the end of her bed.

"Yeah, you could say that." She finished and sat on the edge of her bed. "When are we supposed to report.." Jane was cut off as their door was kicked in.

"Out, march two abreast move, move." They were lead down the road in front of the bunks where the other squads were being collected much the same way.

Once they were all gathered Commander Davis shouted above them.

"Once I give you a command you will answer me with Oorah do you understand?"

"Oorah!" The group answered.

"Drop and give me push-ups you will count as a team. Do it."

"Oorah." At fifty the Commanders voice rang out again.

"Recover." They all stood at parade rest, no one faltered, they stood at the ready as he walked the lines inspecting each one for their breathing and then called out.

"Sit-ups Count as a team until you hear me call recover."

At sixty he called for them to recover again and walked the rows checking them again. Someone in the back coughed and Davis was in front of them in seconds.

"Are you having trouble breathing First-Lieutenant Miller?"

"No, Sir."

"Well then drop and give me twenty more."

She dropped and began the sit-ups. Commander Davis looked around at the rest of them still standing at recovery. "When one of your team is given an order you will follow. That is your teammate and you will share in each other's rewards as well as punishments. Hit the ground."

"Oorah." They hit the ground and as well did twenty more.

"Recover."

"As you've noticed this place is rather hilly. You will love those hills, you will march those hills, and you will live in those hills. Right now you're going to run those hills. If one of your team falls back you will fall back, no one is to be left back. If they want to quit they can quit when they get back. While they are out there they are your responsibility. You do _not _want to see what will happen to all of you if you leave someone back. Now move."

The run was short Jane thought only about four kilometers. But when they were back in the yard there were a few who she could tell were breathing harder than they should have been. But there was no break the Commander marched them right to the start of what looked to be the biggest obstacle course Jane had ever seen.

"This is the confidence course it will be run daily, you will not know when and your entire squad will be timed, if you leave someone to finish last and do not cross as a squad I will have you run it again. Now move!"

The first obstacle was a net rope wall, as they all climbed up and over as a squad they were in a good group and headed towards the mud flats, Jane waited as her squad hit their stomachs and started the crawl towards the end, the wire above them caught Lambert's uniform as they weren't in armor and caused her to become stuck. She pulled forward but was sinking into the mud quickly as she was struggling. Jane came up behind her unhooked her and pushed as Kaidan yelled for her to grab his leg and together they shoved out of the trench muddy but together.

The next was a hand over hand rope crawl which was situated over a pool. Jane thanked the spirits that Kaidan had given her a crash course in swimming all those weeks ago. Shepard, Alenko and Lambert made it off the rope, when they heard a splash behind them. Powell had dropped off the rope and hit the pool. Jane jumped into the pool and swam with Powell back to the other side once he was on the rope she talked him through crossing his ankles properly and then the smooth hand over hand motion until they dropped down on the other side together.

Commander Davis watched the squad his notes of the team were quickly adding up, his first report on Shepard and Alenko was due to Captain Anderson tonight.

As the squads finished together one by one they stood aching and more than one of them was sucking wind. Commander Davis ignored this and shouted.

"Showers, food, Racks. In that order, move it."

As they finished their meal and headed to their racks Jane felt at home. She didn't know why but this, just as it was with her dad, always felt right.

~~00o00~~

Each day found them up at 0400; they repeated the runs and obstacle course daily as promised. Hand to hand was daily as well as weapons and tactical driving.

Jane's driving was erratic and a little out of control Kaidan thought as they jumped out of the tactical land rover.

"That was fantastic." Jane said and then stopped at the look on her squads faces.

"Yeah so all for never letting Shepard drive again give me a Oorah." Powell's face was white as he tried to laugh.

"Oorah." Replied Lambert as she leaned against the side of the vehicle.

"Spirits it wasn't that bad." She glanced at Kaidan and he held up his hands.

"Hey I didn't say anything. But uhh maybe don't try to throw us out on every turn."

Jane rolled her eyes as Commander Davis strode over to them.

"Shepard how about you try to keep the land vehicle on the damn ground and not try to fly it."

"Oorah Sir."

"Good, now I want you to suit up, full packs and weapons and report to the yard with the rest of the squads."

That was their first night march alone, they were on a fifteen kilometer hike into the hills and it was quiet but it didn't last. They didn't have any of the training officers with them so the squads eventually broke into conversation.

"So Shepard, what's with you and Lieutenant Alenko? It looks pretty serious." Lambert smiled at Jane and she laughed.

"No, nothing like that. We've been friends for a long time. That's all."

"Really? Wow, I would have thought. No you know what never mind."

Kaidan bit his lip as he watched Powell's reaction to Jane's answer he wanted to groan but kept it to himself.

The group dropped back into silence as they finished their march. Back at the yard they were put through a round of jumping jacks, push-ups and up-downs before being dismissed back to their bunks.

"So do you think they're trying to kill us, my plates of meat are killin me." Complained Powell as he stripped off his armor back at the bunk.

Jane snorted and stared at him. "Your what?"

"You know plates of meat...feet. Oi, never mind."

Jane shrugged and continued her thought."I've got this feeling it's not even the half of it. Really this is just ramped up basic so far."

It was almost dawn and sleep was not an option at this point so the squad hit the showers and changed into new uniforms and made for the mess. As they were eating Powell was staring at Jane like he wanted to ask her something. Jane finally looked up met his eyes and nodded.

"What is it Powell?"

"Well, I've got to ask. I've heard, well shit I don't know how to say this but, your marksmanship your hand to hand people say you learned it in the Turian military. Is that true?"

His eyes were round as he stared at her.

Kaidan watched Jane for her reaction but she just chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment before laughing.

"No Powell, I wasn't in the Turian military." Jane paused and Kaidan could see Powell's face fall in disappointment. Then she smiled and added. "My Father was though."

This relit his expression and he leaned closer to her. "Then it's fucking true. You were raised by one. Oi, this is bloody brilliant. What was it like? Was he mean to you? You know because you're a human."

Jane lifted a finger and smiled cutting him off.

"It was a childhood besides training in all of this at a young age I'm sure it was much like anyone else's."

Kaidan laughed, she turned her eyes on him and smacked him playfully.

"Listen here Alenko."

Kaidan poked her in the side and rolled his eyes. "You know we don't get that kind of training until later. And I doubt any of us grew up on a colony outside of the Sol system during the first contact war. You're weird Shepard just admit it."

She smacked him again and they laughed continuing to shovel down their food.

Powell watched this exchange and shook his head; just friends his left foot.

~~00o00~~

Their days were getting longer twenty hour stretches in the middle of the jungle, being dropped off in the middle of nowhere with no food or water and expected to make it back to the vila as a group was easier said than done. In the next week they watched as four squads fell apart and were reformed with the remaining members.

Lambert had taken a nasty fall but they had gotten her out and back to the vila. She was okay but Jane wasn't so sure about her mental state she seemed to have gotten jumpy and second guessed every move they made. Jane watched her as they ate their first meal together since they had made it back. Lambert's eyes avoided her and she wasn't talking. Shit Jane thought, she had to hold this team together for another week and if Lambert cracked out there she was sure Powell wouldn't be far behind.

~~00o00~~

"Set up the scenario Commander."

Commander Davis stood before the image of Admiral Hackett.

"Permission to speak Sir."

"Granted Commander."

"It's only a week until I issue invites to come to N1 training. Don't you think we should wait until the squads are."

Hackett cut him off. "No I don't Commander, I want to know now. My operative is on the ground. I want you to set it up; you have your orders now do it. Send me word as soon as they're there."

"Sir yes sir."

"Hackett out."

Davis set his jaw and spun to address the squads.

~~00o00~~

"Your next deployment is immediate; gear up and head to the shuttles." As they had only been back to the vila for less than three hours you could imagine the silent groan and prayers that were being sent up as the squads grouped and made to leave.

"Shepard, grab your squad and report to my office in five."

With that the Commander left the field.

Shepard, Alenko, Powell and Lambert stood stiffly at attention in Commander Davis office.

"At ease."

They dropped to parade rest and he nodded.

"Shepard your team will not be heading out for a normal deployment. I think you noticed we had a team that didn't return today. Something has gone wrong they dropped off our trackers and their comms aren't working. I need your team to go in find what happened and get them out of there. You will be dropped at their last known location. You will be going in hot and if there is trouble you are to engage and get that squad out of there. Do you understand?"

"Oorah Commander."

"Shepard has lead. Move out."

~~00o00~~

As the shuttle landed Shepards squad found themselves in the thickest jungle they had ever encountered.

"Listen, I want eyes and ears open, keep your comms on if you see anything call it in. This was their last known position. Spread out in a perimeter look for anything that could tell us what direction they went." Jane scuffed her boot over what looked like had been a fire. What the hell would they have done building a fire.. It looked like someone had cleared the area and perhaps they had slept here, it was more than obvious to each and every one of them as they met back at the landing zone which direction they had gone.

"Shepard." Kaidan scuffed his boot over the same ashes she had.

"Doesn't this look a bit, off? Every one of us knows never to build a fire. We're on noise and light restriction out here. That's day one stuff."

Jane nodded.

"Oi, look here." Powell pointed off towards a stream. "It's obvious there was some sort of struggle Shepard and they headed off towards the stream. I'm going to agree with Alenko. Something is off. Do you think there was a fight in the squad? Someone went rogue?"

Jane was looking at what seemed like drag marks leading down the embankment towards the stream. Lambert was to her right looking down into the bushes. "Shepard, you need to see this."

Lambert's' breathing was heavy in her helmet as Jane stepped behind her. "That's a lot of blood Lambert."

She nodded. "Yes it is, I'm not sure whoever's this is could have made it, it's pretty dried but I'd say if we look closely those drag marks have blood in them."

"She's right Shepard." Powell walked back towards the group from the stream.

"Blood leads to the water and then follows it down stream."

"Well let's do this, Powell you've got Point."

They moved slowly down stream the light was waning early Jane noted, most likely due to how heavy the canopy was in this part of the jungle.

"Powell do you see that?" Jane could just make out a light to their right, as they made their way closer Powell nodded.

"Yeah, it looks like a building, small, looks like the door is on the other side, no visible window on this side. Orders?"

"Move slowly, find me a window."

"Roger that."

"Door on this side Shepard, window; I can see movement."

"Stay low."

Jane made her way up from the rear removed her sniper rifle.

"Let's have a look shall we. Alenko watch the door. Powell, watch our six, Lambert you're my spotter.

Jane adjusted her scope; she could make out three people against the far wall. Alliance military armor; the fourth as she adjusted slightly looking right was on the floor face down unmoving.

"I've got eyes on our missing squad. No sign of what they are doing yet. They don't seem to.." Jane froze. Kaidan didn't remove his rifle or his eyes from where they were trained on the door but he felt her flinch.

"What is it Shepard?"

"Turian's two of them and I'd swear.."

Jane's breathing returned to normal as she forced her heart to slow.

"I'd swear I know them."

"What?" Kaidan's voice was louder than he thought and she winced in her helmet.

"You don't need to yell Alenko."

Powell and Lambert were silent. Powell didn't turn from watching their backs but he asked.

"Well what are they doing?"

As Jane continued to watch the red Turian had his pistol drawn and was pointing towards the body that lay near them. Then as the Alliance officer shook his head he was pistol whipped and there was more yelling that Jane couldn't make out as he motioned again towards the body. This time when he shook his head the pistol was placed to his temple.

"The Turian has a gun. Alenko call in the shot."

"Commander Davis this is Second-Lieutenant Alenko. We have hostiles in sight they are threatening Alliance personnel they are Turian I repeat Turian. Shepard has the shot. Advise sir."

Back at base Commander Davis stood before the image of Hackett, Hackett nodded and Commander Davis called back.

"Take the shot."

As Kaidan called it in Jane searched the Turian's face she knew those marks. That was her colony. What in the bloody blue fuck was going on? Did she know them, had they turned merc? Her mind was racing but her hand was still steady as the call came back to take the shot.

She hesitated only a moment before she squeezed the trigger and the first Turian dropped. She had another round chambered as the second Turian spun towards the window and she fired dropping him as well. Jane could feel the pounding in her head starting. What the hell did she just do?

"Shots taken Sir confirming kills now."

Jane sounded calm but her mind was anything but.

Commander Davis nodded towards Hackett.

Hackett nodded. "Good get them out of there. I'd say they passed Commander, tell Shepard to stand her team down and we'll send in our own recovery team. Tell her not to ask questions just to get out of there and to the evac zone. We don't need her finding out her gun was loaded with blanks now do we?"

"No Sir."

"Commander Davis to Second-Lieutenant Shepard, stand down. I repeat stand down. Remove your team to the evac zone, we have a recovery team in position."

To her credit she didn't question and the Commander heard her call her team back. What he didn't know was that she didn't want to go into that building, she didn't want to find out if she had known them. It was better this way.

"Good job Shepard. When you get back to the Vila report for debriefing. Davis out."

~~00o00~~

"Excellent work commander. I suggest leave and then inviting Alenko and Shepard back for N1 training off planet. Hackett out."

~~00o00~~

"Captain Anderson, Shepard and Alenko have made it to N1 training. She can be trusted."

Anderson nodded. "She was able to do it then?"

"Yes, she truly has a snipers heart. Doesn't feel, just does the job. Now we just need her to do that with her biotics. But that will come in time. Now Anderson I trust you've taken care of our other Turian situation?"

"Yes Sir, I've spoken with Saren, he assured me he'd see to the situation."

"Excellent, Hackett out."

~~00o00~~

**Have a great Remembrance Day/Veteran's Day. Remember to take a moment to remember those who gave the best of themselves so we wouldn't have to.**

**^.^**


	12. Things Change

This part of the Citadel was always cold and Nihlus suppressed a shiver as Saren paced in front of where he was sitting.

"I said write it or I will write it for you." Saren stopped his eyes narrowed on Nihlus.

"I know you don't approve of us, but you said it was my business how I choose to ruin my life. We've been promised as mates since we were practically children. I won't write this." Nihlus shook his head as he stared at the blank message.

"Well it's not just your business anymore. Do you wish to become a Spectre?" Nihlus nodded and Saren's mandibles fluttered in a smirk. "As I said then, write it."

"I can't Sir; Jane is my mate it goes beyond a simple letter."

"No, it doesn't she's a human and not bound by our customs."

"Forgive me for saying so Sir, but Jane is as much a Turian as you or I."

Saren slammed his fist down on the table next to Nihlus.

"She is not; she is a human no matter how much you and Vandrel refuse to see it." Regaining his composure Saren stood back from the desk and folded his arms over his chest.

"I didn't want to do this Nihlus but you've left me no choice. Shepard's commanders have informed me they've already chosen her mate and it's not you. This is no longer your concern it goes far beyond you and I will not have you starting an incident with the humans over a woman."

Nihlus's face was drawn into a look of confusion.

"Humans arrange mates? Jane would never agree to that."

"Don't ask me what humans do; their ways are of no concern to me. I do know her commanders have informed me that she has agreed to this so write the damn letter Nihlus."

The look on Nihlus's face as he stared at the screen was one of pain and anger.

"Fine Sir, give me some time alone."

As his talons moved, he wrote to Jane for the first time in months, it was a lie and he knew as he finished the letter and hit send that he would never stop loving her. Even if she had moved on or was made to take a mate, he had said forever and he'd meant it. Some day when he was in control of his life he'd find her and find a way to fix what he'd just done.

~~00o00~~

The months since they got invited back for N1 training had gone quickly, they had been stuck on a Station used for Zero-G training that had reminded Jane and himself all too much of Jump Zero. They had made it though and they were looking forward to some time off before the next phase of training which would take place on planet, base jumps high level jumps from upper atmosphere as well as tactical training.

Kaidan watched Powell pull himself off the mats where he had landed during their spar. Rubbing his temples his eyes involuntarily found Jane. She and Lambert were on the treadmills on the far side of the gym, he smirked; they were finally back on a planet after being in zero-G training and what were they doing?

"Oi mate you wanna go again?" Powell followed Kaidan's eyes towards the girls on the far side and shook his head.

"Why don't you just ask her then?"

Kaidan blinked a few times clearing his vision and turned his attention back to Powell.

"Ask what?"

"Don't play dumb Alenko, ask the pretty girl out."

"It's not that simple."

"Sure it is, you go up to her and say I think you're pretty, I'm in love with you, I can't think of anything but you, would you have my children?" Powell finished this with a chuckle at the look Kaidan turned on him.

"Right, because that wouldn't get me shot. No I say it's not that simple because she has someone else...back home."

Powell nodded and then shrugged. "Right well we all have that someone back home. We're not home are we mate and we won't be for a very long time. Things change, make sure she knows how you feel or someone else will beat you to it eh."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes and Powell lifted his hands as if to block the daggers. "Oi mate I didn't say it would be me. I've got eyes on our pretty doc. But the point remains." He was cut off as Jane hopped off the treadmill and walked towards them.

"Kaidan, want to go a few rounds before chow? Powell you don't mind?"

"Who me? No course not, I can take a break from getting my ass kicked." Powell shot Kaidan a look as he walked towards Lambert touching his nose and Kaidan groaned.

"It's not that bad Kaidan, I'll go easy on you." Jane smiled at him and his heart melted.

~~00o00~~

"Jane you ready to head out? James says he's got a line on a nice club. We'll have some drinks do some dancing, relax for a night. What do you think?" Kaidan jumped off his bed digging around in his footlocker. Jane was quiet and he turned to her, her head was down and she was staring at her data pad. They hadn't been able to get messages on the station and she was probably catching up on messages from her dad and he thought with a frown Nihlus.

Jane shook her head she had reread this message countless times and still didn't understand. She felt numb as she read it again not really hearing Kaidan in the background.

_Jane,_

_I've been reassigned; I won't be able to write you again. Things really haven't worked out as we planned. I've heard about your officer training and I hope things keep going well for you and Kaidan. This is good-bye Jane. Take care of yourself. If I'm ever on Randiv I'll stop and check on your dad._

_Be happy with him Jane._

_Nihlus_

"Jane? Are you okay?" Her face was blank and she nodded closing the message she sat the data pad aside leaving the messages from her dad unopened.

"Yeah Kaidan, let's get out of here."

When they got to the club they found a booth, Powell and Lambert headed right for the dance floor but Jane slumped against the table and started ordering drinks. The tears she could feel burning her eyes were washed away as she pounded back her fifth shot. Kaidan watched quietly sipping his beer.

"Jane, are you okay? I've never seen you drink like this."

"Yup, I'm great, perfect, couldn't be better." She downed another shot and he leaned forward reaching out his hand for hers.

"Jane, I know you. What's wrong?" His voice was almost a yell as the music had become much louder.

"Nothing is wrong Kaidan. Leave me alone." The next three shots came one right after another and she leaned back against the booth her eyes closed.

"This is bullshit I'm getting out of here." She stood and promptly fell right back on the booth. She giggled and Kaidan rolled his eyes scooting out of his side and helped her walk back to their bunks. By the time he laid her down on her bunk she was still laughing almost uncontrollably.

"He left me Kaidan. I haven't even talked to him since the damn ball; I've just been writing him letters that hell I don't even know if he really read. And now he's left me." Kaidan watched as Jane's giggles stopped and tears rolled down her cheek.

"Jane." He sat on the edge of her bed and wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb. "Jane maybe it was a misunderstanding? Did you try writing him back, asking.." She shook her head and sniffed.

"No, he said he wouldn't be writing me anymore. Said this was good-bye" She rolled away from him and to her stomach.

Kaidan knew she was asleep by the even rise and fall of her back, as he moved from her bed to his he listened to the sound of her soft breathing before falling asleep himself.

The next morning Kaidan found Jane's bed empty and Powell and Lambert together on one bunk. He kicked Powell as he walked by.

"Oi, what was that for Alenko?" Powell's eyes were blood shot as he stared up at Kaidan.

"Better not get caught in bed with her." Kaidan nodded towards Lambert and Powell nodded.

"Right, right moving. Half expected to see you in the same position Alenko." He winked and nodded towards Jane's empty bunk. "But you were alone. Where'd she end up?"

Kaidan shook his head. "I don't know she had a lot to drink in a very short amount of time." He walked away leaving Powell to get dressed. He had said he didn't know where Jane was but he had lied, he was pretty damn sure where he'd find her.

Jane breathed out and squeezed the trigger the target fluttered and she reloaded.

"Seems drinking doesn't help your shot Jane."

She ignored him and adjusted her scope.

"Listen Jane, you can't just drink this into oblivion. You have to deal with it."

"I am dealing with it Alenko. Can't you tell?" She squeezed the trigger again and Kaidan watched as it hit the target, a perfect kill shot.

"God damn it Jane, I don't mean out here practicing a shot you'll never get to take. I mean talking about it, with.."

Kaidan was cut off as a runner stopped next to them and saluted.

"Jane Shepard, Kaidan Alenko. You're to report to the Commanders office immediately."

Saluting the runner turned and left the way he had come.

"Shit."

Jane was on her feet stowing her sniper rifle and Kaidan realized she was in full armour.

"Why are you dressed like that?"

Jane shrugged. "It feels better to practice this way."

Kaidan nodded. "Whatever, this conversation isn't over."

"I'd say it is Kaidan." She walked away from him and towards the office of Commander Davis.

~~00o00~~

"Commander Davis. Admiral Hackett on comm for you."

"This is Commander Davis go ahead Sir."

"I received your message Commander. The request for emergency leave for Shepard is granted, under one condition. She must take Alenko with her. I don't want her back on that planet without him is that understood Commander?"

"Yes Sir."

"Very good Commander; Hackett out."

~~00o00~~

Jane and Kaidan waited outside of the office as instructed until they were called in.

"Shepard." He glanced at her armour.

"Doing some training on your time off I see."

"Yes Sir."

"Well as good as that is perhaps you should check your messages more often. My office has been flooded in the last twenty-four hours with messages from a..." He paused looking down at the messages on his desk. "Right from a Le'lani? She's a doctor or something from your home colony. Apparently your father was hurt in some sort of raid by mercs. She's been trying to reach you. I informed her that you had been off planet for training and had just made it back into communication and I would inform you of the situation."

Jane's heart almost stopped. Her dad had been hurt?

"How long ago Sir?"

Davis looked down at the message again.

"I guess it was a few weeks back, says here he's still unresponsive in hospital. I've informed this doctor Le'lani that you will be given leave to go home. Take Alenko with you, I don't want you travelling alone. I'll have the rest of your squad on tactics training while you're gone." Davis glanced at the clock. If you move you can catch a shuttle in ten."

Jane saluted and was out of the office before being dismissed.

Kaidan hung back saluted and apologized.

"I'm sorry Sir she's been through a lot. Her dad means everything to her."

"I realize that Alenko, it's why you're being sent with her."

"Right sir, understood."

"Dismissed."

~~00o00~~

The trip to Randiv was long and Kaidan was pretty sure Jane was going to go crazy. She hadn't sat still since they left. She had been messaging Le'lani but she had been reluctant to tell her over a message so she was still in the dark about how bad his injuries were.

"Jane, sit down. We'll be there soon. I'm sure everything is going to be fine. Everything you've ever told me says that your dad is one tough son-of-a-bitch."

Jane didn't look at him and continued to pace.

"Jane are you listening to me?"

"huh? Oh yeah sure hanging on every word."

Kaidan rolled his eyes and leaned back watching her pace like a caged cat.

The shuttle that took them to the colony couldn't have gone fast enough for Jane if it was breaking the sound barrier and when they landed she was out the door before the engine was off.

Kaidan grabbed their bags as Jane was already walking down the road towards the small colony. The first thing Kaidan noticed was that it was hot; no wonder Jane was always cold. The second thing he noticed was the Turians, they were all staring at him, not her though it was like they were almost used to her presence and he took note of how she walked differently here and greeted each one by name if she knew it.

As she pushed through the front doors of the hospital an Asari jumped up from the behind the desk at the front.

"Jane! I would have come help you with your things if I would have know when.." She trailed off as she looked past Jane and to Kaidan.

"Where is my dad?"

"Back here Jane, he's still not awake but you can see him. He's stable he took a blast and a few shots to the chest. The wounds from the blast are healing but he's still unconscious. Who's this.."

Jane ignored the question and with a hiss of the back doors she was gone.

The Asari watched her go and then turned back to Kaidan who shrugged.

"Forgive her she's been a mess."

The Asari waved the words away and shook her head. "She's been like that her whole life, don't worry about it, she's very one minded and when it comes to Ganis well she'd walk over hot coals to be with him.

Kaidan nodded.

"I'm Kaidan Alenko you must be Le'lani her dads girlfriend?" He quirked a brow at her and she laughed.

"She told you she's been bugging him about that huh? Yeah he did finally ask me out. He's fantastic and I've loved Jane since I met her when she was a little girl." She paused looking at his uniform.

"Alenko, Ganis has mentioned you before." She motioned around them. "But what are you doing here?"

Kaidan's eyes went to the door that Jane had walked through. "I was asked to accompany her, like I said she's a mess."

"Right, I see. Come on drop your stuff and I'll get you something to drink we'll give Jane a few alone with her dad."

Kaidan dropped their bags and sat with Le'lani at a table in the front of the hospital she brought him what smelled like tea and nodded.

"It's human don't worry I won't poison you." She winked. "We only ever had to worry about that once with Red. After that she ate the same things as Ganis. I'm not sure she would have told you about that or not."

He shook his head. "No she didn't tell me the story but she still isn't really used to human food. And did you just call her Red?"

She smiled. "Yeah, Red it's what her dad calls her."

"I didn't know that, actually I don't know much of anything about any of this." He motioned around them.

"Well this is as good a time as any to learn. Did you know her dad found her when she was six? He gave up everything to be with her. They have a bond I've rarely ever seen in the galaxy and that's saying something. Even though he is unconscious his thoughts are on her. He calls for her, his only movements are when he calls for his "little Red"."

~~00o00~~

Jane walked slowly towards the bed where her dad was laying. She could see the rise and fall of his chest as she leaned down over him laying her head against his, her hand found his and locked firmly around his talon.

"Dad, dad I'm here. You're going to be fine, I'm here and I'm not leaving."

She let go of his talon long enough to pull a chair next to the bed and sat holding on to him until she heard the door behind her hiss open.

"Hey Jane you should eat something." Kaidan watched as she shook her head her eyes not leaving the Turian on the bed.

"I'm not leaving."

"Yeah I figured you'd say that so Le'lani made you something to eat. She said it's your favourite, I can't eat it and it smells weird but hey..." He sat the tray next to her and took a seat on the chair by the foot of the bed. He watched her in silence for a moment before leaning forward.

"So Red huh?" He chuckled as she turned narrowed eyes towards him.

"Great so she's started telling stories about me already?"

"Just a few, I didn't realize how much I didn't know though Jane, why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged and turned back to her dad.

"I don't know, figured we'd gone through enough together, you don't need the whole childhood abandonment issues story too." The silence dropped between them like a dead weight and she sighed.

"He's everything I have left Kaidan. If he, I don't know what I'd do." Her head dropped he wanted to tell her that she had him, that she would always have him. Instead he scooted his chair closer to her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't Jane, don't think about that, and don't put it out there. He'll be fine."

She nodded quietly and he dropped his hand letting the silence fall back around them.

~~00o00~~

It was the middle of the night on their third day there when Jane who was sleeping with her head on her dads bed, was awoken by talons drifting over her face connecting the freckles there. She sucked in a breath and sat up quickly searching his face his eyes were open and his mandibles were flared as far as they could be in a smile.

"Dad?"

"Hey Red, are you really here or is this another dream?"

"No, daddy I'm here. I'm here." She was up on the bed taking care not to bump him too badly and laid her head against his. He chuckled and his hands traced down her back.

"I'm glad you're here sweetheart. I didn't know if I'd ever see you again or if it would just be this dream again."

"I'm here." She repeated and he nodded.

"I love you sweetheart but you're going to have to move I can't breathe."

She laughed and sat back in the chair keeping a hold of his talon.

His other hand traced her face and he noted her rumpled uniform.

"You look like you've slept in that for days."

Jane nodded. "I couldn't leave you dad."

"I know sweetheart I know the feeling." He patted the bed next to him and she scooted up on the bed and laid down next to him her head on his chest.

She felt him ease into sleep and she spent the rest of the night listening to his breathing.

Kaidan had woken up to the light conversation but didn't move. He didn't want to ruin that moment by drawing attention to himself. He watched as Jane moved back up on the bed and curled up with her dad. He smiled and drifted back off to sleep.

The next morning Kaidan, Le'lani and Jane had breakfast with Ganis who was awake and sitting up as much as he could trying to eat for the first time.

Jane laughed as her dad kept eyeing Kaidan to her left.

"Oh I'm sorry dad I forgot, this is Kaidan, Kaidan this is Ganis my dad." She grinned and Ganis stuck out his hand.

"It's nice to meet you Kaidan, I thank you for bringing Jane."

"No problem Sir, it's been a pleasure to see where she's from."

Ganis chuckled and looked around.

"Well she wasn't from this hospital I'll tell you that, and I doubt she's shown you anything but this. Red, you should show him the house maybe take him up to the range and show him around. Le'lani says if I can keep this food down she'll let me go home tonight. No point in you two sitting around here."

Jane's face scrunched up in a look Kaidan had never seen before, was that a pout?

"Dad I want to stay here with.." Ganis held up a finger and Jane went silent, so that's where she had gotten that from. He smirked at least he knew now and he made a mental note to shut up when she did that.

"No buts Red go." She pushed the dishes away and nodded towards Kaidan.

"I guess we could use showers and drop our stuff at the house."

Ganis leveled a look at her that said _do as I say _and Jane sighed.

"Fine dad I'll do it."

She quirked her head towards the door and motioned for Kaidan to follow her.

"We'll be back tonight to help Le'lani dad and if she says you can't go home yet you listen to her okay?"

Ganis nodded and pointed towards the door.

~~00o00~~

As Jane climbed the hill outside of the colony towards her house with Kaidan behind her she avoided looking towards Nihlus's old house as she turned and opened the door leading into her home.

Kaidan looked around the small house, small but warm and he could just imagine Jane growing up here.

"My room is over here, you can have the back room next to my dad's." She motioned towards a room as she dropped her bag.

"Shower is through there." She pointed towards another room and he nodded.

The shower felt great on his tired muscles he had slept in a chair the past three nights and his back was not thanking him for it. As he tied a towel around his waist and stepped out of the washroom he bumped into Jane in the small hallway coming out of her room.

She tried to side step him and he tried to side step her and they went in the same direction.

Jane chuckled and her hands were on his chest, he could feel their warmth and before he could think he leaned downed and kissed her, softly at first and when she didn't pull back he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her firmly against him. His tongue ran over the bottom of her lip and to his surprise she opened her mouth to him.

She wasn't experienced in kissing and he felt her gasp as his tongue touched hers. She pulled back from him her breathing was ragged as was his. He wasn't able to hide his need under the simple towel but she wasn't paying attention just searching his eyes.

Jane had decided as his mouth met hers that she wanted this; she wanted to forget everything, she wanted to erase all the pain she had felt in the past weeks. Kaidan was always there for her, he cared for her. That life he had on Earth, she could be a part of that, that's what she was thinking as she searched his eyes. She grabbed him by the hand and led him to her room.

Kaidan closed the door behind them and had her in his arms again his mouth against hers teaching her how to kiss him. She mewed under his lips and he smiled pulling back from her lips and kissed along her chin towards her ear and whispered.

"Jane, are you." She raised a finger at him and for once he went quiet. Stepping back from him she removed her shirt and sat on the bed motioning for him to join her.

Kaidan knelt before her and removed her boots and then her pants leaving her in her bra and panties as he removed his towel and pushed her back gently on the bed.

He kissed her again but this time it was a hungry possessive kiss and she wrapped her arms around his neck her fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck. Moving down, his arms went around her and he tossed her bra away. He nuzzled her breast flicking his fingers over her nipple before gently taking the other in his mouth, sucking once she arched against him. Running his hands down her hips he slipped off her panties and traced a finger along her inner thigh. He felt her shudder as his fingers slipped over her, she was wet for him and he almost lost it. Pulling back from her he laid a hand flat on her belly and lowered his head to her.

"Kaidan don't I..."

But as his tongue flicked against her she lost track of her thoughts and moaned the sheets bunched in her left hand as her right hand found his head encouraging him on. Dipping a finger into her he stroked her slowly as his tongue found the little bundle of nerves and stroked he could feel her walls constricting around his finger and she gasped out his name.

Sitting up he nudged her legs to the side, his hands drifted over her face as he placed himself against her opening.

"Jane, I can't wait anymore."

Nodding she searched his eyes and hooked her ankles behind him and he slid himself to the hilt inside of her. He moaned with her and pulled her forward so she was sitting up on him. He kissed her and they began to move together. Her movements were becoming erratic and he knew she was close again. He kissed down her neck keeping up his pace in her and nibbled on her nipple causing her back to arch as she found her release. Kaidan was right behind her and yelled her name as he exploded within her.

Rolling to the side Kaidan took Jane into his arms. His thoughts were racing now that he could think. What had just happened? And a part of him was praying desperately. _Love me Jane, love me._

He kissed her nose and then each of her eyes in turn. She didn't look upset and that eased his mind if only a bit.

"Jane, I love you. I've loved you since Jump Zero, I just didn't know it then. Be with me Jane, let me love you."

He felt her flinch in his arms but after a moment she nodded.

He knew nothing in that moment but elation. He would be with her, take care of her, love her.

Jane lay with Kaidan's arms around her. She fought back the tears she felt.

Love hadn't worked out for her and as she watched Kaidan smiling at her, kissing her she bit her lip, maybe a relationship built on trust and respect could work. They fit together and he was always there for her, he had her back and had already saved her once.

Maybe he could save her again.

~~00o00~~

***Ducks* I know, really I do. But this is how it goes. **

**Thanks again for your time everyone. Don't hurt me.**

**^.^**


	13. The Lies We Live

"Jane?"

Jane sat up with a start at hearing her name.

"Jane, you home?" It was Le'lani, Jane glanced to her left, Kaidan was still sleeping and she ran a hand over her face; _damn it_. Hopping off the bed she grabbed her clothes and tossed on her shirt.

"Yeah I'm home just a second." Jane yelled.

"Don't worry if you were sleeping, I've got your dad I'll just take him to his room. We thought you were going to come back last night. You okay?"

Shit thought Jane, they had slept all night.

"Yeah uh I guess we were tired."

"We?" Ganis piped in and her room door slid open as she was stepping into her last boot. _Shit_.

Ganis stood with Le'lani in the doorway. His eyes were on Kaidan who was somehow still asleep.

Jane cleared her throat and her eyes met her dads.

"I can explain dad." She knew that look on his face. It had gone from confusion to disappointment in no time flat.

"Dad you shouldn't be standing. Let Le'lani get you laid down okay?"

"Red, my room in five."

Jane nodded and sighed. "Yes Sir."

As the door closed Kaidan rolled over and sat up. "Hey is everything alright?"

She was still staring at the door and nodded.

"Yeah, he doesn't know about Nihlus does he Jane?'

Jane shook her head but still didn't look at him.

"I grew up with Nihlus, he asked my dad permission to make me his mate when I was on Jump Zero. That means a lot to Turians. It's not really something you can just end."

She heard Kaidan shift on the bed.

"Jane are you saying you were married to Nihlus?"

"No Kaidan it's different, and it was never official but to my dad it was close enough. I need to go talk to him."

"What are you going to tell him Jane?" Kaidan was behind her now.

"I'm not sure. I'll tell him about Nihlus and he's already seen this." She covered her face with her hand.

"Jane, I love you we're together now. Do I need to talk to him?"

"Spirits no Kaidan, leave it don't push this with him, I'll talk to him."

He moved her hair to the side and kissed her neck.

"I love you Jane." She nodded stepping forward leaving the room. Kaidan stared after her and whispered to the closed door. "I love you enough for both of us."

~~00o00~~

Le'lani walked past Jane in the hall giving her a half-smile and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Red, get in here." Jane stuck her head in the room feeling like she was a kid all over again, she stood at attention in the doorway and waited. She heard her dad sigh.

"Sweetheart, come sit down."

Jane sat and took her dads talon in her hand. "How you feeling daddy?"

"Better Red, but that's not what I want to talk about." His eyes flicked towards her room and then back to her.

"Red I understand you've been under a lot of stress. What with your spec-op training and now me being hurt. But I'm not sure Nihlus would understand you.." He paused searching for the words. "You know, blowing off steam, with Kaidan. I know it's hard being away from him but he's your mate and that's a commit.."

Jane cut him off with a raised finger and he lifted a brow plate at her.

"Dad, we need to talk about that. You know it was never official between Nihlus and I and well, I guess he must have decided that he should find a nice Turian girl he can have children with." Jane's eyes filled with tears as she lowered her head.

"Red, don't say that, Nihlus would never."

"But he did dad, he left me, told me he wasn't going to write or anything and good-bye. I'd say he was pretty final."

Ganis lifted Jane's face and looked into the tear filled eyes. "But why Kaidan? If this is some sort of revenge or rebound you're going to hurt him."

"It's not like that dad, Kaidan loves me he's always there for me, has my back I'm going to."

"Do you love him?" Ganis cut her off and searched his little girl's eyes and saw the truth of it there.

"I don't think I can yet, but maybe..." Jane trailed off as Ganis shook his head.

"Sweetheart love isn't something you can just hope will come along. It's something you know and it takes your breath away. It's the way I felt from the first time I held you in my arms."

"I love you too dad."

"Don't do this Jane, if you don't love him you're both going to end up hurt."

"Dad, I need to do this. He's good to me, like I said he's always there. The whole in love breathless thing didn't really work out."

Ganis pulled her into his arms. Jane could hear his heart and closed her eyes listening to its steady rhythm and it soothed the ache in her own chest.

"Sweetheart, I understand you need to make your own choices and you're a very capable young woman. Just..be careful. I love you. Now let's talk about that long distance record you broke and tell me about your officer training. You're going to out rank your old man soon."

She smiled as he smoothed her hair back with his talons enjoying this time with him not knowing when she'd get the chance again.

~~00o00~~

**Two Years Later**

Commander Davis had been used to Admiral Hackett's presence but only over vid comm. Having him here in person was a very different matter.

"Status report on Shepard's squad Commander?"

"The entire squad has passed every exam every obstacle placed in their way Sir. I would say it's due directly to Lieutenant Shepard's leadership abilities."

"Very good Commander; as you know there are to be war games taking place. The Turian military is sending their best squads and I want three of our best N7 squads to meet them. Send Shepard's team."

"Sir, Shepard's team isn't N7 they haven't had real combat experience yet."

"I realize this Commander. It wasn't a request. You will send them and then you can send them to the front of whatever combat situation you want. This is a very important competition every high-ranking official from the Turian military will be there and Shepard's team has our best of the best does it not?"

"It does sir, as a squad they've broken nearly every N-class record." Commander Davis scanned his data pad as he spoke.

"Well then you just answered your own question Commander."

"Yes Sir, of course Sir I'll make it happen."

~~00o00~~

Jane scanned the tree line through her scope, the trees were thick on either side of a cleared field and neither team had dared make the advance. They had been out here three days. Each squad the Turian one they now faced and themselves had already taken out the other six teams and now it was just them.

"Damn it, they have a sniper over there Shepard."

"I realize that Powell what the hell do you think has us pinned down? He's good too, uses my style." Kaidan snorted.

"Quiet Alenko." She saw him blow her a kiss from where he was positioned down the line and she half smiled but chastised him anyways.

"Watch the line Lieutenant."

"Roger that Lieutenant but I can tell you what I'd rather be watching."

Lambert rolled her eyes and Powell coughed.

"Oi, if you two are done playin grab ass can we please figure out how to beat these guys? Seriously if we have to lie in the mud one more night or if they make it over here they have size on us and I'd swear I saw them take out that last team with two biotics in it, in like three seconds so we're gonna be in Barney if they make it over here."

Jane laughed. "We're going to be in what?"

Powell rolled his eyes, "Barney...Rubble...Trouble. Bloody hell it's like you people haven't listened to me in the past three sodding years."

The squad laughed but Jane knew that it wouldn't be funny soon. Powell was right, they had been out here too long in one position and someone was going to make a move. It needed to be them. She had to take out that sniper.

"Lambert, Alenko, Powell, I'm going to find cover a few hundred yards back, try to find a rise. I need you to lay down some distracting fire towards their sniper just enough so he can't see my direction. When you see the kill shot he won't drop as these are training rounds, if it's a kill shot his armour will flash red."

"Yeah Shepard we know." Lambert was getting impatient she was tired and cold and Shepard knew she was getting close to her breaking point and she had to keep them together.

"As I said, when you see the kill shot, Lambert suppressing fire; Kaidan take on their right flank, Powell on the left. They don't have a biotic so you're going to have to worry about riflemen and demo. Powell do your worst, Kaidan clean it up. If any of them make a break forward through the clearing I'll take em out. Now."

Jane moved back as soon as she saw the sniper drop down to avoid the fire from her line. She moved back through the trees until she found a slight rise and set up her shot. It was much farther from her first position. Her scope read almost three-thousand yards. She swallowed and slowed her breathing. This was much different than that training shot. The wind was blowing and he was moving; looking for her. As she sighted him through her scope she took note of his markings, Palaven. Figures she thought as she readjusted as he moved again. He hadn't found her yet and she needed to take the shot. She settled in waiting. He stopped moving, he wasn't looking for her anymore he was trained in on her squad, and she saw Lambert's head just above where it should have been.

"Lambert get your head.." The shot rang out and Lambert's armour lit up red.

"Shit Shepard, Lambert's down take the bloody shot." Powell lowered himself closer to the ground and Jane retrained on the sniper before her. She could hear Nihlus from that day long ago back home. "No fucking way Jane."

"Watch your mouth Nihlus." She mumbled under her breath exhaled and squeezed the trigger. From her scope she watched his armour flash red and the look of shock that spread across his face as he found her through his scope. She smiled and mouthed "Too late" to him in Turian. Yet another look of shock as she held up her hand in a Turian salute, if his mandibles could have fallen any father open Jane might have laughed instead she watched as Kaidan and Powell cleaned out the rest of his team. She covered the front but no one made it past the trees.

~~00o00~~

As they gathered on the field outside of the base Jane's team was surrounded by their own N7 squads as well as the Turian teams. She hadn't seen the sniper from the woods yet and she wondered if his team would show up.

"Ten-hut." The squads both Alliance and Turian snapped to attention as Admiral Hackett and General Victus took the field.

"Shepard I believe you know General Victus?" Admiral Hackett motioned to the Turian at his side and Jane saluted.

"How are you Jane? It's good to see your shot is as good as your fathers."

Jane smiled at the fact that Victus referred to Ganis as her dad.

"Thank you Sir." Jane saw Hackett narrow his eyes at the exchange between Victus and herself.

"Yes well congratulations are in order for your entire squad Shepard." Hackett punctuated her last name and she nodded.

"Yes Sir."

"There will be an awards ceremony tomorrow we'll see you all there. Carry on."

Jane watched as Hackett and Victus walked back towards the base and caught just part of their conversation.

"Best genes...Vandrel's training didn't hurt...super soldier."

Well she wouldn't call herself super. She smirked and Kaidan wrapped his arms around her from behind kissing her neck and she stepped away turned and kissed him quickly on the lips before taking another step back.

"Not here Kaidan."

He nodded. "I know Jane but I wanted to congratulate my girl on one hell of a shot. We lost Lambert but."

Jane shook her head. "Lambert should have had her head down; we're going to have to work on that. I had to make sure the shot would hit. If I would have missed it would have given away my position."

Kaidan nodded and then turned as Powell directed his attention to the pouting Lambert. Jane watched amused as they tried to comfort her.

The voice that spoke behind her almost caused Jane to jump and that was rare. It was Turian and the sound of his deep voice was almost soothing.

"That's a very Turian way of looking at the fact you lost a team member out there. You're right though if you would have missed that shot I would have found you. You did what you had to do."

Jane turned and she stood before the sniper from the woods. His grey skin almost seemed to have a blue ting to it but that could have been from his markings or the blue armour that he wore. He stood arms crossed his weight on his back leg. She knew that stance her dad got it when he was extremely impressed or extremely annoyed.

"So Shepard is it? Two questions, where did you get that sniper rifle? You know its Turian make."

Jane nodded and removed it from her back. "I do, it was my fathers."

"Acquired during the First Contact War no doubt." Jane shook her head.

"No but he might have used it during it." There was that shocked look again.

"Second question, where did you learn to shoot like that?"

She shrugged. "Same place, my father."

There was that damn look again.

"You know, you keep making that face, it's going to stick like that." Jane chuckled.

"Alright Shepard third question.." Jane raised a finger cutting him off and his mandibles went slack.

"Did you just hush me?"

She chuckled. "You said only two questions."

"One more, how about drinks, there is a place on base. What do you say to eighteen hundred?"

"Sure sounds good. But you're buying."

His mandibles spread in a smile. "Sure but if I'm buying I get to ask more questions."

"Alright fair enough, see you then."

~~00o00~~

Back at their temporary quarters Jane changed out of her armour and into her normal outfit of tactical pants, shirt and boots.

Kaidan was racked out already as one of their migraines had set in on him shortly after they left the field. Lamberts soft snores were a sign she was out as well and the glow of Powell's data pad let her know he was the only one still up.

"Hey Shep you gonna get some sleep? We had a rough few days."

"Nah, not yet I'm going to head out with some of the others and get a few drinks, relax, you want to come?"

"Ugh, no thanks my body is telling me to stay right here. Don't stay out too late eh? You need rest too no matter how much you think you can survive on coffee."

"Right thanks dad." Jane heard him chuckle as she left the room and made for the bar.

Jane realized as she entered the bar that she didn't even know his name. Taking a quick scan she watched him enter through the back door and she glanced at the time. They were both twenty minutes early. She met him half way and pointed to the time.

"Hurry up and wait huh?"

"Yeah that's normally the plan but since you seem to go by the same time I guess I don't need to wait."

He pointed to a booth and they both took a seat.

"What are you drinking Shepard?"

"Turian brandy."

He quirked a brow plate at her.

"Won't that kill you?"

She laughed.

"Nope in fact most of the human stuff has a higher chance of killing me. Mostly from taste though."

Shaking his head he ordered the drinks and turned back to her.

"Okay questions. To start with I'll offer something. I'm Vakarian, Garrus Vakarian, and you are? First name I mean."

"Jane."

Garrus nodded. "So care to explain, well everything now? The rifle, your shot?"

Their drinks came and Jane sipped it before answering.

"Well I was raised Jane Vandrel. I was raised on the Turian colony of Randiv from the time I was six. My father was Turian military and raised me, well just like any other Turian."

"Well that explains the rifle, the shot, the fact you speak Turian and the Turian dog tags you wear."

She glanced down to the two sets of dog tags around her neck and nodded.

"You're very observant."

"Yeah as observant as you are, you knew my every move out there. It's the first time I've seen that since..well myself."

She laughed and he poured her another drink from the bottle at the table.

"So if I can ask, what's with the guy?"

"Which guy?"

"The one out there on the field, the one that you pushed away when he was obviously trying to be close to you."

Jane laughed. "He's well; he's Kaidan he's on my squad we've been dating for awhile. I'm still not used to the way humans want to show affection all the time...and why am I talking about this with you?"

Garrus laughed and downed his drink. "I'm just interested I've never met a Turian human before. It was interesting to see you act like a Turian with a human who wants you to be human. That's all."

"So you knew?"

"Well I'd heard rumours but I didn't know they were true, not till I met you in the flesh."

They each downed their drink and Garrus poured another round.

Garrus's eyes dropped down to Jane's neck and the scar that wasn't completely covered by her t-shirt.

She followed his gaze and sighed. "No I don't have a mate, well I did...it's complicated."

"I'd say so if you have a human boyfriend and a mate. That's not going to work out well. Turians are rather territorial as you know."

"I don't have a mate and that's not what those scars are and that is not a discussion for tonight there isn't enough alcohol here for that one."

Garrus nodded once and spun his glass on the table.

"Well do you love him?"

"What? Why would you ask that I.." Jane sputtered

"Yeah that's a no."

"No that's not a no."

"Sure it is you flinched when I asked and if you were in love with him you wouldn't still be looking." He gave her a knowing nod and Jane blushed.

Downing the rest of her drink Jane shook her head.

"Let's call that subject off-limits shall we?"

Garrus lifted his hands in surrender.

The conversation changed quickly to Jane growing up on Randiv and Garrus's time in the Military and now how he was following his father to C-Sec though he wasn't sure it was what he really wanted to do.

"So do you consider yourself Turian or Human?"

"I don't know anymore. I'm not sure what I am. I guess I'm stuck somewhere in the middle." Jane swirled the dark liquid in her glass but didn't look up.

"Well sometimes who you are is more important than what you are. And you Jane Vandrel-Shepard are hands down the most interesting Human-Turian I've ever met."

"The only one." Jane smirked.

"That makes you one of a kind. And in a galaxy this big something like that makes you stand out. It's not a bad thing."

They dropped back into casual conversation and few hours later Garrus checked the time and stretched.

"Well Jane Vandrel-Shepard, it's been a pleasure." He stood after Shepard and she smiled reaching out her hand.

"See you around Garrus."

"Yeah see you around Jane."

~~00o00~~

They had been in this war zone for two weeks and Jane's team was tired. This was supposed to be their last patrol before being taken off the line. They had cleaned out the last pockets of mercs that had attacked several human colonies.

Lambert was at point when the first blast hit. Jane heard her yell and they all hit the ground. The blasts kept coming and Jane could barely hear the rifle fire above the blasts that were landing around them.

"Get down Powell." He wasn't listening to her as he was crawling forward trying to get to Lambert, another burst and a tree next to them burst in a shower of splinters.

"Spirits Powell I said fucking get down." Jane jumped him and they smashed to the ground just as another blast landed where Lambert had gone down.

"Alenko get up here! Powell I need you to cover us get out that demo."

Jane and Kaidan rushed forward. Jane had taken out three when she heard Kaidan grunt next to her, she saw the three shots hit his chest as he dropped, Jane made the first mistake by letting it distract her, she felt the first shot hit her shoulder, the second hit her in the chest and with that her biotics flared to life.

Jane's anger and training took over and in a blur of biotics and pistol fire she cleared out the other three mercs and dropped next to Kaidan.

"Hold on Kaidan don't you do this, you hold the fuck on I'll get you out of here."

Pulling him back to where Powell was crouched over Lamberts unmoving body she called for an evac and the woods around them went silent and Jane's world went black.

~~00o00~~

"Commander Davis, status report."

"Sir, Shepard got her team out."

"Is she alive Commander?"

"Sir yes Sir Shepard got her entire team out, wounded but alive."

~~00o00~~

Jane was still unconscious in the med bay next to Kaidan when he awoke. He didn't move, everything hurt, and closing his eyes again he lay listening to the doctors.

"He hasn't left since he got here, won't leave her side."

Kaidan thought at first they must be talking about Ganis. Had they brought him here? How bad was Jane wounded? When he forced his eyes open again though only Admiral Hackett and Captain Anderson were beside her bed.

Anderson stood at the foot of the bed while Admiral Hackett sat next to her. Their conversation was faint and he drifted back off to sleep.

Anderson glanced towards Kaidan's bed and eyed his monitor before turning back to Hackett.

"Sir, are you going to tell her?"

"No Anderson, I'm not."

"But don't you think Sir that she deserves to know, about everything?"

"Yes, Anderson I do. But this isn't the time. If she was to run back to her Turian _father_ and ruin things with Alenko where would that leave us? No this is not the time."

"Sir if I may say so, Shepard is an amazing soldier, she's everything you ever expected. I think she could handle you telling her the truth."

"Tell her it was my fault she was left at that biotic and genetics lab? That it was my fault I wasn't there when it was raided? That I didn't even look for her after they told us it had been destroyed; that I left her to be raised away from Earth."

"To be fair Sir you didn't know, and Jane had a fine childhood by all accounts. She was well cared for."

"Jane was made to be the hero Earth needs. We can't afford to have her run away."

"Sir, I think she deserves more credit than that. She may have been created by the joint efforts of the Alliance military and our best geneticists and biotic doctors but she's also your daughter and she deserves to know the truth."

Hackett spun on Anderson. "Thank you Captain for your opinion but the answer is still no. And you will never repeat what you just said."

"Sir yes Sir."

~~00o00~~

It was two weeks before Jane's entire team was back up on their feet. They had been brought back to Earth for the celebration of the completion of their N training. Jane had rolled her eyes at the prospect of another ball but to her amusement it was nothing more than a gathering in the base bar. More fitting to a squad of military personnel. Out of over seventy people who had gone into training with them only two squads of four made it to this point.

The party lasted late into the evening and everyone was present. Anderson and Hackett as well as Davis. As the evening was drawing to a close Powell jumped up on a chair to address the room.

"Oi listen up you blighters, Alenko has something he wants to ask our fearless leader Lieutenant Shepard."

From behind her Kaidan put a hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him. Dropping down on one knee he took her hand and held it in his. Jane could feel her face drain and her hands went cold.

"Kaidan...what are you doing?"

Kaidan saw that old look of panic cross her face. The one she never had on the battle field, the one saved for public places and other like things that made her uncomfortable.

"Jane Shepard, would you make me the happiest man in the galaxy and agree to be my wife?"

Jane's knees almost buckled and she glanced about the faces in the room. Admiral Hackett was smiling and nodded at her and the rest of her squad including Lambert looked like they were about ready to jump up and down, Anderson however wasn't looking at her. It seemed his beer was the most interesting thing in the room at that point.

Oddly she heard both her father and Garrus in her head telling her she didn't love him and even though her heart and head were screaming no, she found herself nodding and the room exploded in cheers.

~~00o00~~

It was late that night back at the hotel they were staying at for their leave before being assigned regular duty. Kaidan was in the shower and Jane was sitting on the bed with her data pad trying to figure out what the hell she'd just done and how she was going to explain this to her dad when a message popped up that she would have bet her life on never seeing again.

"Bullshit." Her heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest as she opened it.

_Jane,_

_Love, I know I have no right to be sending this. They told me not to write to you but I've never been really good at listening when I know it's wrong. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to this point but I needed to be in a position where I was in control of my life again. I love you Jane. I told you forever and I meant it. I will love you for the rest of my life if you'll let me. They told me that they had chosen Kaidan to be your mate and I've prayed to the Spirits every day since they told me that, that you would wait until after your officer training. Please Jane tell me you still love me. Tell me that you and Kaidan haven't become mates. I can't even stand writing it. Please love let me fix what I've done. Wait for me._

_Nihlus_

Jane stared at the wall after reading and rereading the message. What the hell did that mean that they told him not to write her and who the hell told him they had picked Kaidan to be her mate? That was before they had even been together. Jane watched Kaidan step out of the washroom and towards the bed he sat next to her and kissed her softly.

"You know Jane I was thinking we should have our home base be Vancouver. You know after active duty. We'll need somewhere to relax get away from it all. My father said he wants to give us the apartment we stayed in before basic I thought..." Kaidan stopped as Jane wasn't looking at him. She had that blank expression on her face.

"Jane? What's wrong?"

Jane had no answer. Everything was wrong and she had no idea what to do.


	14. The Truth Doesn't Set You Free

That night after Kaidan had made love to her, Jane lay unmoving with his arm over her chest staring at the ceiling. The hours drifted by and she couldn't sleep. She wanted to answer Nihlus, wanted to ask what he meant and who had told him those things but she couldn't bring herself to message him back. She glanced once at Kaidan's face, peaceful in sleep and felt a guilty pang in her chest. How after everything they had been through could she tell him? Tell him that with just one message from Nihlus that she knew she would always be in love with him.

It wasn't fair to Kaidan he was good to her. But as she rolled to her side facing away from him trying to make her heart agree with her mind that she could love Kaidan that they could have a life together, her thoughts even in her dreams were with Nihlus and she awoke the next morning no closer to an answer than she had gone to sleep with.

Jane sat on the edge of the bed as Kaidan dressed. She was quiet, unmoving and Kaidan watched her trying to ignore the fact that she couldn't seem to make eye contact with him. She just sat on the bed staring at her hands twirling the ring he had given her soon after proposing. It was a striking green emerald same colour of her eyes that he loved so much.

"So Jane, I got a message from Commander Davis this morning. We've been invited to the christening of one of the newest ships to the fleet. It was designed by both Alliance and Turian tech. This is a big step for us since the First Contact War ended. I've accepted for us, it should be something to see. Everyone is going to be there. I know you hate these things but I didn't think we could really say no. Not with our active duty assignments coming up and.." He trailed off as she still hadn't looked up at him.

"Jane, baby. Are you feeling alright? I'm worried about you." He kneeled in front of her and lifted her face to his and kissed her gently.

"If something is wrong you need to tell me, I'm going to be your husband soon and I need to be able to help you." He tried to ignore the fact that she visibly flinched when he mentioned their pending wedding.

Shaking her head Jane dropped her hand from where it was spinning the ring on her finger and stood to get dressed.

"It's nothing, I'm fine. I need coffee that's all."

But coffee was far from the only thing she needed.

~~00o00~~

Powell downed his drink and took Lambert by the hand as they stood around a table in the reception area.

"So Shep where you think they're going to assign us? I have it on good authority they want to keep us together as a team. Bloody good thing too, not sure anyone else could stand you for any amount of time. Well that is except for Alenko here, but he seems to like punishment."

Kaidan and Lambert chuckled but Jane barely looked up from her drink.

"What sorry Powell what was that?"

"You know he's screwing with you, you're a million miles away Shep and he was trying to get a rise out of you. What's going on?"

Jane waved her hands pushing the question away. "Nothing, everything is fine, I just hate these things you know that."

Lambert nodded but the look she gave her was one of knowing and it made that guilty feeling flood through her stomach again causing her to feel like she was going to be ill.

"Excuse me guys I've got to find a washroom."

Kaidan squeezed her hand and kissed her on the cheek before she could pull back.

"I know, not here. You'll let me know if you need to leave Jane. Your colour is off, even more than normal for an event like this." She nodded and she pulled her hand out of his. "I love you baby." He whispered and she nodded once more before making her way to the hall.

Jane rubbed her temples as she made her way through the hall towards the washrooms. The last thing she needed now was a migraine. As she made to turn the corner Jane froze. There was someone down the dark hallway on her right.

"Jane."

She would have known that voice anywhere.

"Nihlus?" Before his name was even completely out of her mouth he had her in his arms pressed against the wall and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist her hands going to the base of his fringe as he laid his head against hers.

"Jane." He whispered her name and her body responded instantly to him.

He pressed himself firmly against her as he nuzzled down her neck nipping as he went.

"Spirits Jane I forgot how soft you are." As he came to the base of her neck and shoulder he stopped.

"Damn it Jane you smell like him." It took every ounce of restraint he had to not bite down on her in his need to have her as his again.

The mention of Kaidan snapped her back to reality but she couldn't bring herself to try to push away from him. Her hands moved to his mandibles and she stroked gently smiling at the rumble that started deep in his chest.

"What are you doing here?"

He groaned pulling back from where he was nipping along her neck.

"I'm here for the Council they have quite a stake in that new ship everyone is celebrating. I was hoping you'd come love. I saw you leave the room I had to come find you. When you didn't answer my message I thought." Jane nuzzled into his neck and he growled low in his throat.

"Don't love; I don't think I can take that now without being able to have you."

She blinked a few times trying to pull herself back together and laid a hand on his chest and removed her legs from around his waist.

"Put me down." He growled again but complied reluctantly.

"I wanted to answer you, but I.." Jane's eyes darted towards the hall and the reception room.

Nihlus's eyes followed hers down the hall and he snorted.

"Kaidan. I know I can smell him on you, you have no idea what that does to me Jane."

Jane narrowed her eyes and for the first time felt angry.

"You left me Nihlus." She punctuated this with a poke to his chest.

"So don't be angry because I smell like another male."

He growled and made to pull her back against him but she stepped away from him and he washed a hand over his face and sighed.

"Jane I was wrong I shouldn't have listened.." She silenced him with a raised finger.

"Maybe you can explain that now. What the hell did that mean?"

"Saren, the one from the ball I was with. He told me that your commanding officers told him they had picked your mate Jane that Kaidan was always to be your mate and that you had agreed to it and that I was not to write you anymore. I had no choice at the time but to agree. Love I'm so sorry." He pulled her flush against him and nuzzled down into her neck.

"I'm too late aren't I? Was it true then Jane? Had you taken him to be your mate and you were just afraid of telling me?"

Jane shoved back from him again.

"No Nihlus, Kaidan and I were never together before you wrote me that damn note. I don't know why Saren would have told you that. I don't know why my officers would have told him that. It wasn't true. But what is true is that you believed him and you left me."

"No love I didn't, I had to.

"I thought I could forget you and let you go. But you were always in my thoughts. After you messaged me I haven't been able to think straight."

"Then why do you smell like him Jane?"

"Because I'm with him now Nihlus. We're supposed to be married and then you're here and now I know someone tried to keep us apart and I don't know what to think anymore."

"Married?"

"It's like the human form of mating."

"Then you haven't yet?"

"No."

"Don't Jane, wait, think of our house on Randiv, your dad the things we always wanted. There may be a way that we could still have all of it."

"How? My life is here, with the Alliance. Yours is hell Nihlus I don't even know what you're doing anymore."

"I said I would explain in time Jane and I will."

She was staring at her hands and he lifted her chin with a talon.

"Tell me you love him, tell me you want to be his and I will leave Jane. Just tell me you don't love me anymore."

"Spirits you know I love you."

"Do you love him?"

Jane paused and bit her lip.

"It's different. He's always been there for me, he would never hurt me."

"Damn it Jane, I will spend the rest of my life making that up to you. Just give me that chance."

She shook her head.

"I don't know what to think about any of this, I need time Nihlus..." She spun into the hall and ran headlong into Kaidan who caught her in his arms.

"Hey, sweetie you okay?" His voice trailed off as he looked up at the very large red Turian behind her. He recognised him instantly.

"Jane, what's going on?"

Nihlus growled as Kaidan's arms went around her.

Kaidan narrowed his eyes at Nihlus and gave him the same look that he had been on the receiving end of so many years ago. _Don't touch what isn't yours._ Kaidan pulled Jane away and back towards the reception room.

As they entered the room again Jane was so torn she didn't know which direction to run. But as Kaidan turned her towards him they were interrupted by Commander Davis.

"Shepard, your team's weekend pass is cancelled. Grab your gear; you'll be briefed upon arrival."

As he walked away Kaidan began to speak and Jane walked away from him.

"Not now, you heard Davis we need to get Lambert and Powell and move out."

He sighed but fell in line.

They were in full gear and in a shuttle by the time Davis finally addressed them. They had already been traveling by ship for hours and now on the shuttle the air was tense as Davis stood on vid before them.

"We just got intel that classified documents have been stolen. These documents in the wrong hands could prove catastrophic not only for the Alliance but her newly found allies as well. The group we believe stole them are N7. This team dropped of radar a month ago. They had been on a black-ops mission and we believed them lost. This team is composed of seasoned vets. Do not take them lightly, the team isn't important, dead or alive you get us those documents back is that understood?"

"Yes Sir."

"Get this done Shepard. Davis out."

Jane looked at the faces of her squad, Powell and Lambert seemed calm relaxed even. But when her eyes met Kaidan's she knew he was anything but calm.

"Jane."

"No Kaidan, this isn't the time. Keep your mind on the mission we drop in five."

The drop was easy but as Jane opened her omni-tool looking for the last known position of the rogue team she would have sworn she saw the sand move.

"This doesn't feel right."

"Oi what Shepard? I don't see anything but sand." Powell kicked his boot into the sand as if to emphasize the point.

"Right but I.." Before she could finish her thought the sand shifted and four armed men stood up sand pouring off their obviously marked N7 armour effectively surrounding them.

"Fuck me." Powell sighed as the men motioned for them to lower their weapons.

"Anyone else get the feeling we just got set the fuck up?"

"Quiet Powell." Jane took stock of the men surrounding her, they had the advantage.

"Drop your weapons." Jane lowered her riffle and her team followed.

They were instantly moved upon and black bagged with their hands bound behind them.

They walked for what Jane guessed must have been close to two hours before she felt the ground beneath them change and the heat left. They must be inside and judging by the temperature and slope of the ground they were headed underground.

They were seated on chairs and Jane's bag was removed.

The men that surrounded their four chairs were unmoving except for one. She didn't recognise him as he pulled up a chair in front of her.

"Jane Shepard. We've read a lot about you. Your file is extremely interesting; the classified bits make for very good reading."

Jane sat unmoving staring at him in silence.

"I bet you have no idea what it says in here."

Jane spoke.

"I have an idea and I don't really care. I don't even know why it's classified everyone knows."

The man quirked an eyebrow at her and chuckled.

"No, I don't think they do." He shook his head at her and leaned forward.

"First off now that you're talking I'm Taylor, the rest of my team as you've been told is N7 like yourself. You've been sent to recover data that we stole am I right? But how did we know where you were going to be dropped you're asking yourself. Tell me Jane, if we didn't want to be found would we have been? So we let them or rather you, find us. That's right because we needed something; you."

"Why could you possibly need me? I don't even know what you stole. Besides the fact you've pissed off the entire Alliance so I assume it's big."

Taylor chuckled and leaned back in the chair crossing his arms.

"I don't need information from you. I need Hackett. He's the only one with access to the other files I need. I'm going to trade you, for them."

Jane snorted a laugh.

"I think you overestimate how much I'm worth to the Alliance let alone Hackett. We're just one team. They'll send another, besides you know how it works. The Alliance will never work with you for a trade. Its policy, you damn well know that. They won't even take a call from you at this point. My team was to kill you and recover. You know the drill so why would you even think this would work?"

Taylor's lips curved in a sly smirk that Jane wished she could wipe off his face.

"You remember how I said the classified bits of your file are the best part? You thought I was talking about your Turian daddy right? Or maybe your time and torture on Jump Zero? No Jane there is far more interesting things. Let's start at the beginning." Her dossier flipped before him.

"Placed into genetic and biotic doctors care from the age of two, showed signs of responding to all treatments well; one of three to survive initial genetic modifications. Rapid healing and agility noted."

Jane's face was blank as he paused to watch her reaction.

"Then it goes into how the base was raided by your Turian father. You know he and his team killed everyone there in the bombing right? Child Jane Shepard considered killed in raid. Then of course your file was closed until years later."

He paused again watching her before turning his eyes back down.

"Let's see blah blah blah raised by Turian military personnel Ganis Vandrel which of course everyone knows. Ahh your stent at Jump Zero. This is good. Placed in care of Kaidan Alenko, family had been pre selected for military lineage as well as superior biotic quality in Kaidan. Underwent heavy mental and physical torture on Jump Zero; joined service with Kaidan at our urging, must be separated from Turian influence, allowed contact with Turian father."

He laughed and motioned towards Kaidan.

"You feel like a rat in a maze yet Jane? They've directed you pretty much from birth. Hell you're not even really fully human."

Jane's mouth was drawn into a firm line, her eyes didn't move from his.

"So you think they're going to trade whatever you want for a genetically modified soldier? I doubt it."

"No Jane I'm not done yet." He stood pacing before her.

"The most interesting part about this is you'd think you would have been maybe a test tube baby. Right? No you'd be wrong. But who would offer up their own child for genetic modification? Let's see, birth date. You were born in April did you know that? I doubt it as it says here you've always celebrated it in October. Name, Jane Ann Shepard. Mother, Ann Shepard/deceased."

He stared at her licked his lips and cleared his throat.

"Father, Steven Hackett."

He smiled and pulled the chair closer to her and sat leaning forward his hands clasped before him.

"So you see Jane, he may not trade for a simple soldier no matter how much you cost them, but what about his daughter? You're going to make the call Jane, since you're correct that they won't take one from me. You'll make the call and you'll ask dear ol' dad to save your life. Because I can promise you, if you don't, I'll kill each and every one of your team and then you if you don't."

Jane's mind was racing it wasn't possible.

"Bullshit I don't believe you, I won't make that call."

Taylor nodded, "Yes I thought you might say that. I told you Jane, I've read your file front to back. I know how well you handle torture so I'll start with this."

He stood and walked behind where Lambert sat pulled his pistol and leveled it at the back of her head.

"I gave you one warning Jane." He pulled the trigger and the shot reverberated off the walls as Lamberts head jerked and slumped forward.

Jane heard herself scream. "How the fuck can you shoot your own N7? Why are you doing this?"

She could hear the muffled sobs from the struggling Powell.

"I know you Jane because I am you, but I didn't get out. I was put back into training and more testing. Never met my father or mother; dead by what my files say. Killed during the First Contact War; so I was put into the genetics program one of the three that lived; I'm sick of being controlled by the Alliance and I'm going to stop it, I'm going to destroy the Alliance."

He stepped behind Powell.

"Make the call Jane."

Every ounce of training she'd ever received told her not to agree. Don't give in, the few for the many. If this could end the Alliance how many lives were at stake? She couldn't. So she fumbled for anything to say anything to buy her time to think.

"I get it; you don't think I'm pissed? Of course I am. They ruined our lives Taylor, but what did you do about it? You can't just kill innocent people because of what one group did to us. Listen, my dad always said, sometimes we go through things to make sure that no one else has to. Don't you think we could do some good where we are? Make sure this doesn't happen again?"

Taylor shook his head.

"Wrong Jane, it's too late." He pulled the trigger and she screamed as Powell slumped forward in the chair.

He moved again this time behind Kaidan.

"I know they tricked you Jane, I know they forced you away from everything you ever loved. But you can't tell me you don't feel something for him."

He pulled the bag off of Kaidan's head and his eyes instantly found hers. The gag was still firmly in his mouth.

"Do you think he knew? Do you think he's been in on it this whole time? That's the thing Jane, when you find out like I did, you don't know who to trust anymore. Do you trust him? Do you love him? Make the call Jane. Or you'll never find out."

Jane stared into Kaidan's eyes, they were filled with tears but he shook his head, she knew he was telling her not to do it.

Her heart ached and as she went to nod the door behind them crashed open and the room was flooded with a flash of light. Flash bomb she thought as she and Kaidan were pushed to the ground. The rifle fire above them was brief as those coming in the door had the drop. She looked up to see Taylor back against a wall his pistol still in his hand. His eyes found hers as he lifted it to his own head. He smiled sadly at her and she looked away as she heard the pistol fire.

Jane was numb as she was pulled to her feet. Kaidan was being untied and she couldn't bear to look towards where they were checking Powell and Lambert. She already knew. There was no possible way.

No one spoke to them as they were escorted out of the bunker and to the evac zone. It was protocol she knew. They were to be debriefed and in a situation like this no one was to say anything.

As they sat on the shuttle Jane knew Kaidan was watching her but she couldn't look at him. Had he known? Was the only thought in her head as they were brought to Vila Militar as that was where Davis and Anderson were for debriefing.

They sat alone in the room, neither of them tried to talk as Davis and Anderson entered.

They each gave their report of what happened after they were dropped on the planet. Anderson stood his back to them. Davis nodded as Jane finished. Her report was cold angry and she could feel her outer calm failing.

"Commander Davis." He nodded to her.

"Did you know?"

"Know what Shepard?"

"Everything? Besides what the Alliance has kept from me. Did you know they would be waiting for us?"

"You did your job Shepard. We knew what they might be planning. We needed a team on the ground to pinpoint them so we could eliminate that threat."

"Half my fucking team was just killed Sir. And you fucking knew?"

His eyes didn't leave her accusing gaze.

"You know better than anyone Jane, the few for the many. We knew you would obey that rule. We know how you were raised there was no other choice."

"You needed me there because you knew what he wanted. You knew he wanted to use me to get to Admiral Hackett." She practically spit his name.

"You've used me. You've used me since the beginning."

"That's enough Shepard. You're dismissed."

"How many of you knew?"

Anderson turned to Jane, his look was soft, sad.

"Shepard, you saw what this did to Taylor. We couldn't risk."

"Don't bother sir. I understand perfectly what you've all done." She stood to leave turning away from all of them towards the door.

"What are you going to do Shepard?"

She paused on her approach to the door and swallowed but didn't turn back.

"My Job Sir. What else can I do? I'll be arrested if I try and leave." She set her jaw.

"I was raised by my father to do my duty. I will. But I want you to know, you won't be controlling me anymore."

With that she left the room and Anderson's eyes dropped to Kaidan.

He couldn't move he could barely blink.

"I'm sorry Alenko, it wasn't supposed to work out like this."

"Really? How did you think it would work out? Did you really think she would never find out? I love her Anderson and now she thinks I did this with you. She'll never trust me again."

Kaidan stood.

"Sir." He didn't salute just walked out of the room and Anderson turned to the screen where Hackett had listened in to the debriefing.

"What now Sir?"

"You keep her and Alenko together Captain."

"You heard him Sir, she'll never trust him again. Besides sending them off to God knows where together could end up very badly if she doesn't trust him as part of her new squad."

"You're right Captain, that's why I'm placing them directly under your charge on the Normandy. Keep an eye on them. She's a soldier, one of our best she'll recover."

"Like you did Sir?"

"Thank you Captain that will be all."

"Sir, she knows about you, how are you going to handle it?"

"I'm not Captain. I doubt she will want it recognised. Carry on."

"God damn it sir. She's your daughter you should be taking care of this. You just had Davis send her in to a situation where you knew she could be killed where her team would most likely be killed and you're just going to let her, recover?"

"I said carry on Captain."

And with that the comm went dead and Anderson sat in the chair at his desk head in his hands. He heard Davis leave the room.

If something wasn't done his ship would become a war zone; an XO that won't trust him and her complicated relationship with his Staff Lieutenant. Fucking perfect...

~~00o00~~

Kaidan found Jane a few hours later alone bottle in hand at their old bunk.

"Jane.."

She wobbled as she turned towards him taking a long drag out of the bottle she held.

"Alenko." He flinched at the cold tone in her voice. He watched her waiting for her to fall but she didn't just turned back to the bunk staring at it.

"Jane maybe we should get you back inside."

"Shut it Alenko, maybe you should have told me? Maybe if I would have known what I was getting into Powell and Lambert wouldn't be dead because of me." She rounded on him.

"How could you Alenko? How could you fucking stand there and tell me you loved me when they had this planned from the start. How could you lie to me?"

"Jane no, I swear I didn't know. I would never lie to you."

"Right, and I'm supposed to trust you? Like I trusted them? No, I won't ever make that mistake again."

Kaidan reached out for her arm and she ripped it away from him.

"Don't touch me Alenko."

"I'm the one that lied Jane? You think so? I had no idea about any of this. But you, you lied to me. You've been in love with Nihlus even though you're with me. And you know what I'm okay with that because I understand. Don't you tell me I've lied to you. I love you Jane and that's not going to just stop."

Jane's face went blank and she narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't you dare bring Nihlus into this when it was their fault he left.. When it was your fault... And don't fucking tell me if I loved you or not."

"Jane don't do this. I'll never give up on you I'll never stop loving you."He stepped closer and tried to pull her into his arms.

"Jane, it's me Kaidain you know me and how much I love you."

She pulled away and lowered a glare at him before turning and walking away.

"Yeah, I thought I did."


	15. The Breaking Point

Jane opened her eyes and immediately shut them against the light. Her head was killing her, she didn't remember going back to the hotel that she had shared with Kaidan but there she was. She tried sitting up and her stomach did a nosedive, taking a deep breath she opened her eyes. One glance around the room told her Kaidan was there. She could hear the shower running, ignoring the urge to be sick she jumped up pulled on her boots and started throwing things in her bag. Taking one last glance around, she looked down to the ring on her finger. Twisting it she pulled it off and dropped it on the nightstand next to Kaidans data pad and made for the door.

Kaidan stepped out of the shower and into the room. He had come back late and Jane had already been passed out and he had spent the night on the couch. He had hoped to be able to talk to her now that she possibly wasn't drunk.

"Jane?" He was answered by the sound of a closing door. Sighing he looked around the room, his eyes landing on the ring next to the bed; picking it up he closed his hand around it and fought the ache in his chest. The only comfort he felt was that they had been assigned together under Captain Anderson and just possibly he could fix this.

~~00o00~~

All was quiet aboard the Normandy, for now at least thought Anderson. Shepard and Alenko didn't seem to be fighting but they weren't talking either and that could be just as troublesome.

Answering his comm. Anderson was greeted by Hackett. He fought the urge to roll his eyes and nodded.

"Sir."

"Yes, Anderson. As you know there is a Specter joining you for the Mission to Eden Prime. Not only is he evaluating the Normandy for the Council he is evaluating Shepard for Spectre status. Kryik grew up with Shepard and her standing with the Turians as well as him is well noted; you are to pick him up on the Citadel before you head out to Eden Prime. Now as for our objective on Edan Prime. Make sure that beacon is recovered; you know what this could mean for us. Also Captain make sure Alenko is on that ground team."

Anderson clinched his jaw. "Sir yes Sir."

"Very good Captain, Hackett out."

Anderson sighed and hit his comm.

"Joker where is Lieutenant Commander Shepard?"

"Doing what she's done since she's got on this ship Sir." His pilot Joker was a bit of a smart ass, but a better pilot there was not in the entire fleet.

"I didn't ask what she was doing Lieutenant. I asked where she was."

"Right Sir, she's by the mako running laps in circles doing push ups, sit ups and beating the crap out of that poor punching bag someone gave her, it's like watching a caged animal down there."

"Thank you Lieutenant that will be all."

"Yes Sir."

Anderson left his quarters and found Jane just as Joker had said, and to be honest she did resemble a caged animal. She spun when she heard the door open, the punching bag swinging behind her.

"Sir." She snapped to attention. He noted the difference in her eyes when she looked at him now. She was cold, indifferent that spark he had seen in her from the moment he met her when she was fourteen was gone.

"Carry on Shepard I just wanted to talk."

She glanced behind her but made no move to continue.

"As you know we are headed to Eden Prime. But we have been compelled to make a stop at the Citadel. While I talk to the Council and our ambassador I want you to take a break, go for a walk or run around the Citadel. Something, ever since you came aboard you've been restless. I need you together for this mission."

She nodded but didn't speak.

Anderson sighed.

"Listen Shepard I know, I understand. I need you to take a couple of hours and get your head together. I don't care what that takes just do it. This mission goes beyond a simple beacon retrieval. You'll understand soon enough but until then get it together."

"Yes Sir."

"When we're finished on the Citadel report to the bridge and I'll bring you all up to speed on the situation. That's all Shepard."

Saluting Anderson watched as she turned back to the punching bag and began all over again. Shaking his head he turned and walked back into the hall and to the helm.

As he entered Joker turned his head.

"Was I right Sir? Just like a caged animal. Has she always been so, grumpy? I know she was raised by Turians but I didn't think it would rub off that much."

Anderson thought for a moment back to when he had first met the fiery red-headed girl on Randiv and shook his head.

"No Lieutenant she wasn't." No thanks to us he thought bitterly.

~~00o00~~

"Jane. Hey, I thought you and I could go grab something to eat, you know maybe talk. Since you haven't seemed to have the time.." Kaidan trailed off as Jane rounded a look on him that could have killed.

"No, Lieutenant I don't want to get something to eat. I want you to check the gear, help Corporal Jenkins he's down there now. We're not here for long and I want you ready for the mission, understood?"

"Jane, baby please." Her eyes narrowed on him.

"It's Lieutenant Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Alenko and you would do well to remember that." With that she spun and was lost to him in the crowd of the docks.

Back on the Normandy Kaidan joined Jenkins, he was a Corporal with an impressive record, with a bit of hero-worship of Shepard, which as they met more people Kaidan was starting to get used to. Human-Turian seemed to intrigue people not to mention rumors about her various missions, their missions he thought with a snort.

"So Lieutenant, what's it like?"

"What is what like?" Kaidan didn't lift his eyes from the gun in front of him.

"You know, being engaged to Shepard? She's amazing; everyone says her shot is something to see. I can't wait to see it in person. I can't imagine what it would be like to date someone like her, let alone marry her."

Kaidan inhaled deeply.

"Something you should know about Shepard. She doesn't like people talking about her personal life. So I'd drop it and not bring it up around her."

"Sure, it was just a question. All we've ever heard about her sounds like it couldn't be true. I just wanted to know from someone who's been there."

Kaidan squeezed his eyes closed and released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"Yeah, she's something."

Jenkins smiled and nodded.

"I know I can't wait to work with both of you."

He nodded and they dropped into silence as they continued to work.

~~00o00~~

Jane found herself wandering the Citadel in a daze. She wasn't sure where she was going only that she wished she could shoot something. She felt tightness in her chest she couldn't get rid of. She hated the fact she felt like she couldn't trust anyone on her own team and Kaidan just didn't seem to get the point. She didn't want to see him, she knew she was going to have to deal with him on missions but she just couldn't handle having to see him all the time. Not yet.

As she wandered down a busy walkway Jane stopped and leaned against the wall watching the mass of faceless people walk by.

"Why Jane Vandrel-Shepard. What are you doing in my neighborhood?"

Jane blinked to refocus on the person talking to her and she grinned for the first time in what felt like weeks.

"Garrus Vakarian, I didn't know this was your neighborhood." She eyed his armour.

"C-sec huh? Decided to do it after all?"

"Well you know how fathers can be, he made a suggestion and trying to be the good Turian I am, I complied. I'm in investigations, tiresome and lots of red tape but I'm good at it."

"Well that's something I guess."

"So what are you doing here Jane? It's kind of the last place I figured to run into you at."

"I'm supposed to be seeing the sights while my Captain talks to our ambassador." She shrugged.

"Hey I'm off shift in an hour, why don't I take you around? I can at least show you the bar." Garrus smiled.

"Damn I'd love to Garrus really but I've got to be back to the ship in an hour."

She watched his mandibles flutter in a smirk.

"Alright then, next time but don't think you can avoid me forever. I let you kill me once and bought you drinks after. You owe me."

Jane laughed. "You let me kill you my ass."

"Hey I just wanted a chance to meet this cute Turian-Human everyone had talked about. What's the best way to do that? So I came up with this plan to let her shoot me."

"Right, you're full of it Vakarian. That shot was clean and you never saw it coming."

Garrus lifted his hands in defeat. "That may be true, but I did take out one of your team in the process."

Jane blinked and swallowed hard at the mention of Lambert.

"Yeah, you did. Hey Garrus I've got to run. I'll take you up on that drink though, next time."

"I'll hold you to that Jane."

Turning Jane almost ran into a bench on the other side of her. She dodged it and heard the chuckle behind her. She could feel herself blushing so without turning she waved and made her way quickly back towards the docks glad that she hadn't fallen flat on her face.

As Jane entered the Normandy she shivered, cold again as always, humans. Jane was lost in thought as she made her way towards the helm, had Garrus called her cute? As the doors to the helm opened she nodded towards Jenkins on the left and caught the look Kaidan was giving her. She knew that look, he was annoyed and as she looked up towards where Joker had the helm she saw why.

"Ah, there you are Shepard. We're ready Flight Lieutenant. Let's take her out and see what she can do."

"Aye Sir, watch me work."

"Shepard, I believe you know Nihlus Kryik our Specter from the Council." Anderson motioned to the Turian next to him and Jane stepped forward next to them.

"Of course Sir." She watched Anderson out of the corner of her eye and saw him try and hide a smirk.

"Very good Shepard, carry on. I'd like to speak to you and Kryik before you drop."

"Yes Sir."

Anderson left the room; they stood to the right of Joker waiting for him to make the jump towards Eden Prime.

Nihlus glanced once towards Jane and she read the subtle flutter of his mandibles and suppressed a smile.

"Flight Lieutenant, I understand you're one of the best pilots in the Alliance." Nihlus was leaning over Joker now watching him.

Jane heard Joker snort but he didn't turn his eyes from what he was doing.

"Not one of. I am the best, thank you very much."

They stood in silence as Joker made the jump through the mass relay and Nihlus nodded.

"Very good Lieutenant."

Joker spun in his chair.

"You're damn right I am." Jane rolled her eyes at him and as Nihlus moved past her he ran his hand along her lower back.

"Shepard, I believe we should meet up with Captain Anderson; after you." Yet another subtle brush of his gloved talons against her arm and Jokers mouth almost hit the ground as they exited the room.

"Tell me one of you saw that. Really tell me I'm not the only one who just saw the Spectre feel up the Lieutenant Commander."

Joker watched as Jenkins directed a confused look towards a very flustered looking Alenko.

"Hey wait, aren't you and Shepard involved? Don't you find it odd that.."

Kaidan turned leaving the room before Joker could finish.

"Well that was rude. Jenkins, tell me I saw that."

"Oh yeah you saw that, apparently so did the Lieutenant."

"I don't like him." Joker stated as a matter of fact.

"You don't know him, that Spectre right there took out a full platoon on his own. I'd say that's good enough in my books."

Joker shrugged and turned back to his console. "Whatever, I still don't like him. Specters. Bah."

~~00o00~~

Jane sidestepped Nihlus as they were making their way towards the ready room and pulled Nihlus into a side room and locked the door.

"You're a Spectre? Spirits Nihlus that explains so much; why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't, I told you I would explain in time love." He pulled her to him his head falling and rubbing gently against hers. She responded drifting her fingers lightly over his mandibles.

"Does this mean you forgive me love?" He growled low in his chest as her hands slipped around his neck.

"I love you Nihlus." With that he pulled back his mandibles spread wide in a grin.

"I'm here love not only for the ship, I'm here because you're under review."

"What? What review?"

"For Spectre status, you've impressed some very important people. Your Turian nature doesn't hurt your chances at all I'm sure, your father's name is very well-respected, and comes with high praise from General Victus. I'm here to make sure you're not only being put forth because of Hacketts influence."

Jane sucked in a breath. "Me a Spectre? And you know then, about Hackett?"

"Only because there was an argument about it on the Council, are you okay love? I couldn't believe it when I heard. Though of course it's still classified; apparently they don't want it out and thought you're being put forth or promoted because of him."

He nuzzled back down into her moving his gloved talons up and down her neck causing little shocks of electricity to course through her.

"The things they've done."

"Shh, I know love I heard some of it." Nuzzling down her neck he, pulled back and gave her a confused look.

"Well that explains why Alenko was less impressed than normal to see me. You don't smell like him anymore."

She nodded and he pulled her closer to his armored chest. "So, you won't believe what I did."

"What did you do?"

"Do you remember that house on the hill in Randiv? The one we always used to walk by on our way to our spot?"

She nodded her eyes closed remembering their home.

"Yeah, you have no idea how much I miss it there."

Pulling back from her his eyes searched hers.

"I bought that house Jane, for you, for us. We'll be able to be together when you're accepted to be a Spectre love. Missions might separate us but we'll both be on the Citadel. And I thought that we'd need somewhere to call home."

Throwing her arms around him Jane nodded against his neck.

"I can't believe it; dad is going to be ecstatic. Right now though we should go meet Anderson before they come looking for us and it wouldn't be good to be caught in the closet with the Spectre who is supposed to be doing my review. I'm sure this isn't the type of review they had in mind."

Nihlus chuckled. "It's the kind of review I want to be doing though."

She shoved him away playfully unlocked the door and exited the room.

~~00o00~~

Anderson was waiting for them when they entered the ready room and Jane noticed the slight smile before he was able to hide it.

"Shepard, I assume that Kryik here has explained that he's not only here to recover the beacon but to assess you for Spectre placement as well."

"Yes Sir. He did."

Anderson nodded. "We have an added problem Shepard. We've just received an emergency transmission, there are some strange reports coming from down there. Reports of Geth activity; we're not sure what's going on but there is one Ashley Williams down there and she's pinned down, we're getting most of our reports from her. I need you to get down there, figure out what's going on and get that beacon out of there. Your team is Jenkins and Alenko, Kryik here will also be accompanying you to the surface. Understood Shepard?"

"Yes of course Sir."

"Dismissed get ready to drop."

Outside of the ready room Jane paused and brushed her hand against Nihlus's hand and smiled. I'll see you on the shuttle. She winked and he grinned watching her walk away.

~~00o00~~

Jane briefed her team in the shuttle as they prepared to land. She tried to avoid Kaidan's glances and stares as she checked and stored her weapons.

When they hit the drop zone, Nihlus stopped her and nodded towards a rise. "Your distress beacon is coming from back that way. You need to find out if it's really the Geth down here help Williams that Anderson was talking about. I'll head on ahead find and secure the Beacon for transport."

Jane looked over her shoulder towards where she could hear gunfire and then back towards Nihlus.

"I don't think that's the best plan Nihlus. I think we should stick together if this is Geth."

Nihlus lifted a finger at her and much to Kaidan's displeasure and Jenkins confusion leaned his helm against hers. "Go love we'll cover more ground this way. I'm fine; remember who trained me after all." She saw him smirk and she stepped back and nodded.

"Alright then, we'll see you on the other side. Alenko, Jenkins on me. Move out."

As they moved towards the sound of gunfire Jane could feel Alenko's eyes boring a hole through her armor.

"So, he's just allowed to kiss you in public and I could barely hold your hand?"

"Not here Lieutenant." The words were barely out of her mouth when they we're rushed by what were in fact Geth.

"Well looks like that intel was right." Diving behind boxes to their left Jane lined up three shots while Kaidan cleared out the ones that had circled behind them.

They were moving down the hill when Jenkins pushed Jane out of the way of an incoming wave. She fell to the left and watched as Jenkins took repeated shots to his chest and stomach.

"Shit, Alenko get Jenkins out of there!"

Kaidan fired at the Geth, blasting the last with his biotics sending it flying back against a wall.

Jane was next to Jenkins but it was too late, his breathing was already becoming a gasp as he looked up at her and went still in her arms.

"Spirits." Jane found his dog tags and snapped one off.

"Help me move him to the side Alenko we'll make sure he gets off planet. No one left behind right."

"Right Jane." Kaidan's tone was soft and she let him calling her Jane slide.

As they moved forward Jane saw a flash of Alliance armour dash into a building.

"That must be Williams. I've got point; let's figure out what the hell is going on down here."

As they moved into the building a woman with dark hair ducked behind a wall.

"Gunnery Chief Willams? I'm Lieutenant Shepard you can come out."

"Oh thank God. I wasn't sure you guys were ever going to show up." She eyed the N7 badges on their armour and let out a nervous laugh.

"Well at least they sent the best."

Jane motioned towards the door.

"What the hell is going on out there?"

"I have no idea; it was quiet until bam Geth everywhere. You guys know as much as I do."

Shepard nodded

"We should head out, we need to clear to the Beacon and figure out what the Geth are doing here."

~~00o00~~

Nihlus had cleared the Geth on his trek towards the location of the Beacon when he heard a voice behind him.

"Nihlus."

"Saren? What are you doing here?"

"The council wanted to make sure you were going to give an exact accounting of Shepards performance. I'm not sure you can be objective when it comes to the human. You didn't really take my warning the first time."

"At this point Saren, it's not really about Shepard, we should be more worried about the Geth, and do you think they're looking for the Beacon? This isn't looking good. We need to secure the Beacon and get it out of here."

Nihlus turned looking towards the platform and Saren lifted his weapon.

"Don't worry about the Beacon Nihlus and don't worry about Shepard, I'll take care of them both."

~~00o00~~

Jane paused when she heard the shot echo around her. One shot. She waited for the continuing fire but when there was only silence her heat rate doubled.

"Let's move it people, Williams you said the Beacon was moved? Let's go show me."

As they came over the hill Kaidan stopped dead in his tracks.

"What the hell are those? Did you see that? Those spikes there are...good god there are people on them, and they're still alive."

Ashley shoved Kaidan to the side as one of them was lowered and ripped from the spike.

"What have the Geth done to them?"

"Fire and move we need to get to that platform."

As the fight subsided Jane looked up over the rise.

"Spirits what kind of ship is that?"

"I've never seen anything like it." Kaidan stared up at it as Jane shook her head

"Shit look at what it did. Come on we gotta keep moving."

As they moved up the ramp towards the train platform Jane saw him and her heart and soul broke.

"Nihlus! No!" Jane left running towards the prone body on the ground before her. Dropping to her knees she rolled him over checking for what she knew she wouldn't find.

"No Spirits no, Nihlus. I just got you back don't you dare do this to me. Don't you leave me here and go where I can't follow."

Her breath was wasted as she held his head in her lap the tears pouring down her cheeks. Kaidan was next to her his hand on her shoulder.

"Jane, he's gone. We need to move before they come back."

Shaking his hand off of her Jane sobbed.

"I don't care."

Williams drew her weapon. "Movement in front of you Lieutenant Shepard."

"No, don't shoot."

Jane was on her feet and advancing towards the man before Kaidan knew what was happening.

"Who the hell are you and were you here when this happened?"

"I'm Powell and I work here, your Turian friend there he was shot by the other Turian. Saren he called him. You're Shepard? He mentioned you seemed pissed at his friend there. He turned his back and he shot him."

His name would have to be Powell. Jane closed her burning eyes. The tears had stopped but she wanted to scream.

"Saren, fuck. Where is the Beacon? And where did Saren go?"

"The Beacon is on the other platform and Saren hopped the train right after shooting your friend there."

Jane spun and was making her way to the platform without another word.

"Jane, maybe we should."

"No Alenko, secure the Beacon let's finish this shit and get the hell of this planet."

The Beacon stood at the end of the platform and as they approached it Jane felt sick.

"Shepard to Normandy, we have the Beacon secure requesting pick up, we have casualties on the ground. Jenkins and.." She paused swallowing hard before continuing. "Kryik both KIA. Requesting immediate pick-up."

Jane turned back to the Beacon and approached, standing before it she folded her arms over her chest. There was no possible way this fucking thing could be worth this she thought.

Just then there was a flash and a scream, Jane realized too late that it was her scream and the world went dark.

~~00o00~~

"Captain what the hell happened down there?"

Anderson closed his eyes briefly before responding.

"Admiral the Geth invaded, looking for the Beacon, Shepard recovered the Beacon but it self-destructed when it was activated. Kryik was killed by Saren who we believe has gone rogue with the Geth."

Hackett narrowed his eyes and cleared his throat.

"Well then Captain you need to convince the Council of that, make sure Shepard is there. Make sure she does everything in her power to get the evidence we need. That should secure her Spectre status. Tracking down the rogue Spectre."

"Sir, I'm not sure that the Council is going to respond well to us looking for one of their own."

"I don't care what they like or want. Get Shepard to the Citadel and make sure Shepard does what she must, I'll call in our concerns and have them have C-sec start looking for leads."

"Sir, I'm not sure she's going to be in the best mood. You know her relationship with Kryik."

Hackett waved this away. "No Captain if I know anything about Shepard, this will drive her harder. Nothing will stand in her way of finding Saren. Actually in a way this worked out for the best in all ways. You have a meeting to attend to Captain. Hackett out."

Anderson squeezed his eyes closed and took a deep breath, slowly releasing it through his nose before punching his comm more roughly than needed.

"Joker, take us to the Citadel."

"Aye, Aye Sir."

~~00o00~~

Jane stood at the window staring out at the Citadel, she felt nothing. Her heart was empty and if she would have cared she might have been scared at the reflection in the window.

Nihlus was dead and now she was having nightmares. Geth, slaughter and something she didn't understand and to top it all off the repeated death of Nihlus in her mind. She should have been there; she should have had his back. All this time apart to have a chance to have him back and she had made the biggest mistake of her life and let him go by himself; how could she have been so stupid? Slamming her fist into the wall she turned and hit send on the note to her dad.

_Dad,_

_Nihlus is dead. I've got his dog tags to send to his mother. I'll take care of it._

_Jane_

And she had meant it, she would take care of it no matter what that meant.

~~00o00~~

Ganis opened the latest message from Jane and stared shocked at the screen. Her messages had been different lately. Short cold almost angry, but nothing like this. He couldn't believe Nihlus could be dead, or that Jane would tell him this way. Spirits what had they done to his little girl?

~~00o00~~

"Shepard, where are you going?" Anderson stood at the elevator watching Jane walk away.

"We have a meeting with the council tonight, I need you there."

She nodded but didn't stop he sighed and directed a look at Kaidan.

"Would you follow her Lieutenant, don't bother her; just keep an eye on her. I need her intact for tonight."

"Yes Sir."

Jane moved through the walkways of the Citadel like a ghost. She didn't really feel there, this wasn't happening to her. It was like she was watching herself from a distance; this was a dream a bad dream. But as she found herself at the C-sec office asking for Vakarian she knew it was anything but.

"Jane? I didn't expect you back so soon." He took stock of her appearance, tired dirty un-showered.

"Are you okay?"

She didn't answer the question instead asking one of her own.

"Do you know Saren."

Garrus's brow plate lifted as he folded his arms in front of his chest.

"Everyone knows him Jane; he's a Spectre and a legend. Why?"

"Do you know where I can find him?"

"Ahh, well you see that's the problem. He's a Spectre they can kind of go where ever they want without telling anyone. And if I knew where he was I wouldn't be here. What's going on Jane?"

She shook her head and he grabbed her by the elbow.

"I think we need that drink Jane."

The bar was loud and Jane for once was thankful, the pounding sounds drowned out most of her own thoughts.

Garrus watched Jane closely as she downed two drinks.

"So, why are you looking for Saren?"

"He killed Nihlus and I'm going to find him and return the favor."

She poured another drink and Garrus reached out a hand stilling hers.

"You have proof that he did this Jane?" The dim light reflected the hate in her eyes as she shook her head.

"No I don't. But that's not going to stop me from killing him."

Garrus sighed. "I know Jane, I was told that the Alliance believe he'd gone rogue, but I can't prove it. But I believe you."

Jane lifted her eyes to his, just hearing those words made it so she could take a whole breath.

"I'd like permission to come with you Jane; I know you have a meeting with the Council but whatever they decide I want to come with you."

Jane shook her head and downed the drink in her hand.

"I'm not sure you should Garrus. It seems I have a tendency to get people killed."

Garrus pulled his mandibles close to his face in a frown. This wasn't the same woman he'd met back at the games, something had changed, and though he didn't know why, he wanted nothing more than the chance to see those green eyes light up again, so he nodded.

"Yeah well, you already killed me once, I think I can risk it."

~~00o00~~

**Thank you so much everyone for all of your reviews once again. I really enjoy all of your views and opinions.**

**As a side note, fair warning I'm going to go off on my own. There will be some constants but this won't be a rewrite of the games in their current form.**

**Thanks again all. **

**^.^**


	16. Downward Spiral

Jane paused as she walked out of the bar leaving Garrus behind to get to her meeting with the Council, she paused waiting but didn't look back.

"Get out here Alenko I know you're there."

Kaidan stepped up next to her and made a disapproving sound through his nose.

"You shouldn't have been drinking before your meeting with the Council. I mean really Shepard."

"Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing."

Kaidan ignored her and continued.

"And who's the C-sec? Since when do you know anyone on the Citadel?"

"Don't worry about it, let's go." Jane started forward not waiting for Kaidan to finish his line of questioning and they walked the rest of the way to the Citadel Tower in silence. Kaidan stopped outside the room where Williams was waiting.

"Captain Anderson is already inside Lieutenant Shepard."

Jane didn't respond just walked through the door and into Council chambers.

Williams waited until the doors were closed and then turned to Kaidan.

"I can't believe that's the woman everyone always talks about. Somehow I'd expected someone a bit more. I don't know, personable?"

Kaidan shrugged. "She wasn't always like this. I've known her since she was about fifteen and this person isn't her."

Williams nodded but didn't really understand so she just let it sit at that.

~~00o00~~

The Council chambers were large and impressive. Any other time Jane would have been impressed that she was now standing in a place she had read about since she was a child; but now she wished she was anywhere but. Anderson and Udina stood before the Council as she approached.

"Shepard, we've been through the reports of what happened on Eden Prime. We understand that you have suspicions about Nihlus Kryiks death. As you say you had an eye witness but did not see it yourself we cannot simply assume that Saren was involved not only in Kryiks death but in any way with the Geth."

Jane stood at attention and didn't move she knew they would never take her word on any of this. The Council waited as if Jane would add something but when she didn't speak they continued.

"That being said Shepard we do not take these claims lightly. As for the review into your ability to join the Council Spectres, the Council agrees that with your unique upbringing with your knowledge of not only Turian culture and language but the fact that you were brought up with knowledge of all the Council races is a huge asset. As well as the fact that you have been highly recommended not only by the late Kryik but General Victus himself. In light of that the Council has approved and decided to move forward with you as the first Human Spectre."

Jane quirked an eyebrow but still didn't move.

"We would prefer to handle an investigation of one of our Spectres internally. So your first task is to get to the bottom of these claims and bring Saren back to the Council for our own questioning. Thank you Shepard, Captain Anderson, Ambassador Udina that will be all."

Udina's smile was so broad Jane was wondering how his face wasn't cracking as he led Anderson and herself out of the chambers and to his own office. "Shepard, congratulations are in order. This is something, the first Human Spectre. I have some things I need to discuss with Captain Anderson and Admiral Hackett. Report back here in two hours and we'll get you the ship and crew you need to start your investigation."

Jane still hadn't spoken as she nodded saluted Anderson and left the room. Something the Council had said was still gnawing at her. _Bring Saren back to the Council. _Bullshit she'd bring him back here. The next time she saw him would be through the crosshairs of her rifle and that would be the last time, evidence or not.

Williams and Kaidan hopped up as Shepard entered the room, she didn't look at either of them as she strode through to the elevator.

"Shepard, what did they say?" Kaidan waited as she got on the elevator. He waited not entering with her and as the doors were closing he watched her half shrug without looking at him.

"They said I'm a Spectre." And with that the doors closed and Kaidan sighed as Williams nudged him.

"Can you believe it? The first Human Spectre. Next step is a seat on the Council. Humanity is here to stay people."

Kaidan folded his arms over his chest still staring at the closed doors thinking of something he had told Andy once. _She only looks human._ Maybe he should have taken that advice himself. But instead of voicing the thoughts in his head he just nodded.

"Yeah I can believe it." He ignored the look Williams gave him and waited for the doors of the elevator to open again.

"Come on, we should get back to the Normandy."

~~00o00~~

Jane once again found herself wandering the Citadel no destination in mind she just wanted to walk, to forget; to lose herself, she had a migraine and felt like she was going to be sick.

"Hey kid, looking to dust-up?"

Jane opened her eyes and looked down to see a Volus watching her.

"Do I want to what?"

"You know, sand-blasted. I've got real good stuff. You look like you could use it, really kid you'll never feel better."

Before she knew it she was nodding, paying and had a bag in her hand as the Volus walked away. Jane stood looking down at the small bag in her hand. She'd read about Red Sand when she was at Vila Militar but had never seen it. Glancing right then left she stepped to the side opened the bag and pinched a small amount out and sniffed. She had an instant rush, her headache vanished and in spite of everything she felt amazing. Wiping her fingers off she stowed the bag and made her way back towards the Citadel tower.

"Ah, Shepard there you are. We've spoken with Admiral Hackett." Captain Anderson cleared his throat cutting Udina off. "Oh of course Anderson, go ahead."

"Shepard, after some discussion with the Admiral it has been decided that I will step down as Captain of the Normandy. As the first Human Spectre you will be put directly in charge of the Normandy and her Crew to facilitate your investigation. Congratulations Commander Shepard."

Jane felt elated and smiled at Anderson.

"Sure Sir, question."

Anderson watched Shepard, her stance was lax and he could never remember her not saluting him when she entered a room.

"Do I get to pick my crew?"

"You may add to your crew as you see fit. Alliance personnel already on board are at your disposal as well as a.." Anderson trailed off and then coughed into his hand. "there has been a special request from Admiral Hackett."

Jane visibly rolled her eyes. "Of course the Admiral has a request. Why not."

Anderson blinked a few times confused. "Shepard, are you feeling okay?"

"I feel great Sir."

"Right, well Shepard the Admiral has a mission for you. When you're back on board the Normandy you are to contact him. Understood?"

"Of course Sir."

"Good luck Shepard, I'll be here if you need anything."

Jane saluted the effects of the Red Sand quickly wearing off as the feeling of euphoria drained her body.

"Thank you Sir." Anderson stuck out his hand and she accepted it.

"Be careful Jane I'll see you back on the Normandy before you depart."

"I will Sir, thank you."

~~00o00~~

Garrus exited C-sec for the last time and headed towards the docks. As he made his way towards the Normandy docking bay he saw Jane, leaning forward on her palms staring at where the Normandy was docked. Standing next to her he watched the ships floating by the impressive looking Normandy.

Jane glanced his way and then back out the window.

"The Council made me a Spectre and the Alliance gave me command of the Normandy."

Garrus was dually shocked. "Wow, that's a lot to happen in one day Jane."

"Yeah. Come on let's go."

Garrus followed Jane on to the Normandy they both shivered as they entered and Jane sighed.

"I know they always keep it so damn cold. I'll make sure your quarters are warmer than this."

"Thanks Jane." Jane nodded as Kaidan stepped out in front of them.

"Shepard? Who's this?" Kaidan eyed the Turian behind Jane.

"Alenko this is Garrus Vakarian C-sec. Garrus this is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko." Her tone was neutral as she motioned from one to the other.

"Former C-sec actually." He stuck out his hand and Kaidan accepted it.

"Alenko could you gather everyone on the bridge. Garrus follow me."

Kaidan watched the two walk off. There had been something wrong with Jane's eyes, besides that she couldn't meet his. Her eyes had been red like she had cried.

"Garrus you can drop your gear in here." Jane motioned towards the Mako and her makeshift gym.

Garrus entered and dropped his gear eyeing the punching bag. "Yours?"

She shrugged. "Yeah well, there is a lack of people to spar with on this ship."

Garrus smiled. "Not anymore, I'm always up for it. If you think you can handle it."

"Yeah we'll see." Jane leaned against the wall closing her eyes for a moment, she felt tired and her headache was starting to edge its way back.

Garrus lifted his eyes to her and frowned "Jane, I've got to tell you. I'm sorry, about Nihlus. I know you two grew up together. And I remember our conversation. You know about your mark and if you had a mate or a boyfriend. When I was starting my investigation I came across some files about Nihlus. They mentioned you."

She opened her eyes and stared straight ahead. "Well as far as that goes. I have neither now thanks to Saren and the Alliance."

"What does the council want you to do?" Garrus couldn't help but notice the red bloodshot look to Jane's normally very clear green eyes.

"They want me to investigate the allegations behind all of this and bring him back here for questioning."

Garrus lifted a brow plate.

"I feel a big but here. Like that's not going to happen."

"You're right it's not, I told you I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him."

Nodding Garrus sighed. "I can't say I blame you Jane. I'm here if you need me."

Jane pulled herself off the wall and turned towards the door. "Meet on the bridge in fifteen."

~~00o00~~

Reaching the quarters that were now hers Jane quickly hid the bag still on her. She washed her face and hit her comm. to Admiral Hackett.

"Commander Shepard, congratulations on your appointment as a Spectre. I hope you find the Normandy up to the task."

"I'm sure she will be Admiral." Jane nodded but couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with him.

"Commander I have a situation that I believe is related to Saren. We've had another Geth attack at another human colony. This time they took a hostage; there was a message for you. It's sent anonymously of course and we couldn't trace it. But the message mentions Randiv and your.." Hackett paused

"the message mentions Ganis. I need you to head to Randiv get our soldier back and capture Saren red-handed. If you can you will have all the proof they need as well as him. Good luck Shepard, don't let me down I need this soldier back. Hackett out."

Jane released a breath she didn't know she was holding and narrowed her eyes. Hackett wasn't telling her something. Again damn him. She was walking into a situation almost blind. Hostage retrival involving Randiv, her dad and Saren. Clenching her Jaw Jane made her way to the bridge to address the crew.

When she arrived at the bridge Anderson was there and they were waiting for her.

Anderson turned to the gathered crew and motioned towards Jane.

"Everyone this is Commander Shepard. She has command of the Normandy as she has just been appointed as the first Human Spectre. I trust all of you will be proud to serve under her as you served under me. I wish you all God speed in the missions before you. Commander."

Anderson stepped to the side and Jane stepped forward.

"Thank you Captain Anderson. Can everyone give me a Oorah for our Captain?"

"Oorah."

"Thank you, I hope to be half as good as a Commander for the Normandy as you have been Sir. I want you all to know that if you need me I'm always here. As a team there isn't anything we can't do."

Jane was answered with another "Oorah" from those gathered and she turned to walk Anderson off the ship.

"Take care Jane. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you Sir." Her tone was flat and nothing like it just had been on the ship. She was reminding him of that broken little girl who had left Jump Zero. He stood in the docking bay and watched as the Normandy departed saying a silent prayer that Jane could make it though this too.

~~00o00~~

It was late, Jane had set Joker on a heading towards Randiv and had everyone rack out. But she couldn't sleep, every time she closed her eyes she was having weird flashes again of things she didn't understand. Exiting her quarters she made for the mess intent on grabbing a cup of coffee. Garrus was sitting at the table and she paused only a moment before entering and setting about making the coffee.

Garrus glanced up upon hearing her and smiled.

"At least you have Turian food on board. Your addition I'm guessing?"

"Yup, I've been forced to eat human food too long."

He chuckled as she sat with her cup and pushed the plate towards her.

"Hungry then?"

She shook her head and took a drink.

"Can't sleep either Garrus?"

"Nope, not that I sleep a lot anyways, I'm just trying to make sense of everything; someone like Saren going rogue just doesn't add up to me. Why would he be working with the Geth?"

Kaidan had left his bunk unable to rest. Jane hadn't spoken to him still and it was keeping him up.

He stopped in the hall outside the mess when he heard her voice.

"I don't know. I do know I'm going to find him and I'm going to stop him."

"Of that I have no doubt Jane. You seem very focused. Good Turian training." He chuckled again but she didn't smile. "Randiv though, what could he want there? And why take a human soldier? I can't seem to figure that out either."

Jane shrugged again but there was this nagging part of her mind telling her that Hackett knew and wasn't telling them. Not that this would be the first time.

Kaidan heard the silence in the room and took another step forward, he could see them sitting across from each other at the table and he stopped again waiting.

"I don't know Garrus." She paused taking another drink and then set her cup down.

"Is it funny though, that out of everyone on this ship I feel like you're really the only person I should trust?"

Kaidan frowned as he heard her. How in the hell could she trust this Vakarian over him? She'd only just met him.

Garrus laughed. "That's only because I let you shoot me."

She smiled and shook her head. "There are way more reasons than that."

With that Kaidan walked forward and into the mess. He stalked forward and poured a cup of coffee directing his eyes at the table he met Jane's curious glance and didn't look away. It was a challenge he knew and she didn't back down.

"Shouldn't you be in your rack Lieutenant?"

"Going there now Commander." His eyes didn't leave hers until he was out of the mess and in the hall. He heard her sigh and push back from the table.

~~00o00~~

Kaidan, Jane and Garrus sat in the shuttle on the way to Randiv, it was quiet and tense in the shuttle and not because of the mission ahead of them. They were used to walking into situations blind. It was tense because Kaidan was finally mad. He was tired of asking for forgiveness for something he hadn't done.

As the shuttle landed Jane nodded towards the hill. "Hackett said this had to do with my dad. We'll head to the house first."

As they climbed the hill Kaidan noticed a lack of people, when they had been here before there were plenty of people out in the small colony that Jane had stopped and talked to. Now there was no one.

"Doesn't this seem odd to you Shepard? There is no one around; it's a little too quiet."

"I noticed." She stopped down the road from her house and pulled out her rifle. The house was dark as were those around it. She motioned for Garrus to go left and Kaidan to fall behind her. As she opened the door Garrus ducked into the doorway going low and Kaidan entered behind high. Jane turned making sure no one had followed them up the hill.

"Front Clear." Garrus stood in the hall as Kaidan checked each back room.

"Rooms are Clear Shepard." Jane stood looking around her home. It looked like no one had been here in weeks.

"Alright let's head down to the Colony check with Le'lani. I want you both on your guard. Kaidan you've got point."

"Roger that Shepard."

As they made their way down the hill Jane was becoming more concerned. The colony was mostly dark and anyone they did see headed in the other direction instantly. The hospital was dark and as the doors opened Jane motioned for them to move in and flank out.

"Clear."

The doors to the med bay opened just then and two shots rang out. Garrus ducked down and to the left and Kaidan went right Jane rolled through the middle and ducked behind the bed closest to her.

Jane could hear Garrus on the other side of the room. It sounded like he was fighting hand to hand.

"Garrus?"

"Two of them Shepard, they didn't actually see us just heard the door open, I have them, one is unconscious the other is injured but awake."

"Good, Alenko get some damn light in here."

"On it Shepard." Kaidan found the light control and clicked it on, the lights in the room flickered and came on.

The two Turians lay at Garrus's feet where he was securing them.

"Good C-sec training I see."

Garrus laughed. "Not my first time Shepard."

"Hey Shepard I found something, or rather someone." Jane looked back to where Kaidan was standing in the middle of the room. Someone was tied to a chair bag over their head. Jane inhaled deeply. The situation was becoming a little too familiar. Walking forward Jane pulled the bag off and sucked in a breath taking a step back. Besides the fact that he was male, she could have been looking in a damn mirror. Kaidan checked his vitals and nodded.

"He's alive, unconscious but alive." He took a long look at his face and then looked at Jane.

"Wow, Shepard he looks.." But Jane cut him off.

"Just like me, yeah I fucking noticed."

"So I'm going to guess the good Admiral failed to mention this part."

"Yeah, you'd be right Kaidan."

He almost made a joke again about her using his name but quickly shut his mouth as Garrus slid the two turians against the wall. Jane spun and walked towards them crouching in front of the one that was awake and eyeing her.

"Where is Saren?"

The Turian just laughed and tilted his head back against the wall.

"I asked you where Saren is." Using the butt of her rifle she slammed it into his knee and asked again.

"Tell me where Saren is or I'll kill you."

He just laughed again and closed his eyes.

"I'm right here Shepard."

Before any of them could react Saren was behind Jane, she had left her back open to the door. Stupid she thought. He had his gun to her head. "Stand up Shepard. Slowly, and if your friends get any smart ideas I'll drop you like I dropped Nihlus. I didn't expect you to take out my guards so quickly. I see I underestimated your team human."

Jane stood as he turned her towards Kaidan and Garrus the gun still at her head. He motioned towards the chair next to Kaidan.

"Shepard I don't believe you've met John Hackett; your brother, twin brother actually. Funny that they never told you that he lived; I'm not surprised though. With what they did to the two of you; together you might actually remember. Those human doctors playing with technology they didn't understand. Talking willing parents into trying to make super soldiers, you're just one step closer Shepard."

He scooted her to the side and Jane's eyes were on Garrus and she nodded.

Jane snapped her head back ducked to avoid fire if Sarens side arm went off and throwing her elbow back connected with the side of Sarens head throwing him off-balance enough that she could roll away. Garrus got off a shot and hit Saren in the leg dropping him and Jane crouched next to him her side arm to his head.

"Now tell me what the hell is going on."

To Jane's fury Saren laughed. "This goes far beyond anything you can fathom Shepard and you're a part of it, they made you a part of it." He smirked as he looked into her eyes.

"You know Shepard Red Sand is a nasty habit."

Jane inhaled but didn't move.

"What's keeping me from just killing you now and ending all of this?"

He laughed again. "Killing me won't stop anything except maybe your daddy's heart."

Jane froze. "What are you talking about? Where is my dad?"

"I took out a little insurance. If you kill me you'll never find him."

"Fuck you Saren. What says I believe you?"

"What choice do you have Shepard?"

She stood knowing he was right and kicked him to his side.

"Get out of here. But know I'll find you. I won't stop hunting you and I will kill you."

Saren pulled himself up holding his thigh where Garrus had shot him. "It won't matter by then Shepard, you won't stop them. The reapers can't be stopped you'd know if you only looked within yourself."

With that he limped to the door and away from them.

Jane's teeth felt like they were going to shatter in her mouth she was grinding them so hard. She spun on her shocked team.

"Fuck this, grab him and let's go."

Garrus untied and lifted the unconscious man over his shoulder.

Kaidan stepped up next to the two Turians on the ground.

"What about them Shepard?"

Jane turned and stopped next to Kaidan, pulling her side arm and fired twice at each killing them where they sat. Kaidan sputtered his mouth hanging open as Jane spun away from him and towards the door.

"What about them?" She tossed back.

"Shepard, how I...shit did you just do that?"

Silence answered him as they walked away from the hospital and towards where Jane had called for the evac.

~~00o00~~

Back on the Normandy Jane had Garrus take John Hackett to the med bay as she headed towards her quarters though Kaidan stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Jane we seriously need to talk. What happened back there? That was insane you can't just do that. There are rules Jane, you know that as well as anyone."

"I think the rules got thrown out a long time ago Kaidan. This was my choice, leave it."

Garrus stood to the side his arms crossed.

"Forget that, the important questions are what are we going to do about Saren and your dad? What are you going to tell the Council and more importantly what are you going to do about Hackett?"

Jane thought for a moment and sighed. "I'd say we've got the proof the Council wants, we need to figure out what the hell Reapers are that he was talking about and I have a feeling Hackett can tell me just about everything we need to know. And I have his son so he's going to tell me."

Kaidan's eyes went wide.

"Jane that man in there is your brother you can't."

"Relax I'm not going to shoot him. Just make Hackett worry a bit. He wants him back so badly then he can give me the answers I want."

Kaidan threw his arms in the air and turned towards the mess. "This is insane, I need coffee. If you need hell whatever find me."

Garrus watched Jane as Kaidan's rant faded down the hall.

"Hey, you okay? That was pretty messed up back there. But I get it. Those things Saren said we'll figure it out okay. I'm here for you Jane. No matter what."

Jane nodded and continued on to her quarters once inside she hit her comm..

"Admiral Hackett, Commander Shepard, I have your _son_." The last word was almost a curse.

The Admiral sighed audibly. "He's alive then? Thank you Shepard."

"Yes, he's alive. You could have told me Sir, I'm getting a little tired of going into situations completely blind."

Admiral Hackett was quiet and stared through her before responding.

"What should I have said Shepard? My son, your brother is missing. The one that I saved and raised all these years. I want you to go save his life?"

Jane pursed her lips. "Anything would have been better than what I just walked into. Sir, I have no problem with the way my life worked out. You seem to have the guilt issues. Now let's move on shall we. Saren has my father." She watched Hackett's eyes narrow and she restated.

"He has my father, he also mentioned something about Reapers and that they can't be stopped no matter what we do. He wanted both John and me, something to do with the modifications that were done to us as children. Now Sir I think you need to tell me what's going on. You probably do not know I recorded everything that happened down there and before I go to the Council you have once chance to tell me what is going on."

Hackett turned his head to the side thinking and then back to Jane. "Shepard." His voice was soft now and he sighed. "You're so much like your mother."

Jane blinked and her face went hard, blank. "That wasn't what I asked you Admiral."

"I know that Shepard, but you have to understand that it isn't that simple." He glanced behind him. "Stand down for now Shepard, you'll have your answers, take what you know to the Council and find Saren and Ganis. I will do what I can to get you the information you need; that's an order Shepard. Hackett out."

Jane spun from the console and rubbed her temples damn migraine. Standing she paced the floor before deciding. She grabbed the bag of Red Sand pinched, inhaled stored the bag again and collapsed on her bed letting every feeling fade away into a haze.

~~00o00~~

It had been hours since Jane had gone up to her quarters. Garrus had made something to eat for himself and just doubled it for Jane. He avoided Kaidan as the man was still ranting and freaking out about what happened down on Randiv. Garrus had been shocked but let it go. She hadn't done anything he hadn't heard of a hundred times, especially during the First Contact War, but he wasn't about to tell Kaidan that as he was repeating to himself that this wasn't Jane.

As Garrus stopped at the entrance to Jane's quarters he made to hit the buzzer but the doors opened. Not locked. Odd he thought as he stuck his head in the room. He glanced around in the dim light; he found her lying on her bed. Out cold he thought as he set the food by her console. He watched her for a moment she shivered and he pulled a blanket over her. As he turned to leave his eyes caught a glint of red on her fingers and he stopped. Red Sand, Saren hadn't been goading her. Shit.

"Spirits Jane."

He looked at her face; she didn't have the signs of a long-term user.

He sighed as he walked back to the door. "What am I going to do with you Jane Vandrel-Shepard?"

~~00o00~~

**Harsh I know. I understand that some of you are very upset about Jane right now, really that's the point. Even the best of us break no matter how well we were raised. I know it seems out of character but really I promise you there is a point. I'm a little scared right now, it was hard for me to do this but I really felt it was needed. Don't hurt me. ^.^**

**As a side note I did change the effects of Red Sand just a bit, kind of like being drunk, with a bit of the codeine effect in there.**


	17. Problems

"Commander, commander?" Joker's voice echoed off the walls in Jane's quarters, she groaned rolling over.

"What is it Joker?"

"Um, Commander where are we going? We're drifting now as you haven't given me a destination. Oh and Dr. Chakwas wants to see you."

"Okay Joker I'm up, I'll be down presently and I'll get you a destination."

"Roger that Commander."

"As soon as I figure out where the hell to start." Jane mumbled as she sat up.

Jane took the time to shower and dress in a clean uniform before she headed out. A plate of food next to her console caused her to pause. It was Turian, Garrus must have made her dinner. She smiled and left the room heading towards the med bay.

The lights in the med bay were dimmed and as she entered Doctor Chakwas stood greeting her.

"Ah Commander; thank you for coming so soon."

Jane nodded noticing Kaidan on a bed to the side of her.

"Is Lieutenant Alenko alright?"

Chakwas nodded and Jane could see the corner of her mouth play at a smile.

"The Lieutenant is fine, just a bad headache he was a little dehydrated and I've got him sleeping it off. How are your headaches Commander?"

"I'll manage."

"I'm sure you will Commander. Now I called you here to talk about John."

Jane inhaled deeply through her nose, crossed her arms over her chest and instinctively dropped into a defensive posture.

Chakwas arched an eyebrow at her but the smile still played at her mouth.

"He's resting now, but he has been up. I think you should talk to him; he seems very confused. He's not really sure how he ended up here; I thought you might be able to help with that."

"Fine, when he's up again let me know. Now Doctor if there isn't anything else?"

"No that's all Commander."

When the doors to the med bay closed behind her Jane rolled her neck and flexed her jaw. She really needed to stop grinding her teeth.

"Commander."

Ashley moved past her in the hall and towards the mess. Jane followed and poured a cup of coffee watching as Williams rooted around for something to eat.

"Want something to eat Commander?"

Jane wrinkled her nose. "No, Williams I'm not much for breakfast. At least that breakfast; I'll just drink mine thank you."

She nodded and continued to make her breakfast. "Have you seen Lieutenant Alenko, Commander?"

"Yeah, he's in the med bay sleeping off a migraine. I'm sure he'll be up soon and I'm sure he'd love to join you. He loves breakfast; always used to drag me for it." She shuddered shaking her head.

Jane watched as Ashley chewed on the inside of her lip. Shit she thought, she'd talked too much and now the questions would start. Why don't people just leave well enough alone?

"So, you and the Lieutenant, Joker say's you're getting married?"

There it was. At least she was direct and to the point.

"Once, things didn't really work out."

"Because of the Spectre?"

Jane blinked, caught off guard by the question.

"Joker mentioned him, the one we found after you rescued me. I wondered about your reaction and Joker said that you and the Spectre grew up together. We've all heard the rumours and stories around that, but to know that you really never saw another human until you left for Jump Zero."

Jane lifted her left brow slowly in a perfectly practised arch, and raised a finger cutting her off.

"Joker says a lot." She let it sit at that and didn't continue so Williams fiddled with her fork and stared off at the wall.

"I just was thinking that you and Kaidan don't really seem, done yet. The way he talks about you it seems to me that he still thinks you're together."

Fighting the urge to close her eyes and groan Jane shrugged and silence dropped between them.

Jane cleared her throat and was about to leave after refilling her coffee when Kaidan popped his head in the room.

"Hey Shepard, having breakfast? Mind if I join you?"

Her face was blank as she shook her head.

"No I'm not but I'm sure Williams here would love to have breakfast with you."

Before she could leave Ashley spoke again.

"Oh I forgot to tell you Commander, Garrus wanted to see you. Asked me to tell you when I saw you."

Jane clenched her teeth again. She couldn't have said that ten minutes ago?

"Thank you Williams."

~~00o00~~

Garrus was sitting with his rifle on his lap his other weapons spread out around him.

Cleaning and calibrating thought Jane as she entered, the smell reminded her of home and the pit in her stomach grew as she thought of her dad.

"You wanted to see me Garrus?"

He nodded not looking up as he lifted the rifle peering through the scope and made another adjustment.

"I did, good to see you up and about. Did you get the food I left you?"

"I saw it, haven't really had time to eat but I thank you for the thought. I've tried to figure out where to start. We have no leads besides the fact the bastard has my dad." She leaned against a workbench watching him.

"Right that's what I wanted to talk to you about Jane." He sat the rifle aside and stood brushing off. His eyes searched hers and she fought the urge to look away. His gaze reminded her so much of her dads.

"I got a message from a buddy of mine back at C-sec. Seems they arrested a stowaway Quarian. Funny thing is she's been ranting about this important message she needs to tell the Council. Something about Geth and Prothean's. Says she had knowledge of the attack on Eden Prime and who did it. He gave me the heads up, thought we might want to know, what with Eden Prime having been mentioned."

Jane stood up straight and nodded. "Well that sounds just like what I wanted to hear. That's the best news I've had in days."

Garrus nodded watching her. "Yeah so back to the Citadel, at least it's a chance right?"

"You're damn right it is Garrus, it's a lot more than I had five seconds ago."

"Hey Jane, you should eat. And I was thinking we could.." Garrus was cut off as Jokers voice came over the comm.

"Commander you're wanted in the Med bay."

"Thank you Joker, by the way I have your destination, we're headed back to the Citadel."

"Awww the Citadel, I've already seen the Citadel."

"Thank you Joker."

She rubbed her head not looking forward to the talk she was going to have back in the med bay.

"Thanks Garrus, don't know what I would have done without you." Jane's fingers tapped together nervously and Garrus couldn't help but smile, if she would have had talons the clicking would have signaled that she was nervous and wanted to talk.

"We'll find him Jane." He noticed the bloodshot ting to her eyes but knew better than to bring it up now. And told himself her personal life was hers. As long as it wasn't getting in the way of her job then it was of no concern to him. That's what he thought but a nagging part of him had the need to make sure she was taking care of herself. He quickly pushed that down and nodded.

"I'll see you when we get to the Citadel Jane."

Rolling her shoulders back Jane tiled her head shoulder to shoulder and sighed.

"What am I supposed to tell him? Mr. John Hackett."

Garrus shrugged and picked up his pistol going through the motions of cleaning it though she doubted it needed it. But she knew it wasn't so much a necessary task as it was a mental calming technique.

"Tell him the truth."

"Right the truth, what the hell is that?"

She heard him laugh as she left the room and headed towards the med bay.

~~00o00~~

The daughter of a very Turian military father learns the proper way to handle nearly any situation. What ammo is best, what to do when you're surrounded, how to hide, when to keep your mouth shut and how to handle pressure when tortured. Everything Jane thought wryly except what to do when faced with a twin brother who most likely doesn't know you exist. Maybe they should put that in a manual somewhere.

"Doctor?"

"Commander, he's awake."

His back was to her but she could make out his red hair in the dim light and she knew what she would see when he turned to her.

"Does he know about me?"

"I don't believe he does, I mentioned your name and he didn't seem to react besides recognizing you as N7. We've all heard the stories."

"Yes, I realize that doctor. Turian girl."

Before Chakwas could respond Jane walked towards the bed stopping just on the other side and cleared her throat.

"John Hackett." Her eyes lowered to his uniform and she corrected herself. "I'm sorry, Major Hackett." She fell to attention and saluted even though he hadn't turned to her yet.

His voice was thick with sleep when he spoke still not turning to her.

"Please Commander this is your ship don't trouble yourself with protocol."

Jane snorted. "If you knew anything about me Sir you'd know that's the last thing I would do."

He tried to laugh but it came out as a choked cough.

"I've heard as much about you Commander."

Jane pulled her shoulders back and together and stepped around the end of the bed and stood by his side.

"Christ I can see my reflection in your boots Commander." he choke laughed again and raised his face to hers. Jane heard his sharp intake of breath and watched his eyes go wide.

Jane stood in awkward silence as John's gaze went over her face again and again. She knew he was noting, same eyes, same freckles, nose, hair and mouth same as she had done when she first saw him. It was like a mirror.

She watched him blink and his mouth opened like he was going to say something but he quickly close it and then tried again. Jane would have laughed if it was a different situation as he was starting to resemble a fish out of water. She finally saved him by motioning to herself.

"Yes Sir I know what you must be thinking."

"Actually Commander I'm not sure you do. It has a lot of cuss words in it though."

"Yes Sir then we're on the same path exactly." Jane motioned to the chair next to his bed.

"Permission to sit Sir." John nodded vigorously.

"Yes of course and for the love of God stop calling me Sir."

She sat with a resounding sigh and leaned forward on her knees.

"Listen Sir, I've spoken to your father. Apparently you were taken from wherever you were stationed by a Turian named Saren Arterius. You've had a nasty blow to the head but other than that you seem to be fine."

John waved all this away with a flick of his hand. She knew that motion it was one his father used.

"I don't care about that, what I want to know is, well what is this?" He made a gesture between the two of them.

"Okay right well it's complicated." Jane muttered and Johns eyebrow shot up, she wanted to be pissed at him but the look on his face said he was as clueless about this as she was.

"You're damn right it must be complicated now tell me Commander."

She had no good way to put this so she just went for broke.

"Well Sir, your father informed me that you and I are twins."

John pursed his lips. "Well that much I can see, so when you say my father you mean our father." He stopped short and dropped his head to his hands. "Shepard, was my mothers name. How the fuck did I never put that one together."

"Most likely because there was no reason to Sir."

"Commander I told you not to call me sir and I meant it."

Jane shook her head. "I'm sorry Major."

"How long have you know Shepard?"

"What? That the Admiral is my father or that I have a twin brother? Because the two are separated by quite a few years. You I just found out about."

"Damn him. I'm not sure I understand Jane, every story I've heard about you says you were taken during the First Contact War."

"Yes I was, from a biotics and genetics lab were they were doing experiments on children, to make super soldiers."

"What?" Johns mouth dropped open and landed somewhere down with the Mako.

"I told you this is complicated."

His face went firm as he nodded making up his mind. "I want to hear this, all of it Shepard. Tell me."

Popping her neck Jane felt an odd pulling in her chest and her head was starting to pound but lifting her eyes to his and seeing herself there she nodded.

"Alright, but this is going to take coffee."

~~00o00~~

"Holy Shit."

Jane smirked at his reaction. Really what other one could there be.

"I had no idea.."

He was cut off as Jokers voice once again came over the Comm.

"Commander we're arriving at the Citadel, the Council is asking for you."

Jane rolled her eyes and stood.

"Thank you Joker."

John watched her stand but remained seated, she could see the cup he held trembling in his hand.

"Well Major, we're at the Citadel, I believe Captain Anderson is still here if you like I can take you to him."

John stood his back straight. "Thank you Shepard, I'll see to it." His eyes narrowed as he looked over her shoulder. "I need to speak with the Admiral."

"Yes, of course."

Not knowing what else to say Jane saluted and turned away from him leaving the room she went to her quarters grabbed the bag hidden in her things, pinched sniffed and waited for the headache and pulling in her chest to pass. Washing her face and hands she hid the bag and left the room bumping into Garrus and Kaidan as she made her way towards the bridge.

"Vakarian, it's like you read my mind. Ready?"

"Sure thing Shepard."

"Alenko you don't really need to come on this one."

Kaidan's arms were already firmly crossed over his chest.

"Permission to go anyway Commander."

Jane shrugged and turned to leave.

"Fine, granted."

~~00o00~~

As the they entered C-sec Garrus left them to talk to a man in the back. Kaidan fidgeted next to Jane and she sighed knowing what was coming.

"Shepard, I'm worried about you."

"Don't be, I'm fine."

"Shepard you're not fine, we're not fine. We need to talk."

Jane turned her head to him and the look on his face caused her to pause. It wasn't sadness or the pathetic look she was used to seeing. It was anger, frustration and she relented.

"Yeah, okay Kaidan. When we get back to the ship. Let's focus on this first alright?"

A shadow of shock crossed his face and he nodded.

"Thanks Shepard."

Garrus walked back to them she knew that look. He was annoyed.

"What's wrong Vakarian?"

"They couldn't hold her, so they let her go. My buddy says she didn't have a way off the Citadel, she's got a jump on us though but I have an idea where she'd go to try to get away from here."

"Alright then, lead the way."

"It a rough part of the Citadel, lucky we're with a Spectre." His mandibles fluttered subtly and Jane caught it. Was he flirting with her? Suppressing a smile Jane nodded, right let's go then.

As they went deeper into the Citadel Jane's head began to throb as the Red Sand wore off. They were coming back worse and worse.

As they rounded a corner she could hear raised voices down the hall. Jane held up a hand halting her team. Pointing to her ears, eyes and then down the hall she motioned them forward.

The hall they were in exited into a large round room. Only way out was the way they had come, dead-end. The yelling was coming from three people to the left. Jane noted the two dead humans on the ground. There was a human holding the Quarian she was sure they were looking for. In front of them his back to them was a Krogan weapon pointed at them both.

The human saw them enter and laughed. "You've got to be shitting me. Shepard? This must be my lucky day. Sent for the Quarian and I get you in the deal too."

Jane laughed and trained her rifle on him stepping forward. "I wouldn't call this your lucky day, you seem to have not only a Krogan bearing down on you but two of the best shots in the galaxy lining up your head. You seem to have something I want. Let her go and I'll think about not painting the wall with what little seems to be in your head."

"Shepard I can't get a clean shot." She heard Garrus at her side but didn't move.

The Krogan snorted and took a step back towards her team and the exit. "You wouldn't happen to be Commander Shepard would you?"

Jane quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah that's me, how did you?"

"Not now, we'll deal with this puke and then discuss that."

"Who is he?"

"His name is Fist, he's a traitor and a bad one, got caught. Works for some blasted Turian named Saren."

Jane's eyes narrowed on him. "So what do you say, shoot her, kill him. Move on?"

Jane heard Kaidan sputter behind her.

"Damn it Jane you're not going to shoot her, those suits protect them, besides the fact the shot might kill her the infection most certainly will."

"My shot wouldn't kill her, my placement is perfect, just make her drop enough so Garrus can get the shot. Besides we have a good doctor on board. We'll get her back in time."

"You aren't actually thinking of doing that are you?" She could hear the fear in Kaidan's voice.

Jane went silent and Kaidan grabbed her shoulder.

"Jane, don't."

Before he finished Jane fired the shot, it caught the human off guard and as the Quarian dropped Garrus fired.

"What the fuck Jane?" Kaidan was next to the Quarian.

"Stop talking Alenko and grab her, let's go. Move it. Krogan you coming?"

"Hell Yeah I gotta see how this works out."

They double timed it back through the Citadel and to the Normandy ignoring looks as they went. Thankfully Shepard's status as a Spectre afforded them the right to do as they pleased.

On board the Normandy after substantial yelling by Doctor Chakwas they found themselves in the hallway Kaidan's breathing was ragged and he stared in disbelief at Jane.

"What. The. Fuck. Jane?"

She shrugged.

"Acceptable risk. Their suits seal should they be punctured. Something my dad told me. My shot merely grazed her, didn't even barely break skin. Just enough to get them to twich. Like I said it was a perfect shot. As was Garrus's." She smiled and he nodded.

Kaidan looked between the two of them.

"Are you kidding me right now? You're okay with this? That she just, shot someone to...I don't even know what to say Jane."

"Relax, she's fine everyone to the bridge."

~~00o00~~

"So Krogan you are?"

They stood together ignoring the looks the crew was giving them. Kaidan was still pouting Jane noticed and Garrus and the Krogan were exchanging looks she could read very well. Distrust anger and she knew why. The look the Krogan turned on her was very similar.

"I'm Urdnot Wrex and I like your style Shepard I've heard lots about you. Though too bad you're half Turian. Kind of ruins the moment. If you know what I mean."

She nodded. "I do, I understand. Now this Turian is Garrus Vakarian and the sour looking human there is Lieutenant Alenko."

He grunted and turned his attention back to her. "So why the hatred for your fellow Turian and Spectre Saren?"

"How do you know I hate him?"

"Well that look in your eye when I told you Fist was working for Saren. You know you could have asked him where Saren was. But you jumped right to killing him. That's hate."

Jane nodded. "I did think about asking him, I figured he'd just tell me what the last two did, nothing. So I just skipped a step."

"Are you always so brutal? Not that I mind of course."

Jane shrugged and stepped back. "I need to talk to our new Quarian friend and get to the Council. You headed back to the Citadel Wrex?"

"If it's all the same to you Shepard I'd like to talk to you when you get back."

"Sure, make yourself at home, foods in the mess. Garrus on me, Kaidan go cool off."

And with that Jane and Garrus left Wrex and Kaidan alone.

"So human, how long you been doin the Commander? Like that in charge woman don't you? Yeah you know it."

"What? How could you possibly?"

Wrex laughed.

"You need to work on that face of yours. Even when you're mad at her, in your mind you're in her if you know what I mean. Hey hey don't look at me like that, I get it she's a tough lady. She'd make a good brood."

"What?"

Wrex clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Breeding, she'd make good babies as long as the Turian part didn't come out anyways. Come on let's get some food I'm starved."

Wrex directed a shocked and stuttering Kaidan towards the direction Shepard had motioned.

~~00o00~~

A very upset Doctor let Shepard back into the med bay and as she approached the Quarian she sat up seemingly no worse for wear.

"You must be Shepard, the Doctor here told me a little about you. That was a nice shot."

Jane blinked. "I must say I'm surprised you're not upset."

"Well I'm not dead and that was the other option had you not showed up."

Jane nodded.

"I'm Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Please to meet you Shepard, I'm glad you showed up when you did."

"Me too, now I'm in a rush I'm sorry, I need to ask you about the Geth and Saren."

Tali told Shepard everything she had run into on her trip to the Citadel and offered her the recording she had of Saren before Eden Prime.

"I'm sorry I wasn't in time to save them."

Jane bit her lip. She was too but that didn't matter now.

"Thank you Tali."

~~00o00~~

Garrus waited outside as Jane spoke to the Council about Saren. As she exited the room she was smiling though it was a rather cold smile.

"So what did they say?"

"Saren is no longer a Spectre and now I have full authority to kill him on sight. Though they told me Reapers are legends and they think he's using it to control the Geth, we need more information on them. The council received a distress call from Virmire something to do with Saren and more Prothean artifacts. So we at least have somewhere to start."

As Garrus and Jane were walking through the docks towards the Normandy, John was waiting for them by the airlock.

"Major, I didn't expect to see you back."

"I know Commander, but I've spoken to our..."

He stopped cold at the look of disgust Jane levelled at him. "Um well my, shit I've spoken to the Admiral. I've told him I'm with you until he decides to come clean with both of us. So Commander I'm here to help. And I thought we could get to know one another."

Jane's face was empty as he searched for something from her but she just lifted a shoulder at him.

"Alright then Major, I won't say no. Welcome aboard."

~~00o00~~

Back on the Normandy Jane saw to getting Wrex who had requested to stay for the ride, Tali and John all settled, before heading back to the mess for coffee. Kaidan was there sitting at the table on the side of the room and she ignored him as she filled her cup and made to leave for her quarters.

"Jane, you said we could talk, I think that time is now."

Closing her eyes Jane almost groaned. "Not now."

"Now Jane." She glanced towards the door and freedom in her quarters and sighed dropping at the table.

"Garrus is in the kitchen don't you think we could?"

"It's fine Jane I just need you to know something. All of this that has gone on, the anger the spite. That's not the girl I know." His hand lifted and brushed her hair away from her face. She didn't move or pull away just directed her eyes over his shoulder rather than at him.

Garrus tried to ignore the exchange but he could see Jane's face clearly every muscle she moved. Her movements even her stillness was every inch Turian and Kaidan was doing that thing again where he was trying to make the Turian act human.

"Jane, I know what Saren said was true, about the Red Sand, I get it. I understand we all have weaknesses. You're not perfect, let me take care of you. This isn't like Jump Zero, you don't have to shoulder everything on your own. You're only human."

Garrus heard what he said and he saw the muscle under Jane's eye twitch the line of her jaw clinched and he knew that look. Kaidan had just gone somewhere he shouldn't have. She needed help but not like that. This man didn't know her at all.

"Thank you Lieutenant for your concern. Right now though I'm worried sick about my father and I don't need you treating me like a child. That will be all."

"Jane I.."

"I said that will be all Lieutenant."

"God damn it Jane." And with that Kaidan stormed off down the hall leaving Jane staring at the far wall.

Garrus decided something as he saw her look towards her quarters. She was going to go back there and dump herself into oblivion. That's not what she needed. He knew what she needed so he tapped her on the shoulder.

"Come on Shepard, I need to show you something."

"Can it wait Garrus?"

"No actually it can't."

She knew by his posture he wasn't joking so she followed him back towards the mako and as he turned to her he put his hands behind his back.

"Jane I shouldn't care what you do with your personal time but I can't see you like this. How do we solve problems? How do we deal with them? We use this." He pointed to her head. "When we're angry and frustration is driving us to extremes what do we do?"

She had heard this from her dad so many times and her heart caught in her throat.

"Garrus I know you think I."

"No Jane I know what you need."

He dropped back into a combat stance and when she didn't copy him he advanced on her and threw her to the ground.

"You know what comes next Jane."

Her instincts took over and she jump kicked back to standing and he nodded circling her.

He knew he had reach on her but she was fast and flexible as she dodged and blocked most of his blows and returned them. At one point she rolled between his legs and landed a kick to his back.

He stayed still on the ground as she moved round to take the last blow but he moved tossing her on her back. She was laughing underneath him and he felt his body respond to her threatening to make his armour very uncomfortable.

As he watched her eyes crinkle he realized everything about her, every movement every quirk was Turian, the way she spoke the way she carried herself and he realized the reason he cared what she did on her off time was because his body was responding to her as it would to a potential mate. The realization caught him off guard as his eyes went to her neck. Spirits she was so soft under him.

Jane's breath caught in her chest as she saw the look on Garrus's face as he hovered over her. She licked her lips and he took a talon and traced under her eye.

"Jane, your eyes are so beautiful, don't ruin them. Tell me you haven't been using long."

"I haven't, my headaches.. and I was so angry, I'm still angry."

"I know Jane." Without thinking he leaned his head down against hers.

"I'm here and I'll kick your ass anytime if it keeps your eyes that clear green I love to see."

Jane sucked in a breath as his head touched hers.

"You can't save me Garrus. I thought once that would work, it doesn't."

He shook his head still holding it against hers.

"I don't want to save you Jane. You're a big girl and can do as you like. I just want you to be the Turian I know you are and solve your own problems." His mandibles trembled as his talon traced gently down her face.

"I'm just thinking I could give you a few more."

~~00o00~~

**Oh if only things could be fixed so easily.**

**^.^**


	18. Guilt And Learning To Let Go

**This was actually part of the last chapter but it was getting a little long so I broke it up.**

**Thanks everyone again for your reviews. I hope all of my friends and readers in the States had a fantastic Thanksgiving Weekend. I hope you enjoyed these last two as much as I did. **

**^.^**

**~~00o00~~**

Garrus moved his head back from Jane and stared down into her eyes. She was about to speak when Jokers voice filled the room.

"Commander, we have an issue. There is a distress call from Virmire, and it's not the Salarian's."

Garrus watched the immediate flood of guilt wash over Jane's face as she pushed herself up and away from him. He let her, he knew she would be conflicted and though he wouldn't apologise for what he'd said and done he would give her time. Something he mused, Kaidan should have learned to do long ago.

She cleared her throat and composed herself before answering.

"What is it Joker?"

"You'll never guess."

"I don't enjoy guessing games Flight Lieutenant."

"Even so Commander I think you should come up here."

"I'll be right there."

Jane turned slowly towards the door and paused only for a moment, she didn't look back at him just sighed.

"Garrus I..."

"Don't worry about it Jane, let's go."

Kaidan was next to Joker when they entered the bridge and he stepped to the side eyeing her and Garrus. Jane pointedly ignored the look.

"So what is it Joker?"

"How about I just let you listen to it Commander."

Jane quirked a brow and clasped her hands behind her back. "Very well then."

"My name is Liara T'Soni, I need to speak with Jane Shepard of the Systems Alliance. Repeat, I am Liara T'Soni we're pinned down on Virmire. I have information for Jane Shepard of the Systems Alliance. I'm with her father. Requesting immediate backup."

As the recording ended Jane's heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest.

"What did she mean she's with your father?" Major Hackett stepped up next to Jane and she flinched.

"She doesn't mean him. She means she's with Ganis; my dad. Joker, get me down there as close as possible to where that was sent from."

Jane turned and left the bridge and almost ran to her quarters.

John looked at the faces gathered. "She means the Turian then? I thought he was taken by Saren."

"Yeah she means the Turian Sir." Kaidan turned saluted and left the room.

Garrus nodded to John. "We know as much as you do. Hold on though this might get rough. If something has happened to him we're all in for one hell of a ride. I'm going to go get my gear; I suggest you do the same."

Garrus left the room glancing towards Jane's quarters. Even though every fiber of his body told him not to he turned and stopped outside Jane's door and hit the buzzer.

"Enter." Garrus smiled as he heard the string of cuss words that followed when he entered the room. Jane stood over the bed, she was making it. Not just making it, but military making it. She had also started tossing dirty clothes away and the whole scene caused Garrus to chuckle.

"What are you doing Jane?"

"I'm cleaning, if, if he's with her and he comes here he's going to see this disaster and I just can't.." She trailed off as he stepped up next to her and took her hand in his lifting it and rubbing the dust he knew he'd find there.

"Jane, I think he'd care less about the room and more about this." There was that look of guilt again and he let her hand fall from his and back to her side.

"You don't think I know that? Damn it Garrus I can't do this with a headache I needed to get rid of it. He might not be alive down there; I need to have it together."

"Jane.."

"Don't Garrus, don't tell me what I already know. Get your gear and get ready to drop."

Garrus turned leaving the room, this was going to get so much worse if things were bad down there he thought with a grimace.

~~00o00~~

Jane looked around the landscape this was the only place Joker had been able to set them down and it would be the only place he could get them out it needed to stay secure.

"Alenko, Williams stay here keep the drop zone secure. Wrex, Garrus, John on me." Kaidan made to argue but the look Jane shot him caused him to change what he was going to say.

"Roger that Commander, securing the drop zone."

Jane nodded once and her team set off down the hill.

They had been walking twenty minutes in silence when Jane heard voices from the other side of a ridge in front of them. She motioned for her team to get down and stay as she climbed slowly to the top of the ridge and set up her rifle.

"How does she do that? I don't hear anything. Do you?" Wrex motioned towards Jane and Garrus shook his head.

"No, but she's always right. Her senses are twice that of even a normal Turian." John looked confused.

"Are you guys kidding? I can hear them."

Garrus lifted a brow plate. "Well seems there's more alike between you two than just looks Major."

John frowned. "Yes, and I'm getting the feeling it's not really a good thing for either of us."

They saw Jane turn and give them all a look motioning for them to shut up.

Jane adjusted her scope and looked down the ridge. The first thing she saw was a Salarian pointing back towards what looked like a camp and some large buildings the Asari nodded and her eyes landed on her dad. He was standing in armour his side to her, his rifle in hand. She closed her eyes and released what was almost a sob at just seeing him alive.

Motioning for her team to come up and over she took them down the ridge and towards the camp. Her pace was quick and her dad saw them first and she broke rank running to him.

He smiled as she slammed into his chest and threw her arms around him, his forehead met hers and his talons brushed gently against the side of her head.

"Red! I knew you'd find us."

"Dad what are you doing here I thought Saren.."

He cut her off with a raised finger as her team joined them. She stepped back waiting.

"I'll explain everything Red just..." he trailed off as his eyes landed on John and he blinked trying to clear his eyes. "What?"

"Oh sorry dad this is John Hackett, yeah uhh he's my brother." Ganis laughed regaining his composure.

"That's funny Red; I don't remember having any other children." She rolled her eyes.

"That one will take a bit of explaining." She motioned towards Wrex. "This is Wrex you'll have to forgive his demeanor he's Krogan you know and has issues."

Wrex grunted. "Only with Turians and Salarians and you seem to enjoy surrounding me with both."

Ignoring him she turned to Garrus but he had already stepped forward and taken Ganis's wrist in a Turian greeting.

"I'm Garrus Vakarian Sir."

Ganis shook his hand and laughed.

"Vakarian, I know your father, hard ass military man and one hell of a C-sec officer."

Garrus nodded. "Yes Sir."

"Military yourself then?"

"Once Sir, and former C-sec; left to help Jane here."

The look Ganis gave him was subtle shock and respect.

"You left C-sec to follow Red, at the risk of ticking off a father like yours. I'm impressed."

"Yes Sir I guess I'm not a very good Turian."

Ganis laughed. "I did much the same thing once." Garrus watched the look Ganis gave Jane and knew what he meant.

"Dad." Jane stood still, waiting. "Dad what are you doing here?"

"Well the short answer Red is I escaped. Your ol' man is brighter than he looks. I ran into Liara here and well now you're here."

The Asari stepped forward.

"It's a little more complicated than that. I'm Liara T'Soni, I'm a researcher, I've studied Prothean tech. As to how I got here, my mother asked me here, I shouldn't have trusted her. She lured me here with the pretence of a Prothean find something called the Conduit. The only things I found when I got here were Ganis here and a bunch of Salarians who were looking into Sarens research on the Genophage. And what seems to be a prothean beacon."

"Show me the beacon." Jane moved towards the camp and Liara followed. "I've already checked it Shepard, whatever they were looking for they seem to have found. There isn't much left here but tanks and.."

As Jane approached the beacon a slow hum started and once again something inside the beacon reacted to Jane and in a flash and scream she was out cold on the ground.

"Red, Red, open your eyes Soldier."

Jane sat up with a start and blinked. "Shit dad, that ship...it knows we're here, it's..." Ganis nodded

"I know Jane but we don't have time, what time we did have is almost up, you need to calm Wrex down and we've got to get out of here."

Wrex was pacing in front of one of the tanks with Liara behind him trying to get the very large Krogan to calm down.

"We have a problem; the team here is going to destroy everything here. It seems Saren has been breeding an army of Krogan."

Wrex jumped forward. "It's not possible!"

"It is if he figured out a cure for the Genophage."

Wrex was stunned but only for a split second.

"Then they aren't destroying anything."

Liara shook her head. "It's already done, the bombs are in place. That's why the distress beacon, we've got to get out of here."

Wrex growled and Jane spun to him. "Shepard stop this, this is my entire race we're talking about you know what this would mean for us. You know, you were raised by the Turians you know what they did."

"Wrex you heard Liara, it's done there is no stopping this. Do you see the people left here? That's who we need to worry about. If the Genophage was cured here it can be cured elsewhere. I need you to help me. Sometimes Wrex we have to make the tough choices. This is one of them. Help me get everyone off this planet and I give you my word I'll help you." Jane didn't wait turning back to Liara.

"How much time do we have?"

"Not long, the Salarian teams are under heavy fire and ordered to stay where they are until detonation."

The Salarian to her side nodded.

"Go, there isn't much time. I'll make sure my teams are successful."

"You're not coming?" The Salarian shook his head. "No my mission is here and I must see it completed."

Jane relented turning back to Liara. "Where is Saren?"

Liara looked down and then back to Jane her violet skin shimmered in the pale light.

"The Salarian's say they left back the way you came. They weren't here when we got here."

"Well that ship they are in, dad they can't hide that thing. If we hurry we can catch them in orbit."

"Williams, Alenko we've got them and we're headed back to your position is the evac zone secure? Joker is inbound."

Silence answered her and she repeated the question, nothing.

"Shit. Double time it people."

~~00o00~~

As they reached where they had left Kaidan and Williams Jane could see Joker but no sign of Kaidan or Ashley. As she stood trying to figure out what to do, her omni-tool crackled and Sarens voice filled the air.

"Shepard, you seem to keep misplacing things. I'm still ahead of you and once again to make sure you stay behind me, you have a choice to make. I've taken your team and I've separated them. You have ten minutes until those bombs go off. You don't have time to save both. These are their locations, the choice is yours."

The connection went dead and two coordinates popped up blinking at her like a bomb attached to her arm. She sucked in a breath. Kaidan was South, Ashley North. He was right if she had ten...nine minutes they would never make it to both.

"Fuck."

Ganis lifted a brow plate but didn't speak.

"What was that about tough choices Shepard?" Wrex added dryly.

"Shut it." Joker was there and Jane shouted a set of coordinates to him and they set off. Seven minutes.

As they approached the location Jane looked at the timer she had set. Three minutes.

She spotted a body on the ground and jumped out with Garrus, loading the body Garrus stared at Jane hard.

"You know we don't have time."

"I know, Spirits."

"Give Joker the order Jane."

She sucked in a breath and barked for Joker to get them out of there. He hit it and they broke the atmosphere with the explosions ringing behind them.

~~00o00~~

Back on the Normandy Garrus stopped Jane as she headed for the helm. She turned to him and her face softened as she saw her dad behind him, but her arms were still folded over her chest. Ganis couldn't help but laugh, Garrus was butting his head against a brick wall.

"I don't want to talk about it." Her eyes dropped to the ground. "Get everyone to the helm we need to figure this shit out."

Ganis placed a hand on Garrus's shoulder. "It's not worth it when she's like this."

"I know Sir. Come on let's go."

Jane stood before them at the helm, Kaidan was the last to enter the room and she ignored the longing gaze he was directing at her.

"Okay I think it's time we get the whole story. Dad?"

Ganis cleared his throat. "All of this is going to be hard to explain Red. You won't believe half of it but well here it goes."

Ganis informed them of what he had learned while on the ship. First of all that it really wasn't a ship but a living machine. "Saren calls it Sovereign." He went into detail about the Conduit they were looking for and that Ilos was where they were headed.

"Yeah I believe you, it talked to me."

The room went into shocked silence and she shook her head. "Never mind, it..it hates us that's all I need to know." The pain in her chest and the pounding in her head was raging back, she didn't want them to know it had called her a part of it.

"Red, they are planning on attacking the Citadel."

"We've got to warn the Council and figure out how to get to Ilos." Jane began to pace and Liara stepped in front of her.

"What we need is to get to the Mu Relay. And this ship is the only thing that can get us through it undetected."

"I thought the Mu Relay was lost." Kaidan was pacing now and Ganis stood stopping his motion.

"That's the other thing, Liara's mother is with Saren, and she knows the location." The room turned to Liara and she stared at her feet. She looked ashamed but Ganis interjected.

"Her mother spoke to me several times, telling me how she was trying to save Saren from himself. Something happened to her, she became distant and I think Saren must have done something. But before she lost herself she gave me the coordinates and told me to make sure Shepard stopped this."

Jane washed her hands over her face. "Major, I need you to talk to the Admiral tell him we'll need the fleet if we can't stop them in time. We should return to the Citadel inform them of what's happening and drop off my dad."

"What? There isn't time for that Red. You message the Council and you tell them what is going on. We can't chance going back there. There isn't time."

"Dad, no way you're not coming on this. We don't know what we're going into."

"And what you think I'm some old brittle man? I'm going."

Jane's head dropped to her hand. "Fuck."

"Red, watch your mouth we're not in the field."

The group stifled snickers and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine, Major contact the Admiral like I said and bring him up to speed. I'll contact the Council warn them. Everyone else check your gear get some food and prepare your-selves. Dismissed."

Everyone separated and Jane told Joker to hold his position until they had everything in place and went to her quarters. She had just slumped to her bed when her buzzer rang.

"Enter."

Kaidan stepped into the room and the door slid shut behind him. Jane sighed but before she could speak Kaidan was next to her pushing her back on the bed his lips on hers. She was so shocked that she didn't respond as he dug his hands into her hair his lips searching her face and neck. Blinking Jane found her voice and pushed Kaidan back.

"What the hell Kaidan?"

"Jane, you came for me. I know what that must have done to you. But all I can think is that you chose me, that you must still love me."

Jane stood and leaned back against the wall away from where he sat on the bed, she couldn't make eye contact with him and shook her head.

"Don't Kaidan, don't push this."

"Jane, I love you and now I know.."

Jane cut him off and almost shouted.

"No Kaidan, no I don't. I chose you because I owed you, you saved me once. I couldn't leave you down there, not with everything. I don't love you. I never did, I wanted you to save me. I know now I don't need you to save me. I need you to do your job."

Shock, then sadness and finally anger spread over his face as he stood.

"Don't do this for him Jane. I saw the way you look at him. You're doing it all over again. You ran from Nihlus to me then back to him and now you're running to Garrus. You're human Jane, you belong with me. Always have, I've always been there for you. I've loved you no matter what, through everything."

Jane's face fell and she sighed.

"I know Kaidan."

"I don't think you do. I wish you would have left me down there."

With that he turned and was out of her quarters. Jane's first instinct was to follow him but instead her knees wobbled and she slid down against the wall, her head hit her knees and the tears flowed, tears for Ashley, tears for Kaidan and what she had done to him not just now, but ever since that first day on Jump Zero.

Jane didn't know how long she sat against the wall. The next thing she knew Talons were drifting through her hair..

"Red?"

She sniffed and lifted her face to his. "Hey daddy."

His talons traced the freckles and scars on her face.

"I know this has been a lot to take in Red. You had to make a tough choice down there. I understand."

She shook her head.

"Kaidan hates me."

Ganis gave her a knowing look and pulled her to his chest.

"Red, I told you in the beginning how that would work out."

"Spirits dad I know but it's a little complicated now."

"Because of Garrus? No don't look at me like that, I'm your dad, I know the looks he's giving you and I saw the way you look at him."

"I can't dad."

"Why? Because of Nihlus? Kaidan even?"

She nodded against his chest and felt like crying all over again. "Nihlus was my fault, I should have never left him alone, he got killed because of me. I can't take it if anything like that was to happen again."

"Which is why you saved Kaidan. Yeah I can see why he's mad, but that was always going to happen. As far as Nihlus is concerned, he loved you Jane. But he's gone now, don't let misplaced guilt keep you from finding a shred of happiness in this messed up galaxy sweetheart."

She pushed back and looked into his eyes.

"Dad, I don't know if I can." She looked away from him knowing what he saw in her eyes.

"The things I've done. I'm not your little girl anymore."

Ganis chuckled and pulled her head back against him nuzzling into the top of her head.

"Jane Vandrel. You'll always be my little girl. No matter what. I don't care what you've done. I care what you're going to do. And I know you're going to do the right thing. If there is a chance you could be happy with Garrus don't let anything stop you." He chuckled again and the deep rumbling tones soothed Jane's head.

"The man left C-sec for you. Risked his father's wrath which isn't something to take lightly; trust me I've met the man."

"As far as everything else is concerned we'll get through it, together. Now tell me about this John I've been dying to hear this story."

~~00o00~~

Jane walked the Normandy checking in on all of her crew. John had just come out of the shower when she bumped into him.

"Commander. I've spoken to the Admiral, he also suggests we not go back to the Citadel he suggests." John coughed and tried to hide a smirk. "He suggests that it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for permission. I'm inclined to agree with him, he said he'd take care of the Council and try to make sure things were prepared on that end should we not be able to stop this."

Jane laughed. "He really said that? You must have a better way with him than I do Major."

"Well I did have to grow up with him. And do you think maybe Commander you could call me John?"

Jane smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

He smiled at her, her smile she mused and he moved down the hall away from her. The unspoken question between them of what they were, would have to wait she thought and remembered something Garrus had told her.

_Sometimes Jane who you are is more important than what you are._

With that thought she made her way towards where she knew Garrus would be. Sure enough as the door slid closed, she found him rifle in hand. He heard her enter and tilted his head slightly towards her.

"Need something Shepard?"

"No not really, I just wanted to talk."

Garrus turned fully to her at the tone in her voice and placed his rifle on the workbench.

"Sure Jane or should I call you Red?" He teased her and she laughed taking another step towards him.

"Your dad is great, I know where you get all of your quirks now. I'd love to have all of us have a contest. See if we can't best the old man."

Jane's eyes squinted as she laughed. "Yeah well don't let him catch you calling him that."

"It must have been great to have been raised by him. My dad was really a by the book sort of man. No non-sense I always got the feeling I was a disappointment to him. Your dad looks at you like you're the most perfect thing he's ever done."

He watched as Jane blushed and he stepped forward taking her hand in his.

"But you wanted to talk, not listen to me rattle on."

Jane ran a finger along his mandible and Garrus leaned his head down against hers.

"I need to talk to you Garrus, there are a lot of things I need to tell you. So you understand."

He nodded."Okay Jane, but I need you to do something for me."

He nuzzled his head against hers as he spoke and she nodded. "What Garrus?"

"I'm losing myself to you and I need you to promise me that if there can be something here you'll let it happen."

"Yeah, I think I can handle that; as long as you still want to try this after what I have to say."

"Well..." Garrus rubbed his jaw with his hand and Jane playfully punched him.

"Jane, I'm willing to try and if we make it out of this mess. Well, we'll deal with the rest of it then. For now I hope you can talk while I hold you because I've wanted to try this."

He pulled her into his arms as he sat on the floor leaning into her neck.

"You're so soft and you smell amazing." Jane blushed again and swatted him away from her neck.

"You're distracting me."

"Hmm what? Oh ignore me, talk." Jane turned in his lap, leaning her back against his chest and started her story, ignoring for at least a moment everything else around them.


	19. What Remains

Garrus, had gone very still as Jane spoke of Jump Zero and what Vyrnnus had done to her, he didn't reply when she talked of how the Alliance had separated her and Nihlus, and when she told him he had been right about her not loving Kaidan, his hands fell to his sides. Feeling this Jane pulled her knees to her chest and leaned away from him. As the silence stretched between them Jane rubbed a hand over her face and stood, she didn't turn back to him, just took a step towards the door.

"I realize how all of this must sound to you Garrus. Trust me I've lived it; I don't expect you to have to deal with my baggage. I'm a Turian that the Alliance wants to be the human they designed, but I'm just not and the Turians won't let me be Turian because I have soft bits. Vyrnnus wanted to control me out of anger at what I did to my dad. Kaidan is in love with who he wants me to be, Nihlus was the only one who saw me and loved me, for me." She paused bowing her head, still not turning back to him. "Besides my dad anyways."

Before Garrus could answer her, she was gone. He stared at the empty space where she had just stood, pulling himself together he stood and exited behind her making for her quarters. He didn't bother asking for permission to enter. He found her head on her knees, at the end of her bed.

"Jane, don't run from me." Jane looked up from where she sat. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears as Garrus walked towards her.

"I may be angry for what has happened to you, I may wish that Vyrnnus was alive, just so I could kill him myself for what he did to you. I may even sort of want to sit Kaidan down and explain things to him so he understands, but all of those things Jane, even as terrible as some of them were. Made you into who you are. That night at the bar, I said you didn't love Kaidan and that you were still looking because I was hoping you might be looking at me. I've thought about you since that day in the woods, when I looked through my scope to find the sniper that shot me and there was this." He stopped taking a deep breath.

"There was this green-eyed, red-haired human giving me a Turian salute. I walked all the way back to the base hoping you'd still be there. You were with Kaidan, I remember being disappointed. Funny though I didn't know then, what I know now. I was hoping." He trailed off and Jane bit back a smile at the look of embarrassment that crossed his face.

"I was attracted to you, I had never looked at a human like that, but when I found out about your background that attraction grew. I had hoped we could." He quirked a brow plate. "I was interested in knowing what it would be like to, blow off steam with you. But that's different now; I want you, not who you could be, not who I want you to be, just you Jane; baggage and all. Oh and for the record, I like your soft bits."

Jane reached out her hands to him and he stepped into her kneeling at the end of the bed.

"Is that what this is Garrus? Blowing off steam, so when all this is over, you go back to C-sec and I go back to being a Spectre, maybe we'll meet up on the Citadel when we're stressed?"

"There is one problem with that Jane." Garrus ran his talon over her jaw and down her neck.

"I'm already getting possessive, just the thought that you would blow off steam with someone else is eating at me. I want to know what we can be together. Well besides the scariest sniper team in the Galaxy. Oh, and not that I would mind blowing off steam with you when stressed. I just want to make sure you come to me first."

Jane couldn't help it, a burst of laughter tore out of her and she rocked backwards on the bed. Garrus frowned. "That just went somewhere awful. I'm new at this and."

He was silenced as Jane sat up and traced her fingers down his mandibles and around to the base of his fringe.

"I'd like to give this a shot too Garrus." She looked away, pain, hurt and guilt all passing through her green eyes.

"I'm worried I can't anymore though, like my heart has been torn out and thrown away. I don't know if I.."

Garrus smiled and pushed her back gently stopping her line of thought; he stood and stepped forward to place a knee on the bed, causing it to dip under his weight.

"Jane, don't worry, don't think. Just feel."

He lowered himself, his hands on either side of her head, his body heating hers and leaned his forehead down and against her. She moved slightly and nuzzled down his neck, finding his sensitive parts between plates, nipping until the purr in his chest became a growl.

Stepping back off the bed Garrus began to remove his armour. He tossed it aside rather quickly not paying attention to where it landed. Moving back to the bed he watched as Jane slowly removed her uniform. It was the first time he had seen her bare flesh and he watched in wonder as she sat forward pulling off her boots and removed her pants. Her back was to him as he sat on the edge of the bed and traced his talon over the scars on her back to the ones on her shoulder.

"You're beautiful Jane, every part of you."

Rolling her quickly to her back he made a disapproving sound in his chest as he eyed her panties and quickly removed them. Jane removed her bra and Garrus stared down at her.

"Jane, I don't know how, show me?"

Jane took his hand and brought it forward to her breast showing him how to touch her. He rubbed a thumb over her nipple and watched as it pebbled beneath his touch, removing his hand he bend his head licking it, Jane arched under him and he pulled back.

"Are you okay?" Jane nodded and pulled him back to her.

"Don't stop."

He returned to her breast and licked them each in turn drawing small whimpers and cries from her. Moving down her body nipping and licking as he went until he was at her waist; his hands moved up and down her sides and he smiled.

"I love your waist."

She smiled up at him as he bent and bit gently on each side.

His hands continued to trace down her sides, reaching her hips he traced his talons over her thighs and found her center, she could feel his hardness against her leg as he found her, his talons drifted over her folds, as he explored her, Jane's pants were coming harder and faster. He gently opened her and placed a talon gently against her opening.

"Spirits Jane you're so, wet and...small are you sure?"

Jane chuckled and nodded. "You'll see. You're driving me crazy, get up here."

And he did, he pressed his legs between hers, widening her thighs until there was a place for his hips, and settled himself on her. She could feel the roughness of his plates against her legs. The hard slab of his chest and his large member lying across her.

His hands were in her hair and he nipped gently along her neck. The urge to bite down was there but he ignored his base instinct and pulled back. He shifted against her and looked up at the same time she felt the tip of his cock at her entrance. She gripped his shoulders as a look of doubt gripped him. She caught his eyes.

"Just feel right?"

He nodded and flexed his hips.

Jane had forgotten how large Turians were and she bit down on her lip as he entered her, slowly at first and she forced herself to relax. His ridges pushed against her as he slid out a bit and then pushed farther into her. Wrapping her legs around him his hands on her hips she could feel his need driving him on, his talons pierced the flesh on her hips as he began to thrust deeper and harder into her.

Dipping his head to tongue her nipple Jane arched helplessly underneath him. His strong body guided and pleasured hers, his hips moving and grinding down on her until she shattered under him. She opened her mouth in a silent scream as his tongue moved up her neck and his forehead settled against hers and he shuddered into her, continuing his pace until she felt heat flood her as he exploded within her.

They lay together, unmoving side by side until finally Jane moved to stand. She smiled and gathered her clothes.

"We should shower and get ready. We have a lot to do."

"We?" Garrus watched as she walked away tossing a look over her shoulder at him that sent shock waves through his body.

"Be right there Jane."

~~00o00~~

"Commander, Mu Relay in sight, stealth systems seem to be holding. Preparing to make the jump."

"Roger that Joker, I'll be at the bridge presently."

Jane stood leaving her coffee cup on the table and addressed those gathered.

"I don't know what we're walking into down there. But once Joker gets us on the planet I need you all to be on guard for anything. We know there are Geth down there but we don't know much else about the Reapers. So prepare for anything. Kaidan, Liara, Garrus and John you're with me. Dad, Tali, Wrex you're to stay here, I need people with the ship just in case things go wrong."

They each nodded and Jane turned and left the room headed towards the bridge.

"Joker, what's the word?"

"Jump went well commander; we're getting some weird readings from Ilos though, lots of weird energy signatures. I'm guessing it's your best bet on where to start looking for Saren."

Jane nodded. Going in blind again, at least it was her own fault this time.

"Can you set us down near there?"

"Sure I can Commander, but it's going to be one hell of a rough landing."

She chuckled. "Shouldn't be much different than my driving normally."

"So I've heard Commander."

"Alright Joker, make it happen."

~~00o00~~

Joker hadn't been kidding, the landing was enough to crack your spine and have you spitting your own teeth for a week. But as the mako rolled out of the landing and her team jumped out Jane caught sight of Saren and a squad of Geth making for a land vehicle.

"I've got eyes on Saren, let's go people."

As Jane and her team approached Saren he stopped and turned.

"Jane, you should realise by this point that it's hopeless. No matter what you do this cannot be stopped. You saw it yourself. I have the location of the Conduit, Sovereign is going to destroy the fleets and we will destroy the Council from the inside. It's done, why kill your team in a pointless effort. You saw what they can do."

Saren ducked into the vehicle and they sped off the team firing behind him.

"Shit, back to the Mako, John I hope you're a better driver than I am."

He laughed. "Yeah I got this Jane."

They sped off after Saren, the ruins were old and Saren did his best to lose them among the rubble.

As they came to a large turn the Mako skidded to the side as Saren tossed a grenade at a pillar near them, it smashed in front of the Mako blocking the path.

As the Mako came to a halt Jane jumped out.

"We've got to find a way around. Kaidan, Liara on me. Garrus, John stay with the Mako."

Garrus caught Jane's hand as she walked away. She nodded, acknowledging the unspoken words between them and made her way up and over the rubble, Kaidan and Liara following close behind.

As they circled around the building Jane motioned to a path to the left.

"We're just going to have to go up and over, force our way through." Looking down the road where Saren had gone she bit her lip.

"I hope we can find him."

"Don't worry Shepard." Liara pointed to her Omni-tool." I've got his energy signature. We can follow him."

"Perfect let's get back to the."

Before she could finish Jane was hit full force in the chest by a rocket. The second hit in front of Liara and she was knocked against the wall. Jane felt the repeated shots hit her chest as she lay on the ground. Lifting her rifle she was able to take out the first two before Kaidan appeared behind them clearing a path to her. Jane felt the blood on her lips as it trickled down her chin and throat. Her eyes were blurry and as Kaidan kneeled before her she felt them closing.

"Don't you dare Jane; you open your eyes and focus on me."

She tried to laugh but it came out as a bloody sputter. She blinked slowly trying to focus again, looking down to her hands and Kaidan's, they were covered in blood and she knew.

"Kaidan, no don't. Don't move me, no point...few for the many... Get Liara get back to the Mako she has his..find him..stop him.." She reached up and with one pull broke the chain holding her dog tags and forced them into his hand.

"Have...Garru..tell...my da..." Before she could finish, her world went a perfect white and then faded to black.

Kaidan heard himself scream at her as her chest stopped moving. He checked for a pulse but pulled back bloody shaking hands as he found none.

Jumping up his entire body was shaking. Remembering himself he turned and ran to Liara. She was alive, seemingly uninjured but unconscious. Looking back to Jane's body he stifled a sob, he knew he couldn't carry them both back over the rubble. Stuffing Jane's tags into his armour he grabbed Liara and made his way back to the Mako.

As he approached he set Liara into the Mako, she was coming to and they needed to get moving.

Garrus and John were staring at the blood on him.

"Are you hurt Lieutenant, is Liara?" John reached out like he was going to check Kaidan for wounds, but Kaidan stepped back.

"No, I'm fine." Kaidan's eyes went from John to Garrus.

"Where is Shepard.?" Garrus asked slowly.

Kaidan's eyes turned back to the Mako and he hopped in.

"She didn't make it."

Garrus's heart stopped and he turned his eyes back the way they had come.

"What? And you just left her there? We need to go..."

"No Garrus, we need to find Saren we need to stop him. Few for the many. There isn't time to go back."

"I can't just leave her, what if you were wrong we can't just abandon her."

Liara leaned forward. "We don't have time Garrus. Saren is reaching that energy signature that we were picking up on the Normandy. It's got to be the Conduit and if he gets there before us, you heard what he said, he's going to use it as a back door into the Citadel we've got to go."

Garrus slammed his fist into the side of the Mako. A string of cuss words followed that Johns translator couldn't pick up.

"Go John."

John pulled away backtracking and forcing the Mako over the rubble in the direction Liara was pointing.

"What the hell are we going to do when we do find it?" John sped ahead, his head was spinning.

Kaidan unclenched his jaw and leaned forward. "I don't know sir, but I believe you're the highest ranking officer. I'd say that makes you in charge."

John swallowed and called for joker as they came over the hill towards what looked like a mini relay. Saren was already there; he watched as the Turian looked back at them and disappeared.

"Joker I hope you headed back to the Citadel. Get a hold of the Admiral. You've got company headed your way."

~~00o00~~

The events of that day are spoken of by those who were there in hushed tones, as if speaking of it might somehow cause the events of that day to repeat.

The story was watered down as it passed on and by the time everyone knew and was talking about it; the story had become something quite different from the memory of those who were there.

Major John Hackett along with his team saved the Citadel and the Council. Commander Jane Shepard became a martyr for her team in their efforts to thwart the rogue Spectre Saren's attempt to control the Geth and destroy the Council and Citadel.

What the stories didn't tell was of the fallout of the team known as the hero's of the Citadel.

And of the truth behind Saren's fall.

~~00o00~~

It was the day of Jane's memorial and Garrus hadn't been able to eat or sleep let alone think. Jane was gone; he had just found that one person who made him feel things he had never had before, just to have her ripped from him. And even though he knew it wasn't fair of him, he blamed Alenko.

"Garrus, you should sit you need to calm down. The memorial isn't for another hour and your pacing is driving me crazy." Ganis spoke to him but his eyes didn't leave the far wall. They sat in Garrus's rooms on the Citadel waiting. That's what it felt like they had done since the fight with Saren. Wait.

"Yes Sir." Garrus sat staring at Ganis. He hadn't moved since he had been told the news of Janes' death just sat in that room staring at the wall.

"Is there something I can get you Ganis? I just feel useless; I don't know where to go or what to do."

Ganis shook his head. "No, let's go. The walk will do us good."

~~00o00~~

John sat in the back row in a room filled with chairs. There was no casket just a photo of Jane with her old N7 team. It looked like right after graduation, and they looked so happy.

His heart tore at the thought that he would never get to know Jane beyond what short time they had together.

He studied the photo, Jane and Kaidan stood next to each other. Kaidan's arm was around Jane's shoulder and she was wearing a ring on her wedding finger. He knitted his eyebrows together. He couldn't remember ever seeing that ring on her.

As the room began to fill, most of the team took seats with him in the back. Liara and Wrex along with Tali entered and took seats next to him. Captain Anderson, along with his father Admiral Hackett took Kaidan to the front and sat him along side them.

His face scrunched in thought, isn't that the family seats?

Garrus, Ganis and Joker entered and took seats on the other side of him. No one came forward to move Ganis closer. John's stomach clenched as he watched other notable dignitaries enter and be seated up front with his father. Only General Victus came back to where the team was seated and spoke to Ganis. Whatever he said caused the normally stoic Turian face to crumple, in what John could only describe as desperate anguish. He averted his face as Ganis look towards him. He looked too much like Jane and the looks he had received bothered him.

As everyone was seated and the service started John listened to his father speak of all of Jane's accomplishments and her willingness to do what needed to be done. He spoke of her like a soldier not his daughter. He knew why and felt pity for the man.

John was zoning out on his own thoughts when his father said something that snapped his attention back to the present.

"I'd like to call someone up who has known Jane the longest; Jane Shepard's XO and fiancé Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko."

John heard the shocked gasp from beside him and Garrus leaned forward his head in his hands.

"Jane was a lot of things to a lot of people. To me she was my best friend. She was everything to me for a long time. She was the best of us all, and she will not be easily forgotten."

The rest of what Kaidan said was lost on him, as he stared down the shocked row of faces. Had they not known either?

As the service was drawing to a close, Captain Anderson said a few words and accepted a folded Alliance flag from the colour guard. He turned walking down the front row and handed it to Kaidan. John heard the click of talons to his side. Garrus was clenching his leg his talons leaving scratch marks along his armour.

As those gathered began to disperse towards the refreshments, Kaidan moved back towards the team holding the folded flag. Garrus stepped in front of him.

"I think we need to talk Alenko."

"Not now Garrus."

"Oh yes _now._"

But before they could move away Joker spoke up.

"When did you and the Commander have time to get back together?"

John thought at first Joker was kidding but the look on his face was anything but.

Shaking his head Kaidan dropped his eyes to the floor.

"This isn't the time for.."

Garrus stepped closer to Kaidan and pointed to the flag. "That doesn't belong to you."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes, lifting them in almost a challenge. "And what? You think it belongs to you?"

"No, it belongs to her father. You have no right to it; just like you have no right to those." He pointed to the dog tags around his neck.

"A set of those are Turian and belong to her father and if you had any sense you'd give it all to him. You have no right to keep it Kaidan. What did you tell them that you were still together? That everything was the same?"

His voice was soft and his eyes distant when he finally answered. "I..I didn't tell them anything. I just left it as they knew it. They were there, when I proposed to Jane."

Garrus's arms were folded over his chest and the look he lowered at Kaidan could have stopped his heart.

"You should have told them. Everyone thinks you were practically married now."

"What does it matter Garrus? She's gone; this is all I have left of her."

"What? A lie?"

Garrus knew he was being harsh but didn't care, Jane should be here, and they should be starting their life together, he should be asking her father permission to be her mate but no. Instead here he was with Kaidan who was telling the world that he and Jane were still together.

"It's not a lie, she and I just had a fight, it happens."

"Kaidan, I know what it was. She told me everything. Now give that flag to her father."

Without saying a word Kaidan sidestepped Garrus, thrust the flag at Ganis and left the room. His hand clutching the dog tags under his shirt.

The rest of the team stood in silence and one by one drifted off and away until it was just Ganis, Garrus and John.

Ganis stared at the flag in his hands and turned towards the door.

"I'm going back to Randiv Garrus, you're welcome to come with me. There are a few things I think you'd like to have." Garrus paused, looking back at John; he searched his face almost like he was remembering, and nodded to him before leaving behind Ganis.

John stood in shock as his father moved next to him.

"John, you've been given command of the Normandy. I expect you to take up where Jane left off."

When John didn't reply right away Hackett cleared his throat and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Jane would have wanted it this way." John turned, his eyes blood-shot from unshed tears.

"You have no idea what she would have wanted." With that he spun and walked away.

~~00o00~~

"You can stay in Jane's room Garrus." The door slid open and Garrus found himself in her room, it looked like her, weapon racks on the walls, a pair of old boots by the bed. Things one would think to find in an old bedroom at their parents house.

He turned to thank Ganis but he was already gone. Garrus sat on the edge of Jane's old bed his heart felt like it was ripping in two. In the short time he had known Jane she had become so much to him. There was so much he hadn't known until his last days with her, so much he still didn't know. That he would never know he reminded himself with a deep sigh.

"Garrus, I think you should have this." Ganis entered and sat a data pad next to the bed.

"It's Jane's journal. She started keeping it when she was learning to write, she kept it up through her time at Jump Zero. I thought you might like it. There are some great little stories from when she was a kid in there. Some of it from her time away is hard to read. But, I think you should."

Garrus nodded staring at the data pad, he stood and removed the sniper rifle Jane had left in her quarters. "I think this is yours sir."

Ganis shook his head. "No, it's yours now Garrus." He turned and walked to his room leaving Garrus staring at the rifle in his hands. He walked forward and placed it on the weapons rack at the end of her bed. He stepped back staring at it.

It's funny he thought, when a whole life is laid bare and stopped short, what is remembered and what is forgotten. Well he would never forget that shot with this rifle, and he would never forget her.

Turning back to the bed he grabbed the data pad and flipped it open, he could hear her voice as he read.

_Jane Vandrel, age seven. _

_Had my first birthday, dad says I get them every year..._

_~~00o00~~_

"Admiral, you have a call on your private line."

"Thank you, I'll take it in my quarters."

Admiral Hackett sighed as he sat at his desk. He set his jaw at what he was about to do and hit his comm.

"Can it be done?"

"Of course. You know what we agreed Admiral, and I expect you to come through. Your doctors toyed with reaper tech and I will take it that much farther with her. But I want access to all of it."

"You recovered her then?" He listened to the inhale and the slow exhale before the voice on the other side answered.

"We did."

~~00o00~~

***Ducks and covers.* I know, trust me I know. But I've had this in my head since day one. If it felt pushed, it was. I wanted to impart how little time there was, for all of them.**

**Thanks again and don't hurt me, too much. **

**^,^**


	20. How To Cope

Garrus sat up with a start; he looked around the small room, Jane's room. The smell he realized was what had awoken him. The smell was so foreign, yet as familiar as the scent of his freshly oiled gun. It smelled like Jane, like the Normandy used to smell. The smell was coffee.

Leaving the room, Garrus stood at the entrance to the kitchen, and watched as Ganis fiddled with a cup. He wasn't drinking it, just staring down into it.

Garrus understood what must be going through his mind, and not wishing to interrupt, he quietly turned to go back to Jane's room. Just as his back was to the kitchen, he heard Ganis speak.

"It reminds me of her, and those last days I got to spend with her. The smell is so rich; I can imagine her walking through the door, and pouring a cup. She'd lean against the counter, watching everyone else eat. I would chide her for not eating, and she would laugh at me, smile and pat me on the shoulder. I can hear her voice, telling me not to worry daddy."

Garrus turned back to the kitchen, and watched as Ganis's head fell. Sobs of pain and sorrow filled the small space.

Garrus had no words, he stood silent by his side, letting the anguish wash over him. As the sobs subsided, he laid a hand on Ganis's shoulder.

"It's her birthday today. I used to take her out to the range; she never wanted the things most children do. She wanted a new rifle, and for me to teach her how to sight it properly."

Garrus couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, that sounds like Jane Sir. I can't see her playing with dolls like my sisters used to, but that, you and her out at the range, that I can see."

Ganis nodded, staring off at the wall in thought.

"She's my entire life; I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It's been almost a month, and I still can't get up in the morning without thinking that I should hear from her today. I try to tell myself she's just gone on a mission, so she can't write me now. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't let her go, not yet."

"Jane isn't really gone Sir. She touched our lives, in ways we'll never forget. Her journal you gave me, it helped me understand so much, yet at the same time, I wonder if any of us really knew or understood what she had gone through. I've even come to understand Kaidan a little, from what happened at Jump Zero. In a way Sir, I'm happy for Jane. She doesn't have to deal with any of this anymore." Garrus paused, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"She's with Nihlus again. She loved him so much; it almost hurt to read about her separation from him the first time."

Ganis frowned. "I know she loved Nihlus, they were thrown together as kids, and she looked to him for so much. But, Garrus don't think she didn't care for you."

Garrus chuckled softly.

"I don't think that Sir, I'll never forget the short time I had with her, nor the impact she had on me. There will always be a place for her, in my heart."

Ganis shoved the cup of coffee away, stepping back from the counter.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do Garrus? I know your father has been after you for some time."

Garrus rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, and shrugged.

"Headed back to C-Sec, I suppose. My father, in all of his fatherly wisdom, has told me to stop wasting my life. I need to make something of myself. I think he must have missed the news feeds, of us destroying Sovereign, killing Saren and saving the Council."

Chuckling, Ganis grabbed a small data pad from the counter.

"He wants what any father wants, for their child. They want to see them succeed, and to be happy. He wants to see you settled, start a life. He's just a little more Turian about it than some of us."

Garrus sighed deep in his chest. "I know what he wants, he wants me to go back to C-Sec, mate with the daughter of a very well-respected military family, and make him proud. Problem is I'm just not the Turian he wants me to be. I don't have that kind of room in my heart. I don't know if I ever will."

"You may, one day. Until then, from one bad Turian to another, somewhere to get away, when nothing makes sense, is one of the best things anyone can have."

He handed Garrus the data pad. Garrus lifted confused eyes to his.

"What's this Sir?"

"Security codes and the deed to a house, just up the hill there. Nihlus bought it, he wrote me about it, wanted me to hold on to these, until Jane and he could come home. I think it's only right you have it; if you don't want it you can sell it. I have no use for it."

Closing his eyes, Garrus nodded, accepting the data pad.

"No Sir, I won't sell it. Jane told me how much she loved it here. To be able to come back to somewhere, that feels so much like her. Well I can't think of a better way to remember her. Thank you, I know you and I haven't known each other long, but Sir I want you to know, I think Jane was very lucky to have you. I wish I would have had more time."

Inhaling deeply, Ganis's mandibles fluttered in a slight smile.

"Then live Garrus, Jane wouldn't want us to wallow, though as I told her, you need time to be angry, sad and then you pick yourself up and do something about it. We can't change it, but we can honour her memory in our lives." He smiled and nodded towards the back room.

"Grab that rifle Garrus, we need to shoot something."

~~00o00~~

John walked into what he could only describe, as the seediest hotel you could find on the Citadel. Who knew such a thing even existed?

Kaidan could afford better.

He was hiding.

After speaking with the attendant about the situation, he was escorted to a room on the top floor and allowed entry. The room was a mess, empty bottles, and clothes littered the floor.

John threw open the curtains, causing the lump on the bed to groan and roll over.

John woke the Asari on the other side of the bed, paid her; removed Jane's dog tags from around her neck, and pointed towards the door. He then turned and gave the bed a swift kick.

"Sit up Lieutenant, you were expected back at the Normandy over six hours ago."

Kaidan sat up slowly, narrowing his eyes at John. He grabbed a bottle next to the bed and took a swig, finding it empty he tossed it away.

John made a quick assessment of Kaidan's appearance, his face was unshaven, naked and either the room or he smelled awful. Or maybe it was both.

"Kaidan, we need to talk, this isn't helping anything. It's been months, you're late returning from leave, you don't show up for drills, and I can't trust you on missions. Drinking and fucking your way through the galaxy isn't going to bring her back. Honestly even if it did, do you think she'd want to come back to this?" He motioned around the room, and then folded his arms over his chest.

Kaidan still didn't look up at him.

"Damn it Kaidan. I've covered for you as long as I can. We're headed out again and I need you, all of you, ready and able. If I have to report this, you'll be transferred. Do you understand that? You'll be off the Normandy. Do you think that is what Jane would want?"

Kaidan's eyes snapped to his, the glare was one of loathing and disgust.

"She didn't care what I did or wanted. So why should I care, what she would think about me? She's gone John, and I'm stuck here with someone who, every time I look at him, reminds me of the one thing I'll never have. The only thing I want. Just leave it, leave me alone."

"I can't Kaidan, if I leave here, the MP's will come and you'll be Court Marshalled. I need you to pull yourself together. You're one of the finest biotics in the Systems Alliance. Don't waste it like this. I didn't know Jane well, but what I did know of her, and what everyone always says, is that nothing stopped her from doing her Job."

"Right and look where that got her. She's dead, and no one believes us about how and why that happened. Tell me John, what is the point? Does any of this crap actually matter?"

"That's it; I've had it with you disrespecting her memory. She died because she believed it mattered. She gave her life so we could fight to make sure everyone else has a chance. Damn it Kaidan get your ass off that bed and get in the shower. So help me I'll put you there, and wash you myself if you don't move it, _now._"

As Kaidan stood and moved towards the washroom, John cleared his throat.

"Oh and you might want to be more careful about who you just give these to. They may not mean anything to you anymore, but to someone out there they mean everything."

As Kaidan turned slightly towards him, John threw the dog tags at him, they hit him in the chest, Kaidan caught them before they hit the ground, and to his credit he looked ashamed as he pulled them over his head.

~~00o00~~

John watched in horror, as Kaidan charged headlong into the mercs in front of them. He was so stunned that before he could fire a shot, they all lay at Kaidan's feet, dead.

"I did not give that order Lieutenant. Are you trying to get yourself killed? When I called you one of the best biotics in the Alliance, I didn't mean for you to go out here and show me just how badass you are."

John shook his head in disbelief, as Kaidan brushed past them and towards the evac zone.

Something had to be done about Kaidan, he was going to snap, and it wasn't only his own life he was risking in that process.

John turned, walking past Liara as he followed Kaidan back to the evac zone.

"You know John, you should talk to him." Liara stood next to him, the back of her hand brushed against his, and he smiled. He didn't know how to tell her, but he had been thrilled that she had decided to stay. The nights they stayed up talking had been some of the best in his memory, and he valued her opinion more than he thought possible.

"I've tried, he won't listen. He's so bottled up in his own head he can't think. He's angry, but he's not dealing with it. I think the biggest problem, is that he and Jane had so many unresolved issues. He never got to say his peace. They never made things right, and its killing him. I don't know how to help him."

Liara smiled and nudged him forward.

"You need to talk to him like you would a friend, not as a commanding officer. He doesn't need ordered around. By what Joker says, Jane did that enough, in the end Jane had been so angry with him that she could barely look at him. Oh, and remember, that you look so much like her doesn't help the situation any, so go easy on him. You're a good man John Hackett, you'll figure it out."

He smiled, and felt a blush rise to his cheeks.

"Well I'll try but if he kicks the shit out of me with those biotics of his, you have to take care of me, soup in bed, and you have to do that thing with your biotics on my shoulder again." His eyebrow shot up as he thought.

"You know this whole talk to the pissed off biotic thing, it's sounding better all the time."

~~00o00~~

John stopped outside Kaidan's door, cups in hand and hit the buzzer.

"What?"

John stuck his head in. Kaidan was sitting on his bed, back against the wall. He quickly placed the picture frame he held upside down on the bed.

"Did you need something Major? I'm a little busy, at the moment."

"I just wanted to talk Kaidan, I brought coffee." Entering the room he placed the cup next to the bed, taking a seat in a chair by the opposite wall. Motioning towards the picture frame, he asked softly.

"What are the pictures of?"

Kaidan washed a hand over his face, before meeting John's eyes.

"Just old photos, earth mostly, some from N7 training and just, things from a better time." Kaidan's tone and eyes looked very far away, and John waited in silence until he came back with a shake of his head.

"I'm sure you didn't come here to talk about pictures Major."

"Actually, Kaidan I did. I want to talk to you about Jane. Not in the way you think, I want you to tell me about her, not the stories people tell. I want to know from someone who was there, tell me about your time with her, and help me understand her."

Kaidan's eyes got that far away look again.

"When I first met Jane I didn't think much about her, we had all heard rumors about how she'd been raised by Turians during the First Contact war. We all expected a stuck up military brat. At first she didn't let us down in that estimation, but on her first day there, she proved to be so much more. She sacrificed herself even then, for people she barely knew. She went through things too horrible to mention, and came out on the other side better than any of us. She was strong, stronger than she should have had to be. You know the stories from Jump Zero; that she says I saved her. She was wrong, she saved me and I wanted nothing more than to spend every day of my life with her, to prove that she was everything perfect and right in the world."

John listened in silence and as Kaidan paused, he nodded encouraging him on.

"We could have been happy, I know it, but it seemed that your father had these plans from the beginning. I had been chosen, and put in her way, in the hopes that we would get together. It ruined everything and we never recovered. She could barely speak to me in the end. The last thing I said to her before we went to Ilos, was that I wish she would have left me to die."

The tears started then, great deep sobs that racked his chest. "She only saved me because she thought she owed me, she didn't care for me and it kills me. I love her so much, I miss her, and I even miss her yelling at me."

John moved to the bed and laid a hand on Kaidans shoulder, letting him cry, it was cleansing, as this kind of pain is poison when locked inside.

"It sounds like Jane had been through a lot Kaidan. You can't blame yourself, you need to be able to let it go, and you need to mourn her, love her and never forget her, but you have to let her go; along with all the guilt or you'll destroy yourself."

Kaidan nodded and turned the picture frame over.

"Do you want to see the pictures? I think you'd like these, there are some great stories."

John nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, I'd love to see those, and don't hold anything back I want to know all the weird quirks. Like did she snore? Liara says I snore."

Kaidan quirked a brow at him and smiled. "So, you and Liara huh, how's that? She seems, interesting."

John laughed, waving the question away with his hand.

"Your stories first, I want to know if she snores. I want to know how much we were alike beyond this." John motioned to his face and Kaidan laughed.

"You two are so different it's like night and day. She didn't snore, but she did talk in her sleep sometimes. She had bad dreams but never talked about them. She also had this horrid habit of licking the edge of her coffee cup when she was thinking. When we were together I swore she did it to drive me crazy, turns out it was just some weird quirk."

Kaidan sighed and bit his lip thinking "She used to do this thing, after she would get ready in the morning, she would stop by the mirror and nod, like she was telling herself she was okay. It was adorable."

"It's those things you need to remember Kaidan. Those are the good things, the important things."

They spoke late into the night; Kaidan seemed to release a lot of the pain that he had held inside, since even before Janes' death. As they flipped to the last picture, the one of them at N7 when they were engaged, John stood moving towards the door, he paused and looked back towards Kaidan.

"Thanks for telling me Kaidan, it means a lot to me, to be able to get to know her."

"No, thank you John; I needed that, thank you for understanding."

"Sure, no problem any time, my door is always open."

Kaidan chuckled low in his chest, and lifted knowing eyes.

"I hope it's not always open Major that could prove embarrassing for the entire crew."

John felt the blush at his throat and stuttered slightly when he answered. "Well, just make sure you buzz first. Or, message." He trailed off and left the room as Kaidan laughed.

"There is another thing you and Jane have in common; you both turn that colour when you get caught."

John pretended not to hear him, as the door closed behind him.

~~00o00~~

Darkness, pain and emptiness; a feeling of floating and then of being smashed back against something hard, as she felt the first rush of air into her lungs. The pain was unbearable, she couldn't see, and the following breaths were labored, shallow. She couldn't hear anything but the pounding of her own heart and the rush of blood in her ears; and then there was nothing.

"Commander, can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes."

She opened her eyes, the light above her was blinding and she squinted against the glare, as a young woman's faced appeared above her.

"There you are, no, don't try to sit up yet, you've been wounded. Can you tell me your name, rank and serial number?"

What the hell was she talking about? She shook her head, and the woman disappeared. Her eyelids were heavy, and she was having trouble not just letting herself slip away to the darkness.

"She has no memory of who she is Doctor, just as you thought."

The Doctor nodded not looking up from the console.

"Right well we need to get started then put her in rehab, and start the training. Including the memory modifications; that will be all Miss Lawson."

Lawson walked back into the room watching the Commander struggle to stay awake.

"Oh no you don't, it's time to wake up Commander."

She tried to speak, but nothing came out but a harsh rasp.

"Easy there, don't go too fast, your speech should come back shortly, for now just nod yes or no, understood?"

She nodded, as the woman lifted the head of her bed so she was almost sitting up; it felt as though her back was breaking as the muscles pulled. Her face screwed up into a look of pain and the woman nodded.

"Well at least you have your feeling back. That's a good sign Commander."

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

Her voice was barely a whisper, rough and ragged from lack of use and numerous tubes thought Lawson.

"Right well you're a stubborn one, I'm calling you Commander because that's what you are. You're Commander Jane Shepard of the Systems Alliance. As I said you've been wounded in battle. Don't worry; your memory should come back in time."

Jane, the name meant nothing to her so she shrugged.

"Your recovery is going to be long, and very difficult Jane, I'm going to need you to do as I say. Tomorrow we'll get you up and try to get you walking. For now let's start with solid food."

A plate and fork was set before her and the woman taught her how to hold the fork, how to drink from the glass. She choked on the first bite and inhaled the liquid in the glass. Jane coughed and sputtered and the woman laughed.

"You'll get it, just go slowly."

Jane picked at the food, and tried her voice again.

"Who are you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Miranda Lawson and I'll be helping you through this."

~~00o00~~

"Okay, Jane one foot in front of the other."

Jane was wobbly on her feet, and as lifted her foot she fell forward landing hard on her knees and hands.

"That's alright Jane, just get up and try again, keep going don't give up."

Biting her lip Jane climbed to her feet and began again.

As walking became easier, Miranda had her start light workouts, arm and leg strengthening. Along with the training and exercises came pills and injections, lots of them. As the weeks wore on this became commonplace and pieces of her life began to come back to her as memories. At least what she thought were memories, came back to her.

"Today, we start rifle training as well as harnessing those biotics. Your implant has been upgraded. Your record says you were quite the shot, let's work on that, but I want you to use your biotics as well. In all things; when you want to move something do it with your biotics okay. Don't look at me like that, I'll show you and you'll pick it up in no time."

The next few weeks were spent mostly on biotics training. Jane was put through the paces and by the time they got back to rifle training she laughed at Lawson.

"What's the point of rifle training with biotics? Seems to me I don't need both."

Miranda shook her head. "You need both, you were quite the sniper. Go ahead."

Jane missed the first four shots and shook her head. "Maybe this is one of those things that won't come back. Like I said I don't think it really matters. I have my side arm and I'm proficient at that. Let's just move on."

Miranda shrugged, she was supposed to just get her into fighting shape, with an emphasis on her biotics.

"Alright then, let's move on to military strategy, and then it will be time for your injections and life history lessons."

"How long do I have to do those? We can only go over my entire life so many times. I get it already; I'd say I'll be ready to get back out there soon. How much longer will I be here?"

"You'll be here as long as the doctors say you will be."

Jane sighed and tossed the rifle to the side. "Fine, after you; let's get this over with."

~~00o00~~

Admiral Hackett was asleep in his quarters when his Comm sounded. Rolling over he answered, sounding more than a little annoyed.

"Hackett here."

"Admiral." The inhale, exhale of smoke caused Hackett to sit up.

"Yes, it's about time you got back to me. It's been almost eight months, report."

"Jane's progress has been excellent. The fact that she already had the technology in her was a major asset. I'd like to show you, rather than explaining this way Admiral. Going to live holo feed. This is one of her training sessions, we used the serum that I told you about, and the modifications are taking."

Hackett watched as Jane sat perfectly still, her hands on her lap, she was unblinking, unmoving.

The voice addressed the doctor with Jane.

"Ask her."

The doctor nodded and Lawson stepped forward.

"What is your name, rank and serial number soldier?"

Still unmoving, Jane gave one nod before stating in a clear voice.

"Jane Anne Shepard, Commander, 61382."

Lawson nodded, continuing the line of questioning.

"Family?"

"Father, Admiral Steven Hackett. Mother, Anne Shepard, deceased. Brother, John Hackett." Jane blinked once as she finished. Miranda thanked her and continued.

"Marital status?"

"Engaged, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko."

Miranda lifted her eyes to the doctor and he nodded.

"Thank you Miss Lawson."

Nodding, Miranda stepped back and the voice came back.

"Satisfied, Admiral?"

"I am."

"Now Admiral, I can make Shepard whatever you want her, there is still work to do with her though; we need her to take these memories as her own without the serum. There is one thing though Admiral. Introducing Jane back isn't going to be easy, so far you've kept up your end of the bargain, and I've read Alenko's profile. I'm not worried about him; I'm worried about your son. You said both, and it will take at least a year for."

Hackett narrowed his eyes at the comm, cutting the voice off, he stated in a very matter of fact tone.

"I'll take care of it. Hackett out."

**~~00o00~~**

**Boom.**

**^.^**


	21. Life After Death

The only noise in Johns quarters were the slight hum of his console, and the even breathing of Liara, who as he glanced over from his chair, he thought couldn't look more peaceful, or beautiful. As with all things peaceful, it was not to last, his comm beeped and Joker cleared his throat.

"I hate to interrupt Major, but your father, uh; rather the Admiral is on comm for you."

"Thanks Joker, I'll take it here." John bit back the urge to cuss, rising from his chair and walking towards the bed.

"Um, Major your, the Admiral was specific that you be alone."

"Of course, he can't just want to have a nice fatherly chat." Liara was already sitting up, as he reached her side. She gave him a crooked smile as she gathered her things, kissed him quickly, and left the room without another word.

Closing his eyes, John prepared himself to deal with his father; squaring his shoulders he hit the comm.

"Major Hackett here, you wanted to speak to me Admiral?"

"Yes I did John, it took you long enough. Do I need to reinforce what your quarters are actually for?"

His jaw twitched as he held back a sigh.

"No Sir, I'm very aware of what my quarters are for. Now, was there something I can do for you Admiral? I expect, you didn't wish to speak to me of my sleeping arrangements."

"You're right John, I don't. Have a seat, we need to talk."

"Is this a father, son talk; or a Major, Admiral talk?" John asked as he took his chair again.

"It's a little of both actually. I know you don't approve of how I do things sometimes. I want you to know that everything I've done, I've always done for the Alliance. You were there with Jane, you know the threat we face. I honestly wish I could tell you everything John, but I can't, you know how it works."

There was the father, son part.

"Sure Sir, I know how it works, you keep us in the dark until shit hits the fan, people die, and then you give us just enough information to maybe keep someone else from dying. So sure I understand Sir, perfectly."

The Admiral didn't respond to this, just continued on as if John hadn't even spoken.

"That being said, what I am about to tell you is one of those things, I need you to understand, and as a Major in the Alliance I need you to comply with. No matter what; is that understood?"

And here is the Admiral, Major part he thought, as a slight smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth.

"There has been, a development, and I need you to meet me at the coordinates I'm sending you. When you get here, I ask that you come alone. I will meet you there, and you will be briefed on the situation. Thank you Major, that is all."

As the comm went silent, John stared at the coordinates in confusion. The middle of nowhere, not a planet, not a satellite, and no space station listed; just empty space. Running a hand through his hair, causing it to stand on end, John released the breath he was holding. _What the hell had his father done now? _

~~00o00~~

As the Normandy reached the Coordinates his father had given him, John chuckled deep in his chest.

John heard Joker snort, and looked down into a wide grin. "Well what do you know Major, there is a station here. You know what that means? It's the secret kind, love those. What do you think they have down there?"

"Take me in Joker; and I'll find out. Remember no one is to accompany me. Please make sure everyone stays aboard the Normandy. My father gets grouchy when people don't do exactly as he says."

Joker rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sounds like he was a real treat to grow up with."

"Yup, but I didn't know any better, well until it was too late." John shrugged, turning towards the exit.

"Well not sure it means much coming from me Major, but you're twice the man your father is. We all have really enjoyed serving under you." Joker pursed his lips trying not to break down laughing as his eyes turned to Liara. "Some more than others, Sir."

John turned red almost instantly, and quickened his pace to leave the Normandy; he could hear Jokers laughter echoing behind him as the doors closed.

~~00o00~~

As the air lock to the station closed behind him, John took a deep breath, and wrinkled his nose. It smelled like a hospital in here, he hated that smell, ever since his mom. His thought was broken as his father strode into the room.

"I'm surprised you made it Admiral. Don't you like to direct people's lives from behind your desk lately?" John bit the inside of his cheek, regretting the words as soon as he had said them. Not because they weren't true, but because he didn't need his father pissed at him, and making his life even more difficult.

The Admiral narrowed his eyes slightly at John.

"I'm glad to see you made it, in decent time too. I'll have to mark this one down on the calendar. Now if you're done with your comments Major, follow me."

John followed his father through the narrow corridor, and to a small office.

"Have a seat Major." John slid the chair back taking his seat, just as a young woman joined them in the room. The Admiral motioned towards a chair and she sat as well. His father of course did not sit, choosing instead his favorite stance, parade rest hands behind his back.

"Major, this is Miranda Lawson; she will be helping me explain the situation."

John's eyes fluttered close, as he drew a deep breath in through his nose, trying to calm his nerves and the growing pit in his stomach. The woman to his left, most assuredly had a Cerberus emblem on her uniform. Why in the name of all that was good and holy, would his father have him come to a Cerberus station, let alone be here himself? He kept his mouth shut, his gaze shifting from his father and back to the woman.

"What we are about to tell you Major, is going to be hard to understand. But, I need you to remember yourself. And above all Major, you will do as I say."

John's eyes flashed to his fathers, but his father wasn't there. This was the Admiral, and it didn't matter that he was his son, that tone meant that if he didn't do what he said, there would be consequences. Ones that he didn't care to even think about.

"Sir, yes Sir."

"Very good Major, and yes I see you eyeing the badge on her uniform, or at least I hope that's what had you gawking." Admiral Hackett quirked an eyebrow and John simply nodded once.

"As you know Major, we do not actively announce that the Alliance would work with Cerberus, but sometimes, we need things done; things that we don't want our fingerprints on. This is where Cerberus comes in. This, was one of those things, Cerberus recovered Commander Shepards' body."

"Why would the Alliance not want their fingerprints on that?" John asked cutting his father off, his voice more than a little shocked.

"If you would let me finish Major, Cerberus found her body and thanks to the technology both you and she were fitted with as children they were able to, well the best word to use would be, resuscitate her. Of course that's not going to be the official story."

Johns face screwed up into a look of confusion, and horror.

"You, they, did what, with the what, in us?" He stuttered, staring first at his father, and then Miranda.

"You know that both, you and Shepard were modified as children."

John lifted both eyebrows, and motioned towards himself in a flourish.

"Sure, modified genetically normal, what you are saying was done because of it, not normal. You had better start talking."

Staring at a nail, and picking at it with his thumb, Admiral Hackett raised his eyes slowly to Johns, and gave a dismissive flick with his finger.

"When you were children, we had made discoveries at lightning speed. The Galaxy was all of a sudden a smaller place. After our discovery on Mars, our researchers were learning what we thought was Prothean technology. We discovered, we were wrong, as we started finding beacons, we realized that there was something else. What Jane called, Reapers, of course we didn't know that at the time. After we saw Sovereign we knew she was right, and that the technology we had started to learn was in fact not Prothean, but their research into them."

John sat frozen; his Jaw slack, before he shook his head and blinked to clear the red from his vision. "You, you put Reaper technology into _children?"_

"To be fair John we thought it was Prothean at the time. We were looking for a way to make you and them, stronger, faster superior in every way. And we succeeded; you and Jane are proof of that. Eyesight, hearing mobility, everything, and you are perfect."

"But at what fucking cost, _father? _How many didn't make it? How could you offer your own children for something like that?"

"Easy, the Alliance asked, I accepted. If it ever came to outright war, like we experienced during the First Contact War; we needed soldiers who could stand up to whatever the Galaxy could throw at us."

John closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Okay, forgetting for a moment that you sound completely insane, let's get back to Jane, she's alive? And you what, brought her back from the dead, using yet more Reaper tech, even though you know they tried to kill us. Sure, why the fuck not, that makes perfect sense."

"I wasn't willing to lose Shepard like that."

"You mean you weren't willing to lose your investment like that. So, where is she?"

"You will watch your tone Major, and Shepard is here. She's ready to return. But there are a few, let's say, conditions you must be aware of."

John motioned for him to continue, with a flip of his hand, he knew it was a trait he got from the man, and hated it now, more than ever.

"Miss Lawson, if you will explain." Admiral Hackett stepped to the side as Miranda stood.

"The Commander has returned with an impaired memory, perhaps impaired is the wrong word. She came back with absolutely no memory of her former life. Every memory she now has, was given to her by us. The Admiral instructed us, on what she was to learn and remember. The official story, the one she believes as well, is that she was wounded on Ilos, that Staff Lieutenant Alenko followed her order and left to finish the mission. That she did not die, and we rescued her in time to save her."

"What do you mean, the Admiral instructed you on what she was to remember? " John turned his eyes from hers, and stared up at the man he wasn't even sure he could call father, without being sick.

"Jane has no memories of certain aspects of her former life."

"Such as what?" John drummed his fingers on his knee, this was impossible, what the hell was going on?

Miranda glanced towards Admiral Hackett, he nodded and she continued.

"Jane's memory of Randiv is quite different, she has been told she was kidnapped, and returned after being held through most of the First Contact War. She really has no true memories until fifteen and Jump Zero. She was given the details of what happened to her there, and after, skipping things, and people the Admiral felt would be harmful, to Commander Shepard pushing forward with her mission."

"You did fucking what? You can't do that. That was her life, her dad, Nihlus, Garrus for Christ sakes. You can't just take those memories from her; they are what made her who she is. You can't tell her they kidnapped her! How could you, how could you do this to your own daughter?" John was up on his feet, his face was red as he pointed an accusing finger at his father.

Admiral Hackett narrowed cold eyes at John. "Actually ever since her memories were modified, has been the only time she's even chosen to recognise me as her father. So, if you're done acting like a child, we will explain how you're going to help her maintain this."

"You want me to what? No, I'm not going to help you in your sick little mind game. This is bullshit. You tell her the truth, Jane was just fine the way she was before."

"Major, you will do as I say, that is an order."

John's mouth snapped closed. He hated that he had once given a shit what this man wanted, and he'd be damned if he was going to do any of it.

"Jane knows myself, you and she knows she is engaged to Alenko. She was told of how she was kidnapped from a military base during her stay there as a child. She was told that she was rescued and sent to Jump Zero, the rest you know.

A bitter dark laugh bubbled out of John as he shook his head.

"This is never going to work, there are plenty of people who know how much she loves her dad. Not to mention, Kaidan watched her die, he's never going to believe this bullshit story. Even he's not that dumb."

"And to those people Major, you will inform that she has had extreme trauma and memory loss, and that its not good to speak of such things with her. Use your imagination, you'll be fine. As far as Alenko is concerned you will tell him anything you like, except what actually happened. Tell him she was close to death, but we made it in time. That it took a lot of time and rehab to get her back to this point. Two years, he'll be so beside himself just seeing her that he won't think twice. Not to mention she isn't mad at him, nor is she with a Turian. As far as she knows they are still together, have been ever since N7 training. If he asks you, tell him she can't remember their fights and he should count himself lucky, and not screw it up this time. Understood Major or should I write it down?"

John ignored his snide remark, and made a flippant gesture to the room. "You want me to lie to her, to her face; to what end? What is the fucking point of all of this?"

"To do what you were designed for Major that is all, I want you to do your job. We have reports of entire human colonies going missing. I want to know why; I want to know if it has to do with the Reapers. You two, are going to figure this out. Now Major if you don't mind, I'll take you to Jane, and we'll get the two of you ready to go."

John stood, raking a hand through his hair. He didn't want to do this, but he couldn't leave her with them either. The best plan of action, he decided was to get her as far away from here as possible, and see what could be done to fix this completely fucked up beyond all recognition, god damn situation.

~~00o00~~

John was shown into a room, Jane was on one side tossing things into a bag, she grabbed her boots with her biotics and moved them towards the bag dropping them in. He blinked, he had never seen her use her biotics. More than just her memory was changed he noted.

"John! They told me you were coming. I'm just about ready and we can move out."

John sucked in a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves.

"Well, before that Jane, I think I need to go back to the Normandy and prepare them for this, I don't want anyone dropping dead from shock. Give me thirty, and I'll be back and we'll leave then."

She nodded. "Yeah, heard and understood."

He nodded and walked back the way he had come, he couldn't stop his hands from shaking; he fisted them at his sides and made for the air lock. His father stepped in front of him halting his progress.

"Major, before you leave, your mission is listed here, along with a list of people I want you to pick up at the Citadel. They are the additions to your team, some are very off the books but I've had them gathered, and you are to retrieve them and pursue the issue we spoke of earlier, its all listed here."

He handed him the data pad. "Good luck Major."

John's eyes narrowed and he simply nodded continuing past him, and to the Normandy.

"Joker, I want everyone gathered at the bridge in five." John gave the order as he turned making his way directly to Alenko.

He heard the call from Joker for all hands to report, and just as he turned the corner, Kaidan was coming out of his quarters.

"Kaidan, I need to talk to you, now." His voice was urgent and Kaidan stopped eyebrows raised.

"Of course Major, what is it."

John pointed to a chair in the mess. "Sit."

Kaidan did so, his eyes still staring in confusion at him.

John released a long sigh, pacing on the other side of the table.

"Kaidan, there is something I need to tell you. Don't speak right away, as I don't have a lot of time."

He cleared his throat and continued. "Kaidan, Jane is alive."

There it was, it was out. And now would come the lie.

"She was rescued from Ilos, she was badly wounded and near death, they were able to save her and with a lot of medical care she is up and able. The situation is that, she has lost most of her memories, she knows you though, and she thinks you're still engaged, she doesn't remember the fight. She doesn't remember Garrus."

Due to my asshole father, he thought but didn't say. He watched as Kaidan's face drained of colour, looking like he was about to pass out.

"Easy there, I know, I freaked out too. Things will make sense in time. I'm going to go back and get her, bring her aboard. Are you going to be okay?"

Kaidan shook his head staring at John in shock and dismay.

"I'm sorry Major, I thought you just said Jane is alive. That's not possible, I watched her die. I would have never left her if she was alive."

"Well it is Kaidan, she is alive. I realize this is short notice but I need you to pull yourself together. Get to the bridge I need to inform everyone else."

John spent the next fifteen minutes, trying to explain to a very shocked crew the situation at hand.

"Now please remember, she has very few memories, I think it would be best if everyone just didn't bring things up, unless she does. I realize it sounds insane, but try to act as if nothing has happened, that you're used to seeing her. Okay, dismissed continue with your duties."

~~00o00~~

As Jane was brought on board the Normandy, John stopped and reintroduced her to each person as they walked to the quarters that would be hers. As they passed the mess Kaidan and Liara were sitting at the table. Kaidans head was down, staring into his cup of coffee.

"Jane, this is Liara."

Jane nodded slightly. "Right, I remember you a little. Nice to see you." Her voice was unsure and she seemed embarrassed. Liara just smiled and nodded, moving on down the hall.

Kaidan still hadn't looked up, but when she called his name, his eyes snapped to hers.

"Kaidan, you I remember, very well. I've missed you, I'm sorry for everything I've put you through."

Kaidan stood and walked slowly to her, his hand reached out and brushed the hair back from her cheek.

"Dear, God you're real. I thought for sure the Major must have been insane, but here you are."

Jane smiled and took his hand. "Yeah, here I am."

John ground his teeth and felt the need to cuss loudly. Figures Alenko wouldn't think twice just as his father had said. As long as she wasn't mad at him, the fool was still head over heels for her. And now he had the bloody Alliance helping him out. Fuck this.

"Come on Jane, you can talk to Kaidan later. Let's get your stuff put away."

After getting her settled, John left Jane in her quarters and made his way to the bridge.

"Joker, we're headed to the Citadel, going to have a few new crew members."

"You mean besides the one we already have? Really that's Commander Shepards face alright, but something is off. I know she doesn't have a lot of memories but, there is something different in her eyes, and to be honest the whole thing creeps me out."

Shit Joker caught it right off the bat, this was going to be difficult, and he had to maintain this face until he could get them far enough away.

"Thank you for your concern Joker, its noted. Now set the course."

Kaidan had waited as long as he could, he had paced his room when he made up his mind to go see her.

Standing outside her room, Kaidan fidgeted before finally hitting the buzzer.

"Yeah, come in."

He'd never heard her call for entrance into her room like that. He shook it off and stepped inside. Jane was stretching against the wall and her face broke into a smile when she saw him.

"Hey, I was hoping you'd stop by."

"Really? I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me this soon or." He trailed off as she walked to him and gave him a hug.

"They said you might blame yourself for what happened. Don't, I had given you an order and you followed it. You did what you needed to do. And well here I am."

"Yeah, here you are." He wrapped his arms around her, returning the hug, her body melting into his, she lifted her eyes to his and not thinking he leaned down and kissed her soundly. She didn't pull back, but instead returned his kiss. Pulling away briefly smiling up at him and ask in a halting voice.

"I didn't know if you'd still feel the same, it's been so long."

"You really aren't mad at me Jane, baby?"

She shook her head, and didn't yell at the old pet name.

"No, of course not, I'm just glad to see you. My father told me that you've had a hard time. I'm sorry to have done that to you."

"Your father?" Kaidan asked not really hearing his own question.

"Yeah, Admiral Hackett, he brought me up to speed on everyone."

He noted that she had never called the Admiral that, but let it go again, as just having her arms around him was driving him mad, and he leaned down kissing her again, letting himself fall into her, and to his shock and pleasure she let him.

~~00o00~~

The Citadel was a buzz when they stepped off the Normandy; and John took Jane to see Captain Anderson, before they ran into anyone they knew.

Even though the Admiral had briefed him on the situation, he still damn near fell of the chair behind his desk, as Jane walked through the door, they spoke a little before Jane left smiling, back to the other room, to wait with Kaidan.

"I still can't believe it." Anderson repeated.

"I know Sir; we've all been a little off, since finding out."

"Understood Major, now as for the crew you're to pick up. They aren't here yet, I suggest you take your crew, let them stretch their legs, you guys are for in a rough haul."

"Aye Sir, I'm concerned though about some of these, people we're supposed to take on the Normandy. Assassins, thieves and bounty hunters? Are we really supposed to take these types of people with us?"

"I know what you must be thinking. But I'm sure the Admiral has his reasons."

"Yeah you have way more faith than I do." John muttered.

"I'm sorry Major, what was that?"

"Nothing, we'll be back."

John entered the room where Kaidan and Jane were waiting, and his eyes immediately dropped to where they were holding hands. He frowned and sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm himself before moving forward towards the elevator.

"Come on, let's get something to eat."

~~00o00~~

Garrus was bored; he hated C-Sec and all their damned red tape. He was out walking, trying to do something, anything but think about what could have been, what direction his life could have taken when he heard her laugh. He dragged a hand over his face and leaned forward over the railing, overlooking the Presidium. He was still hearing her damn it. Two years, and her voice was still in his head.

He turned and his heart stopped, as his eyes landed on a bright red-head of hair, and impossibly green clear eyes. She barely glanced at him and turned back to the others at the table, Kaidan and John.

Garrus blinked, trying to make the vision disappear. But every time he opened them, there she was.

John looked to his left, and spotted Garrus at the same time he saw Jane. Shit!

He was out of his chair so fast, that he knocked it over with a clatter, rushing his way to where Garrus stood gawking.

"Garrus, Garrus, look at me." Garrus ripped his eyes from Jane, and stared at John in shock.

"Okay, don't move, let me explain."

Finding his voice Garrus sputtered.

"How is this possible? Is that another sister? What the hell were they triplets?"

"No Garrus, that's Jane, she was rescued on Ilos shortly after she was wounded. They rescued her, saved her."

There John thought, the lie was out, quickly like ripping off a band-aid when you were a kid.

Garrus was silent as he stared back towards where Jane was laughing and eating with Kaidan. He swallowed hard before being able to speak again.

"How is that possible John? Kaidan said she was dead, no pulse. If I would have known, spirits I should have gone to check. I just left her there; I need to talk to her." Garrus moved forward and John caught his arm. He hated lying to Garrus, he liked him. He knew that Garrus cared for Jane, maybe even loved her, and his next words caught in his chest.

"Garrus, she's lost most of her memories. She, she, shit Garrus, she doesn't remember you."

Garrus turned his head slowly back to John and stared down at him, sadness and pain drifted over his face as his mandibles went slack.

"How much does she remember?"

John clenched his jaw against what he wanted to say, about how she only remembered the lies Hackett had told her.

"Not much, bits and pieces, most of her childhood is gone, as well as her time right before Ilos. She has very few memories."

"She doesn't remember her dad?" The last word came out as a choked whisper, and John shook his head.

"No, I'm afraid not. Like I said, she doesn't remember much, they said her memories would slowly come back, but for now not to push her."

Another lie, and it cut him just as a knife would.

"I see she remembers Kaidan alright." Garrus watched as Kaidan's arm went around her, John noticed Garrus visibly flinch, as he watched them.

"I'm sorry Garrus."

Garrus didn't answer him right away, his eyes widened after a moment and he lurched forward.

"Shit, we've got bigger problems John."

Johns followed Garrus's gaze, to where Ganis had spotted Jane from across the crowded terrace.

"You failed to mention Ganis was fucking here."

"Yeah well I was a little preoccupied with people coming back from the dead, wasn't I?"

They were both running forward trying to get to Ganis, but as they reached the table it was too late.

"Red? Sweetheart? This isn't possible, Kaidan? How? What I don't understand."

Ganis was on his knees next to Jane trying to pull her into his arms, but she pushed back resisting him.

Kaidan moved next to Ganis trying to pull him to his feet, but he wouldn't budge.

"Red, sweetheart? That is you, isn't it? How is this possible?"

Garrus was at his side, Jane was still trying to move away from him, and his heart shattered at the look on Ganis's face.

John stood dumbfounded, he had no fucking clue what to say.

"Ganis, I should have messaged you."

Ganis's eyes turned to his, confusion etched his face.

"We need to talk Ganis, but not here." John motioned to the side and they walked away with Garrus practically having to drag Ganis along, his eyes never leaving Jane.

"I should have messaged you Ganis, I didn't realize you were on the Citadel, though I guess I should have messaged you too Garrus. But honestly this was just dropped on me as well. They've had her for two years, she's been in rehab, and Ganis, I know this is going to be awful, but she doesn't remember you, she doesn't remember Nihlus or Garrus. Her memory comes in clips, they don't know when or." He stopped swallowing, hating the next lie. "Or if she will remember."

Ganis spun to him ripping his eyes away from the table.

"If you just let me talk to her, she'll remember. She has to, my little girl is alive and she doesn't know me, pushes me away. Just let me have some time with her."

John bit down on his lip until he tasted blood.

"I'm sorry Ganis, I can't. They told me to let her come back on her own. I can't." John lowered his voice and leaned towards them.

"As soon as I can though, I'll fix this sir, I swear to you."

Ganis gave a deep growl in his chest and made to turn to do it anyways, but Garrus stopped him, pulling him to the side. He spoke to him briefly, there was a lot of cuss words his translator didn't pick up and waving of hands, until finally with one last look at the table, Ganis stalked off the way he had come.

Garrus, his mandibles pulled flush to his face turned back to John.

"You listen to me John, I have no idea what is really going on here, but I know you're not telling me everything."

John licked his lips, which were bloody and suddenly very dry.

"I'm sorry Garrus, we're headed out on a mission and, I didn't have time to let anyone know."

The lies were adding up faster than he could keep up.

Garrus narrowed his eyes at him.

"You're going to do something for me John, you're going to get me on the Normandy, I don't care what you have to do to get me there, but you will. It was the only way I could get Ganis to not march over there and do just as you told him not to. Though I wanted to let him, I trust you John."

John sucked in a deep breath at that, feeling his stomach knot, before he realized it he was nodding.

"Good, I'll see you at the docks."

With that, Garrus stared towards Jane until she looked up and met his eyes. He tried to put everything into that one glance, every feeling that he felt at seeing her, but she just quirked her head to the side, no recognition in her eyes for him and he sighed, fighting the urge to break things as he walked away to quit C-Sec and figure out what the hell had just happened.

Jane watched the grey Turian talking with John watch her, she didn't know him, at least she didn't think so, but he and that other Turian sure seemed to know her. Shit she wished she could remember.

As she watched him walk away she felt a pulling, almost like she wanted to follow him. The way he had looked at her had been so familiar, but she just couldn't remember. Like a dream that wakes you in a cold sweat, and the more you think about it the more it drifts away, like water through your hand.

One thing she knew for sure though, she wanted to know who he was, and why he looked at her like she was the only person on the Citadel.

~~00o00~~

**Let the mass chaos ensue. I realize this has been really hard to read for a while. Bear with me, we're all about to get what we really want. **

**I hope you all had a great weekend.**

**^.^**


	22. Trust Issues

John sat alone in his quarters going over the dossiers of the new crew they had picked up on the Citadel. Kasumi Goto is an expert on infiltration, extraction, stealth and sabotage. He shook his head and scanned the next. Assassin Thane Krios, one of the best in the galaxy, and a Bounty hunter named, Zaeed Massani he knew this name, a mercenary soldier. He tossed the data pad away and flopped back on his bed.

What the hell did his father have them doing? Missing humans and a ship full of questionable personalities, not to mention Jane, shit John thought, and wondered how any of them would get out of this in one piece.

John was just about to get up, and take a shower when his door buzzed.

"It's open." As the door slid open, John stifled a groan at seeing Garrus.

"Glad you're still up Major."

John quirked an eyebrow at Garrus using his title, and not his name, he was in trouble.

"What can I do for you Garrus? I was just about to hop in the shower."

"I think that can wait, Major. It's time you explain to me, what the hell happened. I think I deserve that much don't you?"

John nodded slowly and motioned to a chair, he watched as Garrus sat and he cleared his voice.

"Garrus, I'm not really sure where to start. Jane is." Garrus held up a finger halting him mid sentence.

"Just the truth, John don't you dare lie to me again, I'm barely able to control this as it is."

John sighed, resigning to the fact he needed to come clean.

"Okay, Garrus Jane did die on Ilos, Cerberus along with the Alliance, or at least my father, recovered her body. "

He paused watching Garrus nod.

"They used Reaper tech to bring her back, I don't know how or what they used, but they did. They then proceeded to train her, and implant whatever memories they wanted into her, for the last year."

John continued to explain what memories they had given Jane, and what he had noted was different about her, besides the memories. He knew Turian facial expressions pretty well, and the last expression after shock, and sadness to wash over his face, was pure anger.

Garrus stood, pacing the room for a moment before turning back to John.

"So that's why she's down there with Alenko right now, that's why she has no clue about me, or Ganis. So tell me John, were you ever planning on telling her, and what the hell is your father playing at? Why the hell would he do this?"

"Don't you think I want to Garrus? But what do I tell her, how do we bombard her with memories that will make no sense to her? As for my father, I have no idea. It doesn't make sense, unless he was just trying to force the issue, you know between Kaidan and her?"

"We're not supposed to at least try? And all of this for Kaidan, I can't see that John, there must be another reason, and I'm going to find out what." Garrus's eyes pierced John's.

"That is the love of my life down there, in the arms of a man who lied to everyone, who to this day wears not only her dog tags, but her Turian fathers, and then doesn't even have the decency, to tell her the truth. Bullshit, John I'm not going to keep quiet."

John flinched at the word love, Garrus did love her, he had never been sure how close they were.

"Yeah, I didn't figure you would just leave it. This isn't fair to you or Ganis I know."

Garrus looked confused at that.

"No, John this isn't about what is fair for me or her father, this is about the entire life, of probably the most amazing person in the Galaxy, vanishing. She's alive, something that shouldn't even be possible. But to have her entire life ripped from her, that has nothing to do with fair; it has to do with right and wrong. That is wrong. She deserves to have people around her that love her, and will tell her the truth."

"You're right of course, I just don't know how to do this, how do we make her believe us?"

Garrus shook his head moving towards the door. "We don't make her do anything, we simply show her and hope for the best, that's all we can do. We couldn't make Jane do anything in her first life, what makes you think this one, would be any different?"

~~00o00~~

Collectors on Horizon, Christ what was going on here? John watched the ship leave as he stared down at the one Jane had killed with her biotics. He noticed Garrus was watching her closely; he looked like he wanted to ask something.

"Jane, why did you run in there? You could have easily sniped him from here, why rush in with your biotics?"

Jane quirked her head and chuckled. "I don't know if I could have shot him from here actually, my shot isn't very good. I'm much better with my biotics."

"What?" Garrus froze his mandibles slack, watching her turn back towards John.

The assassin Krios, stood silently behind them, watching Jane and John in their discussion.

"You know the Commander?"

"I used to, it's complicated."

Thane simply nodded. "Life is complicated."

~~00o00~~

Back on the Normandy things were quiet, with them finding out the Collectors were taking humans, and now John taking calls directly from Cerberus. Everyone was tense.

Garrus stood in the kitchen, he knew he should eat but he had no appetite, losing himself in his thoughts back aboard this ship was easy, and when he heard her voice he sucked in a breath. He still couldn't believe he was actually hearing her, and seeing her, and it killed him that he couldn't touch her.

"Hey, Vakarian right?" He nodded, and she smiled, it wasn't her smile though.

"We haven't had time to talk with everything, I didn't know back on the Citadel that you were part of John's crew. Do we know each other? I'm having more trouble than I thought, there are so many blanks."

Garrus wasn't sure if he felt like laughing, or crying. He was lost in some awful place in the middle.

"Yes, Jane we know each other. I was on the first crew of the Normandy, to find Saren."

Jane nodded, her face was scrunched up, and Garrus could see new scars along her neck, and cheeks.

"I'm sorry I acted like that back at the Citadel, things were happening so fast. Who was the other Truian? Was he with us as well?"

Garrus sucked in a quick breath through his nose, and nodded.

"Yes he was with us; in fact he and Liara, are the reason we were able to find Saren." Garrus paused, what was stopping him from just telling her everything?

"There are some things I want to tell you."

Jane nodded. "God yes, I'd love for you to help me out, I feel so lost. You have no idea what it's like to have holes inside you.

Garrus knew better than she thought, about how it felt to have a huge hole inside of you, but he ignored this and turned handing her a cup of coffee the way she liked it, and she scrunched her eyebrows together. "You know how I like my coffee?"

"I know a lot of things about you Jane Vandrel-Shepard."

She gave him a confused smile.

"Vandrel?"

"I have something you should read Jane, it would be better to hear it from yourself, instead of me telling you." Garrus handed her the small data pad that Ganis had given him after her death two years ago.

Jane accepted it and stared up at him.

"What do you mean, hear it from myself?"

"That is a journal from when you were young, trust me." With that Garrus nodded and walked away from her down the hall, and towards the main battery, he had to get away from her before he lost control of his emotions.

~~00o00~~

Jane watched him leave, before staring down at the data pad in her hand and making her way to her room to read. The first thing she noted, was that it was written in Turian, and much more curious was that she had no trouble reading it.

Jane read for most of the night cycle, and when she finished the last entry before she left for Earth, she shot up, and out of the bed, once in the hallway she ran to the main battery, she didn't pause as the doors opened, and she practically leapt into the room.

"Is this true Garrus? That Turian, Ganis on the Citadel the one you told me was on the ship, to help us find Saren? He didn't kidnap me; he raised me as his own? Is that fucking true?"

She was yelling, and Garrus had barely been able to sit up, hearing her rant he turned his eyes to her, and stared into flashing orbs of green fire. He knew that fire and it gave him hope.

"Yes, Jane it's all true, you wrote it."

She stalked over to him, sitting on a crate across from him, staring him down.

"Tell me the rest, all of it, _now."_

Garrus, tried to tell her most everything he knew from her time on Jump Zero, which she seemed to already know, and then Earth while she was in N7 training, about how she and Kaidan were together, and what had ripped them apart. Everything she had once told him.

"What about Nihlus? The one I wrote about when I was a child. Where is he?"

"Nihlus, was killed by Saren, I joined you on the Normandy after that, we." He went silent, and she pushed him on.

"We, what Garrus, you said we had met years before right?"

"Yes Jane we met at war games, you shot me from over three-thousand yards, and it was the most amazing shot I've ever seen."

"And then Garrus?"

"Well in our travels you and I became close, when your father, Ganis I mean joined us on the ship we were all together, those are some of the best memories in my life. Then you died, as I said and I lost it, I had lost you. You were quickly becoming my entire life Jane, and I've missed you, and then as I was walking the Citadel thinking about you, there you were, but you were still lost to me."

Garrus continued, filling in the little gaps for her when she asked questions. When he finished, she had gone silent, and she stared at the far wall unmoving.

"Jane I."

Jane stood not looking back at him, just facing the door.

"I don't know what to say Garrus, I'm not sure I believe any of this, why would they." She swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing.

"Why would the Admiral do this to me, why would he bring me back just to make me into something, whatever this is." She motioned to herself.

"It's not bad enough that I wasn't quite human to begin with, they had to go and make me a soulless, half machine. If what you say is true, I can't have a soul can I?"

The look she turned to him broke his heart, and she shook her head.

"I'm not saying I believe this Garrus, I'm not sure what to believe. I don't remember any of what you're saying."

Garrus nodded. "I understand Jane, I don't expect everything to just snap back into place, and I just wanted you to know the truth, from someone who loves you."

She stared at him in shock, before turning back to the door.

"I don't know what to do Garrus."

"Ask Kaidan Jane, he still wears your old dog tags, as well as those of your dad. Ask him about them."

Jane nodded once before leaving the room, Garrus watched the door close and leaned his head into his hands. Hoping he hadn't just screwed this up worse than it had already been.

Jane stood in the mess; she grabbed her cup of coffee and strode to the helm. Joker was there, he looked like he was reading something, he didn't turn just spoke, acknowledging her.

"What's going on Commander?"

She ignored the question.

"Joker, how long have you known me?"

Joker spun his chair, eyeing her.

"Ever since you were Captain Anderson's XO, so a few years, not counting the ones you were dead."

She nodded.

"And I'm Turian, my father is Ganis, and I was with Nihlus, and Kaidan and I broke up, do you know those things?"

Joker's eyebrows shot up and he coughed nervously.

"Tell me Joker. I'm not mad, just tell me if those things are true."

"Yes, commander, those things are true. Though the part about Lieutenant Alenko, I'm not sure about, we all thought that after you found out that the Admiral was responsible for you not being able to be with Nihlus, and that he had chosen Kaidan for you, like some weird genetics match making service." He stopped at the look on her face."

"That last part are just rumors we'd heard, you know how people talk. But anyway we thought that you would never talk to him again, let alone sleep with him. But at your funeral, they made it sound like you two were days away from getting married, you know oddly not only that, but they made it look like you and the Admiral were a happy family. Shit, I'd never even heard you call him father let alone you guys be anything even resembling a happy family."

Jane cussed under her breath and Joker gave a nervous chuckle.

"I'm sorry Commander, maybe I've said too much, I really need to learn to keep my big mouth shut."

"No, Joker I asked and you told me the truth, as you know it. I thank you for being honest, even if it causes me anxiety; it's something not everyone has done."

Joker nodded and turned his chair back to his console.

"Any time Commander, I've always thought you were neat just as you were, Human-Turian. We all heard the stories about you, you were a living legend."

"And then I was a dead one."

"Yeah, well Commander, I'm not going to argue with why you're back, the issues we seem to have in the Galaxy as a whole, you know, Collectors taking entire colonies of humans, not to mention, what if there are more of those sovereign guys out there? You're the only one who's had one speak to you, we need you Commander."

"It spoke to me? How is that possible? Why wouldn't they tell me that?"

"I don't know Commander, I just pilot the ship. But don't you think you should ask the Major or the Lieutenant these questions?"

"Yes possibly, but I'm not sure who I can trust to tell me the truth Joker, up to this point everyone has seemed pretty willing to keep me in the dark, for some reason. I wish I knew why they would do this."

Joker shrugged as he stared at the screen.

"I may not care for Alenko much Commander, but Major Hackett is a good man, I know he is, he's been under the Admirals thumb longer than anyone, and I think he would be honest with you if you asked."

"Thanks Joker, this means a lot to me, that you were able to tell me."

He laughed and shook his head.

"Don't worry about it Commander, I kind of miss you yelling at me, and calling me Flight Lieutenant though."

"I yell?"

"Not in the way you think, you're a Turian, it's kind of your thing, you know stick up the ass. Your posture is off."

She chuckled and turned to leave.

"I guess I'm going to have to find my stick then."

"Good luck with that Commander."

~~00o00~~

Jane stood in the mess again, trying to decide what the hell she was going to do, her memories, the ones they had given her were a jumble. As she stood trying to figure them out, a light voice from behind her shattered the silence.

"Something wrong Commander?" She turned to see the Drell Krios standing in the shadows, just to her side.

"Damn, Thane no wonder you're an assassin, I would have been dead before I even knew you were there."

The Drell chuckled lightly, his hands clasped behind his back.

"It wouldn't have mattered how much noise I made Commander, you were quite lost in your thoughts. As I asked, is there something wrong?"

She watched him for a moment then shrugged, deciding it didn't matter who knew what anymore.

"Well, I'm getting the feeling I'm living a life that isn't mine, first off I shouldn't even be alive. I don't know who I should trust, hell I don't know if I can trust myself. I have no idea what I even am."

Thanes eyes went blank.

"Jane Shepard, the name was mentioned in a hushed tone, the Turian looks down into his brandy, looks up to me, tells me how they grew up together, red hair, green eyes. How she was with a human now, he's still in love with her, is going to meet her on the ship Normandy, he looks towards the door, nods to me, swears he's going to have his mate back."

He stopped, blinking bringing himself back to the present.

"I met Nihlus when I was on a job; he was the only person to ever catch me in the act. I liked him, I was sorry to hear of his death."

Jane blinked trying to clear her vision. "What was that?"

"Just a memory Commander, one I have of Nihlus, we Drell's remember differently, but that is neither here, nor there, now if you would continue."

Jane nodded continuing her thought. "I wish I remembered, how do I match this reality, with that one?"

Thane regarded her for a moment.

"I don't know what it's like, to not remember, in fact, sometimes I wish there was a way I could forget." He held up a hand before Jane could speak.

"No, that's a discussion for another time. You know Commander, reality is based on perception, perhaps you need to change your perception?"

"How do I do that? I don't know who to believe anymore."

"Well, how about you stop listening to others and start making decisions on your own, change your perception, from one of having to believe someone else, to believing yourself, and what you see. Also, I have some techniques you might be able to use; you should be in your quarters, quiet. Its call meditation, I'm not saying it will help you right away, but it might help you focus, cleanse your mind. Try it."

~~00o00~~

Kaidan paced in front of Jane's door. John stood to the end of the hall, and Garrus leaned against the wall across from them.

"What the hell did you tell her Garrus? She's been in there for two days. God damn it, two days and she won't talk to me."

"I told her, what you should have told her Kaidan, the truth."

"The truth? Fuck we want to start throwing around the truth? John lied to me, he said they found her alive, not that they brought her back from the god damn dead!"

"Yes, well I shouldn't have, I should have told everyone the truth from the start, but you know what, I didn't want you freaking out like you are right now. You shouldn't have gone right back to her though, it's just like a replay of the funeral. You, pretending nothing is wrong. What the hell is wrong with you Kaidan? My sister doesn't love you, and you need to leave her alone."

Kaidan went silent and froze mid-step. "Fuck you, John."

Tossing Garrus a sideways look, he moved away from them and down the hall towards his room.

"Well, this should be fun." Garrus rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, you think she's okay in there?"

"No, would you be?"

John shook his head and they walked away together trying to figure out what to do from here, they hadn't received another communication from either Cerberus or the Alliance since Horizon, when they were told to hold their positions.

~~00o00~~

For almost three days, Jane tried the technique that Thane had shown her, but her head was still a jumble of mixed memories, or things people had told her, they had no true order. Giving her head a shake she stood and stretched her back, sitting on the floor sure hadn't helped her muscles.

She was busy pacing her room when her buzzer sounded. It had been a day since anyone had tried to bother her. Biting her lip she ignored it and continued to wonder her room. Wall to wall, she was restless, she wanted to hit something. Run, maybe she could run. She frowned, that would mean she would have to go out there.

She heard Garrus's voice at the door telling her he was leaving something for her, that it belonged to her. She waited, giving him long enough to leave.

Opening the door she looked down, a simple sniper rifle leaned against the wall. Picking it up it felt warm, familiar in her hands. She sighed as the door closed behind her and she set the gun against the wall across from her bed, she stretched and lay down, closing her eyes.

~~00o00~~

Jane looked around, was she dreaming? Of course this must be a dream. She was floating above a planet, Palaven she noted to herself, then wondered how she would know that.

As she watched the bright lights spread over the planet she realised it was burning. She looked behind her, Sovereign, what looked like thousands of him were there behind her. She felt them look at her, she felt them calling to her, she could hear the screams of the people on the planet, as a rush of heat swallowed her, and she sat up in a cold sweat, she was in her own bed, on the Normandy and the screams had been her own.

"Spirits." She mumbled as she kicked her feet out of bed, she eyed her rifle, her face screwing up in confusion.

"What are you doing down there?" She grabbed it and made to put it on her weapons rack, but the weapons rack wasn't there. She blinked, clearing the left over sleep from her eyes, and took another look around. This wasn't her quarters, what the hell?

She walked to the small washroom to the side; these were her old XO quarters, the only other one on the Normandy with a washroom.

She sat the rifle down against the wall again, leaning against the sink she cupped the water splashing her face. Glancing up into the mirror she ran her fingertips over her cheeks, felt the scars, ones she didn't recognise, her eyes lowered to her dog tags around her neck.

She cussed as her hand clenched them, had she lost her dads? Her dad, was he here? She was having trouble remembering what she had done the day before, and why she was in her old quarters, had she been really drunk, and passed out? She sure smelled like that could have been what happened.

She hit the shower, and as she stood washing, her hands drifted over her chest, another scar in the middle of her chest, she frowned as her hands went lower, another scar just above her belly button. Her eyes darted from side to side, trying to figure out where they had come from, and that's when it hit her.

She stumbled back against the wall of the shower, and slid to the floor. She remembered, she remembered leaning against a wall just like this, watching her blood flow to the ground, Kaidan's face becoming nothing but a distant blur, before her world went dark. And then, nothing, she had known nothing, until that first gasp of air.

The memories of what had happened in the last years came back in a flood, and as they hit her, her anger grew.

How the hell could he have done this to her? Leaving the shower Jane found a fresh uniform, and changed. How could someone she should have been able to trust do this to her, and she didn't mean the Admiral, she meant Kaidan.

She remembered everything, her childhood, her death, and her betrayal once again at the hands of the Admiral, but she almost expected this from him, but for Kaidan to act like nothing had happened? What Joker had told her he'd done at the funeral?

She was pissed, and she was going to find out for herself, what the hell his problem was.

~~00o00~~

Jane left the room intent on finding Kaidan, when she did find him he was gathered with just about everyone on board the Normandy on the bridge.

The group turned to her as she entered and she stood to the side at parade rest.

"Continue, I just wish to speak with Lieutenant Alenko." John's eyebrows shot up in surprise at her tone, he motioned for Kaidan to go. Kaidan stepped forward and before they were barely in the hall, Jane nodded towards his neck. The crew behind them watched in silence, as the door hadn't closed behind them.

"I believe Lieutenant, that those are mine. I would like them back; you have no right to them."

Kaidan's eyebrows pulled together as he slipped the dog tags off, and handed them to her.

"Spirits Kaidan, I gave these to you when I died, to give to Garrus and my father."

Kaidan inhaled deeply. "You remember your death baby?"

"Yes, I remember everything Kaidan, and don't you dare call me that again. I told you before Ilos that I didn't love you, I meant it Kaidan, you were my friend. You lied to me again." She replied between clenched teeth.

"Jane, I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do, what to say. I was so happy to have you back. To have you willing to be around me."

Jane lifted her finger cutting him off and leaned towards him.

"I don't care what you thought Kaidan, you were wrong. A friend would have told me, no matter what they wanted. I'm going to ask you something Kaidan, I want the truth. Joker told me that you let the Alliance pass over my father and my."

She paused, realizing the door behind them was open, and the crew gathered had listened quietly in shock this whole time. Deciding it was too late she continued with a shrug and a gesture.

"My, well Garrus, at my funeral, that you let them think we were still getting married. Now I know the Admiral knew better, but I expect nothing more of him, but you Kaidan?" Jane's eyes welled with tears.

"How could you let them do that, how could you do that? You know my father Kaidan; you know what we mean to each other. How could you let me react to him like that on the Citadel, why didn't you tell him? We should have explained it to him." The tears came then, they weren't tears for him, they were tears for Ganis.

"I'm not the only one who lied to you Jane, John didn't tell you, and he lied to Garrus and Ganis on the Citadel. I was doing as he told me to."

Jane clinched her Jaw and leaned forward pointing a finger at his chest.

"Don't you tell me what John did, I'll speak to him later. I'm talking about what you _chose_ to do Kaidan, that you chose to pretend that we were together, not just since I came back from the fucking dead, but since I died! That was your fucking choice, I'm sick of you, I'm sick of the Alliance."

"What are you talking about Jane?"

Kaidan didn't like the look in her eye, it was cold, Turian. He knew that look, it was the one she turned on him, after she had shot those hostages on Randiv.

"John." She spoke to the Major, but she kept her gaze fixed on Kaidan.

"John, is this still my ship?"

John nodded. "It was only in my command until you regained enough, to take command back yourself Jane, sounds to me like you're as ready as ever."

She nodded, still staring at Kaidan, eyes cold, unfeeling.

"I want all communication with the Alliance cut off. Gather all the information we have on the collectors and reapers, I want to make a few stops before we continue, give this to Liara, have her find Wrex and Tali. People I can actually trust." She paused, punctuating trust, still staring at him. Before nodding and continuing.

"What? Jane! You can't just break away from the Alliance; steal their ship, that's mutiny."

Jane arched her left eyebrow and leaned back on her left foot, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I can, and I am. I don't know what they want from me, but I won't be a part of it anymore. I'm going to do what needs to be done, which is stop the reapers. I've seen what they want, and I have to stop it."

"You'll be arrested Jane, you too John, both of you. You'll be traitors to the Alliance. How are you going to get your information then?"

Jane narrowed her eyes at him and addressed the crew behind them.

"If anyone takes issue with this, they are free to leave with my blessing. Say so now."

No one spoke, no one moved, Kaidan was shocked.

"As far as how I'm going to get my information, well it seems Cerberus built me, and from what I remember while I was there, they may be using the Alliance to their own ends, but they care for the Admiral, and the Alliance about as much as I do. I'll start there."

Her eyes burned into his.

"As for you, _get off my ship_."

"What? You can't be serious?"

"Oh, I'm deadly serious Alenko. You have two choices, first, get into an escape pod, contact the Alliance and tell them whatever story you like, or I shoot you. The choice is yours." She spun and walked back on the bridge letting the doors close in Kaidan's face.

John stood, quietly chewing on the inside of his cheek until Jane was facing him.

"I'm upset John but I know what you meant to do, and at least you told Garrus the truth once he was here. Thank you for that at least. I need your help. If we're going to do this we need people we can trust. John what I'm about to tell you, about what I've seen. You'll never believe it, and we have to do anything in our power to stop it. And I believe that starts with finding out what the Collectors are doing."

"But Jane, working with Cerberus?"

"I know what you're thinking John, but it's a means to an end, and we're in charge this time, I need the info they have. After that, well I don't know. We'll figure it out then."

"You realize, we're going to be arrested and most likely shot for this."

Jane chuckled. "Yeah well, I've already been dead once. It wasn't so bad, you'll see."

Johns jaw dropped, and Jane smirked at him, elbowing him slightly.

"One thing at a time John, let's worry about one thing at a time."

~~00o00~~

Captain Anderson stood before the image of Admiral Hackett.

"Sir, we've picked up Lieutenant Alenko, he's ranting about how Shepard and your son have taken the Normandy. She's gone rogue Sir, and you know the council upheld her status as a spectre. So once again Sir we have a rogue spectre, and this time they have one of the most advanced ships in our fleet."

Ambassador Udina was to Anderson's left, his face was red, and he leaned forward slamming his fist on Anderson's desk.

"And I don't care whose children they are, I want them arrested and tried for their mutiny against the Alliance. After everything we've done, to have her go and repay us like this."

Admiral Hackett nodded slightly to Udina.

"Thank you Udina, of course. If you would excuse the Captain and myself."

Udina sighed, and spun on his heel leaving the room.

"Captain, you will support Udina from within. You will do what you need, to try to capture Shepard and the Normandy, but you will not. Understood Captain?"

"As always Sir." As the image of Hackett faded, Anderson kicked his chair over, before striding out of the room to meet Udina, and start his bullshit chase of Commander Shepard.

~~00o00~~

The doors to the battery opened, Garrus's back was to her. He hadn't been on the bridge with everyone, and the moment she was done with John and Joker, figuring out where to go first, she had come here.

Garrus could smell her; it must be something she used in her hair he thought. He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of her hair between his talons, the feeling of her under him, and his body instantly began to respond to the memory. He tried to distract himself, cleared his throat and asked.

"Is there something I can do for you, Commander?"

"Yes there is Vakarian, you can start with why you would lie to me."

Garrus spun to her, her face was a perfect deadpan and she was desperately trying not to laugh.

"Jane, I would never lie to you, why what do you think I." Jane lifted a finger cutting him off, causing his mandibles to go slack as his brow plate practically hit the ceiling.

"You said I shot you from three thousand yards. I remember it being more like three-thousand five hundred."

Garrus's breath came out in a rush, as Jane took a step towards him.

"By the way, thank you. I did need to hear all that from someone who loves me, and who I love, more than anything. You were the last thought on my mind, that day on Ilos. You and my dad, I remember wishing you were there, to hold me. To tell me everything was going to be okay. My biggest regret, was you not knowing how I felt."

In that instant Garrus pulled Jane to him, he leaned his head against hers, his hands gliding from her shoulders down to her waist.

"Jane, I knew, I know how you feel. I never doubted it, I had wished more times than I can count, that I would have been bold enough to ask you to just throw propriety out the window, and be my mate, though we had only known each other for a very short time. I love you, I will always love you Jane Vandrel-" Jane placed a finger over his mouth before he could finish her other last name.

"It's just Jane Vandrel to you, and if you ask nicely, maybe Jane Vandrel-Vakarian."

Garrus's mandible spread wide in a grin and he picked her up and pinned her against the wall.

Her legs wrapped around him as he pulled her shirt over her head and began licking and nipping her entire body.

Their lovemaking was hard, urgent and needy at first, Garrus pushing her, asking her for everything. The fire between them burned blue, as their touch became softer, warmer, with a promise and permanence in each glance, and soft touch. As Garrus lost himself within her, Jane repeated his name softly, it was the sweetest sound Garrus had ever heard. Pulling her to him on the small bed in the battery he couldn't let her go. She burrowed into him, enjoying the low growl in his chest.

"Jane, will you be my mate? Be one with me, share my life, not only this one, but into the next?"

She nodded without hesitation.

"I love you Garrus."

"And I love you Jane, I never stopped loving you." He stopped tapping a talon against his leg.

"I'll have to message your dad, ask him."

Jane was floating, she was so happy, she never wanted to leave. But when Garrus mentioned her dad she bolted upright, smacking her head on the shelf above her.

"Spirits, Garrus my dad!"

She was off the bed and dressing before Garrus could stop her.

"Where did he go? Home?"

"Yes, Jane I told him to go back to Randiv, until I could send him word."

She nodded and hit her comm.

"Joker, forget what I said, change course to Randiv, I need to see my dad."

"Roger that Commander, John thought you might, so we've already made that heading."

Jane smiled. "Tell John thank you for me Joker."

"Roger that Commander, enjoy yourself." She heard Joker snorting a laugh, as the comm went dead, and she turned back to Garrus who was sitting on the edge of the bed.

Straddling his lap, she ran her fingers along his mandibles, to the back of his head under his fringe. She was answered by the deep growl in his chest she had expected, and smiled.

"We have a lot of catching up to do Jane." Garrus smiled, grabbed her waist and flipped her under him, nipping and licking up her sides and to her neck.

She sighed running her hands over his shoulders as he explored her body, rediscovering its soft curves.

"I always forget how soft you are against me, Spirits I could do this forever."

Her smile faded, and Garrus watched as her eyes got that far away look he used to see when she was thinking.

"Garrus, do you think we can do this? There are so many people against us, not to mention the real threat we face. I don't know if we'll make it out of this."

Nipping the side of her neck to draw her eyes to his, he shrugged.

"As long as we're together Jane, I don't care. The Galaxy could explode tomorrow, and it wouldn't matter to me, as long as you, were the last thing I knew, saw, touched." He dipped his head and snuggled into her neck.

She shushed him with a bite to his neck, and while they were in each other's arms they forgot everything, but that perfect moment in time.

~~00o00~~

**~"It's just a chapter in the past. But don't close the book, just turn the page."**

**^.^**


	23. The Things That Matter

As Jane finished grabbing the few things she was taking to Randiv she paused, thinking about John. He had been quiet, almost avoiding her since she sent Kaidan packing. Making up her mind, she made her way to where he had moved his things to the XO's quarters. Hitting the buzzer she waited.

"Yeah, come in."

Taking a step into the room, she stopped leaning just to the side of the door. John was reading something, lying on his bed.

"Hey, I was thinking that maybe you'd like to come down to Randiv with us. We're going to be gone a few days. Liara is welcome too; Joker can take care of things up here, he has his orders."

She watched him set aside his things, sitting up with a strange look of shock and fear, written across his face.

"Are you sure? The last time I saw your dad, things didn't really go that well. I'm not sure he would want me tagging along. Actually, I think I'm more worried about what will happen if he sees me coming, I know who taught you to shoot."

Jane chuckled, brushing aside his words with a wave of her hand.

"Dad's not like that, once we explain everything, and you apologise he'll be fine."

"We'll isn't this kind of a family thing? I mean, with you and Garrus, with your dad. I'm not sure I'd really fit in."

"I'm asking you to come with us John; I wouldn't do that, if I didn't consider you family. Now grab Liara, we're leaving in ten."

She turned and left the room, before he could argue with her further.

~~00o00~~

Jane sat in the shuttle next to Garrus, his hand in hers; she absently ran her thumb over his talon and noticed they were shorter than normal. Staring down at them she ran her fingertip over them in thought.

"Why did you blunt your talons?" She asked without looking up.

Garrus shrugged, looking towards John and Liara, to make sure they weren't paying attention. They were in soft conversation together so he continued.

"I'm afraid of hurting you Jane; I saw the cuts I left on you." He sighed before continuing.

"You're softer than I'm used to, we were only together that one time before, and well you know, I didn't realize how much damage I could do to you."

Jane chuckled, causing Garrus to stare at her in mild confusion.

"What is so funny?"

"I've been used to talons my whole life, they don't scare me, nor do your teeth." She ran her tongue over her own teeth, grinning at him as she did.

"I'm just worried; there was a lot of blood last time. I'm not even sure I know how we pull it off. You're so much smaller." He stopped as he noticed Liara staring at them, and if Turians could blush, he would have.

Liara turned back to John, as Jane laughed at the look on Garrus's face.

"Well don't worry about me, like I said I'm used to it. I figured this all out a long time ago."

Leaning into him, she lowered her voice.

"To be honest, I kind of like it rough, you should know that. Call it, the Turian in me."

Garrus's hand tightened around hers, as he shifted his weight.

Jane smiled, patted his leg and jumped up as the shuttle landed.

"Let's go people, oh and John, maybe just to be safe you should stay behind me. My dad's shot is pretty damn good."

She laughed, watching him pale slightly at the thought, and jumped out of the shuttle, heading straight for her house.

"You know, he might be down at the Clinic Jane. When I was staying here, before I brought him to the Citadel, we spent a lot of time down in the Colony with Le'lani."

Jane stopped in her tracks.

"I never gave much thought to what you did while I was gone, any of you. I kind of forget it's been two years."

Her face scrunched up as his words sunk in.

"You were here, with my dad; for how long?"

"Close to a year, I couldn't leave him, when he lost you, he lost himself. We all did, but he more than anyone of course. I stayed for him, but also because I felt closer to you, here."

He motioned around them, John and Liara were silent, watching Jane look up the hill to her childhood home, and then beyond it to the house on the top of the hill. The one Nihlus had bought for them.

"Thank you for that, I know what would happen to me, if I was to lose him. It means more to me than I can say that you were here for him through that."

Garrus jerked his head towards the house.

"It is late, they might be having supper. Since we're already headed this way, let's try there first."

As they approached, the house was quiet, but the lights were on. Thank the Spirits thought Jane, as her mind flashed back to the last time she had come looking for her dad.

"Should I buzz? Hell I don't know how to start this. Maybe you should go in first Garrus."

He laughed and walked through the door, calling out.

"Ganis, Le'lani, are you home?"

He was answered by the soft, sing-song voice of Le'lani, although she sounded confused.

"Garrus, is that you?"

"Yeah, I uh, well."

He was cut short, as Le'lani came around the corner to the entry way. Her eyes stopped on Jane.

"Jane, oh Goddess, Ganis said he had seen you, alive on the Citadel. I didn't believe him; I thought he must have been seeing you. He used to do that, at night. Think of when you were a child, he would call for you, search the house." She trailed off as her eyes moved between them all.

"It's quite the story Le'lani. I think it may be easier if you're both here for us to tell it."

Jane's eyes flicked to the back room.

"Where's my dad?"

Le'lani sighed and nodded towards the door.

"You know where he is, he has barely left there since he got home."

Jane was out the door before she had finished. John, Liara and Ganis had a difficult time keeping up with her as she sprinted up the hill.

"Shit, she sure can run, we're both modified and I still can't keep up with her."

Garrus laughed.

"She's been running this hill since she was a child. She and Nihlus used to come up here, watch the stars, pretend they were on a ship somewhere together in the Galaxy, or of course she was running out to practice with her rifle."

The three slowed to a walk, as Jane sprinted ahead down the hill, towards the range in the distance.

"Does it ever bother you, Garrus?"

"I'm afraid to ask, but okay I'll bite. Does what, ever bother me?"

"You know, that Jane had all these plans with Nihlus, everything in her life. From the plans they made to travel the galaxy, right down to that house over there. The one you told me Ganis gave you. He bought that for her, which was their future. She gave that up for Kaidan once, we all saw how that worked out."

Liara turned giving John a look that said, _shut up before you stick both feet in there._

"John! That's like asking you, if it's going to bother you, if I was to be with someone else after you die, because I live so much longer. Honestly, we need to work on that think before we speak thing."

Garrus stared after Jane, before responding quietly.

"I actually, hadn't even thought about it, we were together so briefly before her death, I didn't have time. Now, I've just been so caught up in the moment and thrill of having her back."

Garrus walked off then seemingly lost in thought, and John turned to Liara.

"Wait, are you going to find someone else?"

"Oh, John really, lets deal with one issue at a time, rather than you making up more."

Jane had stopped just before the shooting range, she stood there watching Ganis, he was on the ground firing shot, after shot. Garrus stood next to her in silence, before she turned to him, tears in her eyes.

"What do I say to him? How do I make this better, Garrus it's not like my being dead was bad enough, I hurt him."

Brushing his hand lightly over her back encouraging her on, Garrus spoke softly.

"He's your dad, he loves you. You know that."

Jane nodded, stepping forward.

"Dad."

The shooting stopped, as Ganis quirked his head to the side.

"Daddy."

Ganis was on his feet in less than a heartbeat, the rifle forgotten on the ground, and Jane was in his arms before she could speak again.

"Red, sweetheart." His talons stroked through her hair as she sobbed against him.

"Daddy, I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I need to explain, I'm sorry, sorry for everything. I never meant for any of this to happen the way it did."

"Shh, don't talk sweetheart, not yet. Just let me hold you, know you're real."

Ganis held her close to his chest, his talons tracing through her hair and down her back softly, as her sobs began to subside.

Pushing back from his chest but not leaving the circle of his arms, Jane stared into her dads eyes, causing tears to well up again.

"Dad, back at the Citadel, I didn't know you because, well because." Jane stumbled over her words, before Ganis traced his talon over her freckles and scars.

"Not here Red, let's go home, you can explain it all from the begging there."

Ganis turned, keeping his arm around Jane; he stopped next to the others and nodded.

"Come on, let's go."

~~00o00~~

Ganis hadn't let go of Jane's hand once since they had left the range, and now as they all sat at the table in the house, Ganis cleared his throat.

"I think I'll hear that story now."

Jane nodded slowly.

"I, well I died. We all know that, but I was brought back, somehow by Cerberus and the Alliance. I'm not sure how, but they used Reaper technology. I know, it sounds crazy even to me dad. Once I was back they gave me only the memories they chose for me, they told me you had kidnapped me when I was a child, they never mentioned Nihlus, or Garrus. That's why, at the Citadel." She trailed off and Ganis nodded.

"I see you didn't know who I was, because they never told you about me, well not in the way that you knew me." His eyes found Johns, and John quickly stared down at the table.

"Did you know John?"

John fidgeted in his chair before nodding.

"I did Sir, I'm sorry I should have told you. I regret it, more than you know."

Ganis shook his head.

"Don't blame yourself John, I think I understand."

Turning his attention back to Jane, he continued.

"How did you remember Red?"

"Garrus, he gave me my Journal. The one you gave to him after, I died. Then he told me everything, it took awhile, and one crazy nightmare, but well, here we are."

"Spirits, Red I don't know what to say, I knew the Alliance has done some horrible things to you, but this. I never thought they could do something like this."

"I know daddy, I'm, hell I don't know what I am. They should have just left me."

Ganis looked shocked.

"No, sweetheart, I didn't mean that, never that. You're my same little girl you always were. I meant them taking everything from you that made you, you. I'm not going to question why you're back, just be thankful that you are." He paused glancing around the table again.

"Where is Kaidan?"

Jane frowned, shrugging.

"I stuck him in an escape pod and shot him into space. He's lucky I didn't just shoot him, period."

Ganis lifted his brow plate and pretended to look surprised.

"And how did the Alliance handle you sending one of your officers into space, I'm sure they couldn't be very pleased."

"And I'm sure I don't give a flying." Jane was cut off by the look Ganis gave her.

"Sorry dad, I mean, I'm sure I couldn't care less what they think. I've cut off communication with the Alliance."

Growling deep in his chest Ganis leaned back. "So, you've, jettisoned one of your crew, and cut off communication with your military command."

"Don't forget stolen the best ship in the Alliance fleet." Jane flinched slightly as she said this, waiting for the reprimand for breaking rank and protocol.

"Well, I see I've raised you right, I'm proud of you Red. But the big question is, what are you going to do? If this threat is as big as we think it is. You're going to need the Alliance."

Jane frowned, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Yeah, I've thought of that. Problem is, I can't prove it. All I have are crazy nightmares, I need proof. Then, I thought maybe, General Victus."

Garis lifted a finger cutting her off.

"Whereas the General is a big supporter of you Jane, I'm not sure he'll be willing to go against the Alliance, you're going to have to figure out what to do with them."

She nodded.

"The problem is Hackett, if I could talk to Anderson, maybe we'd have a shot. But none of that matters because I don't have the proof in the first place."

Dragging her free hand over her face, she groaned.

"Sounds like we have a lot to figure out, how long before we leave, and don't even think of arguing with me Red, I'm going with you."

Jane eyed him but didn't argue.

"This is as good a place as any to figure out what the hell we're going to do. So, I figure we'll stay as long as we need to."

"Okay then, there aren't enough rooms here for all of you, I suspect you'll be staying up at the house. Garrus set it up rather nicely. There are enough rooms there."

Jane's head snapped towards Garrus.

"What?"

Ganis laughed as he stood up, pulling Jane into his arms, she smelled just the same as she always had, he was mending. He could feel the numbness leaving his heart as he held her against him.

"I see I've done enough damage. Now as much as I want to keep you right here with me, I'm getting too old for these kinds of shocks. I'm going to bed, I think we should relax tomorrow, Le'lani has asked me to take her on one of those picnics you dragged me on once. I'd like that, how about we meet you at your house tomorrow, and head out for the day?"

"Yeah dad, that sounds nice." His head bent to hers and she smiled.

"I love you daddy."

"I love you Red, more than anything."

As the group got up and moved towards the door, Ganis caught John by the arm and turned him.

"John, don't hold this in, we all make mistakes. I don't blame you, and thank you, for keeping your promise and making this right."

John's heart clenched. This man should have been furious at him. He had never known a parent like him, and in that moment, for the first time, he felt truly jealous that Jane had got to spend her childhood with him.

"Thank you Sir."

Ganis smiled.

"Good night John."

~~00o00~~

They walked to the house on the top of the hill in silence, but Garrus could read Jane's thoughts as easily as if she was saying them out loud.

He opened the door and showed John and Liara to one of the guest bedrooms, he turned back towards Jane, she was standing staring at a wall in the front room, it was decorated in a very Turian Military style. Weapons racks and blue, almost everything was blue or black.

"If you don't like it Jane, we can change things."

She shook her head, still not looking at him.

"No, it's perfect. I didn't know you had done this."

"I know, your dad gave it to me, he thought it might help me. It did, in a way. As I decorated it, I imagined how you would want it to look."

His arms wrapped around her from behind, he could feel her give and lean back against his chest.

"You, you could have moved on Garrus. I almost feel guilty, like I was forcing you to hang on to me, with this house."

"No, this was my connection to you. This was my way of being with you when I couldn't, which is why I filled it with guns." He chuckled as she turned in his arms.

"Jane, if it's too hard to be here though, with Nihlus, you know those memories, we can."

She silenced him and shook her head.

"Garrus, Nihlus is my past, he's a big part of that past, but you, you're my present, my future and I love you. I didn't know if, well my being with Nihlus, bothered you, it's why I don't speak of it much. I loved him, a part of me always will."

"I know Jane, and no, it doesn't bother me. He helped make you into the wonderful Turian-human I fell in love with, and I wouldn't change that for anything. Now Kaidan bothers me, more than a little bit."

Jane flinched.

"Yes, well if it makes you feel any better, it bothers me too. But he taught me something very important."

"Oh, and what was that?"

"He taught me how much I am not human, no matter how much he, or anyone wanted me to be."

She felt the deep rumble of his chest as he chuckled softly against her; he nuzzled down her neck and nipped gently, pulling her with him towards their room, as the door closed behind them he nuzzled his head against hers.

"Jane, I missed you so much, I used to lay awake in this room, and I would dream that you had come home, that you and I were happy. So much that could have been, I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't let you go."

"You don't have to, I'm here. I'm yours Garrus, I always will be."

With that he leaned her back on the bed, nipping down her neck and licking his way back towards her ear. His hands glided over her body, feeling every curve, his talons found the edge of her shirt and pulled upwards, and tossing it to the side he cupped her breast, licking them each in turn, enjoying each cry he pulled from her lips with every nip and lick.

He stood back from her, his armour discarded as quickly as he could and he was above her again. His body hot against hers, every squirm of her under his body, driving him forward.

"Jane, easy, I'm still not used to having you, you're driving me insane."

But she didn't stop, just smiled up at him as her hand found him, and wrapped tightly around his already painfully hard shaft. He hissed, and leaned forward into her shoulder as she ran her hand up and down him.

"Jane, don't I can't, I need you."

"Then take me."

She rolled underneath him going on all fours, and he growled deep in his chest at her offering herself to him.

"You know what you're asking Jane, are you." But he was cut off as she reached back and grabbed his hand placing it on her hip. The growl in his chest swelled until it became a torrent in her ears.

Grabbing her by both hips, he entered her slowly at first, pulling back and settling himself to the hilt in her with one thrust, causing Jane to moan and slide forward, her head resting on her arms.

"No, Jane every movement with me."

He pulled her back against his chest, as he pulled out of her and buried himself within her again. He could feel her walls clench down around him, he was close, cupping her breasts and nuzzling her neck he felt her pulse around him, and the moment his body exploded in hers, he bit down on the soft flesh where her shoulder joined with her neck. His body reacted and instantly lost himself again inside her, his body desperately trying to bread with hers, not caring, only knowing that this was his mate.

They only lay for a moment after, when Jane was on her knees next to him. It was her turn, she placed herself over him again and slid the full length of him inside her, leaning forward she bit down on him and their world disappeared, into a blinding haze of passion.

~~00o00~~

When dawns first light hit their window, Garrus was already awake, leaning over Jane, his talons brushed the hair from her face. He smiled at the dried blood on her neck, where he had finally marked her as his, his hand traced up to the dried blood on his neck, she was strong and had pierced his hard flesh easily.

She stirred under his touch, smiling up at him.

"I love you Garrus Vakarian."

"And I love you Jane Vandrel-Vakarian. You're father is going to kill me though, I should have asked."

She laughed and brushed her fingers over his mandibles, which were pulled into a tight frown.

"He'll be thrilled. It's your father we should be worried about, he hates spectres remember? Not to mention, I'm human. I'm sure he wanted grandchildren."

Garrus frowned. "Don't worry about him, I've disappointed him enough in my life, and this is the one time I don't care in the slightest. You're the best thing in my life, you're my mate and I'm not sorry. I love you, and you're a part of me now, the best part."

"With the best shot, I might add."

"That is up for discussion. We still haven't proven anything."

He laughed and scooped her into his arms, as he turned to his back letting her lay against his chest. She ran her fingers over his chest and down to his waist.

"If you keep that up I'll agree to anything though." The purr in his chest grew as she traced her hands over his waist again.

"I would, but I hear John and Liara, and we've got to meet up with my dad. He'll get a kick out of this story."

"Uh, how about we keep the details to a minimum, I really don't want shot today."

She jumped from him, then the bed and began to get dressed.

"Don't worry about that, he wouldn't hurt you. You make me happy. He let Kaidan live didn't he?"

Garrus growled.

"Yeah, something that I could tell he wanted to rectify now. Which I would gladly help him with, and will if he ever tries to tell you that he loves you again, spirits he had better never try again."

Jane laughed.

"Well I didn't know you were going to go all protective on me, I think I took care of it."

She was in his arms before she could continue, his arms wrapping around her as he nuzzled into the mark he had made.

"I won't lose you Jane, I'm yours, everything that I am, and I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Garrus, we both know we might not."

He leaned his forehead against hers, quieting her thought.

"I know, but for now, I can at least start with letting the world know, that my heart belongs to you, and no one can take that away."

~~00o00~~

It was nearly mid-day before they met up with Ganis and Le'lani for the picnic; they were already set out in the sun, the blanket spread neatly around them.

"I've never seen such a lazy bunch of Marines, and former Turian Military personnel in my life."

"Hey, talk to your daughter. We were ready hours ago." John motioned towards Jane, and she stuck her tongue out at him.

Ganis's mandibles fluttered slightly in a smirk, as Jane flopped down next to him giving him a tight hug.

"Something you need to tell me Red?" He could smell Garrus's scent on her, and he almost chuckled at the look of embarrassment on their faces.

Garrus sat, taking Jane's hand in his.

"Sir, I know I should have asked. But, Jane and I, we've agreed to become mates. Well, we became mates." Garrus stuttered, causing Ganis to laugh.

"Well, welcome to the family officially Garrus, I've thought of you like a son for a long time."

Garrus gasped as Ganis pulled both Jane and him into a hug, messing up the neatly laid out blanket.

Pulling back Garrus smirked. "We really are bad Turians, hugging, and on a picnic. What would people say?"

John watched this interaction of the small family with envy. He could barely remember being hugged by his father, let alone laughing with him. Since he had met Jane, he had always felt bad, about her being raised so far from Earth, not knowing where she was from. But in that moment he realised she had, had more of a home, here on this little back water planet than he ever had on Earth.

The realization caused a few traitorous tears to course down his cheek, Ganis caught this and turned to him.

"John, is everything alright?"

"Yes, Sir, I'm just happy, you know; that this all worked out, I wish it could stay like this."

"You have to enjoy the little things in a time like this John, we deal with the issues as they come, but we enjoy this, so if we don't get it again, at least we didn't forget the important things, love." He gestured towards Garrus and Jane, before also motioning towards Liara, then Le'lani at his side.

"And family." He gestured to them all as a whole, and John shook his head.

"Yes, Sir, I'm glad I got the chance to see what one of those looks like."

Ganis smirked, pulling John to him in a hug.

"You're family John, and really, you're not in trouble, you can call me dad. Red will let you know when you need to call me Sir."

John sat dumbfounded, after all these years of not knowing what was missing in his life, he found it, in the most unlikely of places.

John hugged Ganis back and for the first time, in his memory, felt like he belonged.

"Thanks, dad."

And for that brief moment, they enjoyed the things in life, which really matter.

**~~00o00~~**

**^.^**


	24. Life Is What Happens To You

**I am so sorry it has been so long, I've had the flu and generally just been out of it. So here you go. **

**I hope everyone has a wonderful, Holiday Season. **

**For those that asked, I do hope to get a few more chapters done, over the holiday. **

**^.^**

~~00o00~~

Jane stood in what was now her and Garrus's quarters. It had been a week since Jane had decided they needed to come back to the Normandy, they had been on Randiv for weeks, and she knew it was time to get in contact with Cerberus, no matter how much she wished she could stay.

She was pacing and chewing on a fingernail waiting for Joker, or hell someone, anyone, to tell her that her message to Cerberus had been answered.

"You know, it's lucky you don't have talons, you wouldn't be able to chew on them like that, well not with those teeth anyway."

She pulled her hand away from her mouth and narrowed her eyes at him, as he reclined on the bed.

"Didn't my dad need your help, you know shouldn't the two of you being doing calibrating or something? I mean something besides staring at me while I freak out."

"Yes, your dad did mention something about me helping him calibrate, I came here to get your rifle remember? Since you don't seem to have time to do it yourself, but you started pacing as soon as I got here and I've been waiting for you to tell me what's going on. But, if you would rather I go, I will."

He stood grabbed her rifle from the rack and made his way to the door.

"Garrus, I'm sorry. I'll be down in awhile, as soon as this is taken care of."

He nodded.

"I know Jane, I'll see you soon."

The door slid shut and Jokers voice came over the comm.

"Commander, incoming transmission for you, it's from Cerberus. Same guy John has talked to."

Jane nodded to herself and took a deep breath.

"I'll take it here, thank you Flight Lieutenant."

"There's the Turian I know, glad to see you found that stick Commander."

"That will be all Flight Lieutenant. Put the transmission through."

Jane waited as the image of a man in a high back chair turned to face her, folding her arms over her chest she waited.

"Shepard, I was surprised to get your message. Not displeased, just surprised that you came around on your own."

"I wouldn't say I came around on my own really, more like whatever you did to me, has caused some pretty interesting side effects. Namely, the repeated viewing of the end of life as we know it; so before you start the bullshit parade how about you give me the facts. All of them, and start at the beginning, I have time."

Jane watched as the cherry on his cigarette burned a bright white and faded as he exhaled.

"Alright Jane, I'll play your game, but then you need to do something for me. I need you to follow the collectors; we need to know what they've done with the humans from the colonies."

She nodded, with a slight shrug.

"I plan on it."

"Fair enough, let's begin. Your mother was exposed to element zero when you and your brother were still in utero, there was a project started by the Alliance, a genetics project. The point was to see, if we could genetically modify young biotics with newly found technology, what we thought was Prothean. We wanted to know if we could make a perfect human with it. Could we have one that could compete with any life forms found in the galaxy? You are better in every way. You're never sick, your eyesight is perfect, movement, conditioning all easily maintained. The first contact war was well underway as the testing on you and your brother commenced. Most of this you know, such as most test subjects didn't make it, you were one of three; you've met the other two of course."

Taking a drag off the cigarette he flicked it absently before continuing.

"Before we started testing on new subjects, you were taken in the raid on the base. I know you ask yourself quite often, why you were brought back and tossed at Kaidan. It's simple really; Hackett and we of course, wanted to know if you produced children, would they carry your superior genes? Think, if we could modify young biotics and then breed them, there would be no need for 'accidental' eezo exposure. But as you know, you died before we could test the theory. A problem for some, but an excellent opportunity for us, we know so much more about the Reapers now, after John and his team killed Saren, and sovereign, we were able to study them in more depth."

He paused again, inhaled and exhaled the smoke from his cigarette slowly.

"We rebuilt you, using this technology, why you may ask? For the same reason you messaged me, the dreams you have, they aren't just dreams Jane, they are your connection to the Reapers. Saren was indoctrinated. I reasoned that if he could be indoctrinated, why couldn't I use that same concept on you? Now, we know what they are planning, you can see them. You know the threat, think of it, like an early warning system."

Jane didn't move, just narrowed her eyes at him, as she ground her teeth and clinched her jaw.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. You tried to copy what had happened to Saren? And what happens when I become like him? What happens when I lose everything to serve their ends?"

"We're hoping that won't happen Jane. But the bigger picture is you can get the information and proof we need to move the Alliance, not to mention the rest of the Galaxy against the biggest threat anyone has ever known."

"So what are you saying? I'm reaper human?"

"No, actually you've never really been human, and this time we just used bits and pieces, enough to give you a connection, it's not like you're metal or anything. In fact we were able to augment your biotics with Asari genetics, which is why you noticed an increase, while you were using them. As far as trying to keep your memories what we wanted. Hackett asked for that, he wanted you to have the chance, however brief, to be with Kaidan, prove our theory; we need to know if a child from you or John will carry your traits. You're a life time of work Jane; it would be a shame to just throw that all away. Though I hear you've mated with the Turian. We suspected that might happen, so we took appropriate steps, just in case. Fortunately I know your nature."

He paused eyeing her with a slight smirk.

"Admittedly this wasn't the original plan for you or your brother; you were to be the start of perfect soldiers for the Alliance. To start a dynasty, simple right, but things became so complicated. Now, seeing as you know everything, and there is no reason for me to lie to you. I reviewed your requests for other teammates, I have arranged for Tali to meet you at this location. Wrex is otherwise occupied but I think I have found a replacement. This location that you're meeting Tali, it is a Cerberus installation, I have some upgrades I would like your team to work on. After that, contact me again, we'll carry on from there."

"I'm sick of being used, half of what you just said left me with more questions than answers, but we don't have the time to get into it now, so, I want it made clear, I don't work for you. Understand that? "

"Loud and clear, but you have a problem there _Commander._" The word was said slowly and with sarcasm.

"You don't work for anyone, and should I remind you, that is a stolen Alliance ship you're on? There is going to come a time when you're going to have to face the music on that one, you're going to need not only the Turians, and the council. You're going to need the Alliance, so that means you're going to have to make nice, so you had better do this quick, and I'm your best shot, I have the information you need to get through this, so let's not have a pissing match. Let's just get this done."

"Fine, send me the coordinates."

"Already done, I'll be in contact with you soon. Good luck, Jane."

Jane flexed her neck and stretched her jaw.

"Set a course Joker."

"Aye, Aye Commander."

"Son-of-a-bitch."

"Commander?"

"Oh, sorry Joker, not you, a completely different son-of-a-bitch."

Jane heard Joker snicker, and was shaking her head cussing under her breath as she left her room for the elevator. As she turned towards the main battery, she had every intention of finding Garrus, and apologizing for being short with him, but the sight of her dad in the mess caused her to pause.

"Hey dad."

Ganis's mandibles fluttered in a smile.

"Spirits, I'm never going to get tired of hearing that again."

Jane couldn't help but smile in return, as she reached for the coffee.

"You made coffee? I hope you haven't taken it up. It's really not that great, it just happened to be one of the only human things I could keep down."

"No sweetheart, I haven't. I just made it for you, I used to make it when it was just Garrus and I, the smell would remind us of you, and somehow you felt closer."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I have you back. But I get the feeling something is still bothering you."

"I'm not sure I can talk about it yet dad, I love you, but I need to think about this one a little. I'm not even sure what it is bothering me yet."

Ganis nodded slightly, before turning with two plates of food.

"Garrus, is worried about you Red. He loves you, I love you. We're here for you, when you're ready."

He gave her a small smile and turned back towards the main battery.

~~00o00~~

Garrus turned as Ganis walked in and held out a hand for a plate, catching sight of Jane just over his shoulder in the mess.

"Jane's down? Maybe I should go talk to her, she's been pretty upset."

"I don't think she's ready to talk yet, eat Garrus, and give Red a bit alone. There will be time." Ganis said shaking his head slowly as Garrus settled back on to a crate.

"I just hope she knows she can tell me anything." Garrus's eyes were trained on the closed-door that led down the hall to the mess.

~~00o00~~

Jane watched her dad walk away, she thought about following but a voice to her side made her jump.

"Commander, something I can help with?"

"Spirits, Thane I know I owe you for helping me with my memories, but shit, you've got to make some noise when you walk, or I might end up shooting you, no one I know can make me jump like that."

Thane chuckled slightly and moved to sit at the table.

"I am sorry Commander, I just saw you with your father, it brought back, well let's say every time I see you with him I envy the both of you."

"Oh, why is that?"

"I have a son, and the connection you share with your father is, well I wish I had that."

"I didn't know you had a mate, a son. Actually I guess we never really talked about you, I'm sorry for that."

"You've had a lot on your mind, if you have a seat, I can tell you about it."

She nodded and set her cup down, sliding across the table from him.

"Do you remember, when you didn't have all of your memories, how I told you I wish I could forget mine?"

Jane nodded. "I do."

"The story of how I lost my wife and my son is one of those. I told you once that Nihlus was the only person to catch me in the act. I wasn't entirely truthful, my wife, though she wasn't so at the time, also caught me, she stopped me, woke me from my battle sleep, I know you understand that concept. Later she learned to trust and love me. We had a child together, I continued in my line of work, even though she didn't approve. She loved me by that point, and what can you do when you're in love? I got sloppy; she was killed by the men of some people I killed. I killed them, slowly, you and I are made to kill, and we are weapons, used by those who employ us. I killed these men of my own choice. I will have to atone for that, it is on my soul."

Jane thought back to Nihlus and her rage and quest to do anything to kill Saren, it had led to her own death at possibly the cost of her soul.

"Yes, I understand that better than you know."

"Hmm, or do I understand exactly and that's why I know you need to talk? You worry, about your life, here. After you were woken up, after you remembered your death; you wonder, do you have a place here, do you have a soul. Humans from what I know are funny, they think of their soul and their body as two separate things, but you are not human, you shouldn't worry about such things."

"You see, Thane that's the point, I'm not human, I'm not actually Turian, I'm a bit of so many things, how do we know we even have a soul? When I, died there wasn't anything, just darkness until I woke up in that lab, so what if there is nothing after this, what is the point?"

"The point, is to live, make the best of every moment, yes? Your soul is you, the nothingness you were in, it could have been that you weren't ready to move on, evidently true by the fact that you are here. You are an amazing woman, I am, well, I am pleased to have gotten the chance to know you."

Jane smiled.

"Thanks Thane, it's a pleasure to get to know you better as well. I would like to hear more about your son though, if you have time."

Thane chuckled low.

"Of course, there is one memory of a dance I would like to share, but I would ask something in return."

"Anything Thane."

"Would you tell me, what it was like to die?"

Garrus stopped dead in the hallway, Jane and Thane were sitting at the table at the far end of the mess and he could hear Jane's laughter floating back towards him.

She was laughing, why? She hadn't laughed hell she'd barely smiled, in the week since they'd been back on the Normandy. Was she becoming attached to the Drell assassin?

He knew Jane's personality was strong and that it would most assuredly attract Thane, but he must know. He must be able to smell that Jane was taken. Garrus could feel the protective territorial part of him coming out, but he didn't move as he watched Jane jump up from the table and do that stupid dance that she always did when they found themselves at clubs. He loved that goofy part of her, and was disappointed that he wasn't the only one to see it. As he heard Thane laugh and call her Siha, he turned back to the battery and let the doors close behind him.

Ganis regarded him quietly for a moment. He still held the dishes he was taking to the mess, and his face was that of confusion and sadness.

"What is it Garrus? Don't tell me you got lost on your way to the mess." Ganis chuckled slightly, but cut it short when Garrus didn't even flinch.

"I can't lose her Ganis, I just got her back." His face went hard, Ganis knew that look, that was a territorial glare and his stance said he was ready to fight for it.

"What are you talking about? You and my daughter are mated, she's not going anywhere, and Kaidan is nowhere around. You have nothing to worry about."

Garrus narrowed his eyes towards Ganis.

"Thane is out there with her right now, they're talking, she's laughing. He has a pet name for her, like you call her Red, he's calling her Siha. What I should really do is."

Garrus's mandibles went slack as Ganis laughed at him.

"Really, Garrus you're upset that she's talking and laughing with her crew? Lots of commanders end up with pet names from their crew. You know that."

Garrus folded his arms over his chest, his mandibles pulled tightly to his face.

"Well she might not mean it that way, but I know the Drells laugh, he's attracted to her. She can't smell his pheromones but I can."

Ganis laughed again.

"Red is attractive, and I don't just mean the red hair, green eyes. Once you've seen her fight, if you're that type, men can't seem to help themselves."

Ganis quirked a brow plate.

"You couldn't, as I remember you telling me about a certain woods, and a certain 'perfect' shot, you were hooked."

"Yes, but she didn't have a mate then."

Ganis shook his head.

"Nothing I say is going to keep you from having a talk with Thane, is it?"

Garrus shook his head and walked back to his console setting the dishes aside.

"Nope."

"You're just going to find out that she is Jane, being nice to her crew and Thane is in love or at the very least attracted to what he can't have. I think it's better not to push it. You're being very, Turian right now."

Garrus nodded with a slight smirk.

"Some lines need to be drawn."

~~00o00~~

"Hey Commander, nice to see you up here, we're docking now. Word is, the illusive man is sending people in to do, 'upgrades'." I'm not sure I approve of them touching my baby."

"It's okay Joker, let them do what they need to, let them have access to the crew as well. I know you have reservations, I do too, but this is bigger than any of us."

"Understood Commander."

"I'll be in my Quarters if anyone needs me."

~~00o00~~

Garrus fidgeted behind his console for another hour, before Ganis finally sighed and turned to him.

"Garrus, go, you're not doing anyone any good here."

Garrus turned with a nod and left the room; he walked down the hall and paused before Thane's quarters. He listened, afraid he might hear voices, but hearing none he buzzed.

"Come in."

Garrus stepped into the room, Thane turned in his char, the smile on his face quickly replaced by a questioning gaze.

"Garrus, something I can do for you?"

"Yes, you can tell me why you're hitting on my mate."

Thane blinked, but didn't seem surprised.

"Yes, I saw you down the hall when Siha and I were talking."

"Don't call her that."

Thane blinked again, motioning for Garrus to have a seat.

"There is nothing between the Siha and I, I know she is with you. One would have to be blind, and have no sense of smell, not to know. That being said, if she was not attached, I would not think twice about perusing her, she is, an amazing woman."

Garrus exhaled, he had not expected that.

"Yes she is. I just spent two years thinking I'd never get her back, and now it's hard to believe I have her. I'm sorry; I just saw you laughing and well."

"No, I understand. You see her at night though, at her worst and her best. You need to talk to her. She's feeling very lost. A feeling I know very well. I care for her Garrus, more than I thought possible in someone I have just met. Take care of her."

Garrus found himself nodding, something about the look in the Drell's deep eyes caught him off guard. He cared about Jane, Thane must see the same things he could see in Jane, and he couldn't fault him for that. It was more than that though, the sadness on his face spoke of a pain that Garrus knew all too well.

"I will Thane." And then he caught himself saying words he didn't even know were in him.

"As long as you'll make sure she's okay if something happens to me."

Thane nodded, a silent understanding between the two, and Garrus left the room shocked at what had just happened, making his way towards his and Jane's quarters.

~~00o00~~

Jane sat up with a start, cold sweat dripped down her back, and her breathing was ragged and shallow. She felt like she had just run the confidence course back at the Vila. Garrus was sitting up next to her; he brushed a few strands of damp hair back from her face.

"Same one sweetheart?" She nodded and leaned against him, smiling in spite of the fact she felt like her heart was going to pound out of her chest. She smiled because ever since they had been properly mated he had taken to calling her sweetheart, and even slipped and called her Red a few times. The pet names, saved normally only for her dad seemed natural coming from him.

She had had these nightmares, or at least she just hoped they were nightmares. If they were visions, they didn't bode well for anyone. Every time she slept they would play, over and over, like a broken VI recording.

"They are getting worse, and now you don't even wake up through them. You've been talking in your sleep for over an hour. I couldn't wake you, do you remember it?"

Jane nodded slowly.

"Yeah I do, Sovereign was only the beginning, I need to understand why they are talking to me. We need to figure out how we're going to stop this."

"Your dad was right though, we can't do this without the Alliance and the Council, not to mention the Turian fleet."

"Right, but we're one step closer, the illusive man knows, after these upgrades are done we'll be one step closer."

Looking about the room, Jane frowned.

"I would give anything, to just be able to go back to Randiv, live our lives like we should Garrus, I'm so afraid, afraid that perhaps I." She trailed off.

"Talk to me, tell me what is bothering you, what is keeping you from me." Garrus frowned.

"What you felt like you could tell Thane but not me."

Jane shrugged looking more through him, and not at him.

"I'm afraid that, there isn't anything after this that maybe I don't have a soul, or maybe there are no souls. Thane helped me, in his way. But the real reason that I'm so afraid is I'm scared, that if we don't make it through this, I won't be with you again. My soul won't find yours. You see what I mean?"

"I do, but you know I'll find you. But if we don't do something soon, there will be nothing left for us to come home to, and I'd rather think of it that way. Action now, until we have no other choice."

"Which is why it's time for us to leave, and do something about this and I'm not taking no from anyone, as an answer. We don't have time to play politics."

Garrus growled deep in his chest, pulled Jane against him and nipped gently at her shoulder, before resting his head against hers.

"I love it when you talk like that, cutting right through the bullshit. I knew you were perfect, and I love you."

"Well I was designed to be, the best of the best." Jane meant it to be a joke, but the undertone in her voice gave away her anger, at that particular topic.

"I love you, Jane Vandrel-Vakarian; not whatever you think they made you. I love the woman who would do anything for her dad, the woman who gives everyone a second chance; even if I think they should be shot." He grinned, flipping Jane over to her back, licking and nipping down her body; he paused at her waist and chuckled.

"I love the woman, who shot her ex out in to space in an escape pod. Trust me, those things can't be created. Your body." He paused, licking from her waist to her breast.

"May be created, and is perfect by the way. But I know for a fact, that the way you were raised gave you everything that is in here, and here." He pointed to her heart, and then her head.

"When you couldn't remember where you had come from, your shot went to shit. That tells me, that you are what you are, because of the people in your life, not because someone created you."

Her heart was bursting; there was so much she wanted to say, in this time when they should be getting ready to spend the rest of their lives together. Instead she pulled him closer and whispered.

"Make love to me Garrus, before we have to leave, before."

He cut her off, and gently laid a talon over her lips.

"Shh, always Jane, this is always now. I know no other way to be with you. This place can be with us always. When we're together, no matter if it's here, or on Randiv, when we're together that's our time. I'll take whatever I can get, and whatever may come, no matter what happens I'll be right here waiting for you."

Taking her in his arms, with every touch he made a promise, that they would be one in body, mind and even the soul she thought she couldn't have, he gave her his.

~~00o00~~

John sat up to his name being called; he realized too late it was his father's voice. Who the hell had patched him through?

"Wake up John, we need to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Well I have something to say to you, and you will listen. After you and Jane confirm what we've told everyone all along, that the Reapers are invading and you come crawling back to the Alliance for help, I won't be able to save you, you're with her. Unless."

John didn't like the sound of that last word, it was just like his seventeenth birthday, when the ultimatum to join the military came up.

"Unless what sir?"

"Unless, after you get the proof we need, you turn Jane in. I can take care of the rest, just when you have what we need, message Anderson, turn Jane in forget the Asari; and everything will be forgiven. If not, I wash my hands of you. You know better than anyone that I do not make idle threats or promises."

With that the comm went dead and John's rooms went silent.

~~00o00~~

"The upgrades have gone in well Jane, I was pleased at how well your crew and the Cerberus crew worked together, now for the information I promised you. I am sending you the location of a disabled collector vessel; it was brought down by a Turian ship, before it was destroyed. Get your team and check it out. Anything you can find that can help us figure out how to traverse the Omega four relay is vital, we need to trace them to the source, we need to know what they are doing, proof of the Reapers, period."

"Got it, we'll be in touch when we're out."

Hitting her comm as Jane turned away from her console she stood feeling a bit woozy.

"Garrus, gather everyone, we're moving in on a collector ship I need you and Thane ready to go. I'll be down momentarily."

"But as she turned in to her washroom and locked the door behind her, she found as she washed her face in the sink that she had the oddest feeling in her stomach, and about twenty minutes later Garrus tapped on the door lightly.

"Sweetheart, I'm sure the collectors don't care what your hair looks like, for that matter I've never known you to care what it looks like, and I love it no matter what. So, do you think we could get this briefing over with?"

Jane cleared her throat as she leaned over the sink.

"Yeah, I just don't feel very well, wait down with everyone else, I'll be right there."

"I told you not to eat whatever it was, that Joker was eating."

Garrus laughed as she cussed on his way out of their quarters.

As he entered the debriefing room, Ganis, John, Tali and Thane turned questioning glances at him.

"So, where's Red?"

"She said she's not feeling well, I told her not to eat that human food that Joker and John made." Garrus laughed, but went silent at the look of shock on John and Ganis's face.

"Red's never been sick a day in her life. I doubt John's ever been sick a day in his life." Ganis motioned towards John and he shook his head.

"No, I've never been sick, I think that goes against the 'perfect' soldier thing."

"Well if she's not sick then what is wrong with her, she's not one to really hang out primping in the washroom."

Garrus looked from face to face, he couldn't see Tali's expression but could tell she was chuckling, the others all wore looks of shock.

"What the hell are you guys staring at me like that for? If she's not sick." Garrus stopped cold, as the realization of what they were getting at hit him.

"No, she couldn't, that's not possible. We all know it's not possible, right? Ganis, John, back me up here. It's not possible." He trailed off, and then stared up at the smile Ganis was wearing and whispered.

"Is it?"


	25. Unwanted Nostalgia

The only sound on the ship was the sound of boots and the gentle rattle of the weapons they carried. Jane paused kneeling down before a pedestal. Garrus crouched next to Jane watching her closely, she hadn't really spoken since they had left the Normandy; save for a random order here and there.

"Jane, don't you think," but she cut him off with a lifted hand and a shake of her head.

"Jane," the glare she turned on him then silenced him.

"No, not here Garrus, I need everyone's mind on the now, Thane, Dad. We need to find the IFF on this ship we need to know where the people on this ship were taken. These pods are the same ones we saw on Horizon."

Thane looked around him with a shake of his head. "Yes, thousands of pods, but no bodies, they must have taken them back to where ever they come from."

Jane nodded, "I know, that's why we need the IFF we need to follow them, we need to know what they are doing with all those people, and what it has to do with the Reapers."

"Well this ship must have the ability, but what about all of them," before Ganis could finish he ducked low next to the others.

"Movement, it seems this ship isn't as abandoned as we would have liked to believe Jane." Thane motioned to the platform before them.

"I don't care how many Collectors there are; I don't care what is in the way, get to that platform and get what we need damn it."

Her first shot took down a Collector advancing on their position. As it dropped Jane's blood froze in her veins.

"Jane, join us, become perfect."

Turning her head and looking over towards the platform, there was a Collector, but it seemed different from the others, besides the fact that it was speaking directly to her.

"Kill this body Jane, and countless others will take its place. Your form is imperfect, flawed; your time is at an end. Accept that you belong with us."

Jane sucked in a breath lined up her shot and fired, muttering under her breath, "fuck you. I belong right here."

The fight wore on, the voice had been right about one thing, it felt like for every one they killed six more showed up, it was an endless stream of Collectors being thrown at them, standing between them, the way out and more importantly, the IFF and one step closer to…

Jane's train of thought ground to a halt as she reloaded. One step closer to what, to more people not believing her, one step closer to giving herself back over to the very same people who wanted nothing more than to control her, another fucking step closer to admitting to herself that she was pregnant, and had no idea who the father was? She admitted to herself that it very well could be Kaidan's child, the thought made the sick feeling in her stomach grow, and it would have consumed her if not for the one hope that the Illusive man of all people had given her. He had said he knew she would chose a Turian, maybe there was a chance that, her thought was ended as quickly as it had began as a shot struck next to her head. She ducked and looked over towards her dad and Garrus.

The look on Garrus's face said he was concerned, her dad's face said he was downright worried, but Thane was the only person to voice either.

"Siha, you said everyone's mind should be on the here and now, I wonder if you haven't slipped into," he paused briefly. "Well, slipped into thoughts better left for another time, when we aren't fighting for our lives in the middle of a Collectors ship."

Jane gave a curt nod, right, what was the matter with her? She had never been one to worry about something she couldn't take care of right then. Ganis had always taught her, worry was like target practice, sure it gives you something to do, but it doesn't win the war.

She chuckled as she thought of how she used to think things couldn't get any worse, and how now, she would always remember, things could always be worse. With a soft snort she added, yeah, she could still be dating or fuck, married to Kaidan, and not remember anything, and have a crap shot.

Jane grinned over towards where her dad and Garrus were crouched, both of their faces froze in silent shock and she laughed as they shook their heads in unison, watching as she turned hopped over the wall and charged headlong into the growing mass of Collectors, she was tired of this shit, she was tired of everything standing in her way, most of all she was tired of still being used.

Close range combat with a sniper rifle was not something she liked to do but in her haze of anger she hadn't really thought it all the way through. Her biotics flared to life as she cleared out wave after wave of Collectors, she was only vaguely aware that the others were by her side. Always by her side, and the thought calmed her as they stood among the bodies.

Garrus spun to her, his hand on her upper arm, his eyes burning into hers, his voice was clipped with concern veiled in anger.

"What the hell was that Jane? Your actions," she laughed cutting Garrus off.

"Don't worry about action, just inaction."

Garrus's mandibles fluttered in confusion as she turned towards the pedestal. "What does that mean, Jane?"

"Nothing, just something Kaidan told me once, something from some human commander a long time ago. Just seemed to fit the situation, you know that my inaction was the problem," realizing she was rambling she closed her mouth tightly into a firm line and concentrated on the object in front of her; missing the anger that flashed over Garrus's normally stoic features, but she could feel the tension coming from him in waves.

Gritting her teeth Jane called for Joker.

"Joker, we've got the package, and we're ready to come home."

"Roger that Commander we'll be waiting." The connection went quiet but not dead and Jane tapped her foot waiting, when Joker still didn't speak Jane spoke between clenched teeth.

"Was there something else Flight Lieutenant?"

"There was a call, it was from the Alliance, I didn't authorize it, but someone else did."

Taking a deep breath Jane unclenched her jaw. "Who did?"

"I don't know Commander, but before you freak, I do know where the call went."

She waited but when he didn't offer the information she growled under her breath.

"I do not enjoy guessing games, as you know, tell me where that call went."

"Major Hackett's quarters."

"That will be all Flight Lieutenant."

Slamming her fist down Jane turned very slowly towards her group.

"Double-fucking-time it back to the shuttle," no one moved, just watching her quietly. "I'm sorry, did I stutter? I said move it, _now!_"

~~00o00~~

Jane dropped her gear as soon as she was on board the Normandy, tossed the IFF to her dad and Garrus.

"Make sure Joker gets that installed and get us under way, the sooner we figure out what the fucking collectors are doing with the humans, the sooner we can move on with this mess."

Ganis didn't correct her language; the green fire in her eyes was enough for him to keep his mouth shut. Garrus on the other hand was already ready to ask questions, questions Ganis knew Jane was in no mood to answer so he interrupted before he had the chance.

"Come on Garrus, let's get this taken care of, we could all use a hot meal."

He nodded catching his tone, and with on last glance towards Jane he turned and followed Ganis towards the helm.

Thane stood silently behind Jane, watching her as she finished stripping her armor off.

"Siha, think about what you're about to do."

"I'm not going to do anything Thane."

"I know you better than that Siha, what you did, back on the Collectors ship that was rash, even for you. You should not throw your life away so easily."

"I am not throwing my life away; I was made to do things like that, was I not?"

"Not even you are invulnerable, and in your condition you should really think about what you do a little more carefully."

"Do not tell me about my condition, you know nothing about it, and do not remind me of my death, I'm very aware of it; I'm also aware of the conditions of my return. I will not stop until everyone finally believes us, or I'm going to die trying."

"This is not just about you anymore Siha, you can be mad at me if you want."

Jane stalked forward, most people would have shrunk back from her when she was in this mood, but Thane held his ground.

"This has never just been about me, this is about so much more than me, and the addition of one life does not change that, it does not change the fact that I will give my life to see this fucking mess sorted out."

Thane reached out a hand and gently touched her shoulder and Jane almost crumpled.

"Don't you see Thane, this, if that's what this is, if I'm pregnant, I'm afraid it's just another way they're trying to control me."

"And what if it isn't Jane? What if it's just the will of your spirits that you would have Garrus's child?"

Shaking her head sadly, Jane sighed. "It wouldn't be possible if it wouldn't have been for them, they did this, they've always wanted to know if a child of mine would pass on my genetics, and now, now after everything after every fucking thing I have forgiven John for, I know he's taking calls from them. There are very few people I can trust in this Galaxy Thane, and I'm afraid it's just gone down by one."

"Don't do anything you'll regret Siha, he is your blood, remember that. Remember," Jane held up a hand and shook her head at him.

"Don't Thane, leave it alone, I'll take care of this my way."

He chuckled, letting Jane step out of his touch and turn towards the door.

"Just no air locks or escape pods, we may need him before the end."

Pausing at the door Jane let her head fall, her chin resting on her chest.

The end…

What would the end to this entire thing look like?

She closed her eyes, Garrus a child and their home on Randiv flashed before her eyes. That was the end she wanted, and the one she knew she could never have.

~~00o00~~

Jane didn't knock or even stop her stride as John's door opened and she walked in. Laying on his bed an arm thrown over his eyes, he didn't stir as Jane stood to his side. Thankfully Liara wasn't there; she would hate to yell at him in front of her.

Kicking the side of his bed with her toe she watched him jump up and move to take her down.

She smiled and took a step back from the bed.

"I dare you to try it; in fact at this point I welcome it."

"What?" He stopped and stared at her, seeing her for the first time, realizing who it was.

"Why did you do it John?" She could feel her resolve and anger fading as she stared into his eyes, her eyes.

"Why did I do what, Jane?"

"You know very well what I'm talking about, John. Why would you take a call from the Alliance, when I told everyone not to? Why would you do that to me, you know what we're trying to do here, what they've done to me, what they did to you. We need to be able to come to them on our terms."

"Jane, I didn't place the call, nor did I ask for it, someone just started talking, and it was him." She was almost shocked to hear him admit it so quickly.

"By him I assume you mean your father, what did he say?"

John stopped short, either way he was screwed. He could tell by the look in her eyes.

"He told me, that when and if you get the evidence they need, that if I was to turn you and the ship in, I would be forgiven." He watched her eyes close against his words, her teeth were clinched and her hand drifted over her stomach.

"Spirits John, what did you tell him?"

He was silent and he flinched when she shouted.

"What the fuck did you tell him John?"

"Nothing, Jane he didn't really give me time. You know how he is," stepping towards him she bent over lowering her face until it was even with his.

"No actually, John I don't. The only thing I know about him is that I don't trust him, and now I wonder if I can trust you, after everything, you should have told me John." He tried to speak but Jane continued on. "We have a mission to complete, and I don't want to hear, or see from you until it's over. If you turn me in at that point, well I guess it's not much different than what I was going to do, you just come out better for it, and I'm less one brother."

Without another word, she turned and left the room; leaving a very shocked John in her wake.

~~00o00~~

Garrus was in bed by the time she got to the room, she showered letting the hot water ease her body, but still she shivered when she stepped into their room, turning up the heat she slipped into bed next to Garrus's still body, curving her body around him she let his heat seep into her body. She could tell by the rigid hold of his body that he wasn't asleep. But he wasn't talking either, so she let the silence sit.

Her eyelids felt like weights and before she could think, she fell into a fitful sleep, filled with things and people from the past, people she would have rather left in the past, where they belong.

Jane sat up, she couldn't breathe, and it was like someone was sitting on her chest, she could feel wetness on her face, at first she thought she was sweating, running a hand over her eyes though, showed her she must have cried. Drying her face on the back of her hand, she felt eyes on her, and turned to see Garrus watching her, a strange emotion on his face, one she had never seen him turn on her, it wasn't really anger, but jealousy. She had known he felt it a time or two, but this look was so intense it caught her off guard.

"What is it; do I have something on my face? Was I drooling?" She tried to smile, but his face didn't change and it threw her off balance.

"Damn it Garrus, what?"

"I know you have nightmares Jane, sometimes you talk in them, but this was different. Maybe it only means more to me because of our, other issues but," he trailed off and Jane leaned towards him.

"You called for him Jane, you called for Kaidan. I've always known that the way things ended between you, may have left unresolved issues."

Jane turned and leaned her head into her hands, "Garrus, it has nothing to do with, the way things ended."

"You're worried about the baby. No, don't look at me like that, we all know you couldn't be sick for any other reason, I've wanted to talk to you about this, but, well we've been busy."

"It's not that I'm worried about the baby, it's the fact that, how could I do this to you? You're my mate and here I could be pregnant with another man's child, hell not just any man, Kaidan. Someone we both can't stand. What the hell am I supposed to do with that Garrus? I can't ask you to," Garrus turned Jane's face towards him, stopping the flow of words from her.

"Jane, I don't care about that, it doesn't matter to me, no matter what, it's our child, you're my mate, more than that, and I love you sweetheart. I love you so much that it just doesn't matter, we'll love it, and we'll raise it in a world that was saved for it, by you, by us. Our life will happen."

She nodded slightly, "There is a chance Garrus, that it is yours, that I was able to conceive your child. I just don't know yet, I need to have tests done, but there just isn't time. Soon, I promise, but there is a chance."

Garrus's mandibles spread in a smile as he leaned his head against hers. "Jane that would be amazing, but it doesn't matter, what does matter is what we're going to do, with this trip through the relay, and," he stopped staring into her eyes. "What we're going to do after."

She leaned back from him and searched his eyes, "you know what I have to do Garrus. I have to take what we find; I must turn in myself and the ship."

Garrus nodded, "I know that sweetheart, and I want to go with you." Jane shook her head before the words were even out of his mouth.

"You can't Garrus, you have to go home, and you need to get the Turian's to believe you as well."

"Jane, I promised myself I wouldn't leave you again, not like," he swallowed before continuing. "Not like before."

"We have no choice Garrus, this goes so far beyond any single person. Take my dad with you, I promise you, we'll see you again." Her hands ran over her flat stomach and she smiled for the first time, thinking about the child.

Garrus ran his talons through her hair, "Jane, I wish you wouldn't do this, they will charge you with treason, going AWOL."

Jane chuckled and laid her hand on top of his. "No, they will have much larger issues to deal with soon. I have to do this, it's the only way."

Garrus nodded knowing that she was right. He leaned in and nipped her gently on the shoulder.

"Remember, this is forever," he licked over the scar on her shoulder, as she ran her fingertips over the matching one on his.

"We, are forever, think of us, the baby our house on Randiv, you're dad spoiling him, just like he did you."

She laughed and leaned back on the bed as he hovered over her, nipping down her neck, down her breast and licked her nipple. "I'm not spoiled."

He laughed, ignoring her statement, "you know there is a very real chance none of us will make it back from this run through the Relay, and we need to leave someone back, someone who can tell everyone."

Jane nodded, "I know, but I'm not thinking about that just now. Make love to me Garrus, let's worry about that tomorrow."

He continued the nipping and licks down her body until he came to her stomach where he leaned against it and smiled sadly.

"I'm such a bad Turian, I've never been happier that my human-turian mate is going to have our human-turian child."

"But Garrus what if," he nuzzled against her and silenced her with a talon against her lips.

"If, then it's just like you. No different, it will be the best human-turian, and I'll try to be as good as Ganis was to you."

"I just hope there is something for all of us to go home to, when this is all over."

"Me too sweetheart, me too, now make love to me, make me that promise that I'll see you, not only after this suicide mission, but after the alliance, that you'll find me."

"Death didn't keep me from you Garrus, the Alliance sure as hell isn't going to."

He ran his hands over her body, memorizing every curve, every soft inch of flesh, as she ran her hands under his fringe, and they came together, once again sharing every part of themselves, becoming one, with every touch a promise that tonight, would not be their last.

~~00o00~~

"Admiral, I'm glad to see you still standing."

"I'm not in the mood for your quips. Is she or isn't she?"

"Yes, Jane is pregnant."

"Do you know whose it is?"

"We believe it is the Turian's child. Though without Jane letting us examine her we can't know for sure."

"That doesn't matter, either way, if you did your job right, we will know the answer to our question, and at the same time, she will find us the way to destroy the Reapers."

"I'm not so sure Admiral, you've lost control over her, she'll never help you the way you think she will, and she will keep things from you."

Admiral Hackett nodded, "that is why I plan on using someone else and the child to get the job done, she will be what we made her to be, the child is the control now, besides, she seems to have taken to Anderson, and she still trusts him. We'll make her work with us, when she comes back. And you know she will, she has no other choice, which is just how we like it, when people have no other choice, they make the choices they have to. Now, keep me updated on their missions, and Jane's health, Hackett out."

~~00o00~~

**Sadly, my laptop was destroyed and this chapter was on it, I had to rewrite it and my other chapter for Raised Turian. It will be coming in a few days I hope, as well as the continuation of this chapter. It is almost done being re-written.**

**Cheers everyone and Happy New Year. **

**^.^**


	26. Hell And Back Again

If Joker sounded nervous when he hit the intercom and called for Jane, it paled in comparison to how he felt. "Commander, we're ready to make the jump through the relay, but we have a problem."

Narrowing her eyes at the floor, Jane continued to get dressed. "You just know how I love to hear that Joker. What is it now?" Her voice was clipped but not angry thought Joker, not yet.

"Well, Anderson is on the line for you." He paused, waiting for it.

"What the hell did I tell all of you?" She definitely sounded angry now, and he wasn't even to the bad part yet.

"Yes, well I figured it would be better if you took his call, rather than having him open fire on us."

"What?"

"Yeah, he's practically on top of us. I could run but," his sentence died as he heard Jane sigh.

"Fine, I'll be right there." Jane clinched her jaw and left the room without a word; Garrus sighed and pulled on the rest of his armour. It looked like it was going to be a long day.

Crossing her arms, Jane stared at the image of Anderson, glancing only once out her window to see his ship. She felt like telling him to go to hell, but kept her mouth firmly shut; she even managed a salute, reminding herself that you salute the rank, not the man. She may be a traitor and deserter, but she was still military to the core.

"Commander Shepard, we need to talk."

"First off Captain Anderson, you can start by not calling me Shepard."

"We've had that discussion before Jane, you're Shepard and until further notice you're still Commander Shepard."

She paused at that keeping her face calm; expressionless even through her jaw ached from clenching to keep it that way.

"Until further notice you say? When is that going to be, if I may ask? Because if you think you're going to arrest me today, you'd be mistaken."

He was quiet for a moment, watching her face; she looked bloody tired. Finally he shook his head, "No, not today Shepard."

Biting down on her lower lip Jane made a quick gut decision. "Alright Captain, if you plan to wait here until we're back, well hell, if, we come back. I'll make you a deal. I'll turn myself in, the ship all of it, as long as you let everyone else go, they had no part in what I did, I take full responsibility for it. They all responded to a direct order and cannot be held accountable." She took a deep breath.

"I would also like it stated for the record Captain, that Major John Hackett turned me and the ship in. Only under those circumstances will I come quietly."

Anderson looked like he didn't want to considered this, the white lie about John and the trade of the ship and Shepard, for everyone else, but he nodded.

"Alright, you get the proof we need and make it back here alive, you have yourself a deal."

"Thank you," she paused before adding, "Sir." He nodded, and the feed went dead.

Joker spun in his chair as Jane walked on to the bridge and shot her a look that said what she was thinking. 'What the hell did you just do?' But he didn't say it; instead he rolled his eyes and turned back towards his console.

"I can't believe you're just going to hand everything over to them, and that bullshit about the Major turning you in? What is that about? I thought," Clearing her throat Jane cut him off.

"I just got to thinking, that John on the outside, when I'm in the brig, is a better option than him being stuck in there with me."

"Yeah well, after your last conversation I'm not so sure him on the outside is going to help you any."

"You know Flight Lieutenant, listening in on conversations is a very bad habit."

He laughed and muttered, "Yeah so is flying stolen Alliance ships, but that hasn't stopped me yet."

~~OOoOO~~

Pausing outside of John's door, Jane ran a hand over her forehead, she was still angry, no more upset with John, for everything, it started with her memory loss and continued right up to him not coming forward about his chat with the Admiral until asked directly about it. Still she figured he was her blood as Thane had put it and someone had to stay back in case they didn't make it back. Hell even if they did make it back, she needed him on her side if she had any hope of getting out of the brig.

She tapped on the door and it opened, she stepped aside as Liara stepped out into the hall.

"I was hoping you'd come Jane, John is, well he's not taking any of this well. He thinks you're going to put him in an escape pod and jettison him into space. I told him you were just upset, and that it would pass." She gave Jane a hopeful smile before continuing down the hall. Sticking her head into John's room Jane noted that it was dark, and as she scanned the room she found him sitting on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. She knew that look; it was one she got when she felt like the entire galaxy was crashing down around her, which had been quite often in her life.

Clearing her voice she started into the room, slowly, as one would approach an angry Krogan.

"Look, John, we need to talk."

He looked up quickly, the shock was clear on his face and Jane smiled, was that hint of fear she saw?

"Relax; I'm not here to jettison you into space." The tension eased from his shoulders if only slightly.

"Then are you here to yell at me again? I'm really not in the mood."

She sighed deeply and sank down next to him on the bed. "No, I'm not in the mood to yell, yeah rare, I know. Actually I'm here to put all this crap behind us. It's not that I'm not upset with you anymore, but the point is, we have much bigger problems than our daddy issues. I've told Anderson that I would come in quietly after our run through the Relay."

Jane noticed he was jiggling his knee, was that a nervous habit she wondered, and when he didn't respond she laid a hand on his knee griping slightly to stop the nervous twitch.

"I've only agreed to this under a few conditions, first being that the rest of the crew will not be held accountable for my actions." Her eyes found his and she stared hard into them. "That includes you John. I wanted it known that you turned me in."

His brows furrowed and she almost giggled as his mouth dropped open, "Why Jane?"

She shrugged and bumped her shoulder against his.

"Well besides the fact that I figure you would have pissed me of way more than this if we had grown up together, I decided I need someone on the outside of prison that might be able to keep this shit on track. Honestly, they are going to make this all about me and what I've done. Not about the real issue of the Reapers. I need you to keep them in perspective."

"Well not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but you're keeping me out of prison to use me? Are you sure you didn't pick up some of the Hackett," She punched him in the shoulder before he could even finish the sentence.

"Don't you dare," the words were clipped but she had a smile on her face.

"Yeah, that doesn't solve all the problems though. He still wants me to get rid of Liara, I can't do that Jane I love her."

"Yeah, I really don't see the problem, lie." She answered with a little shrug of her shoulders.

His face screwed up again, as if it had never crossed his mind to lie to the Admiral.

"Don't look like that, honestly John, what the hell has he done for you, to earn your honesty."

"Nothing, but if I lie to him, I'll feel no better than him. Wouldn't be better for us both to take a stand, tell him to go to hell and deal with the repercussions after?"

She didn't answer right away, just stared at the far wall and it was John's turn to laugh.

"Come on; don't say you haven't thought of it. Maybe it would be better if they could see both of his children don't agree with him. Maybe it's time for a full on frontal assault."

"Some frontal assault that's going to be, with us both in the brig," John laid his hand on top of hers and squeezed.

"Some assaults don't need us to rush head long in guns blazing. Anderson seems like a good man; maybe we can convince everyone else that the Admiral isn't what he appears to be?"

"Yeah, well it's your ass sitting next to me in prison, so I'll leave it up to you to tell Anderson, when and if we make it out of whatever we find."

He nodded, "Yeah, alright and as for me staying back from this mission, well I'm sorry that isn't going to happen sis, I'm pulling rank and as a Major, I'm fucking going."

"Language Major," She laughed as her jaw fully relaxed and she smiled. "You know what, fuck it. Joker, I know you're listening, let's get this shit over with. Make the Jump and have everyone report for briefing."

"Touching by the way Commander," Joker snickered. "Are you sure you fully got that stick back? Right shutting up, let's do this."

~~ooOoo~~

Jane stood before her small crew, "Garrus, John, Liara, Thane, Dad, Tali, there are no words for what each and every one of you means to me. We've been through hell and back together, and this is no different." Her mind drifted to Powell and she could almost hear his accent in her mind as she said, "We are gathered here today to do battle. Regrettable isn't it? I didn't want to be here myself, but my dad told me that I better make a good show out of it. So here it goes." She smiled at the looks given her and shrugged. "Just remember, if it moves, kill it." She locked and loaded; they all followed and waited for Joker to make the jump.

Jane couldn't believe her eyes, thousands of humans, in tubes, it looked like the collectors were melting them down, and hell they were too late, most of them were already dead, the ones that weren't were too far gone, and Jane was sure she would never get the sound of their screams out of her mind.

They followed the tubes and what they found, replaced every nightmare she had ever had.

A human reaper, Spirits, could this get any worse?

Her dad stopped dead behind her, his taloned hand rested on her shoulder, "I get it now Red."

"What is there to get dad?"

"They copy and use the genetic material from the beings they conquer. I couldn't understand why they were collecting humans; they need them to do this. They need us, all of us and they won't just stop at the humans, they'll do this to all of us."

"That's really messed up dad."

He shrugged and removed his hand from her.

"Well, let's make sure this one never makes it out of here shall we?"

She nodded and they all readied their weapons and she looked for a way to blow this base to hell, as they rained bullets down upon the monster before them.

As Jane readied the explosives the voice of the Illusive man echoed around her.

"Jane, I would really prefer it if you would leave the base intact. We could really use this tech to complete our research."

"Fuck you, I'm not leaving this here, for you or them to use. You must think I'm stupid." She couldn't keep the scoff from her voice as she spit the words back at him.

"Jane, think about what you're doing, that tech is the only reason you're even standing. If we can research that base we can understand more about what we've made. Save others, use the Reapers own tech against them."

"Are you insane? Look what they have done, none of this should exist and if you think it could help anyone you're sick."

"It helped you Jane, it helped your mother."

Jane froze and John spun towards her. "What the hell did he just say?" He was at Jane's side before she could say anything and he was the one yelling. "What the hell did you say? My father said he watched my mother die."

"I didn't say she didn't die."

"Fuck you, I'm not going to listen to your bullshit anymore. Jane, blow this shit and let's get the hell out of here."

John ripped out the transmitter and turned towards a very still Jane.

"Don't listen to him Jane; he's just trying to get us to do what he wants."

"At this point John, I've learned the more impossible it sounds and the more likely it would hurt either you, me or both of us, the higher chance its true."

"No way, not possible, they couldn't have kept her hidden from me." Jane noted his voice shook and he sounded unsure.

"Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that John, let me know when you're convinced."

Thane glanced to Garrus, he shrugged and Tali shook her head as if to say she wasn't going to ask, with a sigh and a slight cough Thane kneeled next to the explosive.

"Siha, what do you want us to do?"

Staring towards the human reaper she narrowed her eyes as she spun away from them getting ready to head back towards the ship. "Blow it; let someone else sort it out." She almost snorted as she thought of the look she would have gotten back at N7 training for that one.

Garrus caught up and fell in stride with Jane, "What if he wasn't lying?"

"At this point, I could care less, so what if my mother is alive? What should that mean to me, I have a dad, I don't need her, she obviously doesn't give a care about John or me, so why should I?"

"I can't argue with you about that one, but what if she knows about, well what if she's Cerberus and would tell you about what they did."

"Nope, still don't care. Honestly the only family I have is right here with me. As for the others, well a mother I don't know, but as for the other, he's going to find my pistol at his temple before this is over, and I'm not going to think twice as I pull the trigger."

Garrus frowned and wanted to say something, but knew better than to argue with her when she was in this mood, so he let the silence fall as they double timed it out of the base and back on to the ship. Joker laughed over the intercom as Jane jumped to the ship and he took off. "Good to see you made it back, how was hell?"

"Not even worth writing home about." Jane, Joker and John laughed at the inside joke and it seemed to ease their tension.

"Take us back Joker, we have a date with Captain Anderson."

"Roger that Commander."

"You had better stop calling me that Joker; I'm just going to be plain Jane from now on."

"From all of us on your crew Commander, they may take your tags, your rank, but you'll always be our Commander."

She laughed and Garrus could have sworn he saw a bit of moisture at the corner of her eye, but as he pulled her into her arms she shouted back.

"Are you going all mushy on me Flight Lieutenant? How about you pilot the damn ship and get us out of the core."

"Aye, Commander, getting the hell out of the core."

~~ooOoo~~

Jane and John stood before the image of Anderson, both of them at attention even though there was no need for it now.

"So, you're both turning yourselves in? Major Hackett I have orders that if you are to turn Jane in and renounce her actions you are not to be taken into custody, am I understanding correctly that you're waiving that?"

"That's correct Captain, I stand with Commander Vakarian and her actions."

Jane broke into a very undisciplined smile at Johns answer and nodded at Anderson.

"The rest of my request stands, we will follow you directly to earth and turn ourselves over as long as the rest of the crew is released and allowed to keep their rank and positions, and our non-Alliance crew is allowed safe passage off earth."

"As I stated it will be allowed, you have my word." He changed his tone at that point to one of authority.

"Jane Shepard, John Hackett. I am placing you under arrest, charged with treason and going absent without leave, as well as theft of Military property; you are both hereby stripped of your rank and title and placed in holding until a court-martial can be convened to decide your fate." He frowned as if to almost say he was sorry, before he continued. "Joker, this ship is to be docked in Vancouver immediately. Do you understand?"

"Aye Captain, heard, understood, acknowledged."

And with that they set a course for Earth.

~~ooOoo~~

Garrus held Jane in his arms until they docked. "Jane, if nothing else I'll come for the baby, they can't keep me from my child." She nodded as the MP's entered and pulled her from his arms, cuffing her.

"I'll try Garrus, if they'll let me send word, I will. Until then, do what you can for Palaven, and tell my dad everything is going to be okay, take care of him for me."

"I will sweetheart, I love you."

"I love you too, I'll see you soon."

The MP's with her cast a look towards him that bordered on disgust, before leading her away from him and he whispered. "Spirits let me see her again."

As Jane and John stepped off the Normandy into the damp air of Vancouver, Jane shivered and had a flashback to the last time she had made this trip. Very different this time, as she found herself cuffed and being lead towards the Military compound, what hadn't changed was how wet and chilly it was here. She glanced towards where she and Kaidan had stayed, his father's apartments overlooking the bay and she frowned.

"Forgot how much I hated it here."

John shrugged and looked towards the bay as he was forced towards the building. "I always thought it was pretty."

"Yeah so did I, once upon a time. But life isn't story book bullshit, and this place reminds me of that."

They were both told to shut up as they were led into the building and ushered none too gently into an office, and shoved into chairs in front of a very imposing oak desk.

Anderson entered and sat behind the desk, he didn't speak right away so Jane piped up.

"Really are these necessary?" She held up her hands.

"Yes Jane, they are. The Admiral insisted that you not be treated any differently than any other prisoner."

"Oh sure, but you might want to tell him that these wouldn't stop John or I if we wanted to escape. N7 remember?" She quirked an eyebrow at him and a small chuckled started that turned into a full-blown laugh. Anderson stared at her like she had lost her mind; he had never seen her act like this, not the girl raised by Turians. Had she finally cracked? He turned his confused look at John and he shrugged.

"It must be the hormones, she's normally not so, giddy."

That didn't ease the confusion, "Hormones?"

"Jane here is pregnant Captain," the answer came from the doorway. Hackett paused for what seemed an eternity and John rolled his eyes.

Anderson stood, staring dumbfounded at Hackett. "Admiral, you knew?"

"Yes, just recently actually, it doesn't change anything though. Jane and John are to be treated just as we discussed. Jane will submit to any and all tests we have for her, we can't be too careful, what with Cerberus being the ones that put her back together. We need to understand what they did to her."

She laughed again at that, her eyes not moving from the Admirals. "Like you don't know, Sir," the words were laced with spite and she practically spit them at him.

"I have a few questions myself Admiral, first off how about you tell the Captain here, how you know about my being pregnant, how about you tell him that you worked with Cerberus to find me, hell while you're at it, how about you tell us all where our mother is?"

Admiral Hackett's face didn't move as he watched Jane, "Well as for how I knew you were pregnant, I had eyes on your ship the whole time." His gaze drifted over John and then turned back to her, let her wonder if she really could trust her brother.

"As for your other ludicrous accusations, Captain Anderson is aware of what happened to your mother. He was there when she died, and as for dealing with Cerberus, that would be impossible. Our transmissions are monitored for such actions.

The look on Anderson's face told Jane that the Captain wasn't so sure anymore, in fact he looked like he didn't trust the situation any more than she did, and it gave her hope.

"Now, if you think I'm so awful to my own children, I have made a slight adjustment to your housing situation. You will be kept here, in secured rooms, there are very spacious and you will be housed together. If either of you try anything, I've given the order for you to be shot. You will be guarded around the clock. You'll meet your guards soon, and trust me; they will not hesitate to follow my orders. I've made sure of that."

Jane did not like the tone in his voice, nor the smug little smirk he wore, and she longed to wipe it from his face, permanently.

They were hefted from their chairs yet again and shoved towards the door, and down the hall. As they came to a large pair of doors they were shoved inside and their cuffs removed. Jane resisted the urge to rub her wrists and instead fell to parade rest as Hackett stepped into the room, John followed her motions. It was easier to temper your emotions when at attention. It was something she could control and it seemed John felt the same way.

Hackett stood to the side as a very large marine entered the room and saluted. "This is Lieutenant James Vega, he will be one of your guards, and I believe you know the commander of our little guard operation here."

Jane had to stifle a groan as Kaidan entered the room.

"Oh, sure I know Staff Lieutenant Alenko oh so well, or I thought I did."

Kaidan turned cold eyes on her, and it almost made her smile, seeing his anger.

"That's Major now Shepard."

She had the urge to laugh again. The bastard had been given a promotion.

"I see you fared pretty well, after I shot you into space."

He quirked his head to the side, soaking up the spite in her words, but his eyes didn't soften and Hackett looked pleased as he turned back to the door, stopping once to look back at the group.

"Well, I'll leave you to it Major, if you'll have Jane ready at o-six-hundred tomorrow morning. And Jane," His eyes latched on hers and he gave her a smile that made her skin crawl. "Don't worry, your pregnancy will be taken into account, once we figure out a few things, and might I add that you shouldn't fight my tests, or it won't go well for you."

With that warning, the door slid shut and Kaidan spun back to her, his eyes burned with something between anger, worry and, oh shit, that was love, it was still there and she cursed inwardly as he whispered.

"Jane, you're pregnant?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Great, just what I needed, another trip to hell."


	27. Reasons To Fight

"So, I'm guessing you didn't know she was pregnant." Vega stood outside the doors that lead to the clinic, Jane was with the doctors undergoing her tests, John was asleep as it was still early and he and the Major waited outside the clinic doors. He still couldn't believe that he had been ordered to guard the Admirals children, both charged with treason, among other things. Everyone had heard the stories of the Human-Turian, and the Major here was engaged to her, well had been. Actually no one was quite sure what was going on there. Hell, he was still getting used to the news that she was alive.

"Yeah, I didn't know she was pregnant."

Kaidan heard the question, he answered the question, but he wasn't really there, his thoughts were on the woman just behind the doors he now faced. He had thought he hated her for what she had done, that he had let the girl from his memories at Jump Zero, and the woman from N7 go, that he was alright with her being with Garrus. But the emotions he thought gone, had poured forth when he saw her. Then when he found out she was pregnant, his whole world crumbled and he was right back where he had started.

In love with Jane, he had always loved her, it wasn't gone, and now that he knew she was pregnant, he was more sure than ever that he had to figured out how to get them back on even ground. He needed to figure out how they could find what they had lost. No matter what her father, the Admiral had done, they had been in love, and she couldn't deny that she had loved him.

"Are you sure it's yours? I mean," Vega let his voice taper off as Kaidan turned towards him, his eyes flashing a warning.

"What does that mean, am I sure it's mine? Of course I'm sure; the only other person Jane has been with is that Turian, Vakarian. So who else's would it be?"

Vega shrugged but conceded the point, "I was just asking, I mean word has it you two didn't part so well, maybe she," He was cut off again and rolled his eyes at the Major, as he turned back towards the door.

"Jane isn't like that; she was with Garrus because she loved him, because the Admiral screwed up. I should have tried harder; I shouldn't have handled her death like I did. Jane wouldn't run off and sleep with just anyone."

Vega thought about the statement; 'shouldn't have handled her death like I did.' There was a story there, but he was sure this wasn't the right time to go digging, so he settled for the safe route.

"Alright, let's say for argument sake, that it is yours. What's your plan? Your fiancé er' whatever she is, is going to be put on trial, she and John could very well be locked up for a long time, or shot."

"I don't know, I guess I'll have to figure that out."

"Yeah, well good luck with that. Did you see the way she looked at you? Not to mention she didn't think being arrested was bad until she saw you, actually she referred to hell when she saw you, and we're talking about a woman who went through N7, not to mention died. I'd say you're screwed. Though I see why you won't give her up, she's hot, like caliente."

Kaidan didn't say anything to that, just stared at the door as if the answer was written on its surface.

"I heard you two went through a lot together. The stories from Jump Zero and N7 are crazy, well if you believe the stories."

"Yeah, most of the stories are true; Jane saved a lot of us at brain camp."

"I heard you saved her from being raped and tortured by that Turian Commander. Hard to believe she would let another one of them touch her."

"I didn't stop him soon enough, but you need to remember, she is Turian, we're the weird ones to her, she only looks human, even in all our time at N7, she was always different. It's what makes her so amazing though."

Vega remained silent, as Alenko laid a hand against the door, leaning his head on top of it. The guy was in a bad way and he felt for him. He was trying to think of something to say, something funny or inappropriate to try and lighten the mood, but the deep sigh of the Major cut him short.

"I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of, Lieutenant Vega. Things I'm not sure she can ever forgive me for, but I have to try."

~~oo0oo~~

Jane stood at the window in her and John's rooms. Prison was a more accurate term; for though the rooms were well furnished and comfortable, they were not permitted to come and go as they pleased. In the three rooms that were connected, there were two beds and one bathroom; which was the only room with an actual door. The front room had a vid screen, but it was locked down, and they had to ask permission to watch anything. Not that it mattered; they were kept away from anything that even resembled news.

Vega was always close at hand. He didn't leave the rooms often, and slept just next door. He and John spent a lot of time talking about surfing off the west coast, N7 and of course, women. Jane just couldn't seem to keep her mind in their conversations, and found she was staring out the windows more often than not, lost in her own thoughts.

Vega actually didn't seem that bad, good soldier by all accounts; she would have liked to see him in action. When she did catch some of their conversation, it seemed he ended up on this detail after something had happened to his team while they were investigating the Collectors. Too bad they hadn't met before this; she would have liked to have him on her side.

Kaidan on the other hand kept his distance; he only seemed to appear once a day, to bring either food or a report to Vega. She had made a point of avoiding him when he did visit, and though she could feel his eyes on her, she always kept her eyes firmly on the bay out the window, and to his credit he let it stay at that.

Staring out over the bay was like watching a moving, living painting. So beautiful, but the feelings that stirred in her because of it were anything but beautiful.

"Hey, Jane not to you know, ruin your pity party over by the window, but it's been three days since the tests. Did they tell you anything? What was that report that Kaidan brought to Mr. Vega here?"

Jane turned her head slightly towards where John and Vega were sitting. John noted she looked uninterested. She was growing more detached by the day. He had no idea what she was thinking anymore, she had to be thinking of something, some plan. At least, he hoped so, to be honest, it really seemed like she had just shut everything off.

"No, they haven't told me anything, and I doubt that they will."

John watched her eyes turn back out the window; Vega was watching her with something akin to confusion and sadness and John nudged him with an elbow.

"Don't worry, she won't do anything."

Vega shook his head and tore his eyes from the redheaded woman and the pouring rain behind her.

"Not worried."

John chuckled as the man's muscled chest and arms flexed slightly, "Yeah, I'm picking up what you're putting down."

Vega's eyes flicked up to Jane once more before focusing on John. "It's just that I've heard stories about the two of you for years. You're the hero of the Citadel man, that's something, I never thought I'd talk to you let alone be stuck guarding you. And Jane," he let out a low whistle. "Never thought I'd meet the Human-Turian, you know, because, well she was dead."

John couldn't help it, he let out a laugh that left Vega confused and wondering if the Major here was losing his mind.

"Yeah, we all had to get used to Jane being alive, trust me, you're not the only one to go through this."

"Sure, right, Major Alenko has told me a lot about her and you. Well nothing we hadn't heard before. The stories of your team are like bed time stories for the marines around here. Jane's time at N7 is the shit legends are made of. She took out a platoon of Turians, down one team member. Man, I just, well the point is, Major I never thought I'd meet either of you, and here you are and well, Jane isn't what I thought she'd be."

John looked up to his sister and nodded. "It's not Major anymore Mr. Vega."

Vega gave him a look that said he didn't care, and John shrugged and continued.

"You know, I've only seen her like this once before, it was right after she and Kaidan had the big fight, that lead up to this, you know the one where she shot him into space and stole an Alliance ship. Yeah from the look on your face, I'd say you're aware of the story. She would stand for hours, just like that. I don't think she'd admit it, but she was really hurt by what she thought Kaidan did. You know, she felt like someone who was with her from the start, the person who made it through Jump Zero with her not to mention N7, had stabbed her in the back that he had betrayed everything they had ever had. It started before her death, but I think she could have forgiven him for that, had he not done what he did after. To be honest the shit that he did before, I don't think was his fault, he was lied to by the Admiral as much as we were, but after," Jane's voice interrupted him and caused the two men to actually jump, both looking towards the window. Jane's face hadn't turned towards them, but her arms were folded almost protectively in front of her.

"That's enough, John I think you've bored the Lieutenant enough. Don't you?" Her voice still held that ring of authority, and though it sounded like a question, John knew it was an order for him to stop talking.

"Understood, Sis; I just thought our new friend James here should be brought up to speed. To let him know that the hero-worship people have for you isn't bullshit, you know since all it seems you do now is stare out windows."

No reaction, not even a twinge of something, her lips didn't move, nor her eyes. Shit, this was not going to be good when the emotions finally overflowed.

John shook his head and motioned for Vega to meet him in the small kitchen by the locked front door.

"So, where is the Admiral, I figured he'd want to talk at some point."

"No Sir, your father has left Admiral Anderson in charge."

John's eyebrows scrunched together and he half smiled. "Admiral Anderson you say? The ol' boy got a promotion did he? For bringing us in no doubt, well if that isn't just perfect."

Vega had thought John was being sarcastic, but to his surprise he looked pleased.

"The thing is, Major your father left strict instructions that the two of you were not to be moved and no trial until after the bebe is born." Vega lowered his voice, knowing damn well he shouldn't say anything, but not able to help himself.

"They aren't going to let her keep it, you know that, as her father and the child's grandfather, he is next of kin and as Jane is being held for treason, the child goes to him."

John went very still, and his eyes flicked to where Jane stood a room away. He saw the subtle clench of her jaw, she had heard every word thanks to their enhanced hearing; and they were that much closer to Jane losing it.

~~ooOoo~~

"Anderson, you have news for me?"

Anderson ran a hand over his forehead, his head was killing him. Stress, this was all so wrong, Jane and John were goddamn heroes in his book. Things done during times of war needed to be taken into account.

"Yes, it seems Cerberus brought Jane back with Asari genetics, not too difficult considering the amount of genetic modification that went into Jane in the first place. As you know Asari can mate with any species to genetically diversify their own race. The idea is the same with Jane; the child carries human and Turian genetics. But just as with the Asari, Jane's genetics will be dominate, and the child will look human. Though it should have Turian tendencies," Anderson let his voice trail off at the shadow that crossed Hackett's face.

"Never mind that, inform Jane that the child is Kaidan's and if she wishes to keep it, she will respect that and she will raise the child with him. I don't care how they work out that issue, but he will be there, he will have parental rights, and they will complete what I fucking started." He slammed his fist down on his desk to punctuate the point.

Anderson had never seen Hackett's face so red, nor his voice so angry, the Admiral was starting to lose it and this forcing of Kaidan and Jane was bordering on insanity.

"Aye Sir, but I must formally protest to this, it seems to me that Jane," Hackett raised a hand and his voice, to halt Anderson's thoughts.

"I don't care what your protests are Anderson, do as I say, Hackett out."

~~ooOoo~~

Jane stood silently before Anderson as he delivered the news she had dreaded. Kaidan's child, every bad dream she had ever had paled in comparison to this. Give her the might of the Reapers forces, but not this. Not to mention that she was being threatened with separation from the child if she didn't comply.

She didn't speak, just turned from Anderson, went quietly into the washroom, and let the door close behind her.

John watched Anderson leave the room, watched Vega pace by the door, unsure of what to do. "Hey, James why don't you sit down for a bit, you're driving me crazy."

Vega simply nodded and sat on the couch as John went to the door and tapped softly.

"I hope you're not planning on staying in there all day, there is only one bathroom you know. I can't hold it forever."

He could hear her breathing, she was leaning against the door, but she wasn't answering him. He hadn't really expected an answer though.

He was still leaning against the wall by the washroom when the front door slid open and Kaidan stepped carefully into the room. John almost laughed at the timid way he entered. Though there wasn't anything funny about it, he was worried that Jane would kill him on sight. Probably not too far off the mark, actually.

"Kaidan, I really don't think you should be here." John sighed as Kaidan took a few steps towards him.

"I need to talk to her, even if she won't talk back, I have things that need to be said."

"Fine, it's your funeral. Come on Vega let's move as far away from the blast radius as we can."

Kaidan waited for them to move away before he leaned his forehead against the door.

"Jane, I understand how you feel. We didn't ask for this, but here we are, I know you're still angry at me for everything, but our child needs to be thought of. I know and understand if you don't love me, but I've been told that the child will be taken from us if we don't raise it together. I know how you feel about Garrus. I don't know how we'll work it out, but I'm willing to try. I know I've done some things that you can't forgive me for. I should have never done what I did at the funeral."

He swallowed the lump growing in his throat before continuing. "I should have never lied to you when you didn't have your memories, I had the excuse before all of that, back in N7, that the Admiral lied to me as well, but I knew what I was doing when you came back to us. I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but, I love you, Jane. Let me have the chance to love our child as well."

Kaidan's hand was pressed against the door, and he stayed like that for some time until he finally pushed away, and stared down at the ground before moving towards the front door.

"You know, I prefer her yelling." With that the door closed behind him and he was gone.

It wasn't long before the washroom door opened and Jane stepped out.

John braced for the impact, but there was nothing, just a thoughtful look on her face, before she turned towards Vega.

"Take me to Major Alenko's quarters."

It was an order, and thought she was no longer able to give orders Vega didn't seem to notice as he jumped off the couch, saluted and moved towards the door with her.

"I'll wait outside Ma'am." Vega stood at parade rest just to the side of the door. She was about to announced her presence when the door, unlocked slid open. Soft music drifted towards her and into the hall.

_"I saw the harbor lights_  
_They only told me we were parting_  
_The same old harbor lights that once brought you to me_  
_I watched the harbor lights_  
_How could I help if tears were starting_  
_Goodbye to tender nights beside the silv'ry sea_

_I long to hold you near and kiss you just once more_  
_But you were on the ship and I was on the shore_

_Now I know lonely nights_  
_For all the while my heart is whisp'ring_  
_Some other harbor lights will steal your love from me_

_I long to hold you near and kiss you just once more_  
_But you were on the ship and I was on the shore_

_Now I know lonely nights_  
_For all the while my heart is whisp'ring_  
_Some other harbor lights will steal your love from me"_

Harbor lights, it was another song from his father, an old song, during one of the early earth wars, had it been the second one or the first? She couldn't recall, but with the song came a memory of a day here in Vancouver, a long time ago when she had been very much in love, with Kaidan Alenko. She sighed and stepped into the room.

"Kaidan, we need to talk."

The music turned off, and he spun so quickly towards her she thought he might just fall on his ass.

"Jane, how did you get here?"

"Vega brought me."

Kaidan nodded, folding his arms over his chest, "Yeah, no surprise there, you always did inspire loyalty."

His voice wasn't harsh or angry, just very matter of fact.

"Yeah, well, it was how I was raised." She sighed again and sank down on the couch.

"Listen, Kaidan we've been through too much to just be able to ignore it." Her eyes burned into his as her anger began to bubble over.

"Forget what happened before my death, I forgive you for what the Admiral did, I was in a bad place after Powell and Lambert died. I was angry for everything. But you knew we weren't together anymore when I came back. Two years, Kaidan, you knew I was with Garrus before that, you knew what my dad means to me. Yet you did it anyways, you stabbed me in the back, you let me think we were still happy. This child is the result of that lie Kaidan. How could you? I truly honestly can't stand the thought of having to ever deal with you again. I want you to know that. But Ganis raised me better than that. We all have to deal with our issues, I get that. Just so you know Garrus and I are married. We mated before the run to the collector base."

Kaidan had listened passively until the end when his face began to turn red and he turned away from her.

"It was always something, Nihlus, Garrus. I was always second; I wanted you with me so badly, after what we went through at brain camp. How you could always just shove me aside?"

"Don't you fucking dare try and make this about how I treated you, Kaidan. Damn it, Kaidan I'm not here to fight with you. If we have to raise this child together, we had better learn to be able to stand each other."

"I love you, Jane, but don't you think it's going to be a little awkward if your _husband_ and I have to be around at the same time?" The word was said with enough spite that Jane chuckled.

"Forget it, I don't even know why I'm trying, you were always so fucking stubborn. If you think I'll let the Admiral have this child though, you've got another thing coming."

"I'm stubborn? God, Jane you're so infuriating. But I do agree with you on the issue of the Admiral, he's not to be trusted. So, where does this leave us?"

"A truce perhaps, we act the happy family until we can figure out what to do, which will be easier when I don't have a little human growing in me."

He nodded, "Okay, but what about after? You know, about us?"

"Kaidan, don't I'm trying my hardest to not hate you, don't make me start all over again. Besides, if my guess is right about the Reapers, there might not be a later if I don't get the hell out of here."

"Right, okay, so um, see you for dinner later?"

"Yeah, alright," and with a great sigh of restraint to not add something snarky at the end she quickly left the room.

~~ooOoo~~

"I look fat, honestly, that is a statement I thought I would never make. I mean, really with the amount I work out." She chuckled and John leaned over the back of the couch where she was slouching, Kaidan sitting next to her.

"You're not fat, sis you're eight months pregnant, there is a difference. Well then again, you have been eating more than, Mr. Vega over there, so you might actually be a little fat too."

Jane grabbed the pillow next to her and smacked John upside the head with it.

"Easy there, John do you really want to piss off the pregnant lady that could probably kill you without thinking?"

John frowned as Kaidan spoke, even thought the statement had been in jest. Over the last months he still hadn't been able to get used to him being around all the time. Oh, he understood why Jane agreed to it but he still didn't like it.

"Yeah well she left you alive, so I guess I'm okay."

Kaidan was used to the snarky comments and just shrugged. "Yeah, I remember someone else that wasn't always in the good graces either, though he happens to share blood, so he got off a bit easier."

"Oh for the love of, seriously you two, I'm tired of hearing your crap. If I have to deal with it, John you can too."

She gasped as the baby moved and kicked; Kaidan jumped forward and laid a hand on her stomach. John followed laying his hand on the side of her belly; Jane motioned for a curious Vega to do the same.

"He's strong," Vega glanced between the faces of Jane and Kaidan. The Major could act like nothing was wrong, but he had seen it for months, the slight grimace on the commanders face as he touched her belly, as he spoke of names for the little boy, as he acted every bit the husband and father. It was driving her insane, and it seemed that Alenko was oblivious to it. Though by what John had said, it had almost always gone like this with them.

"So, you two decided a name for little Chico in here?"

Jane narrowed her eyes at Kaidan, "I've decided on, Garin."

Kaidan rolled his eyes keeping his hand on her belly, he rubbed slightly and she sighed, moving his hand away.

"Really, Jane, Garin? It's so, so well you know."

Jane clinched her jaw to keep from yelling, and very slowly said. "It's so what, Kaidan?"

"You know, Turian."

"Yeah, that's the point, we've had this discussion," She was starting to get angry when the anger was replaced by blinding white pain.

She blinked as the first wave passed, but something was wrong. Lifting her hands from her lap she realized with agony that she was covered in blood.

"John, call for the doctor, now. Kaidan," she grabbed Kaidan and pulled him towards her, "If you ever cared for me, really cared; you won't let them take the baby from us. Promise me, Kaidan, don't you dare let them." She was going to continue but the pain washed over her and she was lost to her own screams.

It was possibly the worst day of her life; she had never experienced more pain than she did that day. And that's keeping in mind that she had died. The thought brought a smile to her lips as she tried to keep her mind occupied.

"Well they can't seem to get the baby out through surgery; she's going to have to do it naturally. I guess your bodies weren't designed to have to deal with surgery, something about the regeneration being too fast.

"Well if you think about it, we shouldn't really need it, our bones mend quickly and we don't get sick. Don't worry, she's tough, she'll be fine."

It was almost twenty-four hours later when a small boy, who looked almost identical to John, was laid in Kaidan's arms. "Okay, that's almost creepy; it's like a clone of you two."

"Yeah, well if you think about it, Jane and I shouldn't even be able to be identical twins, yet here we are, most likely we're actually clones, just different sexes. Though I doubt we're clones of the Admiral, so that leaves our mother. This baby is no different really."

Kaidan looked almost upset by that, and John had to stifle his laughter.

"It doesn't matter, he's perfect."

John lifted an eyebrow, "Besides your genes, that's actually true."

"You're a bastard, John you know that?" But the smile on Kaidan's face didn't leave the small babies face, as he rocked him gently.

Jane's eyes fluttered open and she breathed a sigh of relief at seeing her brother, and even Kaidan to the side of the bed, with Garin still there.

"Thank the spirits that's over, I'd rather be shot again."

John nodded and Kaidan handed Garin to her and her world stopped and she realized how much she wanted nothing more than to see this child grow and know her dad and Garrus. And with that in mind she knew she had to figure how to get them all off Earth.

~~ooOoo~~

Vega stood over the small crib, tickled under the small chin and ran a finger over the already curly red hair.

"He's amazing, Commander, he's going to look just like you and John and he's going to make a hell of a soldier."

Frowning, Jane shook her head and picked up Garin and held him to her chest. "Not if we don't figure out how to get out of here, the Reapers aren't going to just stop."

Vega nodded; he should be reporting that they had talked about how to escape since before the baby's birth. But he couldn't bring himself to do that. She was right, if the stories were to be believed, she needed to get out of there. He didn't know how they would do it, but he knew he needed to help.

~~oo0oo~~

"Admiral, I want you to know that having Jane locked up on Earth, isn't helping us at all." The Illusive man, inhaled and exhaled, his voice annoyed. "Jane needs to be out finding how we can control and stop the Reapers, what was the point of all this work if you're just going to keep her locked away?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you. But if you must know, I want the child, I need to know, and it's the chance to continue what we started. Our perfect soldiers," The Illusive man shook his head and cut off the Admiral with a chuckle.

"There will be no point to your soldiers if the Reapers are allowed to wipe out the galaxy, and you are wasting time, this was not the plan. Jane needs to be looking for an answer, we need the Reapers stopped and the technology that Jane can hand us when she's fully integrated with them, would take humanity so far beyond even what the Asari are."

Admiral Hackett shook his head, "No, not until I have what I want." He thought for a moment and then nodded to himself. "John's little Asari whore, what was her name, Dr. T'soni? I've had her on Mars since we captured Jane and John. She has a head start on the answer we're looking for."

The Illusive man took a long drag off of his cigarette and placed it in the ashtray, laced his fingers together and stared at the Admiral in thought.

"And how did you get her to agree to that?"

Hackett chuckled softly, like the question couldn't have been more idiotic.

"Told her I'd kill John if she didn't of course, emotions make people, even Asari so easy."

"Fine, do what you will Admiral, but remember, Jane will be released."

He got no answer as the vid was cut off. Turning in his chair he shook his head, releasing an exasperated sigh, resting his head in his hand, until the sound of high heels clicking into the room brought his head up, and a slight smile touched his lips.

"My former husband is an idiot, always has been. Get me Anderson, he was always more reasonable, Hackett is now a liability, he's forgotten the big picture. I don't want him to have the child or Jane. So, we need to get Anderson to be able to get the child out of there, and Jane back on track. Simple enough make it happen, I want my daughter out of there."

The illusive man smiled up at the beautiful, strong and demanding woman before him, taking her hand in his he kissed it softly. "Of course, I have it all under control, don't I always, Ann? I saved you didn't I?"

"And lost my daughter to the Turian's at the same time, but we've moved beyond that, get this back on track and get rid of Hackett. His ideals are now not in line with ours." She leaned down, her beautiful red hair brushed the side of his face as she kissed him before she turned away, and he smiled as he listened to the clip of her heels walk out of the room.

~~ooOoo~~

"Anderson," the voice of the Illusive man echoed through his quarters and he sat up with a start.

"Illusive man, what do I own the distinct displeasure of speaking with you?"

"Don't be obtuse, Anderson. You need to get Jane and her team out of there. The Reapers are coming, sooner than you think."

"Shouldn't you be talking to your stooge Admiral Hackett?"

"Oh you know do you?"

"Well you just confirmed what Jane has said for months. So why should I trust you?"

"You don't have to like me, Anderson. But right now we all have bigger problems than if you trust me or Cerberus."

Anderson seemed to consider this for a moment, before asking something that had been on his mind since he had captured Jane and her team.

"If Jane was right about you and Hackett, then what about her mother, what about Ann?"

A woman Anderson knew all too well joined the Illusive man on his vid. She didn't look a day older than when she had died in front of him, giving birth to the children he now held captive. It had been at that same damn genetics lab that the Turians had destroyed, and taken Jane from. Hackett had told the doctors to save the children. His wife had died in the resulting surgery to save the twins.

Well, he had thought she had died, but here she was.

"Listen, Anderson, I realize this is a lot to take in," Anderson scoffed cutting her off.

"A lot to take in, Ann? You were dead, I watched you die, and now you pop up wanting me to release Alliance prisoners, telling me you're working for the Illusive man, and that Hackett knew the whole time?"

"Oh Hackett never knew about me, he was just the easiest way for Cerberus to get into the Alliance, his need for his super soldiers was so insanely strong that he was willing to do anything we said. As far as working for the Illusive man, you have it wrong, Anderson. He works for me. Now, I'll explain everything later, right now you need to get your ass out of bed and move it. The Reapers are here, and you need to get Jane out of there. I've already started a plan in motion; listen up because I'll only tell you this once."

Anderson weighed his options quickly and nodded, realizing that Ann, Jane and John sounded so much alike and he had forgotten how much they looked like each other.

"Fine, I agree, tell me what to do."

~~ooOoo~~

The first alarms sent Jane into instant overdrive; she picked up Garin and shouted for John. Kaidan, John and Vega were next to her instantly.

"What's going on?" Vega was headed towards the hall to get his rifle, and Jane glanced out the window, I don't know, but we need to," the door slid open and she dropped back, ready to attack if needed. She sighed seeing Anderson.

"What's going on, Anderson?"

"I think you know, it's time to get you out of here. Major Alenko, Lieutenant Vega, I need you to get to the Normandy, Joker is aboard, you're going to have to figure out how to get it out of dry dock, move."

Kaidan paused, pressed a kiss to Garin's forehead, before brushing his fingers over Jane's cheek, she turned away and directed her eyes back to Anderson as Kaidan and Vega made their way out of the room.

"Anderson, I can't just run off with a baby in tow, the Normandy would never be safe enough."

"I know, it's been thought of." He stepped to the side and Thane stepped forward.

"Thane, how did you get here?"

"The Illusive man, he sent me here, Anderson got me on planet, I'm to take the baby to your father, on Randiv, it's small and out-of-the-way, and word is the Reapers are hitting the largest populated planets first."

"What? They've made it here?"

"Yes, Siha they've hit Palavan, and they're headed here as we speak, it's why you must go."

"Palavan, was," her voice cracked before she could finish her question.

"Siha, don't worry about Garrus, he knew of his son's birth, when the Illusive man told me, I got a hold of him."

"Why, Thane? Why after everything we've been through would you do what he wanted?"

If Thane's deep eyes could have looked ashamed then that's what they were.

"It was in exchange for, well my life, Siha and I made a promise to Garrus I plan on being able to keep if need be. But the last I spoke to him, he was fine and very happy to hear that he had a son."

It was Jane's turn to look ashamed, "There is a problem there though, Garin isn't his."

Thane turned a questioning look towards Anderson. "You have not told her yet then?"

Anderson cleared his throat, "That isn't true, Jane. Thanks to your Asari genetics you were able to successfully mate with Garrus, the child is his, though like an Asari, he carries your dominate genetic code. Though I figure in a few years when he acts distinctly Turian there might have been some question."

Jane's jaw almost hit the ground, "No, don't explain anymore right now, I get it Anderson, just, can we be on full disclosure now that it seems we're choosing to ignore the Admiral?" She frowned in spite of the joy she was feeling, as much as this was the best news she'd heard in months, she couldn't help but almost feel bad for, Kaidan. Damn it, having to spend so much time with him was getting to her.

"Forgive me but, fuck the Admiral, he's a disgrace to the Alliance, and you and John are her heroes, and we're going to show the Galaxy that." He paused before continuing, "There are, other issues but I will brief you once we're on board the Normandy, but for now, you need to give Garin to Thane."

She nodded, making up her mind and knowing that if Thane could make it to her dad, everything would be fine. She kissed Garin then kissed Thane on the cheek, telling him to tell her dad she loved him, and watched him disappear with her child. Biting back the tears that threatened to pour down her face she cleared her throat and turned towards a very quiet John.

"You okay, John?"

He shook his head and shrugged, "Sure, only, if this is all true, then what about our mother and Hackett?"

"Good question, what about Hackett? The mother thing, I still don't care."

"Lucky for us Hackett is not on planet at the moment."

"Hah, only lucky for him, he and I have unresolved issues."

"For another day, Jane right now we," he was cut off by the first blast. "Damn, we're too late, we need to move." Hitting his comm, Anderson pulled John and Jane down the hall as blasts and debris rained down upon them. "Major, you had better tell me that the Normandy is ready to go."

"Roger that, Admiral, meet you at the emergency landing pad."

It was just like her dreams; the Reapers in force would destroy everything. Jane could hear the screams as Vancouver crumbled around them.

"Shit, Jane, it's just like you said, everything you said was right."

"Yeah, but forgive me, John if this isn't the greatest thing to be right about."

John shrugged and looked back towards the bay where a reaper had just splashed down as the Normandy dove for them. "Guess the next time we see it, it won't be so pretty."

The back cargo bay of the Normandy opened and Jane started to make the run, and jump onboard. But Anderson stopped her short and confused she pulled on him to follow her and John.

"Come on, Anderson; let's get the hell out of here."

"This one is up to you, Jane, these men down here need a leader, a real leader, one that Hackett could never be."

Understanding him Jane nodded. "I promise, I'll get this figured out."

"You need to get to Mars, Liara is there, she was working on something for Hackett, she may have found something, I don't know, but you should find her, get her out of there at least."

John's spun around at hearing Liara's name.

"She's in the Sol system still? Thank God, Jane we've got to find her."

Anderson nodded smiled as he tossed Jane two sets of dog tags.

"I'll be in touch. Take care, Commander Vakarian, Major Hackett."

Jane smiled as she and John turned and jumped on board the Normandy.

Kaidan met them in the hold and glancing at her arms and then towards the closing bay doors his face broke into panic.

"Jane, where is Garin? Where the hell are he and Anderson?" His hands were on her shoulders and she removed him and took a step back from him.

"Flight Lieutenant, please set a course for Mars and the research facility there."

"Shit, Commander I can't tell you how good it is to hear your stick up the ass Turian voice."

"Good to hear you too, Joker. Now get us underway."

"Aye, Aye, Ma'am."

Kaidan closed the distance Jane had put between them, and grabbed her shoulders again.

"Jane, where is my Son?"

"I gave him to Thane; he's taking him to Randiv, to be with my dad, they might have a chance there."

"You did _what? _You gave our son to an assassin? How the hell could you?"

What she wanted to say was that it was none of his concern that he didn't need to worry about it, that Garin wasn't his. But she couldn't do that, not with the look on his face, not in front of everyone.

So she settled on, "You're just going to have to trust me."

With that she turned away, ending the conversation.

After months of feeling like she was drowning, she thought now that she was free, that Garin was on his way to safety. That she might be able to breathe, but it wasn't to be, the thought that Garrus was on Palavan and that the Reapers had hit there as well, made it feel like the walls were closing in on her and she felt as if she would never have breath in her lungs again.

What she did have though, were three very good reasons to fight, and to live.


End file.
